Drabble – Jealous –And so it continued.
It would seem that I'm supposed to continue with my drabble for the word 'jealous'. I kept writing more of this little story in my head long after my 500 words ended. Hope you enjoy it. I have no idea how long it will end up.
Hephaestion saw Alexander walking towards him and moaned quietly. Alexander's face held an expression that told Hephaestion that this was not going to be an easy conversation. If he could have made a mad dash to the door and escape, he would, but it was too late for that now.
Alexander sat down quietly beside his top general and said nothing for a while. He seemed to be having trouble organizing his words before he spoke. When he did finally speak, there was more than a little fear in his voice.
"Joy to you Hephaestion."
"And to you Alexander."
Another deafening pause ensued.
"Did you need me to do something for you?" Asked Hephaestion.
Alexander shook his head and cleared his throat. What he wanted to say was on the tip of his tongue but he didn't seem to be able to form the words.
"Um…Hephaestion…are you the one who is thinking of leaving?" Alexander asked quietly.
"Just forget I said anything, don't worry about it anymore."
Alexander frowned as he watched Hephaestion look down to the floor again.
"I don't think I can. Of all the people that might consider leaving me, you are the last one I would expect to hear it from."
"I didn't say I was leaving you."
"But you were thinking of resigning?"
"Alexander, are you sure you really want to talk about this? I have decided nothing and have no plans to leave."
"Then why did you bring it up earlier?"
Hephaestion shook his head and pursed his lips together. "I had a weak moment, I'm sorry if I upset you."
Hephaestion leaned back and looked towards Alexander's couch across the room. "You are missed, there are people who would like to speak to you."
"They can wait."
"There is really nothing for us to talk about and those people are important, besides, I'm not going anywhere. If you want to talk sometime later we can."
Hephaestion gave Alexander a weak smile and pushed him to his feet and towards his couch.
"We will talk sooner than later, that I promise you, Hephaestion."
Hephaestion nodded and watched Alexander walk back across the room. This might be a very long next couple of days.
Alexander's POV
There is so much he is not saying. He is keeping it all inside again. I have got to find out what is bothering him and get to the bottom of this. This army cannot go on without him, at least not as efficiently as it is now.
More importantly, I don't know if I could go on without him. I depend on him for so much. Does he even know how important he is to this army?
Hephaestion's POV
By the gods, why did I say that earlier? Now he is watching me like a hawk and worrying about what I said. Even if I am considering leaving, I should never have let him know it.
Why is it that he doesn't seem to notice me any more most of the time but picked up on that right away? I wonder if he has really ever thought he would miss me if I were gone? Certainly not as much as if I had left a few years ago, but now with each passing year, I would think it would be easier to imagine for him. So many names and faces have replaced me in his life.
He keeps looking at me as he speaks to others, I can feel his glances towards me. I need some fresh air; this room is closing in on me.
Alexander watched as Hephaestion left the room. The voices talking to him became a jumble of words and sounds. He turned his attention back to them and quickly made short order out of the conversation. He left his couch and made his way to the exit Hephaestion had used.
Alexander had never felt his heart feel as heavy as it did now. He spotted Hephaestion up ahead of him. He was leaning on a balcony looking across the gardens. The sight of him took Alexander's breath away.
Hephaestion heard Alexander approach and sighed. He turned towards him and smiled, hoping that would make things better but the look on Alexander's face told him differently.
"Hephaestion?" Alexander said in an almost pleading voice. "Talk to me."
"About what?"
"About what? You can't drop a little gem like you did and not expect me to be concerned."
"You're right, I'm sorry."
"Am I giving you too much to do? Are you overworked? Of course you are overworked, why am I even asking that?"
Hephaestion smiled as he listened to Alexander have the little conversation with himself. "I do get a little overwhelmed at times but I can handle my jobs."
"Then what?"
"It has nothing to do with my work." Said Hephaestion, trying to find the words to continue. "It has more to do with us. I miss us Alexander."
"Us?"
Hephaestion took a deep breath and then began. "I know that you still love me. I know that you still need me. But I wonder how much you really want me anymore."
Alexander had the most confused look on his face and Hephaestion continued after sighing.
"I have never doubted your love for me. We gave that to each other a long time ago and that has never wavered for me and I think for you too."
Alexander nodded and smiled putting his hand over his own heart.
"I also know you need me to help organize this glorious army you have made. I know I have helped you get as far as you have with my planning and helping."
"Definitely."
Hephaestion took more time before he starting speaking again. Alexander could tell that this was hard for him.
"Relationships change, people change. It is very rare for two people to change at the same time and at the same level."
"What are you trying to say?"
"This isn't easy for me so bare with me." Said Hephaestion.
He cleared his throat before he continued. "You have started drifting away from me.."
Alexander started to speak but Hephaestion made him be quiet and asked him to just listen.
"You wanted to know what was bothering me and you have to let me talk."
It took every amount of control Alexander could think of but he kept quiet and let Hephaestion talk. He moved closer to Hephaestion and put a finger on his sleeve to keep him close.
"As others came into your life you seem to want me less and less. It is only natural that this should happen, I should have expected it. Others have taken the place of me in your bed and certain places in your heart as well. I say again, I do know you still love me but I cannot be the only one for you anymore. I am slower at getting to this point than you did. I have a harder time letting go of what we had but that is my problem, not yours. I used to be jealous of the attention they were getting but anymore I have come to except it. It obviously is making you happy and that is really all I even wanted for you in the end. If I can't give you what you need anymore then I am glad you found others who could."
These last words seemed to drain Hephaestion and he looked very weary and tired.
Alexander tried to digest what he had just heard. "You don't think I need you anymore? Hephaestion, I can't live without you."
"Living without me and needing me are two different things, Alexander."
"I don't understand, please tell me what you mean."
"You need me to help you follow your dreams, to organize your army, build your bridges and to be the shoulder you need to lean on. You need those things but you don't need me one to one anymore. I'm not the person you seek when you want relief from a long day or pleasure on a warm night."
Hephaestion shook his head but didn't look at Alexander. "I miss the times we always thought of each other first when something good or bad happened. I miss laughing with you over something silly. I miss the way it feels to touch your hand as we walk. I mostly miss the friend I had back not so many years ago. He went on without me."
By this time both men had tears in their eyes and Alexander automatically reached up and pulled Hephaestion into his embrace. They stood silently for a while trying to get control of their emotions again.
Hephaestion pulled back and smiled at Alexander. "As I told you before, the problem is mine, not yours, and I will be fine. I promise you right here and now, I will not leave the army or you, now or ever. That is until I die." He said laughing.
Alexander didn't look convinced. His mind was swimming with all the things Hephaestion had said. And as he looked at the gloriously handsome face in front of him, he couldn't help but wonder how it had gotten to this point, how they had gotten to this point.
More importantly, what do I do now?
From classyblue,
Okay, more to come, I hate people who leave cliffhangers like this.