A/N: This continues my series set during Season 3, but you don't have to have read my fics,"Red Ryder" or "Red Delicious" (or the subsequent one-shots) to get what's happening in this story, although I wish you would! Anyway, a little background might still be helpful…Lisbon and Jane are together, although they are trying to keep their relationship a secret. This takes place sometime in the winter of this year, before the events of "Red Queen." Expect lots of silliness in the vein of a French farce. I will try to keep everybody in character amidst the humor, but you have been warned, lol.

Chapter 1: A Royal Engagement

"I trust you'll be on top of this, Agent Lisbon," Madeleine Hightower said to her senior agent. "Oh, good morning, Patrick."

Patrick Jane stopped outside Teresa Lisbon's door, just as Hightower was finishing her briefing and heading to her own office. He looked at the two women curiously, wondering what was so important that Lisbon was honored with a visit from the queen bee. Jane gave the CBI Director his widest smile. "Madeleine, you're looking lovely this morning."

She smirked knowingly, recognizing bullshit when she heard it. "Thank you," she said in amusement and left the two coworkers alone, confident that her bidding would be done without question.

Jane walked casually into Lisbon's office, teacup in hand. He made himself comfortable on her couch as she sat back in her desk chair. They regarded each other silently, Lisbon sipping her cooling coffee, Jane waiting to be clued in on what Hightower had been talking to her about. Lisbon took great pleasure in letting him wait. It was a battle of wills to see who would give in first—would Jane ask or would Lisbon tell?

The longer they sat in silence, the more amused each became. Their eyes met and held over their respective beverages, so that it became a staring contest as well as the quiet game.

Jane wondered what it was that Lisbon had to stay on top of. She was good at staying on top of things, he mused. Hadn't she been in that very position with him just last night? He grinned wickedly, and was pleased with her answering blush. She knew what he was thinking about, all right.

Jane was about to move in for the kill when Grace Van Pelt stopped at Lisbon's open door.

"Boss! Isn't it cool! The royal family of Tremania, can you believe it?"

Lisbon's eyes flew to the younger woman in something akin to exasperation. She had really been enjoying knowing something that Jane did not.

"Yeah, it's very cool," she responded dryly. "I'm not really looking forward to babysitting a couple of spoiled royals, however." She was definitely not sharing in Van Pelt's excitement.

"Awww…" said Jane triumphantly. So that's what all the fuss was about. He guessed it was a stalemate between Lisbon and him, since neither of them had given in. Thanks to Van Pelt, now he wouldn't have to work so hard at squeezing Lisbon for information; but where was the fun in that? He definitely had very sensual ways of making her talk.

"Why don't you get Rigsby and Cho and head over to the Vizcaya Mansion to start coordinating security," Lisbon ordered. "I'll be along in a little while."

"Sure thing, Boss." And Van Pelt went on her cheerful way.

When they were alone, Jane's attention was drawn back to his secret lover. "Okay, cat's out of the bag. You can fill me in now."

Lisbon sighed. "Just as you've likely figured out, we drew security detail for the next two days. The Prince and Princess of Tremania will be arriving in Sacramento tonight—sort of a last minute thing. The Governor is out of state with all his own security people, so the duty fell to the state offices to provide protection for them. Apparently they've had death threats…"

"But why us?" asked Jane. "We're the Serious Crimes Unit."

"Hightower said that no one wanted to do it, given the press reports about how outrageous these people are, so everyone passed the buck until it landed on her desk. We weren't in the middle of a case right now, so she volunteered the team. I'm sure she's wanting to score points with Bertram."

Jane chuckled. "You're probably right. And hey…the Vizcaya—nice digs. Sort of a cushy job, don't you think? Cheer up. Like Hightower said, we've got nothing pending right now. Why not enjoy a couple of days in a fancy mansion, rubbing elbows with royalty? It could be very romantic…" Jane waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"There's no reason for you to go, Jane. I know I wouldn't if I didn't have to."

Jane was more than a little hurt at her dismissal. "Oh," he said, his smile wavering. "You don't want me to go?"

She realized how she must have sounded. "No! I mean, I didn't say I didn't want you to. It's just that, you're no expert in security. You can't even carry a gun. It will probably be very boring for you. I know how much you hate pompous people. If I were you, I'd just enjoy my weekend off."

He sat there, crestfallen. He knew she wasn't intentionally being hurtful, but she knew how much he liked to be in on things, especially when she was involved. He'd had an image of stealing kisses in secluded alcoves, and maybe even sneaking into her fancy room for a midnight tryst. He knew he'd be able to talk her into it, despite her likely protestations of staying all business during a case. He studied her face, realizing suddenly that she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to resist him in such a setting. It was already painfully difficult here in the office, unable to touch each other like they wanted or show how they really felt about one other. Surrounded by the romantic ambiance of a beautiful mansion might be too much of a temptation for his passionate lady. The light in Jane's eyes returned at the thought, and he decided right then that he wasn't giving up on his fantasy so easily.

