Disclaimer- I am not, nor is the penguin sitting beside me, JK Rowling. Come on people, does JK look like a penguin??

Completely Random and Totally Pointless Caution: The reading of this story may cause the reader to laugh, choke, vomit, cause laughter so immense that the reader ends up falling out of their chair, smashing their head on the desk, tripping on the way as they attempt to stand up, falling over the banister, toppling down the stairs, landing in a laundry basket, and finally being trampled upon by the dogs. (Please note that most of this SHOULD NOT take place while the reader is reading this story. If this does in fact happen to you, we are not liable for lawsuits and NOTHING IS OUR FAULT.) Thank you for taking the time to read this pointless caution. Enjoy the actual story!

Chapter 1: The Return of the Babysitter Whom, This Time Has Brought a Friend Along Too!

"No James. No way am I letting that monster baby-sit my child again! Do you remember what happened last time? Harry still says those awful words!" Lily cried to her frustrated, begging husband.

"But Lily! It's our one-year anniversary! It's important! It needs to be special!" James pleaded with his wife.

"No, no, no, no, no!"

"But Remus will be here this time! And while Sirius baby-sits, Remus can help out and keep watch over him."

"I'd rather have Remus baby-sit and have your lunatic best friend out on the street!"

"Come on honey, we haven't gone out in forever!" James was begging. Though, he'd never admit that to Sirius or any of the other guys…

"Because of that moron you chose to put in charge of our child! Since then all the babysitters haven't come back because 'your son swore at me!' and 'Your son is a menace!'"

"Oh come on Sirius and Remus won't care if he swears at them." James said, sounding as though there was no problem.

"Not the point!" Lily said crossing her arms.

"Come on Lily! It is our anniversary! Our first anniversary! And it is not like he killed him or anything."

"Well… I guess it is…" suddenly there was a noise from just outside the door.

"Great!" James shouted, " I'll go get them!"

"James! I was not done speaking!" Lily screamed.

"Remus! Sirius! It is great of you to come!" She heard James say from the other room.

"You did it again!" Lily screeched hysterically, stalking into the other room and seeing three guilty men standing there. "How could you!"

"Lily you have to understand I had already made secret plans! It was all planned out already! I needed someone to watch Harry!" James explained frantically.

"You made plans? That is so sweet!" Lily said affectionately.

"All right then." James said smiling. "Lets go!" with that he started walking towards the door.

Lily followed, but then turned suddenly on Sirius and Remus.

"If you hurt my baby, teach any "fun" words, destroy my house, make any sort of mess, or break even one little cup." She said glaring at Sirius in particular. "Your mother won't recognize you!"

Sirius was close to cowering in a corner, when she added most happily "Bye!" and walked out the front door.

"Wow." Said Remus "You must have really fucked up."

"Shut up! Harry might hear! And Lily will kill me if he swears again!" Sirius said close to hysterics.

"Sirius calm down!" Remus said in shock.

"No!" he yelled, "If I do anything she will disembody me!"

"Sirius?" Remus said looking scared at the look on his friends face.

"No Remus! I can't calm down! We will have to get out of here! We can move to Switzerlonia! We will have to learn how to speak Switzerlonian! And we can just leave Harry here! Then Lily can't track us down! It is the perfect plan!" Sirius eye's where wide and he was frantically rubbing his hands together.

"Sirius, you have not messed up yet…." Remus said uncertainly.

"Oh" said Sirius in a shocked voice. It seemed to be a surprise him that he had been the house for over five minutes and nothing was on fire.

"Anyway where is the little kid?" Remus asked Sirius.

"Lily said the little master piece was up in the crib." Sirius said.

"Master piece?" Remus asked looking at Sirius questionably.

"Well I can't call him the same thing twice!" Said Sirius rolling his eyes, as though this was the obvious.

"Oh I see… how stupid of me" Remus said rolling his eyes.

"Yes Remus. I think we all know who the smart one is. You can pass the smart role over to me now."

"Don't push it." Remus growled under his breath, as the two headed up the stairs to where the baby boy was supposedly sleeping.

"Oy jumping bean!" Sirius yelled as the reached the young boys room, "Where are you!" And as Sirius pocked his head around the door his heart sank. He was not in there…

"No, I am going to die! Where did the Avocado go?" Sirius yelled whipping out of the room and running through all of the other rooms.

"Sirius what is going on?" Remus called after him as the man ran passed him.

"The little magot escaped form that prison!" Sirius called as he was dashing into Lily and James room, then ran out yelling "Nessy! Where are you!"

"Nessy?" Remus asked puzzled as he opened the closet door and look in.

"Yeah you know the Lochness monster."

"Oh right how stupid of me, again!"

"Your really losing you touch Remus." Sirius called.

"Don't push it, again!" Remus hissed.

"Remus," Sirius said, paleing, "do you hear…running water?"

Remus stopped a listened until he heard it to. Faster than dirty rinocerous, the two men dashing into the bathroon.

"Oh no!" groned Remus leaning agenced the door frame. It seemed to suddenly hit him what Harry was doing.

"Flying saucor! What did you do!" Sirius said falling to his knees and looking ready to cry.

"Fucking moron!" Said the little boy, pointing a finger at Sirius and smiling brightly.

"Wow, what did you do last time Sirius?" Remus asked looking at the small boy. "Ruin the house and teach baby Harry colorful words?"

"Hey." Sirius snapped at the smirking man. "They may come in useful in later life."

Remus ignored this and turned back to the task at hand. "Well Harry," he said looking at the tot. "Have we been trying to get your godfather to be incommodiousness?"

The tot nodded as though in complete understanding, and Sirius just stood there.

"Wh-wh-what does that mean!" Sirius said looking awestricked

"Well you taught him all those swears in one night, the kid must learn fast." Remus said looking at his friend triumphantly. Suddenly he felt a wet-ness on he feet and looked two men had been to busy bickering to actually look at the room properly. The floor was soaked, there was toilet paper hanging all over the walls, and Harry had also found his way into the bubble bath; the result was quite astounding. It resulted in Sirius swearing loadly, and Remus smacking him sharply across the head. "Bad dog!" Remus said smugly "Have you not taught harry enough of those words?"

"How are we going to clean all this up?" Sirius groaned.

"Sirius," Remus said slowly, trying to keep his outburst in check. "Has it ever occurred to you that you are a wizard!" Remus yelled so loudly that Sirius stumbled backwards, falling into the bathtub and nocking over another container of bubble bath all over himself.

"Remus!" He groaned in dispair. "And, you see…" Sirius was trying not to look like a complete moron at this point. "Last time I babysat my wand was… misplaced and… it's somewhere around here!" The man exclaimed at the look on his werewolf friend's face.

"Are you honestly trying to tell me that we are going to be here babysitting a magical child who just so happens to get himself into more trouble than you do in transfiguration class, and you don't even have a wand?" Remus' voice indicated that he was ready to kill someone, particularly Sirius.

"Well… Erm… Yes…"

Okay, it's been a while and most of this chapter was the work of both penguin and lolly, yet I had this chapter at my (lolly's) house and wrote to here and decided to post. So now you guys know what's going to happen.. sort of. We (or I) will try to update soon! Please review! ~lolly