Until Its Too Late
By
Ukyou
Its
been a while since I could hold my head up high…
…and
its been a while…
since
I've said I'm sorry…
---
I took a
deep breath, as I walked up to the truck and opened the door. It was nighttime,
and the lights of Tokyo shone brightly. I looked behind me, seeing the town I
so desired to leave. Forcing my emotions back, I stepped into the truck and
told the driver that I was heading towards Kyoto. He started up the engine, as
the wind flew in from the window. I could merely take a deep breath, as the
lights of Tokyo slowly disappeared from the rear view mirror.
My name is
Sakura Kinomoto. I am twenty years old, and I used to be in love with a man my
age named Li Syaoran. Unfortunatly for me, maybe I should have realized that he
was merely lying to me all these years…damn…
Still, my
spirit is strong…although I never want to see him again. Sometimes…I just run
away to seek for my salvage. If there's nothing to do, then I can just run.
Some people say that it's the wrong thing to do…but I need to…fly away from
here I guess.
The
driver turned on the radio, as I heard the music playing softly from the
speakers. I closed my window, as it jammed up halfway.
In Kyoto,
I had secretly rented an apartment. A place where, well, I would just go every
now and then. Alone. I don't know why I did…I mean, I have a home back at
Tokyo. I guess I just rented it to feel, well, independent in a way. I
guess you might its slightly stupid, but once in a while you might feel just as
I do.
I feel
heartbroken…betrayed. I know its only natural…but it seems the more I remember
the many times Li said he loved me…it hurts even more. Maybe I'm just thinking
too much…if not, well, I can't help but cry in this truck…
Just a
week ago I found out that Li had actually been going out with my own friend…am
I not good enough for him? Am I…trash that should be just thrown away after
being used?! Or maybe he had just been using me for fun.
He had
been gone for a few days…so, I checked his apartment to see what was wrong. The
door was unlocked, so, I opened it. I stepped in the apartment, as I could hear
Li speaking to someone. He said the same things he would say to me, and
possibly even with the same emotions in his voice. I slammed my hand across his
wall, making a large hole. Then, I just dropped my handbag…and ran out.
The radio
played songs I had heard just too many times before. Then, the song changed, as
I heard the song. It reminded me of Li…just so much…just too much. I
quickly turned off the radio, as the trucker suddenly turned face to me.
"Something bothering you young lady?" the trucker asked, as I swept my
hair to the side.
"No…nothing's wrong…I guess I'm just a little sleepy" I told him, as I
slouched in my seat. He turned off the light above me, as he kept driving. I
listened to the road sliding beneath the truck, as I could feel my tears cooly
running down the sides of my cheeks. I shut my eyes, trying to block out
everything that came to mind about Li.
'Just
forget about him…' I thought to myself. 'He never existed…'
The more I thought, however, the more it
hurt me inside.
Then, I
would just…fall asleep, just to try and get away from my troubles. Still…then
he would just chase me into my dreams…
---
I
stood, face to face to a tree, wearing a kimono…somewhat dressed up for an
occasion.
'Sakura…' he whispered into my ear, as I turned my head, seeing his face
behind me. The cherry blossom petals blew past the two of us, causing the
impression to be angelic in a way.
I could
only face the other way. I would not be stuck in this unreal fantasy anymore.
Li's love wasn't true…it wasn't true at all…it couldn't be…
My
god…it would kill me if he told me that he wasn't lying…I know it to be true…I
heard him talk to her…I heard him…
I
ran…ran as fast as I could…as I could hear Li far behind me, reaching out to me
with his voice calling my name. The flowers would stop falling, as I dropped my
kimono and found myself back in my normal clothing.
'God
give me salvage!' I yelled, as I saw lights decending from the sky, falling
while I ran. Then, suddenly, I felt lighter, as I grew wings like a bird and
flew far, faraway…far away from Li…faraway from my past…
And I awoke in the truck, being shaken by the
truck driver. I looked out my windo, as I could see I was in Kyoto. I had
overslept the truck ride, and the driver was about to enter a hibachi place. He
invited me to come, as I kindly refused and walked out, hearing my boots hit
the dirt as I landed on the ground.
"Thank
you very much," I thanked the driver, giving him some yen for driving me. He
gave me back my money, and I bowed in respect. I then walked to where my small
apartment was. Finally…I could get some rest.
---
I walked
down the streets of Kyoto, seeing the people walking around me. I took careful
notice of the couples, as one pair crossed the street together. Li used to do
that with me…but…oh forget him. Why do I need to think of him now….why…there is
no point…
I read
somewhere that dreams can reflect the way you think. Maybe…my dream is telling
me that I should run away. Maybe that…I…just run away too much. Oh my…my eyes
are getting teary…
….I should get them cleaned…
The
more I hold them back though…the more I feel like crying….I can't help myself.
