Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe or its characters. Otherwise, we'd have seen more of our barn hippies.

Real Fusion

"Hey, Lapis!" Peridot called out. She looked around, still not seeing the blue gem. With a sigh, she continued her search around the barn and surrounding yard. It was only when she finally caught sight of Lapis curled up in a ball in a corner of the hayloft that she realized what was wrong.

Oh, bad day. Peridot thought. She frowned at her friend for a moment, worried, before she engaged the Bad Day Protocols.

Peridot scurried over to one of their stacks of stuff and pulled out a blanket. She gently threw the blanket over Lapis, careful not to touch her as she was usually sensitive to that on these days. Upon seeing Lapis reach out and clutch the blanket to pull it closer, Peridot smiled and ran to complete the next procedure.

She gathered up the many shells that Steven had collected from the beach and given them. She lined them up near Lapis so if she sat up, she would see them. Finally, using her metal powers, she carefully floated the television and player over and popped in a disk of Camp Pining Hearts. With everything set up, she then settled next to where Lapis lay and turned her attention to the TV.

These days happened sometimes. They came and went like the tides, though Peridot had been happy to note that they were getting farther between. They still happened though, these days where Lapis would sink into herself and not want to interact. It'd taken a while, but Peridot had figured out by now what to do.

If Lapis wanted to talk, she would talk. It didn't do any good to try to push her into talking. However, Peridot could at least stick by her until she was ready, even if she wasn't ready at any time on this particular bad day.

Eventually, as on the screen Percy failed to get Paulette's attention again, Lapis Lazuli finally spoke. "I hurt her."

Peridot didn't make her specify any more. She knew exactly who she was talking about. "She hurt you, too." She replied. "I… also hurt you as well."

"That doesn't make it right." Lapis curled in more under the blanket. "I just… I couldn't…"

Peridot turned away from the show to give Lapis her full attention. It wasn't the first time they had had similar conversations, but Lapis was going further than usual.

"It was the only way I could see to help Steven." Peridot could understand that. "And I just wanted to get back at her. Hurt her the same way she hurt me."

Peridot opened her mouth to respond, but Lapis cut her off.

"And yes, you hurt me, too, but we both know that it was different with her. And I…" Lapis's hands left the blanket to cover her eyes. "I just hated her so much."

Peridot didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't. Her research into the state that Lapis tended to fall into had told her that it was best to just be there, and if they needed to talk, let them talk.

"And it wasn't just her that I hurt. I hurt Malachite, too." Lapis sounded like she was about to cry.

Peridot thought about it for a moment. "What…" she hesitated, knowing she shouldn't push too hard. But Lapis had brought this up so maybe she was finally ready to talk about it. "What was it like being Malachite?"

Lapis was quiet for a long pause. Peridot looked back over to the TV, hoping she hadn't made things worse and forced Lapis to shut back up.

"It was a constant struggle." Lapis whispered, surprising Peridot. "Between me and her and Malachite always in between. Malachite didn't even get a chance to be because we were always fighting for control." Peridot's eyes widened as she continued to talk. "And it hurt. The constant fighting. But I had to – I couldn't let – " She cut herself off.

"And I ruined her." Lapis's hand came down and curled into a fist. Peridot could now see that she wasn't crying, but her expression was so twisted that it hurt Peridot to see her this way. "How am I supposed to deal with that?"

Silence fell. Peridot thought very carefully about how to respond to this. She thought over what Lapis had told her and blinked with realization.

"That was your first time fusing?" Peridot waited for Lapis's nod before she admitted. "I personally have never fused, but," she waited until her friend actually looked at her, "I did receive an offer to fuse before."

Lapis blinked in surprise. "What?"

Peridot squashed the urge to tell her that of course she'd received such offers before given how great she was, but she knew that wasn't what her friend needed to hear. "Yes, Garnet asked if I wished to fuse with her."

