A.N.: I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's recognizable characters. I also do not own any of the recognizable quotes from New Moon. I am simply "rewriting" New Moon in Edward's perspective, and to do so I need to use the actual quotes from the book to keep the story accurate. The only things that are mine are the lines not found in the book and descriptions not found in the book. Enjoy =]
Falling Star
New Moon in Edward's Perspective
Chapter 1 ~ The Final Reason
The temporarily uncovered sun was slowly stretching its way above the lush green horizon of trees as Bella shivered a little in her sleep. I compulsively tightened the cocoon of blankets I had placed around her, cursing myself for the icy temperature of my skin. I lightly hummed her lullaby, whispering cool tendrils of air into her ear, and she pressed closer against me. I smiled into her hair, breathing in the perfect flowery scent. Her dreams were troubled that night, and I knew why.
Today is Bella's birthday; she is eighteen. Of course, I couldn't be happier, as I want her to fully experience the life she could have. But she insists on staying seventeen forever, something I adamantly refuse to give her. No matter how often I explain my reasoning, she refuses to listen. I can tell I hurt her every time I say no, but I simply can't ruin her human innocence just so I can have her forever. I am finished being selfish with Bella; she deserves so much better. She is too young to understand.
She gripped the chest of my shirt as she whimpered again in her sleep, grumbling my name in a confused, panicked way. I frowned down upon her, trying to beat down the impervious mental wall she had unconsciously fixated around her mind. Not surprisingly, the wall did not budge, so I resigned by gazing at her brown lashes that fluttered atop her flushed cheeks. I smiled as her racing heartbeats slowed to the familiar rhythmic thuds I had grown so accustomed to. She was calm again. I sighed when I realized that it was time to leave for school soon, so I gently kissed her forehead and whispered my love in her ear. I reluctantly got up and sprung gracefully out the window, landing with a dull thud on the grass of the front lawn. I began to sprint home, knowing Alice would be waiting to discuss the forbidden birthday gifts she had gotten Bella.
I rolled my eyes as I neared the house, her excited thoughts streaming into my head at lightning speed:
I never get to throw parties...This will be so much fun! Bella will love her gifts; she just has to. She won't mope for long when she finds what I have in store for her! Ooh, maybe I should…
I quickly tuned the high-pitched squeals out of my head and entered through the door. I braced myself.
"Oh good, Edward, you're here! You didn't tell Bella what I got for her, did you?" she asked, worry lining her porcelain features.
"Of course I didn't, Alice. I'm actually trying to avoid worrying her any more than she already is." I grimaced. "The only present she really wants is one I can't give her."
"Oh, Edward." She sighed. "Soon you'll just have to accept it. You can't put off the inevitable." She giggled and lightly tapped her head. A glorified image of Bella lit up my mind as her vision invaded my thoughts.
"Alice, please!" I snarled at her. "Keep your thoughts to yourself! I won't let it happen!"
"Fine. Suit yourself." she huffed.
"Just come along, it's time to go to school." I grabbed my coat and stormed out the door, Alice close on my heels.
"Oh, wait!" She ran back into the house and appeared a split second later, carrying a small silver box. "She'll want to open this first." I snorted. Of course she would.
I slid behind the wheel of my Volvo, waited a second for Alice to appear in the passenger seat, and shot off in the school's direction. Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie had already "graduated", so they could fortunately escape Alice's pointless prattle about the party she had been planning for more than a week now. Normally, Bella would act politely excited for it, so as to spare Alice's feelings. This year, however, was a very troubling birthday for her. She would be "older" than me, and I knew it bothered her deeply. I frowned as I once again considered giving her what she wanted. No. I would not cause her to lose her soul. I would never take that from her.
I pulled up quietly into an empty space and quickly got out of the car, leaning against the shiny silver metal of my Volvo. Alice stayed by my side, stroking the corners of the small silver box she held for Bella, whom I knew would not accept it.
