Sun didn't bother to reach us and bath in its sunbeams yet, so we were lazily laid down on the hood, our legs tangled, my eyes closed. I sighed, not wanting to move yet, to get away from this innocent pleasure, from sweet aroma of his body and hair.. I didn't want to lose it yet, because deep down I just knew it was the last time. For me, that is. He should be able to go on living, loving, being. It was me who was at a loss. He had a life, he deserved the one not tainted with me.

''Hey, Mello.. I don't want to loose you.'' I looked at him, at his dark reddish hair. I remember the day he dyed it as if that happened just yesterday. He always had dark hair which had red gleam when displayed in sun. One day I told him I loved this scarlet accent. The next second he was dragging me down the street into nearest market. Then he motioned towards hair dyes and grabbed the dark red one. It looked like some cherries, I remember was what I thought. Half an hour later we were sitting on the side of bath, I tangled with his limb, just nuzzling my face in his neck. He smelled sharply of chemicals and red stains were visible on his forehead. I loved this sight, I loved him. Sitting and just feeling instead of hearing his love for me. This was perfect evening I must admit.

''You won't.'' Next I looked in his bright green eyes. The were full of mischief and longing when they were seated on me. I like how they sparkled when I told him something kind and how they darkened when my lips brushed his ear while whispering seductive words. For me he is a perfect match. The only problem is me being his worst match, but.. Just for a little bit longer..

''You're gonna die.'' I laughed internally. Of course I am gonna die, baby. But, don't worry. You will find your happiness I assure you. Just for now, for a few more seconds, please be blind. Be blind and see only me. Because I selfishly cannot let go of you yet. I am aware of the fact we are not destined to be together. No matter how strongly I feel about you.. I am not for you. Or you are not for me. Maybe neither way. I don't want to see you in pain which I am sure sooner or later will be brought upon you because of me. I feel sick just thinking about making you suffer. Forgive me love, just wrap you arms around me for one second longer, just tell me you love me, just be blind.. Please.. And I will let you go in near future. There's no other way, believe me. You will be free, as free as I always wanted to see you be.. So please..

''Why would I? If I die, I will be separated from you. You, baby, are going straight to heaven. And me, like every good sinner will be going to hell. I don't want to loose you, so I'm not gonna die.'' Matt smiled and caressed my skin touching my cheeks, my eyelids, my neck, my lips.. Just the way I wanted him to, just the way I needed him to do. I closed my eyes for second arching into his body, trying to steal as much of his heat as I could. My needy hands brushed his soft skin. It wasn't perfect; nothing about him was perfect. Thanks god he wasn't. I loved every little error in his body. I loved his slightly violet puffs under eyes from gaming too much in night time. I loved dote on his cheek. And neck. And shoulder. I loved every too much visible vein straining blue across creamy white body. I loved his scar gracing his left rib from the time he fell down from a three at time we were seven. I loved everything about him. My Matt.

''Come and get me as fast as you can.'' He whispered and I nodded, brushing my lips over his. This was my paradise. I didn't want any other, just my Matt looking at me lovingly like this. I wanted to die with his image before my eyes because I just knew this would be peaceful death.

You might tell me this romantic side doesn't match my fierce personality but still I don't actually care. My Matt deserved to be loved slowly and warmly. And I, I also deserved to be able to relax for few hours, get away from my race, from hatred, from my constant high. From drugs, killing, corps..

''See you soon.'' I also whispered, not wanting to rip this perfect quiet love.

''Tell me you love me, Mello.''

''There will be plenty of chances to do so Matt.'' An overwhelming need to throw up shaken my body when I lied to him. No, love, there won't any other chance than this one. I just don't want to make you suspicious. I just don't want you to be hurt..

''Tell me this now.'' He closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly, just enough for me to reach his ear without getting on my toes. I growled feeling like crying. Why was I such a bad man? Why didn't I deserve to be with my beloved? Why the only thing I could bring him in future was pain?