Peridot internally cheered as Lapis sat up to look at her, the blanket still draped across her shoulders. "Really? Garnet?"

"Yeah."

"And you… didn't fuse?" Lapis tilted her head in confusion.

"Well, I was going to, but then… I just couldn't." Peridot looked away feeling somewhat embarrassed. "I had wanted to understand why she stayed fused all the time, and thought it would be an invaluable experience to fuse with her in order to understand."

"But you couldn't do it." It wasn't really a question.

"Yes, I 'chickened' out, you could say." Peridot replied, making air quotes around the slang. "However, I did end up understanding why Garnet stays as is."

Lapis's brow furrowed a bit. "How? And what does…"

And what does that have to do with me?

Lapis didn't need to finish her question for Peridot to get it.

Peridot looked around, trying to find a way to make her point, like Garnet had for her. "What I was getting at was that Malachite as you were with her was… was…" Her eyes fell on the TV. Inspiration struck. "It was an extreme version of Percy and Paulette!" She pointed at the screen just in time for Paulette to flip her hair over her shoulder in a huff, some new misunderstanding developing between her and Percy.

Percy's dejected face filled the screen.

"What?" Lapis looked bemused as she glanced between the TV and Peridot.

"It's all there." Peridot waved her arms as she explained. "A persistent struggle in the power dynamics. Pain and drama a constant as a result of said struggles. Neither one nor the other ever really winning, because as they are they simply do not work. And everyone around them suffers because of it."

"Is – is there a point to this?" Lapis cringed. "Because you seem to think this is helping but – "

"In other words, Malachite was not a real fusion!" Peridot concluded.

Lapis stared at her in shock. "What?" She whispered.

"I know it's not, because Garnet is Percy and Pierre!" Peridot pointed at the screen again, which now showed Pierre comforting Percy and offering advice. "And my observations of other fusions such as Opal and Smokey Quartz corroborates this theory."

She scooched a bit closer to Lapis, looking her right in the eyes. "Malachite was not a real fusion. A real fusion is built upon mutual respect. The participants care about each other and help each other. A real fusion is not dragging each other down but building each other up, to make a power greater than what could be accomplished alone. It's not something you have to do, but something you want to do, for the other person.

"I think you've already learned that, at least in part, Lapis," Peridot gave her a tentative smile, "because when she came back, you said no. You knew it wasn't right, you knew it wasn't supposed to be like that. She hasn't figured that out yet. Maybe she won't ever. I don't know."

Tears were building in Lapis's eyes as she stared right back, but Peridot got the feeling that they weren't unhappy tears. She gave one more push.

"You're a good person, Lapis. And I know should you fuse again, if you want to fuse again, it won't be like Percy and Paulette." She looked over at the TV and Lapis followed her gaze. "It'll be more like Percy and Pierre."

The words were scarcely out of her mouth before Lapis was throwing her arms around her in a hug. Peridot swiftly returned it, hugging her friend tight. She felt Lapis shake with quiet sobs, but she didn't say anything. She had already said everything she needed to. Instead, she just pat her on the head like she had seen one of the other gems do with Steven.

Peridot knew that this would not be the end of the bad days. They would still come every now and then. But this was an important day for Lapis, a day to help her heal from what had happened. A day to help her heal from what Peridot had carelessly contributed to.

Lapis needed this.

It was a step in the right direction.

And as she held Lapis, Peridot could only hope that the next time she fused it really would be with a better partner.

A Pierre instead of a Paulette.

Because that's what Lapis Lazuli deserved.

AN: So I had this idea of Lapis and Peridot discussing fusion knocking about in my head and I decided to write it out. Is this kinda Lapidot? Maybe? I don't know; if it is, it's pre-Lapidot. Still, I like how those two have developed as they've obviously grown to like living with each other and the way that Peridot insisted on checking on Lapis and mentioned that they don't say the J name was really sweet. So yeah, here. Hope you enjoy.