Logic was something that had been implemented at my conception. Logical foundation for when to have a child, if they could have, they would have chosen the logical gender, and maybe they did. Logical training in traditional Japanese arts, logical training in business and tranquility. From the moment of my conception my entire life was ruled by logic, and the expectation of whom I was to be upon the crest of my family name.
Yet, when I met you, I knew that I could no longer rule everything I do by logic. Because everything about you is so illogical. But I tried, I promise even though you far from believe me, I did try to continue to be logical.
However, the more I saw you, knew you, the more I knew that to continue to be around you at all was illogical, because around you I could not continue to function without having an opinion other than that which was logical. Even though you have forgiven me, and by all accounts I have made my apologizes, I cannot truly be apologetic, nor can I truly be saddened by my actions during that time.
For, at the time, they were logical, and everything in my nature tells me that there was no other option. You asked me why I can sleep so soundly still, I could not answer you for I know if I told you that I was not bothered by what I had done to all those people, you would not be able to look at me. So, I tell you nothing, and change the conversation, but I think you know sometimes.
I will not tell you I do not regret anything I did in the name of protecting you, I will not tell you that I cannot be rational, or logical when around you. I will not tell you that even though you hold my hand sometimes, or on the occasions when you are brave you offer me a hug and quietly call me weird, that the almost puppy love you have for me is so different than what I feel for you.
What I feel, I am afraid, is not logical, and furthermore, is a sickness which has haunted my family for generations. Not just love, watching Mai and how tangibly the others feel their love, I know that what I feel for you is the illogical disease that has controlled my father into madness. No, I fear that the love I have for you is that of one based on more than just wanting to be with you, or wanting your love in return.
But I will not tell you this, and I will let you slowly learn how to love me. I fear, though, that I cannot allow you to love another, beloved. If it comes to that, I do not know what I could do, but I have been trying to be logical about it. With your eyes on me, though, and the way you are staring at me, I do not think I have to be concerned.
Logically, I will continue to love you as you love me, logically I will work to overcome my own obsession, logically…
I cannot be logic when it comes to you, so I will rationalize my own insanity and claim logic. Because that seems to be all I am able to do.
Authors Note:
I own nothing, I gain nothing from this.
Thank you for your time.
*bows*