Hello lovely readers. This is some weird spin off of Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley. I heard the song one day in the car and the damn plot bunny put the concept in my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it out. Now this is not exactly like Whiskey Lullaby I adapted it to fit the characters more. If you haven't heard the song I suggest listening to it to get the tone of the story. You don't have to listen to it though it should make plenty of sense without it. Don't be afraid to leave a comment, I don't bite! Oh and there's a couple of curse words…I tried really hard not to use them, but the few that are there didn't make sense without them.
-Anaszun =)
Jack-
I am a General in the United States Air Force, I have friends that are like family to me, and I once used to go out and save the planet every day. One would think I had life made, right? Wrong. I don't have her. I don't have anyone to come home to every night. I tried to date, I really did, but no one could hold a candle to her. No one could ever hold a candle to Carter. The second she showed me the ring that cop gave her, was the second my life ended.
I gave Hammond my letter of resignation. At first the President and the Joint Chiefs refused to accept it. I opened up to Hammond about the reason I couldn't come to work at the SGC every day to see the love of my life knowing I couldn't have her. Hammond convinced them that I was going to leave with or without their approval and the least they could do is give an old warhorse like myself a pension, after saving the planet countless times.
I didn't even tell Daniel or Teal'c that I quit, I just went home and began drinking. I drank and drank and drank. Days flew by, weeks flew by, finally Daniel and Teal'c came to find me. When they found me I was on the brink of suicide. I wrote the note; it simply said "I love her till I die." The gun was cocked and I was ready to pull the trigger, when Teal'c busted down the door and Daniel rushed in.
The convinced me to step away from the ledge or in this case, put the gun down. I was in a really messed up places because I willingly agreed to psychiatric help. They sent me to a hospital for a two week suicide watch. After that I was sent to rehab where I learned to accept her choice.
It really was me asking too much of her to risk her career for me. Hell I don't even know that she even felt the same way. I now understand her yearning for normality, especially in our line of work.
I now spend my days at my cabin fishing. The tasks of maintaining the cabin are enough to keep my mind from wandering to her most days. I still think about her a lot though, but now I don't turn to alcohol to attempt to subdue the pain. I haven't touched a drink in the six months since they found me.
Sam-
I can't believe I let him go. I can't believe I married Pete. Jack's gone and I assume it's because of me. God I am such a monster. Every since I found out that Jack almost committed suicide I've been working 16 hour days. I barely eat, I barely sleep.
Turns out I was pregnant with Pete's child; my lack of care for myself caused me to miscarry. Instead of sitting at home crying my eyes out over it, I dove straight back to work. Everyone is telling me that it's not normal; I need to take time to grieve. But how can I grieve for a child, whose father I don't love. How can I grieve for the child I lost, when the man I love not the man I married, when the man I love is fucked up because of me.
Pete divorced me. I should have seen it coming. It's my fault really. I spent more time working to try to "drink" away Jack's memory, than I did ever focusing on my marriage. Carolynn has declared me unfit for duty and I am banned from the base until I check myself in a psychiatric hospital for help.
I was at the hospital for a month before the released me. Now I see a shrink twice a week. Carolynn has declared me fit for duty again. I requested an assignment to the labs. I'm not focused enough to do field work.
My shrink suggested I meet up with Jack and talk about how things went. So now I am on my way to Minnesota.
When I get there, he looks well. It appears he's coping a lot better than I am. Things are a bit awkward to say the least.
"So….." Jack begins.
"Look Jack, I'm sorry…" I start before Jack interrupts.
"Carter don't, I don't want your pity." He attempts, but I cut him off.
"Jack please, just hear me out. Let me do this please for both of our sanities. I'm sorry I hurt you. In hurting you I hurt myself. When I heard what happened to you, I blamed myself. I started working so hard that I didn't realize I was pregnant and miscarried. Instead of grieving I went straight back to work. Pete couldn't handle it and we got divorced. I'm okay with it though, because I made a mistake, I never should have married him to begin with. I loved him, but I was never "in" love with him. Carolynn declared me unfit for active duty and I was forced to check myself into a mental health hospital. I'm doing better now, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am." I finished. I wonder if he'll ever be able to forgive me for being stupid.
"I understood why you did it though Sam. You wanted normal, I couldn't give you that. I was willing to retire for you; all you had to do was say the word. I guess it doesn't matter much anymore, it is what is. I still love you despite it all. I should not still love you, but I do, you were never mine, but I loved you anyway. I guess all I have to ask is do you love me?" he finished.
"God yes, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I've always loved you. But the question is can there still be an 'us' despite being the two fucked up people we are?" God I hope he says yes. I know I messed us up, but god I want to fix it. I want there to be an us.
"Sam I'm willing to die for you, of course there can still be an us. I'm willing to try an us, if you are. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard as hell, there's still a lot of hurt there. Say the word Sam and I'm yours."
"Let's take things slow, it's going to take a lot of getting used to. I know I caused us both a lot of hurt, and I really am sorry for that. But Jack I love you, let's be an us." I finished and with that we began the new chapter of our lives.
Fini!