In honor of Steve, who is my James.
Lily Evans let out an annoyed sigh but resisted the urge to start tapping her foot. She had just been halted in the middle of the hallway on her way to dinner, ushered into an empty classroom, and left staring at the silent, unmoving instigator of her delay. "Yes, Potter?" she snapped. "Is there a reason you're keeping me back from my evening sustenance?"
Potter's face flushed. "Sorry, Evans. Just wondered..." he stopped and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Wondered if there's any chance you'd be willing to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend. It's the last one of the year, you know." His eyes skittered up to meet hers and then away again almost instantly.
Lily sighed again. She should have known. James Potter had asked her out for the last Hogsmeade trip of the year for three years running and a handful of other times in between. It had been almost non-stop in fourth year, actually, but he'd slowed down for some reason—whether because he'd discovered the rest of the female population or because he wanted to make each time count, she didn't know. In fact, it was a kind of unspoken arrangement amongst the Hogwarts males: Potter got first dibs on Evans for the last trip of the year, and when she turned him down, she became fair game again. Lily wasn't fond of it at all. "No, Potter, I will not go out with you," rolled off her tongue with the sound of a bored robot.
He nodded. "I figured. Can't hex a bloke for trying though, can you?" He rubbed the back of his neck again. "Can I at least escort you to the Great Hall?"
"No, I'm perfectly capable of getting there all by myself," she said as though speaking to a small child. Potter nodded and opened the door for her, looking as though his shoes were suddenly of the utmost importance to him.
When she walked past, she was a little nervous he was going to ignore what she'd said and walk with her anyway, but he didn't follow. In fact, she didn't hear his footsteps at all. When he finally did walk past her several minutes later to join his friends, their eyes met for just a moment and they exchanged polite smiles. But in that moment, Lily was surprised to notice that his smile failed to reach his eyes. When James Potter smiled, his eyes normally crinkled up in the corners like raisins, but not this time. And his eyes were clouded by something. Something that looked a lot like hurt.
Back in her dormitory, Lily sat on her bed, thinking about that look and wondering if perhaps she'd actually hurt him this time. And then she remembered how nervous he'd been when he was trying to ask her to Hogsmeade. She'd said no so automatically. Hadn't even thought about it for a second. She hadn't thought about Potter and what he was like, or what dating him might be like, or whether he was serious about liking her, or anything. Granted, this was quite possibly the first time that he hadn't asked in a way that infuriated and embarrassed her in front of the whole school. But still, her answer had been purely habitual. It wasn't right.
The more she thought, the more it bothered her that she could be so caught up in the force of habit that she would lay aside consideration for the other person involved. If she'd actually been listening, would she have heard his voice falter? Would she have noticed him trying to look like it didn't matter, but not quite managing to cover up his disappointment? She'd hardly even looked at him during the whole encounter. How callous. How unlike her to set aside thought and ignore the person for the sake of keeping the status quo. She was ashamed of herself.
Well, if she had thought about it, would she have had any reason to say yes? James Potter was certainly popular, but that had never mattered to her one way or the other. He was intelligent, no doubt about that. One point in his favor. But he knew he was smarter than everyone else and he used it against the people he didn't like, dueling and casting embarrassing hexes and so forth. It had made her angry that the smartest boys in school could find nothing better to do with their brains than use them to make fun of others. One huge point against him.
Actually, scratch that. If she were honest with herself, she had to admit that he seemed to have gotten past that stage in his life. He no longer acted as though the world revolved around him and existed for his sole enjoyment. She begrudgingly admitted to herself that he was perhaps a tad more mature now than he had been the last time she'd spared a thought for him. And he had even made an effort to ask her out politely and privately this time.
So he was a little bit mature and a whole lot intelligent. What else did she know about him? He was extremely easy-going; he seemed to be enjoying himself most of the time. Granted, it's hard not to enjoy life when one is always surrounded by one's best friends, and that was the case with Potter. At least he understood friendship. Drat... that was one more point in his favor.
All right, fine. James Potter was apparently a perfectly fine fellow, and she'd had no reason to say no to him except that she didn't fancy him. But didn't that count for something? Granted, fancying someone wasn't a prerequisite to dating; she hadn't fancied Chad Corner before she'd gone out with him, but she'd grown to be quite fond of him. Well, she'd liked him until he'd decided that she was a little bit too boring or something and cheated on her. On the other hand, she had fancied Sean Corcoran when he'd asked her out, and that had been a complete disaster. A disaster that went on for three months... Still, her mother had always told her, "Lily dearest, never date someone you can't see yourself possibly marrying. Everything else is a waste of time."