I could hear her old, wheezing truck coming minutes before it drove in. I let a quick smile play at the corner of my lips as I watched Bella hop out of the truck, her arms outstretched like a small baby learning to walk for the first time. Her sad expression met my eyes, and quickly she looked away. When she looked up again, she eyed the box in Alice's hands, and a worried crease played between her brows. Excitedly, Alice skipped forward in Bella's direction.
"Happy Birthday, Bella!" she said, her face glowing.
"Shh!" Bella hissed. I knew the last thing she wanted was a public announcement. Alice, however, continued to ignore her.
"Do you want to open your presents now or later?" Alice persisted, not getting the hint.
"No presents." Bella grumbled. Finally, Alice seemed to understand that her less than enthusiastic mood was not likely to improve in the near future.
"Okay…later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" Bella sighed, as she was used to Alice knowing things before even she knew about them.
"Yeah. They're great." She responded.
"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."
"How many times have you been a senior?" Bella asked sarcastically.
"That's different." Alice answered, unfazed.
As Bella finally took the steps that closed the distance between us, I held out my hand for her to take. When she placed her warm hand in my own cool one, I gently squeezed her fingers, feeling her warmth pass through my skin. She looked up at me and I peered into her soft, brown eyes. A light pink painted her cheeks and I heard her heart trip inside her chest. I smiled, knowing mine would do the same had it not stopped beating some ninety years ago. I lifted my free hand and traced the outline of her pink velvet lips and said,
"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"
"Yes. That is correct." She responded softly, quickly looking away as some thought flashed across her eyes.
"Just checking." I briskly ran my hand through my hair and said, "You might have changed your mind. Some people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." Unfortunately for me, that effect had worn off years ago.
Alice's bright, musical laugh broke the air and she said, "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"
Though Bella knew that Alice wasn't serious, she responded darkly, "Getting older." Her voice shook a little as she said it. I let my lips tighten as some invisible force pierced my heart to remind me that it was I who was the cause of her sadness. How I wish there were another way to give her what she wanted, one that would spare her precious mortality.
"Eighteen isn't very old." Alice said, trying to cheer her up. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"
"It's older than Edward." Bella mumbled, sadness glazing her eyes.
"Technically." Alice countered lightly. "Just by one little year, though." And you'll be living a lot more of them, to, I heard her think.
"What time will you be at the house?" Alice asked, thankfully, changing the subject.
"I didn't know I had plans to be there."
"Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice frowned. "You aren't going to ruin all of our fun like that, are you?"
"I thought my birthday was about what I want." I could hear Alice's growing frustration, loudly, in my head, so I said,
"I'll pick her up from Charlie's right after school." Bella looked up at me, pleading.
"I have to work."
"You don't, actually." Alice smiled. "I already talked to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading you shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday'."
Bella scrambled for an excuse. "I—I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English." Alice snorted.
"You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."
"But Mrs. Berty said we need to see it performed to fully appreciate it—that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented," she finished, weakly.
I rolled my eyes. Mrs. Berty knew nothing about what Shakespeare intended. I, however, knew what Bella anticipated with this excuse.
"You've already seen the movie," Alice protested.
"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mrs. Berty said it was the best."
Alice's thoughts quickly turned threatening. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other--" I quickly interrupted her threat by saying,
"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday." Bella flashed me a quick look of gratitude.
"So there." She said happily.
"I'll bring her over around seven. That should give you more time to set up." Bella's face fell. Alice brightened. She laughed yet again.
"Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She flashed a bright smile in petty triumph, kissed Bella on her cheek, and danced off to her first period class.
Bella's chocolate eyes bored into mine, begging. "Edward, please--" A small pout teased her bottom lip, but I gently lifted a finger and pressed it against her frown.
"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."
I took hold of her small hand and silently led her through the hallways. Much of the day progressed in this fashion, the only disturbances in our pensive silence being teachers asking questions. I watched her brows furrow and soften as she tried to think of what Alice had planned. She had never liked too much attention. She still blushes at the praise I occasionally give her. A whole party dedicated in honor of a birthday she had been dreading could not be her idea of good fun. I sighed. I guess she'll just have to get through it. No one can stop Alice when she has an idea.
