Drowning The Pain (AKA The New Marty)
Disclaimer: Don't own them
AN: I wrote this a while ago and decided it definitely needed some editing when I reread it recently. If you didn't read it the first time Good cause I like it much better now. Anyways I didn't use any names and the main character is anonymous, I just called him the new Marty in my head because that's who he reminds me of. You can make up your own mind about him.
He's been sitting at the bar for the last 2 hours going over the past year in his mind. He swirls his Rum and Coke mindlessly crunching on the ice that is slowly melting in his mouth. He no longer remembers how many he's had and is sure that the bartender is unlikely to give him too many more. He pays little attention to what is going on around him. Although he is pretty sure the woman beside him has been there almost as long, he has no idea what she looks like and doesn't care to find out. Distantly he hears a fight break out in the back but doesn't bother to turn around. His mind is locked on figuring out this puzzle. It just doesn't make any sense. He did everything right. So why is he sitting here in some rundown bar and she's……He cringes as flashes of bare skin, her bare skin come into his mind. Another mans hands…. NO!! "Damnit" he swears as he slams his drink on the bar and signals the bartender to give him another. He can't let himself think of that. Instead he lets his mind wander back to the beginning when everything was good.
They met at one of her Grandmother's parties. He couldn't take his eyes off of her she was the most beautiful woman he had every seen and told her as much. She laughed and told him she had learned her lesson the hard way and didn't get involved with her Grandmother's friends. From that moment on he was intent on making her love him. She was a challenge and he refused to lose. They became friends and after several weeks his persistence was rewarded when she finally agreed to a date. Wanting to impress her, he took her to New York where he lived. They dined at the most expensive restaurant and had front row seats to the best show in town. He made sure that flowers were on her desk the next morning and called just to let her know he was thinking of her. Surprisingly she informed him that she was right to begin with and felt they should remain friends.
Crushed but undaunted he agreed to friendship, but in reality just changed how he courted her. Instead of 5 star cuisines, he made special trips to her hometown where they ate at small diners or quaint restaurants. He escorted her to events she didn't want to attend alone, social gatherings, office parties and her mother's wedding. He found she loved movies and junk food so he ate more than his fair share of sugar and forced him self to sit through strange, quirky movies that she swore he would love if he gave them half a chance. He never did.
He made every effort to get to know her family. He easily got along with her mother, not a hard task. Still young and beautiful, her crazy antics and likeness to her daughter made her charm irresistible to him. He chose to ignore the sad looks and not so subtle warnings that her daughter might never want more than a friendship. He knew she was only trying to save him from heartache but he swore she was wrong. He told himself she just didn't see how right they were for each other. She didn't see how she smiled when she saw him, or the way she laughed at his corny jokes. She missed the way her voice softened when she talked to him or the gentle touches she would place on his arm when he needed comfort. No she just didn't see it and he was determined to show her.
A year after they first met she made the move to New York. He was overjoyed to have her so near but he knew she was lonely. Her new job as a magazine editor in Manhattan took her far away from her friends and family back home. Being one of the few people she knew in the city, they began to spend even more time together. Slowly their relationship grew although admittedly never intense or extremely passionate, what they had was comfortable and easy. She seemed happy to hold his hand as they walked together, he always initiated it but she never pulled her hand away. She allowed him to kiss her, usually nothing more than a peck but it was always sweet and gentle. He didn't mind, he was content with the way they were. They were taking things slow, he didn't need soul searing kisses or marathon sex romps that wasn't her. The girl he loved wasn't like that. 'At least not with you' his mind taunts as images flood over him once again her head thrown back, her eyes tightly shut as her neck is ravished. Her gasps' echoing in his ears as her body is pinned against the hotel door…... Shaking furiously, he tares his hands through his once neat locks. Savagely pulling and intentionally causing pain, he prays that it will clear the images and keep his mind from replaying them again.
After two more drinks he decides unlike most people who lost their loves, he is lucky. He doesn't need to guess when the exact moment was that it all went wrong. He knows. He can pin point the precise second that she was lost to him. He would give anything to go back to that day. He would keep her in New York far away from her step father's diner, far away from the man who would eventually steal her away from him. A man she shared such a tumultuous past with, a man who until that moment he had no idea existed but instantly hated ever after. He remembers that she was smiling and joking as they walked into the small diner but the instant she saw HIM their eyes locked and she grew quiet. Hell the whole diner grew quiet; it seemed everyone was holding their breath. He tried to get her attention but she was gone. He watched helplessly as she approached him. Her beautiful eyes sparkling with emotion as she slowly moved toward him, her hand hesitantly touching his. He wondered at the look of relief when their fingers twined together with practiced ease. He swore he heard her whisper a name. It sounded like Dodger or Rodger but he couldn't be sure, and later he questioned his hearing when he found out the man's name was far from either. They stood there, eyes locked on one another for what seemed like an eternity. He could hear them whispering back and forth but he was unable to hear what they were actually saying. Suddenly the man pulled her into a hug wrapping his arms around her. Jealousy seared through him at the site, stepping forward he grabbed her arm and called her name loudly, startling her.