Well, she didn't particularly want to spend her last Hogsmeade trip of the year with Potter, and she certainly didn't know if she could ever think of him as husband material, but she did owe him an apology. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly as she wondered what he would do if she ever did say yes. Go running off down the hall pumping his fist in the air? Fall over in a dead faint? Kiss her on the spot? She giggled. Actually, he'd probably hear a no out of habit and go stomping off in a funk.
Her smile vanished.
"Potter? Can I have a word with you?"
He scrambled to his feet, making Sirius Black snicker. "What is it, Lily?" he asked eagerly.
Determined to correct all of her previous day's wrongs, she met his eyes and was surprised to discover that he was looking at her quite intently. And hopefully. And... something else she couldn't quite name, something a bit like resignation and a bit like longing. She felt a small blush rise in her cheeks as she took a deep breath and forced out, "I'm sorry. About yesterday. I was inexcusably rude to you. I didn't take you seriously, and I shouldn't have brushed off your invitation to walk with me to dinner. I just wanted to apologize. I hope you can forgive me." Her voice sounded clipped even to her ears.
Potter offered her a small smile. "Of course," he said softly. Then, in a tone that suggested he already knew the answer, he asked, "Don't suppose you want to change your answer?"
Lily's turn to smile. "Not this time. I like to keep the last trip of the year as kind of a final party with my friends, you know?"
He quirked an eyebrow, ignoring her last comment. "Not this time, but maybe...?" He let the question trail off and hang in the air between them.
"Maybe," she answered enigmatically, turning and flipping her hair over her shoulder as she walked away, grinning to herself and feeling satisfied. That had been on honest answer.
"Hey Em," Lily mused aloud, lying on her back in bed, "what do you suppose Potter would do if I ever actually agreed to go out with him? I mean, what do you suppose we'd actually do? Go for butterbeers? Take a walk around the lake? Or do you think he'd actually come up with something entirely original?"
Emmaline Brown glanced over at Lily appraisingly from where she sat on her own bed. One corner of her mouth curled upwards. "Is our ickle Lilykins actually sparing a moment of thought for her most persistent suitor?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "He asked me to the last Hogsmeade trip, like he always does, and I said no, like I always do. But I was just wondering—purely hypothetically, mind you"—she glared at Emmaline's giggles—"what he'd do if I ever said yes."
Emmaline sighed dramatically. "Oh, I wish someone would do that for me. Chase me forever, no matter how hard I pushed him away, all because he fancied me. Ask me to Hogsmeade, send me flowers on Valentine's Day, give me his cloak when I'm cold..." Her eyes misted over dreamily.
"Stop being such a drama queen," Lily grumbled. "You wouldn't like it at all if you didn't like the person who wouldn't leave you alone. You'd find it annoying. And Potter has never given me flowers for Valentine's Day or given me his cloak when I was cold. He just asks me out in front of large groups of people in embarrassing ways, usually when I'm furious with him."
Emmaline huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I still think it's cute. And if you hate him so much, then why are you thinking about how things would be if you'd said yes?"
"Oh, I don't hate him," Lily responded. "I just don't fancy him. And it was really just a fleeting thought about the date. Probably because he didn't embarrass me this time when he asked," she said, more to herself than to Emmaline. She rolled over so her face was safe from her friend's surprisingly shrewd stare. "I mean, we don't even really know each other."
"Lily, you've been in almost all the same classes for the last six years, you've shared a common room for six years, you've eaten all your meals at the same table together. What do you mean, you don't know each other?"
"Just because we do all those things doesn't mean we know each other!" Lily protested, rolling back to face Emmaline again. "I mean, I know things like what he looks like and who his friends are, but I don't know anything like... like what kind of music he listens to, or what he and his friends do when they're not pranking people or playing quidditch. I don't know what his favorite foods are, or what his favorite class is, or what he thinks about anything, or... anything else, really."
Emmaline just raised an eyebrow. "So change that. It wouldn't be that hard to learn about him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Besides, did you know that kind of stuff about Sean or Chad or David before you went on your first dates with them?
"No," Lily sighed, defeated. "And I suppose if I'm going to be fair to Potter, that means I ought to give him an equal chance. But just for the record, I hate that you're right about this. And I don't fancy him, so no googly eyes and girly giggles and all of that nonsense."
Emmaline grinned cheekily. "Let Mission: Meet James Potter commence."
A/N: Sorry to say, updates may be a bit slow now that school's getting underway, but Lily wanted her chance to have a say in their story. :) R/R.