Hello all! I haven't written anything in a very long time, but I've decided to write this story for all of you who must be suffering from mental health issues. This is something that I have recently been diagnosed with, so that's the inspiration for this. Hope you like it xxx
Let me start by telling you my name. I'm Austin Moon. People know me as the kid who got famous for being an overnight Internet sensation, who is living this 'perfect' celebrity life. What do I mean by this?
Well, basically everyone just assumes that I'm the happy, carefree person that I am when I'm playing music. But that's normal - music is my favourite thing, so of course it's going to make me happy, and I'm going to look happy when I'm doing the thing I love, everyone does. It's normal. The truth is, I couldn't be further from carefree.
"Austin! Breakfasts ready." The sound of my mother wakes me up. I turn and look at the clock. 8 17 am. I moan and get out of bed and wash my face and decide what I should wear for my appearance on the Helen Show. Leather jacket or denim? I decide to wear a white top, black leather jacket and black skinny jeans with black vans. I quickly gel my hair into place and go downstairs.
"Sleep well?" My mum asks me, kissing my head as she passes me my breakfast.
"Not really, just had stuff in my mind." I reply as I begin to eat my toast. Just then, there's a knock on the door. It's Ally. My mum goes to let her in.
"Hi Austin, how are you?" She comes and stands beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder.
"Fine I guess. Just tired." I lie. I think Ally notices that I'm lying as her grip around my shoulder became tighter. She puts her hand on the side of my face.
"Are you gonna be okay for the Helen show? I can ask Trish to reschedule..."
"No no I'll be fine." I smile. It was now 9 30am. We had to be at the Helen Show at 11 for sound check as I'm performing, and it taped on the other side of the city, so we decided to set off.
When we got there, I knew something was wrong with me. My chest began to ache; this normally happened when I'm worried about something. It used to happen in the first few weeks of my career, but hasn't happened since. I'd been on the Helen show plenty of times before, so I just brush it off. Maybe I ate breakfast too quickly or something?
I was going to sign a new song that I wrote. It was called All These Things That I've Done. I began to sing.
"Yeah, you know you gotta help me out, yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner, you know you gotta help me out" I sing. This was the part of the song that I related to the most. I hate opening up to people and talking about my problems. But I could not get help without telling someone what I was going through. I just want someone to realise that I'm going through a tough time. I can't do this anymore - everyone just thinks that I should be this perfect person because I have actually managed to achieve my dreams. They think that because I'm rich, that I have everything. They think that I have noting going on. They think I'm living this perfect life that everyone dreams off, but I'm not. My mental health is slowly getting worse, and nobody, not even my own mum, sees this. They don't see that I haven't had a good night's sleep since I got famous. They don't see the amount of hate people give me online. It's like my whole life is under a microscope, and everyone is watching my every move, waiting to fault me when I make the smallest mistake. People don't see how the smallest things can bring me down, and it's getting to the point where I can't keep it on anymore.
"Sounds good, Austin. Good luck." The producer tells me. I smile and go off stage.
"Time to welcome back, AUSTIN MOON!" I walk onto the stage, the cheat pain is back. I can feel my breathing getting lighter. It feels like my breathing tube is closing. I smile and pretend like everything is normal. I have had panic attacks before, but this didn't feel like just a panic attack.
I close my eyes for a second. Pretend like it's all okay, you can't let your fans down. I say to myself.
"Now it's the moment we've all been waiting for. Performing an original song, please welcome Austin Moon!" Everyone cheers. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I can feel my breathing getting faster. My chest begins to hurt. Badly. Tears begin to flow down my face. I'm going to die here. I'm going to die a few days from my 18th birthday. I'm going to die before graduation. I then see Ally running over to me as my legs give up and I fall.
"Austin, look at me." She cups my face. My breathing continues to get faster and faster.
"I can't...slow...breathing" I manage to say. She puts her leg behind my back, supporting me. My legs are bent at the knee, her other leg is in front of my feet. She wraps her arms around me, trying to calm me.
"Honey look at me." She wipes the tears off my face. I then realise that I'm live on TV. I panic more as Ally yells for them to turn the cameras off. But they don't. They are using me to make good TV. That's all I'll ever be. A possession used to make money. I'll die knowing that.
"Breath in synch with me, okay. In, and out. Now in, then out." No help. My breathing rate increases. I them begin to feel dizzy.
"A...Ally"
"I'm here hun. It's okay." She runs her fingers through my hair as I give in to the darkness.
I wake up and I'm laying down in my own bed. Ive been out for a while. My head is in Allys lap. She strokes my hair.
"Austin. Are you okay?" She asks. I sit up. She doesn't let me. I fold my knees up and position myself so that I'm sitting up between her legs, and my head is on her shoulder.
"What happened?"
"You had a panic attack. Austin, I knew you had anxiety but I didn't think it was this bad."
"I hate talking about my feelings, but it's just that everyone thinks I'm living this ideal celebrity life, but I'm not. It's actually hard bring this well known and everyone is watching my every move. I've got PR telling me how to act, people hating for no reason. I can't do it anymore." I'm crying my eyes out by this point. Ally holds me,kissing my cheek.
"Just remember, next time you feel like this, just come and speak to me. I love you and I always will support you through anything. I know you'll get through this." She tells me. It seems to calm me down.
"Thanks Ally. I just want to sleep, I'm so tired." She nods and gently placed a pillow under my head and covers me with a blanket. She kisses my head. I grab onto her hand. "Don't leave me, please." She sits on the end of my bed. I put my head on her knees and she eases me to sleep .