AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please take note, this is just a fiction that was inspired by the original Mirage Of Blaze, all the characters, setting, time and story are OOC (out of character) and out of place and out of time. So please don't remind me again that its different because it is different (duh). If you are here to troll, go find a hole to burrow somewhere. Serious yaoi lovers only and real reviewers. Again, my reminder CHARACTERS ARE VERY OOC (OUT OF CHARACTER). I won't be so nice to stupid comments that Naoe is different or the story is different if you don't know what things mean, then you shouldn't be reading these types of fiction in the first place. So for my wonderful readers and friends, enjoy. Hope you like it.
All I need is you. Your smiling face, your sweet words…that is all my heart needs to make me last through out the day. Just the thought of you makes me smile and sigh and say to myself I'm glad I have you.
There may not be enough words, or sometimes it feels like everything is one sided. Still I don't care. I would hold on to everything that you would cast my way. Though at times, it seems on the surface you don't really care. I wouldn't need the world just as long as I have you. You are the only one that can completely make me happy. You are the only that makes me cross through time just to be with you. I would keep on searching for all the different you's that I will get to meet in each passing time that you get to be reborn. And no matter how different you may look, sound, feel or person, to me, you will always be my Takaya, for all the times, for all the place, from this time to the next, I will love each and every different you I encounter. People say you come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I have come to see through the invisible barrier you put up, and no matter how many illusion spells or enchantment you cast, I see you. I see the real you, Takaya…my Lord Kagetora. They often wonder what I see in you, that no matter the time or the place, or how many times you get to be reborn, each and every new lord I meet still bears a resemblance of the old you. Those rude remarks, the cold and aloof persona, all of these things are what really is precious to me. They may find it odd, or call you imperfect. But to me, this is the Takaya that I love. And though there are chosen few moments that I see the rare side of you, that laugh, smile or kind words, those are the treasures that I keep stored for all the me that gets to be reborn, the me that follows you through time, the me that loves you despite of all the you's that resembles the you of old. This is what makes me complete. The Naoe of here and now, that loves the Takaya of then and when. It may not make sense or it may be confusing. But all I know is I love you. For all times, for all moments, and I will love you for all the future and the days that lies ahead. I will always, always be…one step behind, all you need to do is look back, and I'm there.
"I don't want to love you because of who I am in the past, I don't want to be with you because it is written somewhere that I need to be. The Kagetora you know and love is in the past, it is not me and can never be me. You are harboring these feelings for the wrong person. And I'm sorry I can't accept it." Takaya said.
Takaya had finally revealed his innermost thoughts and this is what he's got to say to me. I remained silent. Finally realized the reason why he agreed to go with me alone on this trip so we can really talk.
"I don't believe in all those bunch of crap you were telling me of my former life, my former self. Sure, I have powers, you have proven that. Yes, I have flashbacks of someone else's memories, of someone who looks like me. They often say we do have a double somewhere, they could be in the same time as we are but probably in another place or you might have missed your doppelganger a minute or a second ago then you would have come face to face with yourself." Takaya said.
All the while he was talking he was looking down, he wasn't even glancing my way, as if I wasn't there. And it hurts more. I would take back the old Takaya any time, the rude and crass boy I have come to know and love.
Takaya stood up and grabbed his jacket. "The adventure ends here, Naoe. This is the last time we would be together again. I'm going to live my life as I want and not be swayed by anything or anyone that is connected to my past, or my past life. I am cutting the link. I am severing the past that binds us. Good bye, Naoe. I wish I would have met you differently, then maybe I could have really fallen in love with you. Then maybe you could have fallen in love with just a boy named Takaya Ohgi. Please don't try to contact me or any of my friends and family, if you really are in love with me, you would give me that." Takaya said, he walked to the door, and left.
When the door to the motel room close, it felt it has closed for all eternity that no matter how many times I knocked on it, the person I had been waiting for to answer would be gone. That my calls would be unanswered that no matter how much I wait for him to come back, he isn't coming. That no matter how long I stay, that door would be sealed for all eternity.
I knew then that this time he really means it. That he really didn't want to see me anymore. He had been so different from the Takaya I have first met, the Takaya that resembles the old Kagetora.
For the past week of blissful heaven, Takaya agreed to go on the hunting trip with me to follow leads about the Hojo clan. He was laughing and smiling. He even allowed me to kiss him once. But I held myself back and didn't push it. I was hoping that after this trip things would be different. That we would be different. That finally I can have him in this life time. But I was so wrong. I can wait another hundreds of years until he is reborn again. But Takaya was right. It won't be the same, it won't be him. The Kagetora that I have loved then, was not Takaya. My lord Kagetora has only hate in his heart, and he would never ever forgive me for what I had done to him. The Takaya of now had been kinder. He had decided to walk away and forget that we ever met.
I went back to the temple and arranged everything to pass it on to another heir, even all my duties, the house, the life of Yoshiaki Tachibana. I went away. Even if I die and get to be reborn again. I will turn my back on this life. I have finally ended my search. I have finally ended running after a man who don't want to be chased, I have finally stopped looking for a man who doesn't want to be found. I have finally stopped loving a man who will never ever love me. Yes, Takaya. Good bye.
