The Personal Blog of Dr. John H. Watson

1st June

Nothing happens

I haven't updated this blog in almost a year. Nothing happens to me anymore.

Not that anyone reads this anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting this.

After… Well, you lot know what happened last year. I've been living in the flat, still. I tried to get rid of his stuff but, I dunno, I guess I just got attached to it. He'd probably just laugh at me and call me sentimental. Anyway, sometimes, especially lately, I would get nightmares. I had nightmares after returning from the war, but these… These were harder to endure.

It would begin with the two of us on a case. Any case. Didn't matter what kind or where. He was there and it was just as great as it had ever been. Then… Then something would happen. We might be running or in a cab or just staking out a scene, and… And I can't protect him. He would die in my arms. Shot. Stabbed. And the blood. The blood was everywhere. I would wake up screaming, half the time waking poor Mrs. Hudson.

I still get the occasional war nightmares. Those are tolerable. I like those nights better.

I get them more frequently now than before. They were less when he was still here. And on the bad nights, I could hear him playing the violin. He never asked if it helped. We never spoke a word about it. But I'm sure he knew it helped me sleep. Of course there were those nights when I wish he would put that ruddy thing in the fireplace and be done with it, but I was grateful on those nights.

I feel like he would find a way to delete all this.

Anyway, as I said, the nightmares have come back. I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep because he will be there.

7th June

Sleep

I've actually been able to sleep lately. Not sure why. The nightmares are letting up.

12th June

Figured it out

I found out what it is that's been helping me sleep.

Before I get to that, I suppose I should mention that you (supposing that there is anyone still reading this) all know about the big black dog. The tabloids won't shut up about it. People are terrified to go out at night, they say.

I'm not.

A few nights ago, I sat up in bed. Nightmares. Then I heard a sound. At first I thought I was still dreaming. It sounded almost like a violin. But it wasn't. I got up and walked to the spot where I left the instrument. Untouched. The sound was coming from somewhere outside. The more I listened, I realized it was a dog howling. Now, I had only vaguely heard of the sightings of the black dog before that, so I looked it up. I don't know why I thought it was related.

Last night I went out to get some groceries. Still can't operate the bloody machine. He'd still laugh. But as I passed Speedy's I heard something. It sounded like metal hitting pavement, I think. Then I heard a grunt. It started to rain, so I started to walk to the door. I fumbled with the keys a bit, then I heard a growl. Curiosity got the better of me and I ran toward the sounds. Before I got there, a large black dog jumped out of an alley. My heart skipped a beat, I admit. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just sort of stood there. It stared at me.

It stared at me. It stared with those icy blue-green eyes that looked like… They reminded me of him.

It ran off before I could move. I went straight back to the flat after that. I heard the howling again. It was the same. I am convinced that dog howling is what is allowing me to sleep at night.

But I still dream about those eyes.