When lunch came around, Bella, Alice, and I sat at our usual spots at the end of the table where a few of Bella's friends sat. As expected, they all stiffened when we sat down; most people were intimidated by us due to natural instinct. I heard Jessica's breath catch in her chest as we made brief eye-contact, and I effortlessly channeled out her infatuated teenage thoughts from my mind. I rolled my eyes and waited until the bell rang for the end of the period, likewise for the rest of the school day.
To keep Bella from escaping tonight's plans, I escorted her to the passenger side of her car. Realizing my plans, she scowled and crossed her arms.
"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"
"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." I smirked slightly.
"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…" she started, hopefully.
"Alright," I said, shutting the passenger door and walking her to the driver's side. "Happy Birthday."
"Shh." She climbed into the car and I found the adjacent seat. Immediately I started searching the radio.
"You radio has horrible reception," I told her. Thankfully, one of her presents was an exceptional replacement. She frowned at me.
"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." Her words came out like knives, and I tried to suppress an amused smile. She noticed, of course.
When she finally parked in her driveway, I tenderly reached over and cradled her face in my hands. I gently traced her temples, cheekbones, and jawline, while listening to the exquisite music of her quickening heartbeat.
"You should be in a good mood, today of all days." My breath painted her face and she slowly inhaled, her eyes glazing over.
"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" She asked, her heart shaking her breath.
Longing filled my eyes as I gazed at her. "Too bad," I whispered, and gently leaned in, melting our lips together. I kissed her softly for a time, until she instinctively wrapped her arms around my neck and gave in to the excitement. I smiled at her determination to keep me there, and as much as I wanted to continue, I pulled away, her taste still sweet in my mouth.
"Be good, please," I breathed softly against her cheek, and slowly found her searching lips once again. I pulled away and brought her arms across her stomach. She held her chest as her heart sped out of control.
"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" She wondered breathlessly. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"
I smiled. "I really hope not." She rolled her eyes.
"Let's go watch the Capulets and the Montagues hack each other up, alright?"
"Your wish, my command."
When we entered the living room, Bella put the movie in and began to fast-forward through the previews. I sprawled on the couch, waiting for her to join me. She sat down in front of me, so I wrapped my arms around her soft waist and pulled her against my chest. She shivered a little at the contact, and I wrapped an afghan around her to keep her warm. The movie started.
"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I commented.
"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked, a little offended.
"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline—don't you think it makes him seem a bit fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" She sighed.
"Do you want me to watch this alone?" she asked, slightly annoyed.
"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." I found her arm and traced little patterns in her skin, counting the goose bumps as they rose to my touch. "Will you cry?" I asked quietly.
"Probably. If I'm paying attention," she admitted sheepishly.
"I won't distract you then." And I tilted my head so that my lips found her hair, carefully breathing in her intoxicating scent. I ignored the slight burn in the back of my throat. I closed my eyes and listened to her breathing. Only when her favorite Romeo lines came up in the movie did I lower my lips to her ear, kissing the words he said into a gentle whisper that floated against her skin. I loved the blush that crept into her cheeks when I did this. I watched the small pool of tears well up in her eyes when Juliet found Romeo dead, and smiled as they spilled over the fragile lids. She was so beautiful; small diamond drops glittering on the pale apples of her cheeks. I found a lock of hair and dried a tear with it, saying, "I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here."
"She's very pretty," Bella agreed. I snorted in disgust.
"I don't envy him the girl—just the ease of the suicide," I clarified. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is down one tiny bottle of plant extracts…"
"What?" she gasped.
"It's something that I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be easy. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself at the beginning…after he'd realized what he'd become…" I lightened the tone of the conversation. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."
She turned herself completely around and peered confusedly into my face. "What are you talking about? What do you mean this is something you had to think about once?" she demanded.