"Maybe you're right," he conceded, noting her immediate relief at his words. "Spoiled monarchs are definitely not my thing. You go along and do your boring security detail stuff, and I'll relax at home, catch up on my laundry. Maybe even take in a movie—that cerebral one you weren't interested in seeing."

"I'm sorry that we won't have our usual weekend together," Lisbon whispered, genuinely disappointed. She would definitely have rather spent two days off with Jane, even if it meant watching some independent film with too much high-brow dialogue and not enough comedy or action scenes.

"Meh, what's one weekend when we have the rest of our lives?" He didn't miss the happy jolt his words brought to her eyes, and he congratulated himself on saying just the right words that would placate her guilt and let her know he would be okay without her.

They finished their morning chat and Lisbon got to work examining the layout of the mansion Hightower had given her. Jane left her in peace, but not before he stopped at her desk and squeezed her hand lightly. "I'll miss you," he said softly.

"Me too," she said, surprised that her eyes felt a little watery, and there was a lump in her throat at the idea of two days without him.

"Call me when you have a few minutes," he said. And then he was gone. Lisbon looked after him, wishing that her ability to resist him was strong enough to have invited him along. She prayed the weekend would pass quickly and uneventfully. Besides, she'd make it up to him next weekend, she thought with a smile.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hightower was on the phone when Jane gently rapped on her office door. She looked up and waved him in, continuing her conversation. He took a seat in the chair across from her desk and waited patiently. After she hung up, Hightower looked at him pleasantly. She really did enjoy his stimulating company, most of the time, anyway.

"What can I do for you Patrick?"

One thing she liked about Jane was that he quickly got to the point.

"You know, I've been reading up on those Tremanian royals you guys will be guarding. Those death threats seem pretty serious. I was thinking maybe if I had the chance to talk to them in person, I might get some insight as to who has been threatening them."

Hightower considered him blandly. "Thank you, but your services haven't been requested on this particular case."

"I know. Lisbon didn't want me to go either. But really, how could it hurt if I just talked to them?"

Hightower's lips quirked. He hadn't seriously just asked her that. "Frankly, Patrick, I could think of all kinds of ways your just talking to them could lead to an international incident."

He bestowed upon her his most charming smile. "Oh, come on, Madeleine. I can be good, and I think I could be helpful too."

She regarded him a moment, carefully weighing the pros and cons of his proposal. She was much like Lisbon in that way. But, unlike Lisbon, she didn't know all his tricks yet. She shook her head a little in amusement, the precise moment she made up her mind to let him go.

"The Prince and Princess—they're quite a pair," she began. "Twin brother and sister, not shy of the cameras, as you might have discovered in your research. They've been part of many scandals all over Europe, broken a lot of important hearts, so it's no wonder someone out there hates them enough to want to kill them."

"What are they doing in Sacramento?" Jane asked, trying to focus on the royals, but feeling very proud of himself that he'd be able to pull one over on Lisbon.

She shrugged. "Some fancy reception in their honor by a distant relative. But, when heads of state visit the US, their safety is paramount, obviously. There will also be a Fed there to help oversee things."

"Hmmm. Well, spoiled and rich I can handle," Jane reassured. "They're all alike, in my experience."

She paused a moment, perhaps second-guessing her judgment on this. "I don't have to remind you, Patrick, how serious this could be if you screw things up with them. Tremania is one of our greatest diplomatic allies in that region. Offending them could have major repercussions…"

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "I promise I'll be on my best behavior. But imagine if I figure out who is making those threats…it would be quite a boost to your—I mean, it would sure make the CBI and the state of California look good."

Hightower was nothing if not ambitious. His last words had solidified her decision, just like he'd intended.

"Okay. They'll be arriving this evening. The reception is tonight, so bring your tux."

"Thanks, Madeleine. You won't be sorry."

She sighed indulgently, but there was an edge to her voice. "Don't make me regret this Patrick."

He grinned. "You won't. Oh, and one more favor?"

He had to be kidding. Hightower was constantly amazed at this man's audacity. She mentally rolled her eyes at him. "What else?"

"Don't tell Lisbon I'm coming. I want it to be a surprise."

Her eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Because it's always fun to keep her on her toes, don't you think?"

"I really don't think she will appreciate your games here, Patrick."

"Trust me; she won't be mad at all." He childishly crossed his fingers behind his back, secretly hoping Lisbon wouldn't punch him in the nose when she saw him.

"Fine. I won't mention it unless she asks me directly. That's the best I can do."

"Fair enough, Madeleine," he said, and she couldn't help being taken in by his sparkling eyes and engaging smile. She shook her head again as he walked out of her office, calling over his shoulder: "You're the greatest boss ever!"

Why did she have the feeling that she'd just been majorly hoodwinked? She chuckled to herself and focused again on her never-ending mountain of paperwork.

A/N: I hope you like this set-up. I obviously used a lot of poetic license here. There's no such country as Tremania (lol), and I imagine it would be very unlikely that the CBI would be put on their guard detail if there were visiting monarchs. But, please bear with me, suspend your disbelief and have some fun. Thanks for reading. Now, a review would be lovely!