The Day Our Earth Stood Still
Harry Potter walked into St. Mungo's, holding his daughter Lily's hand. He was nervous, nervous for what was about to come, nervous about what would happen to his little girl. He had no idea whatsoever. A few weeks ago, Lily had started coughing. That was nothing special, what was, was the fact that the cough didn't go away anymore, it stayed, grew worse. In the end, Ginny and he decided to take Lily to the hospital to get her checked out. That was two weeks ago now, today they would get the results of the tests that had been taken that day.
Lily looked up at her father "Daddy?" she whispered, "What is going to happen today?" Harry squeezed her hand. "I don't know sweetheart, I wish I could tell you." Lily looked around, seeing all the Healers in their green clothes, the nurses running around in blue. She bit her lip, she didn't want to be here, but like her parents had said that morning, the Healers would make her feel better, they would take the pain away that she had been feeling for weeks now. If she only knew what it was. "Will they tell us today, dad?" She looks back up at him.
Harry nodded, "They are supposed to, that's what Healer Bennett said through the floo." He took her hand once again and pulled her along the hallway to the right floor, the floor no parent wanted to go with their children, the oncology department. He looked around to see if he saw the right room number that they had received at the reception, then he knocked on. Lily jumped from one foot on the other, she was nervous, like her father. She wanted the pain to go, it got worse every single day, she hadn't told her parents that. They knew she was in pain, but not how much pain. She didn't want to be a baby, that's what her brother James had told her when she was young, she was a big girl! She was 9 already!
Healer Bennett opened the door and saw Harry and his daughter Lily standing in front of him. "Come in, come in." he said, friendly. He knew the facts, he knew the little red haired girl in front of him would start a complicated process. A process where the outcome was still unclear, the treatment just the same. Lily had come into St. Mungo's with a cough, she'd be leaving with a much bigger illness. He sat down in front of them and took out Lily's file. "How are you feeling Lily?" He looks at her.
Lily bit her lip, "I'm nervous. I want to know what's wrong with me, why I'm in pain and why it is getting worse. She saw her father looking at her when she said the last part. "Please can you tell me?" Healer Bennett nodded, "When you last came in here, we made a scan of your lungs, normally they come back with the results of having bronchitis or a chest infection," he looked at them, "In your case it was more complex, Lily, we found a mass on top of your left lung." Lily looks at her dad and saw him looking really pale. "What does that mean?"
"The mass on your left lung is a tumor, a tumor the size of your father's fist." He looked at her, "I'd like to keep you here in the hospital to start treatment immediately." Lily looks, "but I want to go home, I don't want to stay here…" Healer Bennett nodded, "I understand that, sweetheart, but I'm afraid we don't have a choice. As of now we don't know if the tumor is benign or malignant, we are going to take a piece of tissue from the tumor to find that out." And with that, Lily started her treatment for the vascular tumor on her lung.
Harry walked into his daughter's room. It had been several weeks now since Lily had started her treatment, the tumor turned out to be malignant. A surgery had pointed out that the tumor couldn't be removed because it had rooted to the lung it was on top off. He looked at his 9 year old daughter, she looked nothing like the happy girl she had been 8 weeks ago. Since then she had transformed into a silent girl who rarely showed her smile, nonetheless, she had shown she was willing to fight the cancer. Whatever was beating her down from the inside, her willpower to live seemed stronger. The only thing who kept her bound to the bed or the chair next to her bed was the pain that excruciated her.
Lily looks up to her dad and smiles a little, "Hi daddy." She felt her dad kiss her head and tried to sit up more. "Will you read for me?" Harry nodded, of course he'd read for his daughter, he knew she'd calm down it was her escape, traveling to the world of the books her father read to her, she could escape to a world where the pain she had didn't exist. Today would mark day 40 in the hospital, day 40 of the world of cancer she didn't want to be in. She hadn't been outside in those 40 days either, bound to the hospital floor, or even her room.
Healer Bennett walked into her room, "Good morning Lily, Harry." He smiled encouraging, "How are you feeling today?" Lily shrugged, why did he ask that every single day, she was ill, she had cancer, of course she didn't feel well! The Healer smiles, "We're going to start your chemo treatment today, Lily, every Monday you'll have a chemo session, 3 sessions and then a rest week." He looked at her, "Today marks session 1." Lily looks and nods slow. "You can feel nauseous after chemo's, some people do, not all do. There's also a chance that your hair will fall out, but don't worry, they will come back."
