Disclaimer: These characters unfortunately don't belong to me. They belong to Stephenie Meyer and her only. No money is being made from this work and is the work of a girl with OCD. Obsessive Cullen Syndrome.
AN: Guys this is written form Edward's prespctive. Think of it as Edward is htinking back to this day.
Yet again today Bella was visiting Jacob Black. Now-a-days I almost always felt morose and in a mope like state of mind. I didn't like the fact that she was always with Jacob, it bothered me. Ugh who was I kidding I was so jealous that I should be on fire. I thought she loved me so why was she spending so much time with that dog. I contemplated what if I killed him, would Bella come back to me and be mine and solely mine? I knew I was greedy but that mutt was taking away the only reason for my existence. I was so caught up in destroying the problem when Alice marched into my room and asked what I was thinking. Nothing I replied. She put her arm around my shoulder and comforted me. I always liked Alice, she was the one person apart form Esme that I could go to when I needed to talk and even if they didn't understand that I was upset, they always dropped what they were doing to comfort me. I really appreciated that and I usually always felt better.
Edward were you thinking about Jacob or making a decision to do something to or with him, my pixie like sister asked. Well I was thinking of hurting him. Why is that, what is on your mind Edward? She asked. I don't know the last time I felt this was when Mike asked Bella to go to that Spring Dance thing when she had just come here. So you're jealous of Jacob. It was more of a statement than a question, but it made me reply very acidicly for which I was sorry. Am I now? I said. My sister soothingly listened to me as I told her that I couldn't stand it that Bella spent more time with Jacob than me. I told her that all we did now-a-days was argue about her change and marriage, we always apologized to each other and made-up, it was never anything big. But still I was afraid that I was losing her. She's my only reason of existence Alice I can't live without her. At the last part, if I could I would've cried. What I said was all true I couldn't even remotely imagine life without her, now that I had her I don't understand how I lived the past 90 years of my new life. Shh its okay Edward comforted the shrimp who sat next to me. For a very short person she had an immense heart. I understand how you feel Edward, having something and thinking that maybe you'll never get it all to your self. I felt the same way when I kept seeing flashes of Jasper and this family, and not exactly knowing that I'd get you or him. What Bella does is her decision, Edward, I am not going to say this to sound mean or anything but you left her and Jacob was sort of your substitute she needed someone to lean on and talk to. And that person turned out to be not only a furry mutant dog but also become your rival. But aside from that you should know that Bella spends that much time with Jacob because she knows that you'll always be hers and she'll always be yours. She knows that she won't need to worry about losing you because she has made up her mind that you're the only one for her. She loves you unconditionally. She spends time with Jacob to give him the best memories of her.
That did sort of help me, Alice sometimes I wonder that maybe she is better off with Jacob than she is with me. I mean there are more assets as to being with Jacob and I'm nothing but a liability to her. Jacob can give a happy home with brunette children with her pale skin and voice. He can give her a sunny place to live without the fear of attracting attention, where her smile could brighten up any room she would enter. I don't deserve this. I was a monster for the years I left Esme and Carlisle. I killed the sinners, but I still killed that doesn't make me a good person does it? So how can I deserve hr at all.
Edward, she sighed, you killed those who did wrong, think of it this way; if you hadn't killed the people that you did other innocent women and children would've been hurt. It's because of you that they were able to live their lives as much as destiny or fate had written for them. Please don't feel guilty about that. When it comes to assets then well sure Jacob can give her all those things, but can he give her the same happiness that she gets form being with you? Can he make smile the smile full of love, which she's only gotten reserved for you? When she gives you a smile it's a smile of pure love, when Jacob is given a smile it's a smile of pure friendship. There's a difference. You're her first love, a girl never forgets her first love, no matter how much he turns out be an idiotic masochistic "monster". She made quotations in the air when she said monster. I thought you'd know that by now Mr. I can read minds and know everything. Who would've thought that Edward Anthony Masen Cullen doesn't know something as simple as a girl's mind. She said the last part sarcastically.
Alice I asked, after a moment of silence, can you see if Bella will choose Jacob, please for me. I added when I saw her give me a look. You know I can't do that; she's has her mind up, that you're the only one for her, and I can't see werewolves. Then can you see if she'll be happy with Jacob. Nope Edward, I can't see that either. She said. It's okay Edward, what ever will be will, the future's not ours to see. I snorted when she said it, although in the wolves' case the future really wasn't ours to see. Alice hugged me before leaving. I felt good having spoken to someone about the way I felt, I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders and heart. I felt better about the whole Bella and Jacob situation and was confident that what ever her decision might me my Angel would tell me first.