"You're an idiot. You know that, right?"
Beca looked up from her laptop, surprised etched across her face. Jesse, sprawled across her bed, didn't even look up from his textbook.
"Be a little more specific," the girl prompted after a moment of silence, leaning back in her desk chair. They were alone in the dorm room; Kimmy Jin had already finished her finals and left for home. Beca had almost burst out laughing when she found out that home for her roommate was actually New Jersey. Ten different – although equally rude and quippy – cracks had jumped to the tip of her tongue at the time, but instead she let it go. Now she almost wished her glaring definitely-not-a-friend was here to keep Jesse from saying anything overwhelmingly stupid.
"She walks in graduation in two days. Then she's going to grad school. Grad school not here." Oh, that's what they were talking about. Again. Now Jesse did look up from his book, choosing to fix his knowing stare on Beca instead.
"I'm still working this out myself. Just give me a little time." It had been two weeks since the ICCA finals. Since winning that trophy. Since telling her dad she would stay for the next year, admittedly mostly to stay with the other Bellas. It had been one week and five days since she admitted just how much she cared about a certain redhead.
A certain redhead that was going away very soon. Beca fiddled with the pen in her hand, trying not to meet Jesse's gaze. He had been a good friend to her, and she knew he would continue to do so. When their relationship – if it could be called that – had ended quickly, but their friendship had managed to survive with very little scarring. So when the boy pointedly raised an eyebrow, she tried to push away her first instinct to smirk and deflect.
"I'll talk to her. I will. I just need to figure out what to say." She ran a hand through her hair and let out a long sigh. It was no surprise for her to find that confronting her feelings was not coming easily. "I can't ask her to stay," she pointed out, not managing to keep the tinge of sadness entirely from her tone. "And long distance has a tendency to make relationship lifespans not so long."
But Jesse wasn't letting her out of it so easily. He sat up and leaned forward to brace his elbows on his knees. "Do you want a relationship with her? I mean, I know you like her, but are we talking aca-babies or screw-and-through?" The look on his face told Beca that he already knew the answer.
"Well, considering you proposed children less than a month after we meant, I'm not going to take that to mean anything serious," Beca said with a chuckle. "But, I can't do that to her. I can't make her feel all guilty for not pursuing something that is so automatically doomed."
"Good to know I'm talking to optimistic Beca today," Jesse muttered, but his friend was on her feet and pacing. He had been seeing this mood a lot. It had happened before when they talked about her dad and reaching out to him. It usually ended in some kind of absolutist statement about how relationships were all set with an expiration date, possibly some shouting, and definitely no way to get back to studying for a chemistry final he had in two hours.
"And what if you two are Twinkies?" That stopped her pacing instantly, out of confusion, if nothing else.
"Fattening, terrible for your health, bankrupt, and an analogy for the ghost apocalypse?" They had watched Ghostbusters the night before, Jesse taking as much advantage of the movie-appreciating grace period as he could.
"You last forever," he clarified. "No matter how long you're put into storage, or left to the side, or forgotten about, you can always come back to it and it's as fresh as day one." Beca didn't look convinced, but Jesse rushed on anyway. "You can't know until you tell her. You want to be with her. Don't you owe her the chance to make her own decision as well?
"Maybe you're right. Maybe she doesn't want a relationship, or thinks the distance will be too much. Or maybe you're wrong. Maybe you're Twinkies."
"I feel like I should be offended somewhere in here," Beca muttered cautiously, but the boy had given her something to think about. She sat back down at her desk, scowling at the paper she had been working on. At this point she didn't have a single care to give to analyzing the economic factors that sparked the communist revolution of the USSR. But the paper deadline was even closer than the Chloe deadline, and if Beca was really going to stay here, she had to at least pass her classes. Seeing that the girl was going to say no more on the topic of her redhead dilemma for the time being, Jesse shifted back to his studying as well. Covalent bonds were kicking his ass.
An hour and a half later and still neither had spoken beyond the occasional cursing out of their respective assignments. Jesse was on his feet stretching the kinks from his neck as he got set to walk over to the testing center. "Will you still be here after my test?"
