Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa R.C.
Profusely Disillusioned
Posted August 24th, 2007
Fai sipped his drink and smiled frostily, gazing at Kurogane. Of course he had a soft spot for him - he was the only adult he had enough time with to get to know, besides Ashura and the kingdom's guards. His actions were fairly predictable, on the surface of things, and he was somehow able to be concerned and yet uncaring at the same time. He was interesting.
But then again, nearly everything was interesting. The only things that weren't were ice and hate, because those he knew all too well. So well, in fact, that he wondered if he had become the embodiment of them without realizing it sooner.
He was cold. He had to be, for everyone to forget him when the time came. Kurogane had known, even before that country full of war and before that land where demons were normal and sane, that he had fought in the past. Those countless hours spent training - never talking - only increased the man's suspicions. Luckily they hadn't been able to communicate for that half year, Fai's shrugs and smiles the only thing understood. Not that it was much different from normal for the warrior.
"Who did you fight for?" He had asked, as soon as Mokona had reunited with them and all was quiet.
"I wonder..." Came the reply, a teasing smile on his lips.
He was not like Kurogane, he wasn't free to do as he wished. Fai wouldn't rescue himself because he couldn't rescue himself. Not from this. And as the days wore on, as he became more distant and as his memories of the past became distorted, he was increasingly aware that everything seemed like a dream. It didn't matter what he did because someday, he would have to wake up.
The magician was tired of pretending, throwing it away as if it were a game he had grown bored of. And in a sense, it had been a game. Because he had wished so feverishly in the beginning for it to last forever. For the game to never end. What had he been hoping for? Had he thought that by fake smiles and faker laughs he could counter the same inevitability that had brought them all together in the first place? Or that with that same tactic he could keep everyone at bay?
Now that he had to stay with Kurogane, the cruel reality being that without his body Fai's life would end, the blonde was constantly reminded of his own demise. Ashura was demanding it, that monster in human form, and he had to give it to him. He had to give him his own death, because murdering the unflinching Kurogane would kill him too. If that was the price...
Cursing his weakness, he questioned. Could he do it? Could he actually do it? Because he hadn't uttered a word yet, just pointed his finger in the direction of the shinobi, and he was shaking uncontrollably. By erasing his friend and his king from existence he was going to revive his twin from the dead... No, not friend. Not now and not ever. Those happy times meant nothing, they never did and never would.
Lies, all of it, so why was it so hard to hold in his tears?
Kurogane slashed and dodged his magic, and he was suddenly thankful that the other man was so skilled. A mage who grew stronger with every spell matched up against a warrior who grew weaker with every kill. Perhaps, if he was lucky, one of the attacks would hit its target, and then he would be rescued from this nightmare of a world and this horror of a life.
x
Born from Tsubasa-fan's comment about Kurogane aiming for Ashura, after reading ch 161.