Years had gone, even decades, I lost count. I had lost contact with Ayako and Chiaki. I had moved to America, studied to be a doctor. And with the other degrees that I have achieved, it was easy for me to just continue it.
Now, I'm just a regular intern in one of the hospitals in New York. I work the emergency care, it keeps me busy and functioning so I won't have time to dwell on the past and my past life. In time, I had forgotten that I ever was Yoshiaki Tachibana, that I used to belong to the feudal era of Japan. That I have loved my master Kagetora Uesugi. Now I'm just Dr. Naoe Nabutsana, I have a cat and owns two condo units, one of them I lease out mostly to students from nearby universities.
"Doctor, we need your help!" one of the nurses called the tall brooding doctor, as a rush of people from the emergency door flooded.
I run after her to see what was wrong, they say it was a boy from the university, an accident in one of the chemistry class, he put the wrong dosage and the Bunsen burner exploded and almost blinded him. He also got cuts from the beakers when it showered him with shattered glass, some of the other students were also hurt but he was the one closes to the fire.
I stopped when I saw that said student. "Doctor, you've got to hurry, we need to check his vitals!" the nurse shouted, bring me back to reality.
Mechanically I attended to the victim he looked very much like Takaya Ohgi.
The other students were sent home after minor bruises. The one student was kept there for observation, we have to bandage his eyes to make sure we would be able to save it.
I was checking his charts. His name is the same, like some twisted nightmare that is haunting my quiet present, Takaya Ohgi. But this time he is nineteen, and an art student. No relatives. No sister. That part was different. Maybe they just have the same name, how many Takaya Ohgis are there in the world, that would happen to be an art student in New York? And who happen to be brought to the same hospital where I work. And to rubbed the wound raw, that they have to brought him on my shift and I have to be the attending physician. I wanted to give him to another doctor, but everyone else are fully booked at that moment. He had a minor concussion as the blast sent him flying and he hit his head pretty bad.
Kismet. Is there no God? Why is this happening to me? He didn't want to see me. And I don't want to be here when we remove the bandage to his eyes.
The covers shifted, I was surprised when a hand reached out and grabbed me. "Doctor?" he called.
I closed my eyes, I wanted to cry. I don't want to answer him. The arm he was holding on to was shaking, I steeled myself. "Y-You're going to be alright, you are in the hospital. We operated on your eyes, removed the shards of glass, I think we'll be able to save your eyes." I said, assuring him, patting his hand. I want to removed it but he held on, not letting go.
"Stay with me, I'm afraid of the dark." Takaya said, gripping the arm tighter.
I made a sound at the back of my throat. "I-I will turn on the lights for you, I got rounds to do but I promise I will check on you again later." I said.
"Please, doctor." He pleaded, "Wait until I fall asleep." He said.
"Alright." I agreed to get him to let me go, "Go lie down." I said, helping him back in bed, but still he won't let go of my arm, making sure I won't leave.
I watched him. The past that I thought I had left behind. The past that I wanted to forget. You don't want me anymore, so how come its you who found me this time? Tears silently trails down my face. I find it difficult to breathe, my chest hurts. When he fell asleep, I got up.
"Good bye, Takaya." I said, closing the door behind me.
I feigned sickness and took a leave from the hospital. I didn't want to see him again. They told me that his eyesight was okay, that he would be discharged in a week's time. I took that week and made sure I won't be there when he leaves. It was just a chance meeting. I won't let it happen again.
I was watching TV with my cat when the doorbell rang.
I stood immobile when I came face to face with him again.
He was smiling. Takaya was smiling. "Hi! I'm here about the studio apartment across the hall? The super said to ask you. Is it still available?" he asked.
I looked at him, to see if he was faking it. Or if his accident had given him a selective amnesia or he really doesn't recognize me at all. I decided to pretend as well if he was playing a game to get back at me, I can play it too.
"Yes, it is, the rent is 3,500 per month, it's fully furnished." I said, still holding on to the door knob, not inviting him in.
"Doctor!" he said, and leaned forward to clamped me on the shoulder, I was shocked.
He laughed at my shocked face, "I recognized your voice, I'm your patient from the university, I begged you to stay with me when I woke in the middle of the night." He explained.
"Oh. Yes. I remember now. Good to see that you are okay now." I said flatly.
"Can I see the unit?" Takaya asked, smiling.
"Of course, give me a second." I said, and walked to the counter to get the keys to next door. When I turned around he was already in my place, and was crouching down to play with the cat.
"Wow, is this place same as the one next door?" Takaya asked, grinning.
I was a little pissed, I wanted to drag him out. If he doesn't remember or if he is faking it. I don't care anymore. Maybe I understand it now, what Takaya was saying to me decades ago. I want my own life as well, not dictated by some unknown hand, not by fate, not by past. But I want to hold my future in my own hands, I want to run my own life, live it the way I want to.
"Yes, let's go." I said, simply.
I showed him the unit and he paid me cash upfront. I was a little surprise that a student have that a lot of money on him. I gave him the keys.
