Professor Kukui Explains Pokemon Moves

by Anime Nightwing39

In a brilliant, visionary idea, Professor Kukui decides he should write a book, dumbed down so young trainers can read it, explaining how Pokemon moves work. He sets out to to be the first one to write such an extensive reference aimed at the next generation. He starts out professional, but the further he writes it the less and less sane he gets.

Date: 3/27/96 AM (After Mew)

Professor Dwayne Kukui

Flamethrower.

It was a great philosopher that said in 807 BA (Before Mew), that became known for his dying words. "It's a Pokemon's world, we're just living in it." And many humans live lives believing that fact. Most Pokemon may not understand calculus, or physics yes, but they posses strength and power like no human. They can fly faster than our best airplanes, move mountains with only their muscles, and seemingly break all reality as we know it.

It is my duty, as a scientist, but more so as a man, to understand these creatures. I have dedicated my life to researching, testing, and observing the abilities of Pokemon, to the point that I became a part time battler simply for the excuse analyze the things they do over, and over again.

In this paper I will be breaking down and discussing the biological, psychological, and technical ways Pokemon do the things they do. Thankfully, Humans love to categorize stuff, and we have already neatly broken most of these abilities into "attacks" or "moves". We will begin with the classic Flamethrower.

As one of the signature fire type attacks, and critical for most fire type lifestyles in and out of the battlefield, the basic flamethrower is a powerful, yet overlooked staple of traditional Pokemon battling. To many, it is strong, yes, but can seem over used and is much less flashy than many other techniques. But like we say in Alola, you can't go rummaging in bushes without a grass type, in other words , we have to start at the beginning.

Most fire types, and actually most Pokemon for that matter, have some supply of oil in them. More mammalian fire types, such as Camerupt or Arcanine have a sack near their lower abdominal region that is directly connected to the esophagus and produces a greasy, oil like substance for Flamethrower and other attacks. Depending on the Pokemon, this sack may be connected to the flame outside its body, like a Darmanitan or Typhlosion.

For more reptilian Pokemon, their sack is actually connected to their heart as way of an extra aorta. The heart itself is used to pump the oil through the body, into the mouth for defensive or offensive maneuvers. Unfortunately, this also means that if significant enough water where to get into the open flame on, say, a Charmanders tail, and leaked into their oil sack, it would be pumped into through their body, reaching its heart and killing it instantly. In either of these cases though, the oil sack, officially known as the Sebacuos Gland, can actually be trained to grow and expand to fit more oil for faster, more efficient fire attacks, and there are even specialized berries the Pokemon can take to speed along that process.

Once the oil reaches the esophagus, or wherever it is being pumped too, the pokemon actually sets off a small electrical spark inside their body, lighting the oil aflame as it is sprayed out. This spark is usually done by a quick static charge created from a rubbing of two dry, rug like skin patches along the inside of the mouth or tail. No more than a slight shock, but for the highly flammable oil, it is more than enough to get it started. For more abnormal fire Pokemon, who don't seem to quite fit into a box, they always seem to find a way. For example, Slugma, who lack a Sebacous Gland, or natural orifices to release it from, relies on the biological magma that its skin is made out of. While not technically magma itself, its skin is superheated, fluidic carbon scorches rocks and melts steel on impact. Because of this, Slugma simply opens a hole in its lava like skin, giving access to its incredibly hot insides, and like a foundry its internal gases automatically push out a stream of ignited flame.

How about Pokemon that are not necessarily, by our standards, fire types? The Pokemon like Nidoking, or Garchomp, or f***ing Jigglypuff? (Yes, Jigglypuff can learn Flamethrower.)

Well to begin with, for reasons we scientists do not fully under yet, though we suspect it has something to do with how Pokemon evolved to always be adaptable, many Pokemon actually have some sort of Sebacuos Gland. Yes, it's usually small, and much like our own appendix, it is inactive and non functional, but with training, or a TM machine if you're rich, it can grow and grow until it can be used effectively in battle.

Even for Pokemon without that though, they can manage. You see, the stomach is similar in many ways to the Sebacuos Gland. It holds liquid, it's attached to the esophagus, and it can pump itself empty. For many Pokemon trainers, that is enough. As long as the stomach is solid free, and the creature had swallowed the right concoction of liquids before, it should work more or less the same.

•••

Date: 4/4/96 AM

Professor Dwayne Kukui

Brick Break.

Let's get one thing straight before we start. Fighting types are an evolutionary one in a million chance. They, along with all their ancestors, are the only Pokemon to have taken a normal, logical route when picking its advantages and disadvantages. Where Fire Types decided to spew fire out of their bodies and Steel Types decided to become living tanks, fighting types decided to just become really good at the thing they all did already. Hit stuff.

Now, from a historical standpoint it is unclear who was a successor to who, fighting types or people. In most cases a fighting types bones are similar enough to ancient people that its almost indiscernible weather which one of us was an accident. Despite that, we know this.