''I love you, Matt.''

''Again..''

''I love you, babe..''

''Again..''

''I love you.. Mail.'' I hesitated a little before using his name. We didn't use them too much and for some reason I felt like they weren't ours, like those names didn't belong to us, didn't describe us the way name described any other normal person.. However this time his name rolling from my tongue suddenly got new meaning, new description.

''I love you just as much, Mello.. Mihael.. Baby.. Love..'' he used those in one line, trying to tell me, no matter which was I called, those all refereed to me and me only. That after all deaths, killings, kidnappings, abuse.. I was still Mihael he met at Wammy's at age of four, the same one who in first seconds of talking carelessly told him his real name, not caring about all secrety.. But it was mean only for his ears to hear, I knew it back then and I know it now. It never changed. Neither when stupid Yagami spelled it out for everyone to hear.. For Kira's ears.. I am positive he didn't know about this though. But it doesn't change the fact he sentenced me with this little action to death. I am sure this was the night I was destined to die. I felt it in my boned, in blood rushing in my veins.. Even in the air.

''See you soon, love.''

''Yeah.'' He smiled at me and drove first, to follow my crazy plan. I choked, trying to silence the sobs which wanted to tore from my throat, from between my lips. Please be safe I begged as I revved my bike, looking at red Camaro. Please..

He wasn't. Eleven bullets tore his perfect body and my soul. Eleven bullets which caressed him the way I did all nights before. Eleven bullets which ripped my life out of my body. Eleven bullets which killed me with more success than any heart attack could. Eleven bullets which made me understand my mistake and regret everything. EVERYTHING. Nothing was worth loosing Matt. So it was only fair I should follow.

I don't know what was I thinking, getting him to follow me and proceed with this stupid plan. I cannot believe I actually let him persuade me. He always was stubborn, no matter what I said or wanted he still managed to talk me into doing as he wanted. Anybody who thought it was me who was bossy bastard in our relationship.. partnership.. just didn't know him, didn't know us. He was quiet but it doesn't mean he was calm. No. He was boiling volcano fearing to erupt any second. I loved this, when he was at his borders and snapped because some small thing. I loved how he bossed me around and cursed at me for making him lusty while playing his game. I loved how he grabbed my hips when I was passing between him and coffee table, blocking his view on TV for mere seconds and he actually growled in irritation and decided it was not worth playing anymore.. And then he would grab me and say it was my fault, for pushing my mouthwatering ass right before his face so I should take the consequences.. And I did, smirking above his arm because of my sly plan. I loved everything about him.

So, when he died, I deserved to die with him. In most painful way for getting him killed. For ripping my angel from this world, for pushing him in death's arms to engulf him, just to be first in line for the first time in my life, just in sake of my stupid arrogance, just for letting the world know who was Mello and how far he could go..

How far, how deep he could push Near into darkness.. Yes, for those reasons I deserved to die. And I would gladly do without complaining. Maybe a little nagging over my lousy guilty self..

So I did, in seconds.

Surrounded by the fire, looking at cross, I prayed. I prayed till I could for Matt's soul, so he would go to heaven without any not necessary inconvenience or problems. Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum.. My breath hitched as I closed my eyes for a second, feeling rosary dangling from my neck, bumping at my chest, at place where my heart was meant to be [was it even there anymore?] and making me shiver with anxiety. My upper body leaned on steering wheel on its' own and I couldn't do much anymore, just clutching small cross between my pale fingers and mouthing the soothing words, a pass for Matt to heaven. I was almost positive he would rest in peace, when my eyes widened with fear, regret, sorrow as I slowly opened them and saw my beloved one standing inside fire circle, observing me with those sad eyes of him, watching me die.

Why did you stay, idiot?

I couldn't leave you, love.

No, no, no nononono...! What have you done? I just wanted you to be happy!

Tears gathered in my eyes, but before they fell I just.. Died.