"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I took a deep breath, and teasingly continued, "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is a human."
A million thoughts flashed across her face, and she shook her head in disbelief.
"Contingency plans?" she repeated, panic-stricken.
"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." I rolled my eyes. I couldn't even imagine having to live my life the way it was before I had Bella. Completely dull, unimaginatively boring, and filled with longing for something that was unknown to me. But I had found that piece of my life last year, and she was snuggled against my chest this very moment. Yes, it would be impossible---unbearable—to live without Bella in my life.
"But I wasn't sure how to do it—I knew Jasper and Emmett would never help…so I was thinking maybe I'd go to Italy and provoke the Volturi." Though, the fact of being torn to shreds and burned all while Carlisle's name was put to shame didn't particularly thrill me.
"What is a Volturi?" Bella asked.
"The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?"
"Of course I remember," she responded softly, eyes remembering the day I explained Carlisle's history to her in the very house she so dreaded to enter this day.
"Anyway, you don't provoke the Volturi. Not unless you want to die--or whatever it is we do." I've thought about that prospect too many times for it to hold any interest for me. I had everything planned out, just in case.
Bella's face looked horror-stricken when she lightly cupped the edges of my jaw. Gazing into my eyes she told me, "You must never, never, never think about anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself."
"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point," I responded stubbornly.
"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all this bad luck is my fault?" She stuck her jaw out a little as she said this. "How dare you even think like that?"
"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"
"That's not the same thing." I chuckled at her childish response.
"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?" Just thinking about Bella intentionally hurting herself made my stomach jump. It was a horrible thought.
"I guess I see your point…a little. But what would I do without you?"
"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."
"You make that sound so easy," I responded. It was actually more complicated than she thought.
"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."
I sighed. "Moot point."
This pizza smells so good, I could eat it all right now! Bella's birthday, she's eighteen already, my God…
Charlie's thoughts grumbled in my head as I immediately sat upright into a more formal position.
"Charlie?" Bella guessed. I smiled in response. She found my hand and grasped it softly, or firmly in her case. Charlie walked in with a box of pizza in his hands, which was wafting unappetizing scents to my nose.
He grinned. "Hey kids. I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?" Charlie was used to me passing on dinner by now.
"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked as they finished up their meal.
Bella looked up, hopefully, for Charlie to refuse. But instead he said, "That's fine—the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight. So I won't be any kind of company…Here." He scooped up the camera given to Bella for her birthday and tossed it to her.
Of course, Bella missed the throw, so I flicked my hand out to catch it before it crashed on the floor. I loved her dearly, but her coordination was abysmal.
"Nice save," Charlie commented. "If they're doing something at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets—she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."
"Good idea, Charlie," I said, handing the camera to Bella.
She took the camera, turned it in my direction, and quickly snapped a picture.
"It works."
"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." He frowned slightly. Most men loved Alice; she is very personable—even for a vampire.
"It's been three days, dad," Bella said, amused. "I'll tell her."
"Okay. You kids have fun tonight," Charlie dismissed us. Images of various baseball plays flooded my head, and I pulled Bella from the kitchen.
I led her to the passenger side of her car, and she gloomily complied. The engine roared as I tested its limits, and Bella said,
"Take it easy."
"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi Coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…" I trailed off, leaving yet another hint at what I really want to get her for her birthday. But she insists on not spending any money on her, though money really has no value to me; we have so much of it stored away.
"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents," she warned,
"Not a dime."
"Good," she responded lightly.
"Can you do me a favor?"
"That depends on what it is." Her face grew wary. I sighed.
"Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."
She looked a little startled.
"Fine, I'll behave."
"I probably should warn you…" I started.
"Please do."
"When I say they're all excited…I do mean all of them."
"Everyone? I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa?"
"Emmett wanted to be here."
"But…Rosalie?" she asked, tentatively.
"I know, Bella. She'll be on her best behavior." Bella thought for a moment, a worried expression stealing her face. I knew Rosalie was resentful towards Bella, but only for reasons she couldn't help.