Harry looked at his daughter, then to his wife Ginny who had just walked in. He explained in whispers what the healer had just told them. His little girl was so brave taking it in like this, he himself felt the tears coming already and it wasn't even happening to him. He was the innocent bystander, who could only help Lily feel good, read to her, make her feel comfortable. Oh how he wished he could take the pain away. Why wasn't there a spell to clear the cancer cells and heal Lily. Unfortunately the only way to help Lily was through experimental treatments, with chemo's hoping It was shrink the tumor, with radiation against the pain. The pain, oh god that pain, if he could only take that away, that would be a big help. The pain prevented Lily from playing like a normal 9 year old should. It kept her bound to her bed, it had her walking crooked, with one hand on the spot where the tumor was.
At this moment, Lily had fallen asleep, dropping off after the chemo drip had been put in. Harry was glad she fell asleep during the treatments, he wanted her to be as comfortable as she could be. More than anything he wanted her to be home, he knew she'd be more comfortable if she could be home, with her own stuff around her, with her brothers, her cousins, surrounded by her family. He walked out to talk it over with Healer Bennett, who was the head of Lily's case. He wanted to discuss Lily's wish to be home for her 10th birthday.
Healer Bennett looks up when Harry walked into his office, "Can I help you, Harry?" Harry nodded, "Lily told us that she'd like to be home for her birthday, is there any chance to make that wish come true? I know it's small steps from here on out, but I want to grant her this wish." Healer Bennett nods, "I understand you want her home, I can't promise you anything, but if she pulls through this chemo session, I'd allow her home." He looks at Harry, "She can sleep at home, as long as she comes in for all her sessions, every week. I want this to work as much as you do, Harry, my heart breaks for every child that comes here in a situation like Lily's." Harry nods, "Thank you."
Lily's 10th birthday had been celebrated at home, Lily had had a great day, she looked so much happier being out of the hospital, better being out of that bed. She smiled more, she had fun. Apart from not being able to go on their annual holidays to Spain as they did every year during the summer weeks, they took day trips closer to home. They were able to help Lily through the summer without much trouble. She had gone through 4 cycles of chemotherapy since that first one in May. It was now the end of September and Lily had gone back to school during the mornings.
Harry had run to the school several times to bring extra pain medication. Lily had been doing good, the tumor hadn't grown, but hadn't shrunk either, it stayed the same. The pain though had only gotten worse, it wouldn't go away. Several treatments had been tried, a higher dose of the medication she had been on, without results. The pain stayed and wouldn't go away, whatever they tried. The nights were the worst, Lily couldn't get comfortable in bed, she moaned in pain, called for extra pain medication several times, sometimes in less than half an hour since the last time she had medication.
Ginny had been on the phone with St. Mungo's for a solution for the pain, Lily couldn't do this anymore, the pain was too much. Harry and she didn't want to give her more. They had been told to give her extra pain medication not more than six times a day. They were on 12 times a day easily at this point. Ginny was told to bring Lily back into St. Mungo's to try something else. The radiation she had received before the summer had seemed a little effective, as it had eased the pain for a while. Maybe that's what they needed to try again. They were supposed to go in the next day.
It had been 6 months since the first time they walked into St. Mungo's expecting to hear it was just a chest infection they're daughter had, it had turned out to be a vascular tumor on Lily's left lung. They had been sucked into the hell that was called 'The world of cancer'. Lily wasn't able to walk anymore, not long distances anyway, they had been given a wheelchair to take her along. Today they would go into St. Mungo's to start a new pain treatment. Harry pushed the wheelchair into St. Mungo's, Lily was in the wheelchair, Ginny walked next to them holding her hand.
Lily looks around, she was so tired from the pain she had, even sitting down in her wheelchair had her holding the spot where the tumor was based. But she kept on fighting, she wasn't going to give up now, not now she knew her parents wanted her close. She wanted to be with her family, her parents and her brothers. She wanted to be at Hogwarts next year! Maybe with the new treatment her parents had told her about, she would be able to live without pain for the first time in a while. She knew the stakes weren't that high, but it was worth trying wasn't it?
The new treatment seemed to help, nonetheless the pain never really disappeared. There were little moments where Lily told her parents she was without pain. Her parents celebrated those moments. They were thankful for the help they received with the boys, happy that they were at Hogwarts for most of the school year, so that they were taken care off when they were at the hospital with Lily. Apart from the radiation, they started local pain treatment as well, a treatment that was supposed to help ease the pain and in the process help Lily along.