"Welcome to your new home." I said, the receipt which I told myself I would just slipped it in his mailbox. I showed him where everything is, well, pointed to him where everything is. I don't want to be with him so long.
After a week's time, I developed a pattern of avoiding him, I timed my leaving the apartment so that I won't be leaving at the same time or coming home and with him going out, or things like that. It had become such a pattern that I forgot that my Takaya Ohgi just live across from me. My Takaya? When did this boy became mine? But if I search inside myself, yes, he is mine. My home. Where my heart is. Because despite the fact that we drifted apart, I still left that part of me with him. That no matter how I try to act so indifferent, somewhere in the back of my mind or in the crevices of my heart, I still look for him. My soul cannot rest because he is my home. The only home I know. Links to everything about me. The home that I had built in my heart, forged and molded with love, patience and sacrifices, solidifying the foundation and when it was secure and protected from deceit and harm, I bestow it to him, for him to cherish and nourish. I thought after we parted, that somewhere along the way I would get it back. But I guess not. Because my home is nowhere else but him, my heart belongs to no one else but him, no matter what century, decade, time or place, no matter the changes, season or situation, name or title, it only knows one being…Takaya. Not Kagetora, but Takaya.
I for one never believed in fate or destiny. I am monk aside from a doctor and a former possessor. I possessed beings and named it as my own, but I haven't changed for a number of decades, and Takaya is the same, after our parting. I thought I would not meet this Takaya again. I knew I was bound to meet my Lord Kagetora but not Takaya.
My anger to the boy had subsided over the months he had lived across from me, and we occasional talk when we happen to meet by accident at the gym, the mail room or chance upon each other at the coffee shop. On occasion still, he would managed to invite me to parties at his place, and I would go, for an hour or two.
I manage to meet the boy again, by accident this time. He looked so different, like there was something wrong with him, his eyes were puffy and red and he was swaying when he walked towards his apartment, I watched him for a minute as he fumbled with his keys. He was sobbing, I could hear him. I couldn't help myself, I approached him.
"Takaya, is something wrong?" I asked, touching his shoulder.
He looked at me with his soulful eyes, he let out a sob and grabbed me for an embrace. He cried hard and almost collapse if I haven't caught him. I brought him to my place and laid him on the bed. He was clutching a piece of paper. I pried it from his hand. It was a letter. It was from a hospital in Michigan. His mother died sometime during the night, she never recovered from a coma. I looked at him. And I felt his sadness, all my anger and wanting to stay away from him vanished right that moment. It seemed so childish now. That here is a nineteen year old boy who became a man over night. You could never tell that he was carrying that burden on his shoulder by the way he laugh and smile, how bright and bubbly he is. So much different from the sarcastic and dry humored Takaya of Japan. I pulled the covers around him, folded the letter and put it in his pocket, turned the lamp shade on before turning off the light, remembering he hates the dark. I sat there in the dark and watched him sleep. Pondering about fates and chanced meeting.
What am I going to do now? He is different. He is not the Takaya I know. Is this our second chance, second meeting? Is this the fate that he wanted? That I would fall in love with him and he would fall in love with me? But will he fall in love with me? I know I could, all he need to do is touch me and I am his.
He whimpered and I rushed to him, holding his hand. "Shhh…its alright, I am here. I will stay with you." I said, gently.
"Naoe, hold me." He begged. And right then and there, I fell in love with my Takaya all over again.
I left it to fate, as it started with an innocent kiss, then bodies molded and blend together in the dark, discovering nooks and crannies of each other's bodies, fingers touched and caressed, lips kissed, skins touched. Two bodies meant to be together, made and molded for each other. We became one, calling each other's name in the dark, filling each other's need, healing old wounds and covering scars. I had forgot what we fought about, or have forgiven him, finally understanding what he meant back then. But this is not the same Takaya. This is the real one. The one that is meant for me. Does he have my heart? Does he have my home? But that time, I didn't care. I was needed. And I needed him.
At first, the morning after, I thought he would move away from me. This is Takaya Ohgi after all. That no matter what form, he would always find a way to leave me. And I had resigned myself to forever following him.
"You think the earth revolves around you, do you?" he asked, so much like the sarcastic Takaya back in Japan, as we lay in bed, he had pulled away. But I persisted and held him tighter.
"Yes, you're my only moon. My home. I cannot break away from my gravity, I traveled in one axis alone. And that is you, you are my course, my charts are only set to find you." I replied as I nuzzled my head under his chin.
He sighed, touching my hair, "Your hair became wet." He said.
"It's wet. Because like the moon's gravitational force controls earth's high and low tides, you also controls my emotions." I replied.
"Sweet talker, are you now, Dr. Naoe? You should be a poet." He said, with a chuckle. He let out a sigh.
And shyly, he pulled me close, "Could you by any chance be available to go to Michigan with me? I would like to introduce you to my family." He said, in a small voice.
"Of course, no place I would rather be than with you." I said.
As the memories that would link us in the past were taken away from me, in their place were new memories, and new home, that would help me root my foundation more securely, this is the home that I would never ever leave.
Owari