When she did acknowledge him he could see her confusion at his presence, she had obviously forgotten he was there. Embarrassment colored her face as she introduced him to the man whose hand she still held, as her "friend" from New York. Not her boyfriend but "friend". He felt like he had been sucker punched he couldn't breath; he wanted to plead with her to take it back, to tell this man that she was his. But he couldn't. He couldn't change it any more than he could stop the intense hatred he felt when he saw the relief in the other mans eyes at her words. She was oblivious to his turmoil; smiling happily as she relived how the two of them met, laughing and teasing him as she told the other man how "grateful" she was to have such a good "friend" to lean on in such a big city. Locking eyes he knew the other man was fully aware of the situation. He didn't miss the look of pity that he flashed him. There was no apology in those dark orbs as they raked over her form staking claim. The man made no effort to hide his obvious want, they were competitors and only one of them could walk away with the prize. With eyes narrowed and once again locked, each acknowledged the other as the enemy.
Her eyes seemed to spark with excitement and never strayed far as she gushed over the other man's accomplishments taking great pride in telling him how he wrote a book and dedicated it to her. How he was co-owner of a publishing company in Philadelphia and would one day be a best selling author. At her words the other man smirked and made a quip about her always having her "pom poms" ready. The more the man smirked the more he hated him. His one word answers and smart comebacks to any question he asked were slowly cracking his self control. He wanted nothing more than to beat the asshole senseless. And he had no doubt the little shit was pushing him purposely. Only the ringing of the man's cell phone stopped the inevitable brawl. Regret filled the man's eyes as he apologized that he couldn't spend more time but made sure he took her cell phone number so they could catch up while he was in town. Any relief he felt at the man's departure was tampered by the look of disappointment and longing on her face as she watched him leave. She had never looked at him that way…..
Rubbing his temples to relieve the pain throbbing behind his eyes, he swallowed the last of his drink. He knew he was going to have to call a cab to drive him home. Although not drunk, he was definitely feeling the effects of the rum; his mind was beginning to get fuzzy as warmth flooded his body. He spent the next several minutes debating whether the hangover he would feel in the morning would be worth the oblivion shots of tequila could bring him. Reaching into his pocket to retrieve his cell phone, the decision was made for him when his hand gripped her key to his apartment instead. "I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you. I do love you, but not the way you want me to. I think maybe it's best if we don't see each other for awhile." Her voice echoed through his mind. He remembered perfectly how her blue eyes, filled with tears begged him to understand as she pressed the key into his hand before running out. He had given it to her so she would feel at home in his apartment. He should have taken it as a sign when she never offered him the key to hers.
Calling to the bartender to bring him a shot, he decided to move to a table in the back. If he was going to drown in memories he would at least give himself the dignity of doing it without an audience to watch. Forcing himself not to stumble, he made his way to the darkened corner. As he downed his first shot he wondered if he truly ever knew her, if the woman he spent so much time dreaming about actually existed. Had he just fooled himself into seeing what he wanted? She never lied to him, not really. She told him from the beginning she only wanted his friendship. But she wasn't oblivious; she knew he felt more, she knew he thought they were building toward something. Yet she never pushed him away, at least not until HE showed up.
He questioned her about him, wanting to know what he was to her. She seemed hesitant to talk about their past, but she did reveal that he was her stepfather's nephew, who at one time lived in the diner apartment upstairs with his uncle. He wasn't surprised to learn they were once a couple, although he was hurt to realize that he didn't know everything about her. She had never mentioned this man to him. He knew about all her other relationships, her high school sweet heart whom she called her "first love" and the man she met in college that was with her during what she referred to as her "lost years". She shared with him all the mistakes she made with each of these men, some of them quite embarrassing and even shocking, but for some reason she kept this man a secret. He wanted to believe that she didn't mention him because he wasn't as important, but as she spoke the far off look she had told him differently. He asked her what happened to break them up, but she didn't want to talk about it saying only that they had both made a lot of mistakes and hurt each other more than once.