Halloween weekend was drawing closer and closer, and James and Albus were on the train back home. Their parents had called them home, normally they didn't come back until Christmas break, but Lily's condition had taken a turn to the bad side. She had been hospitalized after a week with excruciating stomach pains. Ginny picked them up from King's Cross and took them to St. Mungo's, there waiting were the rest of the Weasley's, Luna, Neville and other friends.
Harry sat in the chair next to Lily's hospital bed, his little girl was asleep now, with the occasional moan of pain. He was in tears, the doctors had told them there was nothing they could do for her anymore, she was on top pain medication, which weren't effective enough to keep the pain away. The tumor wasn't shrinking, and Lily was in constant pain. Harry wiped his tears, he knew he had to say goodbye to her, goodbye to the girl he had been taken care for the past 7 months. 7 months in which he had seen his daughter go from a happy 9 year old girl to a sick, skinny, 10 year old. Her body couldn't do it anymore, her body was done with the disease it had been fighting so intensely. Over the past few nights, Ginny and he had been telling Lily that it was alright to let go, that it was time to move on, that grandma and grandpa Potter were waiting on the other side, along with Teddy's parents Remus and Tonks, and Sirius. It was time to live pain free.
"Harry. Harry. Wake up."
"What's wrong?"
"Lily."
Lily was sitting up in bed, Ginny held a spit cup to her mouth. Harry got dressed and sat next to Ginny, taking Lily's hand. His little girl, an empty gaze, cancer was staring at them. "Dad, I'm in pain, can I have some spray and a drink? It hurts daddy." Harry gave her a spray of Morphine and a sip of her juice, then Lily started throwing up right away, every 15 minutes, over and over. Lily was in so much pain. Harry and Ginny had had a good conversation with the Healer, he had known Lily since the day she arrived at St. Mungo's. Healer Bennett had told them that Lily would pick her own moment to go, it was her choice. Lily was only 10 years old, she had a stomach filled with blood, thin intestines, she was too weak, too weak to lift up her own cup. Her body was done, but she wasn't letting go, she was exhausting her body until the bitter end. She wasn't going to let herself submerge in the unfair battle, but she had to, Lily had to sleep, be free of pain.
A while later Harry and Ginny were at Lily's bedside once again, with Healer Bennett. He tells Lily that he's going to give her something that's going to let her go to sleep, something to make her free of the pain she's in. Lily looks up with big eyes, "But then I'm going to sleep, and I won't wake up anymore, please daddy, I don't want to die. I want to see James and Albus first." A while later they were by her side, the little Potter family complete. This is how it should be, but was Lily ready to go? The drip with sleep potion was connected, Harry bowed himself over to Lily. "It's time to go to sleep, time to be free of pain." Lily looks, "I don't want to die, daddy, I want to live." Harry kissed her head, "I know sweetheart, your spirit wants to live, but your body is too sick, so sick. It's time to go Lily, you have our permission. You got our blessing."
James and Albus took their sister's hand, as well as her parents took her other hand. Lily's eyes turned to the back of her head, she was asleep. The Potters kept repeating that she was free to go, it was time to let them go and receive her wings. They were ready to let her go, she got to live on in their hearts. But Lily didn't go, she kept on breathing, kept on living. She wasn't ready to go, she didn't want to let her family go. During the morning more family had arrived, they were waiting in the hallway, waiting for death to visit. Were they supposed to wait for hours more? They came from far. Harry walked to the hallway to get them, so they could see Lily alive, to say their goodbyes.
After a while Harry let them out, they had said goodbye to Lily. It was time for Lily to be with her family in her last moments. Ginny called for Harry, he rushed back to the bed and saw what she meant. Lily had stopped breathing, she had chosen her own moment. She had waited on her family and was then ready to let go. Her life is hers.
Harry, Ginny, James and Albus were there, they surrounded Lily with their love, as she flies off, at 2.30 in the afternoon. Off to the other reality, a world without pain. The look on Lily's face changed. Rest, Peace. It had been long since they had seen it on her face. Harry cried but he was happy, happy for his little hero. She didn't submerge, she got to choose her own moment, it's ok now. Ginny and he were proud, proud of their hero for choosing her own moment. Of their other kids, who were by their sisters side, letting her go together…