A/N: Hello there everyone who reads this. I know I should be working on my multi-chaptered fic, but I got some painful Sirius/Regulus feelings last night and I couldn't stop myself from writing this. A big thanks to my BETA, Miba. :)
Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling and neither am I Simon and Garfunkel.
I recommend you to listen to this (it's where I got the idea of the title! Big cheer for Simon and Garfunkel music!) and you might also need some tissues.
He was my brother
He has felt many feelings in his life, he can remember those, but there's only pain now. It's only pain and it's burning the insides of his body, trying to penetrate his heart and kill him. There's only pain, but he can't stop; not now when he's so close to the end.
He looks at Kreacher and he tries to smile, but no smile forms on his lips. The elf looks concerned and he nearly tries to stop Regulus from drinking the Potion, but he has to obey his Master's instructions so he just stares at him, with the fake locket in his white-knuckled hands.
Regulus's eyes look back at the basin. There's not much left and he's nearly done. He knows what follows. He knew what was following when he set off for this journey, but he hadn't mulled it over. But he does now. He wonders what it would be like. He wonders if he will wake up in another place, a better world, where there is no war, where there is no pain or will if there would be just darkness. He pushes the thought away as he takes another gulp of the potion.
They say that the moment before you die your whole life flashes before your eyes. Regulus Black did not see his entire life flash before his eyes, but he only sees his brother. In truth, he sees two children playing in a garden. It nearly makes him laugh, only all his limbs are numb and he can barely move now. He had forgotten all about that memory, about those times. But that is exactly why it made the memory so precious. The purity of the two boys, their untainted souls and their hopeful dreams made it all seem happy for once. He can see the two brothers running around the garden, laughing at one another, playing. It seems surreal and for a second Regulus asks himself if the memory is a memory at all or a trick of his imagination. But then the memory goes on and he sees one of the boys tripping over something and he sees the other one still running, unconscious of the injury his brother got.
Little Regulus starts crying, looking down at the blood on his knees and it makes Sirius twirl around. He looks concerned as he rushed back to his brother. He kneels and stares at the wound sceptically.
"Now, stop weeping, Reg. Tears won't heal the wound. We need to get a Potion for this one", Sirius says, acting knowingly, when in reality he doesn't even own a wand yet. But Regulus is younger and he takes his brother for a role model and the attention he gets make him feel safe, so he just nods and wipes away the tears on his flushed cheeks. "I'll take care of you, because you're my little brother and I will always keep you safe," Sirius adds, wrapping an arm around Regulus and helping him up.
The physical pain is almost gone now and he still hopes. He hopes that Sirius will run back to him, that he will smile at him, telling him he will take care of everything, because they're brothers. He hopes that Sirius will save him from his death. He hopes that Sirius will be proud of what he'd done, of how he tried to defeat Voldemort.
But he knows, he knows deep inside his heart that Sirius won't come. He doesn't even know where to find him and he probably wouldn't care, because they're not brothers anymore.
Regulus feels again like the five year old who wounded his knees and he can feel fresh, warm tears forming in his eyes, but they don't run down his cheeks.
"I want to go home", he says and his voice sounds more like a whisper. But Kreacher doesn't understand what he means. The elf thinks he means 'home' as in Grimmauld Place, where his mother awaits for his return, but he doesn't. He means 'home' where his brother is, because that's where home truly is.
It's a shame I didn't realize this before.
"I w-want … m-my b-brother."
"Your brother is not here, Master."
"P-please. Sirius. Please."
He can feel them now; the tears rolling down his cheeks, warm and cold all the same.
Maybe I'll see him when I wake up, he tells himself and it's a beautiful thought and for a second it makes him really happy.
His sight gets more and more blurry, until he doesn't see anything anymore. There's a hand on his shoulder, but it's not Sirius's. It's not a sure, friendly grip, but a shaky one and Regulus knows at once it's just Kreacher.
He tries to remember where they've gone wrong, what has caused the end of their friendship, the end of their brotherhood. He suddenly recalls all those silent fights with his brother. They never yelled at one another, they just stared madly and those looks echoed all their unvoiced thoughts. He remembers their different opinions and views and realizes only then how worthless they were. In this moment, right before death, it doesn't matter if Sirius is friends with Mudbloods, it doesn't matter if he chooses the opponent side, it doesn't matter that he leaves their family. All that matters is that he isn't there and he will never know just how much he has wished him to be there when he will pass away.
But he knows it weren't the different views that separated the two brothers; it was themselves. They were the cause of the estrangement. They never appreciated the luck they had, to have one another and they had lost it and now Regulus wishes he could go back and change it all. He wished he could go to his younger ego, take him by the shoulders, shake him and tell him how important it is to stay close to his brother.
It's almost done now, there are hands gripping at his body, dragging him down, down, deep in the cold water. He doesn't feel anything anymore. He's numb. But he can hear and he doesn't know if it's a delusion or not; he likes to think it's real. He can hear Sirius's laughter and his arm wrapped around him. "Thought I'd let you die so easily, brother?" In his imagination, he sees Sirius smiling down at him.
"I knew you'll come to rescue me, brother."
And then there's silence and he collapses deep into the abyss.
A/N: I hope you liked this. I'm not gonna lie: I wept while writing it. You might all guess that I love the Black brothers so much that my heart basically explodes in my chest, which is why I like to torture myself with fics like this one. Anyway, I hope you have a nice day and don't forget that reviews are better than chocolate (hm, not a good comparison. Nothing's better than chocolate).
- Ria.