Two weeks went by and they had returned to New York but not their normal routines. They used to talk nightly but all of the sudden her phone was busy. When they did talk she would spend the entire time telling him about some book she read and how excited she was about some new band she found. She sounded like she drank pot after pot of coffee, she was bursting with energy. She was different and he didn't know why. He knew it was wrong but he felt like all of the sudden she didn't need him as much. She used to depend on him to get her out of the house; she didn't feel comfortable navigating the city alone. She preferred to either go home to her mother or wait for him to take her places. But suddenly she was braver, she would explain in great detail her adventures on the subway or the afternoon she spent alone reading in Washington Square Park. It was like some one turned on a light inside of her and as awful as it sounds he hated it. He knew she was talking to her ex pretty regularly. She never made a big deal about it, but when he would ask she would say "It was nice to have her friend back".
Another couple of weeks went past and she continued to pull away from him. They only talked once or twice and she suddenly would disappear for long weekends where he couldn't get in touch with her. He knew he was losing her. She didn't allow him to touch her or sit to close. Admittedly it was his own fault, what were once easy displays of affection were now laced with desperation. He was no longer content to just grasp her hand; he wanted to lace their fingers together. And when he put his arm around her it was no longer a loose embrace he felt the need to pull her body into his. He knew he was making her uncomfortable but he couldn't help himself he could feel his time with her slipping away. He was desperate to keep her with him force her to love him if he had to. Finally one night he pinned her against a wall and forced a kiss on her. When she pushed him away he could see the fear in her eyes. He pleaded with her to understand how much he loved her and how much he needed her to love him back. It was then that she returned his key.
Two nights had gone by since then. Humbled and extremely sorry for what he did, he decided to go over to her apartment and apologize. Driving up to her building he was surprised when she walked out. He couldn't help the groan that escaped him at her appearance. She was always beautiful but the sight of her in a short black cocktail dress, what had to be 2 inch pumps and her hair loose around her shoulders, was enough to make a priest drool. He watched as she hopped into a cab and drove off. Curious as to where she was going and why she was dressed so provocatively; he decided to follow. He convinced himself that he wasn't stalking, he was only watching out for her.
His heart sank when her cab pulled up outside the Hilton, he knew her grandparents kept a suite there for when they were in the city. He always fantasized about meeting her there for an evening together, in reality he never stepped foot inside. He discreetly followed her into the hotel, keeping as far back as he could without losing her. As she walked into the lounge, hatred flared through him. HE was there; her ex was waiting for her. Dressed in a dark suit without a tie, he casually stepped toward her kissing her lips and pulling her tightly to him. A growl escaped him as he fought the urge to rush up to them and rip the man off of HIS girl instead he cowardly watched as she took his hand and led him toward the elevators. Knowing what floor they were going to, he decided to take the elevator in the lobby and follow them. He didn't know why he did it. Looking back, he knew what he would find when he got up there. A small part of him still hoped he was wrong, that maybe she would change her mind and push the other man away. But that's not what happened…….
The lift left him off at the opposite end of the hall. Realizing he had taken the faster elevator he made his toward the suite. He ran different scenarios through his mind as to what he would do when he confronted them, most ended with her in his arms and the other man lying bloodied on the floor. Hearing the ding of their arriving car he panicked for somewhere to hide, he spotted a room service cart and quickly ducked down to wait for the perfect moment.
He had a perfect view of their elevator as they stepped off, already locked in an embrace. All his thoughts of saving her were lost as they stumbled to their room pawing at each others clothes. He forced himself to watch as the man he desperately wanted to be, impatiently kissed her, working his way down her neck. His hands reaching under her skirt as she tilted her head back to give him better access. Her gasp echoed through the hall way as he lifted her up and pinned her against the door; grinding against her as she frantically pulled at his shirt trying to loosen it from his pants. She let out a giggle when he growled at the key pad obviously frustrated when his fumbling didn't result in the door opening. The sound of her voice must have broken some of the spell because suddenly their movements slowed. Breathing heavily the man placed his forehead against hers and it is in that moment that he knew he had truly lost her. "God I love you" he heard the other man say to her "I love you too" she immediately responded. He never saw them slip inside the room. He was oblivious to everything as his body began to shake. He slowly sank to the floor still hidden behind the room service cart heart shattered, he silently gave up.
When he drug himself from the hotel, he sought out the nearest bar. He ended up here, a dive he would never go into normally. It was rough and loud, exactly what he was looking for, no memories attached. Now five shots down; he has found the oblivion he sought. His mind has finally stopped plaguing him with images of her. As he passes out, his face lying on the sticky table in front of him, he at last accepts defeat.