Beca looked up from her now-lengthened paper blearily. "I'll walk with you as far as the center," she offered, packing her laptop rapidly. "I will go Stalin on this campus soon if I don't get some coffee. Find me at the Café when you're through." She locked the door behind them, catching a glance of her single photo displayed on her desk right before the door closed entirely. It was the Bellas, just after their big win. Beca stood with Aubrey on one side of her, looking as happy as Aubrey could ever look. On the other side was Chloe, red hair all pushed over one shoulder, her arm cast casually around Beca's shoulder. She had been smiling ecstatically and Beca had found it next to impossible not to keep staring at the woman. It was a wonder the photographer had gotten a frame without Beca looking like an absolutely love-struck puppy.
"...and then Bruce Willis is all Yippee Ky Yay – " Jesse broke off in the middle of his recount of Die Hard, grabbing Beca's shoulder just before she walked into a branch low enough for even her to run into. The girl startled out of her thoughts with a blink and negotiated around the offending tree.
"You need to talk to her," Jesse repeated stubbornly.
"And you need to focus on your chemistry test, Christian Bohr," Beca countered through a yawn. They parted their path, leaving Beca to actually have to focus on her own path for fear of encountering any more attacking trees.
At the Café Beca found just the person she needed to talk to, although she hadn't realized it until she saw her. Aubrey Posen sat in one of the booths along the side wall, a cup of tea in front of her and scribbling away on a notepad. Suddenly wide awake, Beca skipped the coffee ordering and slid in across from Aubrey.
"What're you working on," she asked tentatively. She and the blond were on much better terms now, but there was still a largish part of her that braced for a verbal attack. But Aubrey just looked up with a tight smile and set her pen down.
"Just trying to sort out Chloe and my budget for next year. We'll have an apartment, which means utilities as well as rent to pay for. And grad school is even more expensive and time-consuming than college."
"I guess they figure this place has acclimated you to the suffering and now you're ready for the next level," Beca offered with false cheer. She kept forgetting that Chloe and Aubrey were going to schools close enough to each other that they were getting a place together. Part of her was jealous. Not of their relationship – Beca guessed she and Jesse would be the same some day – but rather the fact that Aubrey could go with Chloe.
"When are you two leaving again," Beca asked innocently. She knew the answer all too well, but she could hope against hope that something had changed.
"Day after graduation." No change. Beca sighed and nodded dejectedly. She glanced around the shop as if it would provide her with answers, but none announced themselves.
"You'll be in the audience, right," Aubrey asked. "Chloe said she meant to text you about getting there early to get the seats close to the exit, but her phone was dead." Beca smiled slightly, glad for the tip. She hated getting trapped in crowds all rushing for the same door at once. Seniors got to leave through a different path, but she was a lowly audience member, which mean it was in the sardine can for her.
"Is that all she's said about me recently," she fished hopefully. When no answer came she looked up to find Aubrey regarding her sympathetically. "Would it matter," the older woman asked cautiously. Beca's mouth worked silently for a moment before surrendering to just a shrug.
"I should grab some coffee," Beca said at last, giving Aubrey the chance to bail. But the blond did no such thing. She just nodded and went back to looking over the budget calculations. By the time Beca had returned with her caffeine, Aubrey looked just plain impatient.
"Look, Beca," she started. "Chloe is my friend, and I worry about her. I mean, you're just a kid barely used to college and the pressure not to cheat would be too much. I can't have her crushed because you had to enjoy your college experience some. No." She raised a hand to stop Beca from interrupting. "No, let me just say this. I like you Beca. And I think you and Chloe could have been good together. But a relationship is about building trust and being with each other. Once that foundation is there, sometimes the distance can be safe. Once you know, not just in your heart and mind, but in every fiber of your being, that there is nothing worse losing them. I'm not saying you're a bad person or disloyal, but that foundation isn't there yet."
Beca looked down at the table, knowing all too well that Aubrey could be right. She had just barely learned how to open up to people enough to form friendships. How could she know what else would happen in the three years she and Chloe would be apart? She nodded, no sarcastic deflection of witty remark there to soften Aubrey's words or the feeling that she would lose Chloe for good.