1. Fighting types use mainly close range attacks.

types have the greatest mass to strength ratio of ANY living creatures on Earth. Meaning they are the strongest they can be in the tightest package.

human martial arts are based on or are combinations of the way Fighting Types fight.

4. And the majority of fighting type attacks are variations of them punching something really, really hard.

With this information gathered it's only natural how a basic Fighting Type technique such as Brick Break could be broken down. To begin with, the Pokemon dilates their blood vessels, sending as much blood flow as possible too the arm as to both bring nutrients to the muscles as well oxidize them so they don't rip themselves apart from the exertion of the move. They say that you know your Pokemon has done a correct Brick Break when the arm turns an angry red/orange. It does this because the capillaries, otherwise known as branching blood vessels, are popping open and blood is rising to right underneath the skin.

NOTE:While Pokemon, and Fighting types especially, have extraordinary healing factors and have evolved specifically so that such injuries heal within moments, usage in quick succession or for long periods of time can be incredibly harmful.

The second step is for the Pokemon to fill their muscles with a chemical that helps bond the muscular tendons together so the Pokemon can literally push past their regular limits and give itself increased strength like never before. The chemical, scientifically named (R)-4-(1-Hydroxy-2(methylamino)ethyl)benzene-1,2-diol, is not unique to Pokemon, but they are the only ones that can do this at will. However, without the dilation of the blood vessels, and subsequent oxidation of the musculatory system, a Pokemon could permanently cripple themselves. If a Pokemon attempt to use Brick Break, or rather if a trainer forced their Pokemon to use Brick Break without proper training then the Anterior Deltoid and Brachii would snap at a force that could not be corrected without immediate healing and surgery.

That being said, Brick Break, as well as all the other attacks that function essentially the same way such as Low Kick, Close Combat, or its advanced form Mega Punch, all can be incredibly useful in battles and even construction work. It has been recorded that a Machamp once used this technique to punch the earth, causing a level 7 seismic event that could be felt from Eterna City to Jubilife City.

•••

Date: 4/11/96 AM

Professor Dwayne Kukui

Giga Drain.

Absorb, Mega Drain, Giga Drain...whatever name you give it from whatever side of the world, it's all the same. One Pokemon sucks the magic life out of another, right? Arceus even saying it makes me annoyed.

First of all, there's no magic. At all. Period. There may be science we don't understand yet, but that doesn't mean it can't or won't be. Giga Drain, appearing physically as green wispy tendrils being sucked from one Pokemon to another, typically to a Grass type, and the stolen from Pokemon is being drained of their energy while the receiving Pokemon is gaining it. Simple, right? Wrong. So, so wrong.

Ok, to start off, most Grass types are mobile, and they are also plants. While some duel grass types can survive off of regular foods, they prefer to get their energy through what regular plants get as well as that so they have the energy to Physically move their bodies and not stay rooted to the ground.

A plant needs three things to survive, Water, Sunlight, and Soil. Soil, along with air, water, and biological material (All of which can be found in a Pokemon), it mainly consists of minerals. Minerals such as Potassium (3%), Salt (2%), Zinc (12%), Nitrogen(29 %), Iron (33%), Magnesium (13%), Calcium (6%), and others (2%). As mobile creatures, which most of whom do not have the ability to root themselves into the ground, need these minerals to survive, so Grass types developed the technique of sucking these nutrients out of prey such as Rock, Ground, and Water types.

You see Rock and Ground types have a diet of mostly dirt and rocks, though they can certainly eat meat if they have too, so the fat on their bodies is filled with the minerals listed above. In the wild, Grass types sneak up on lumbering Rock and Ground types like Graveler or Donphan, usually latching themselves onto them with Viney tendrils or pincers before using Giga Drain.

With water types, who have no natural defense against Grass types and usually have soft epidermises perfect for latching onto, are perfect prey for grass types. That, coupled with their very high numbers and predictable mating patterns throughout the year literally make them fish in a barrel for a Bulbasaur or Chikorita with vine whip to pluck them out of the water and suck them dry.

What they are actually doing is letting their vines, or pincers or paws or roses, suction onto the skin of the Pokemon and forcing little tiny Trichobothria (Latin for small hairs) into them to suck out the nutrients. Of course, there are league regulations on draining a Pokemon past unconsciousness, as that can lead to deathly situations, but more often than not the victim passes out from a blood pressure spike long before there's any serious damage.

Of course you may be wondering, little trainer you, why there seems to be such a misunderstanding from the magical looking green wisps you see in movies, to the realistic, unpleasant, slow draining of minerals. Well, the truth is, that if your Pokemon is skilled enough, and has sufficient training in psionic energy, they can actually pull the minerals directly out of the body, and the minerals do actually look wispy and glowy and green, but that's mainly because of the way that light reflects off of the combination of minerals and psychic energy. And this technique is for the most skilled Pokemon.