"So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything you'd like for your birthday?" I asked hopefully.
"You know what I want," she whispered sadly, gazing out the window. I definitely walked into that myself. I frowned.
"Not tonight, Bella, please." I pleaded with her.
"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." The thought terrified me. I growled deep from my chest, cursing the chances that that would ever happen.
"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I stated. She pouted.
"That's not fair!" I clenched my teeth together loudly.
Bella moaned when she saw the multiple Japanese lanterns and bundles of pink flowers that adorned our house. Alice had clearly gone beyond her expectations. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
"This is a party. Try to be a good sport."
"Sure," she muttered glumly.
When I went around to the passenger side to help her out, she said,
"I have a question." I raised my brows.
"If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?" she asked, fingering the camera. I laughed at the question all the way to the front door, pulling Bella with me. The myths humans come up with, how absurd!
When I opened the door, my family serenaded Bella with a perfect chorus of "Happy Birthday" as blood flooded Bella's cheeks, making her look down. I wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her head, trying to give her some support. I knew how difficult this must be for her.
Esme hugged and kissed Bella lightly, and Carlisle put an arm around my shoulders whispering,
"Sorry about this. We couldn't reign Alice in."
Rosalie wasn't glaring at Bella for once, but she was certainly a contrast to Emmett's huge, toothy grin. He, at least, was happy to see her.
"You haven't changed at all," Emmett teased. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always." This only made her blush two shades deeper.
"Thanks a lot, Emmett." He laughed at her.
"I have to step out for a minute." He winked at Alice. "Don't do anything funny when I'm gone."
"I'll try," Bella said sarcastically, catching his last dig.
Alice skipped forward, dropping Jaspers hand, teeth glittering in an excited grin. Jasper stayed his distance, thinking certain thoughts to keep his instinctive desire in check. I appreciated the effort he put in to keeping Bella safe—I knew it was much harder for him to resist human blood, especially when it smelled like Bella's.
"Time to open presents!" Alice sang. She took hold of Bella's arm and led her to the table with a pink cake and numerous silver-wrapped presents.
Bella looked like a martyr. "Alice, I told you I didn't want anything---"
"But I didn't listen," Alice flippantly replied, handing her the box that held the gift from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Bella opened it, and looked confusedly at the empty box with mechanical script she now held.
"Um…thanks." This made Rosalie smile. Jasper laughed.
"It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." Of course, Alice knew that is the first thing Bella would try with an expensive stereo in her hands.
"Thanks Jasper, Rosalie." She grinned, reluctantly. "Thanks Emmett!" she yelled so that he would hear. A booming laugh broke the air, making Bella giggle a little herself.
"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice offered. Bella gave me a death glare.
"You promised," she accused. Before I could explain, Emmett burst through the door.
"Just in time," he stated, pushing past Jasper, who had inched closer than he formerly was to get a good view of Bella's reaction.
"I didn't spend a dime," I assured her, and gently brushed a few strands of hair from her face.
"Give it to me," Bella sighed, and Alice excitedly handed over a flat, square box. Emmett chuckled.
Bella stuck her finger under a flap of paper and jerked it to pull up the tape. In an instant, the scent of her blood flooded the air, igniting my throat with a powerful urge I quickly suppressed. Jasper hissed. I growled, a deep rolling ripple in my chest.
"No!" I shouted at him, and flung Bella backwards with the crystal that broke upon impact with the ground. Jasper flung himself at me, trying desperately to get to the source of his frenzy, but with an avalanche-like crash, I blocked his way. He snarled, giving in to instinct, and snapped his teeth at my face.
Emmett took over then, pulling Jasper into an impossible grip. Jasper continued to struggle, glaring with menacing eyes at Bella. I looked behind me, and she sat in a small pool of her own blood, glass piercing her arms, looking terrified in the most dangerous house she could be in at this moment. And it was I who had brought her here.
"This is it," I thought to myself. "I will never let this happen again."