I can only blame him for making me this way. Making me so…hopeless…dependant…
I can
only close my eyes and hope that I don't see him in front of me. Just
maybe…maybe…
---
I'm
Sakura Kinomoto. I'm Sakura Kinomoto.
Sometimes, I can take a good look at myself in my youth. I was so
free…so innocent then. Now…I'm too unlike that. I'm…not like that
anymore. I've changed…I've grown up…
…I've…moved on…
---
I took
a walk furthur down the street, as I had to walk across the street to my
apartment building. I saw the light telling me not to walk, as I put my hands
in my pockets and waited for the lights to change.
An old woman stopped near me, as a song
played on her radio.
I…keep…on
falling. In and out of my love…with you…
I've never loved someone the way I'm lovin you…
It was a sweet American tune. One song
that I had slow-danced with Syaoran at one time. I could almost feel his arms
around me, as tears finally didn't appear at the rims of my eyes. It was so
beautiful to my ears and touch. Others came to wait to cross the street, as I
continued closing my eyes, waving back and forth to the music.
Then,
the light changed, as I still stood there. I looked up, towards the mon, as the
sweet slow tango filled my mind. He had once promised me…that we would dance
across the stars.
I
shook my head, as I took a step on the street. Then, suddenly, I heard a loud
noise, as the lights on the roads suddenly came faster and the car came closer
and closer…
---
Several
Days Later
---
The
phone ringed as Syaoran grabbed the phone. The voice on the phone gave him news
that made him drop his papers and grab his coat.
Sakura Kinomoto, age 20, was in the hospital. She had been hit by a car.
'She
had been found lying on her back on a curb' the voice on the phone told him, as
his breath suddenly lost pace. His heart almost stopped, as he took a breath of
air.
"Will
she…be….okay…?" Syaoran asked, his hands shaking while holding the phone. One
word from the person on the phone was all it took to make him slam the phone
down and get into his car.
---
The world seemed to spin around
me, as I felt dizzy and confused. Where my memories were…were now blank. I
tried to hold on to my memories, as they slipped away like sand. Then, a strong
wind blew, as the last of it blew away with it…away…
"No!" I cried. I cried out with
all my desire. "No! You can't take my memories away!"
The
wind picked up, as I, completely dressed in white, stood in the center of my
mind, begging for the sand to not slip away.
Then, the room was empty. Completely empty,
except for a single mirror on the other side of the room. I looked at it, as I
saw my own reflection. Then, as I took another step…the mirror cracked and fell
to the ground…
… … … where …what …who am i …?
Suddenly, the white walls of my mind flickered, as I opened my eyes.
Above me was a bright light, a very bright white light. I reached out for it,
as a man in a white and blue suit took my hand and put it down. I didn't think
that was nice. Maybe it's a game?
So, I
reached for the light again. He said something to me, as another man, a Chinese
man stood on the other side of the room. For some reason…the words he told
me…just didn't pass through my head. It was as if…I had lost all sense of
hearing. I could hear him though…somehow…I couldn't understand him…it was all
like…a blabber…
---
"So
you see…" the doctor told Syaoran. "The car crash has hit her head hard. Right
now…her mind is recessing. She..she's suffering severe brain damage."
Syaoran grabbed a tissue, as he wiped away the tears that formed.
"Is
there…is there any way…that maybe…we can bring the old Sakura back…?" Syaoran
asked in a studdering voice. The doctor kept silent and put his head down.
Syaoran did nothing more than walk out of the room. Sakura waved to him once
again.
'She
doesn't remember anything…' Syaoran thought to himself, as he walked around the
hospital lobby. 'She…doesn't remember how to care, hate, or…love…'
Syaoran hit the wall, hard, as he started crying.
'There must be a way…there must be a way to bring her back…we have
medicines….we can BRING HER BACK!"
---
One
Week Later
---
'Yes
Mr. Syaoran…there is a way, but it is merely in experimental…" the doctor told
him over the phone. He was quickly cut off by Syaoran's thundering voice.
"Doctor…will it work?!" Syaoran anxiously asked, as the doctor took a
breath.
'We
are most confident it will, Mr. Syaoran, the question is, can it possibly be
safe for Sakura?' he continued on the phone.
"Doctor, Sakura is lying down
on a bed trying to speak to an inaminate light bulb…" Syaoran said coldly, as
the doctor took another breath.
'We
can start the operation first thing tomorrow morning, Mr. Syaoran. She will be
sent to the operation room, you can see her in the afternoon. Be sure to fill
out the papers in the hospital later today, or the operation will not occur.'
---
Day
One
---
I
could hear someone speaking to me as soon as I woke up. Perhaps that voice had
awaken me…?
'Her head will slowly adapt to the new changes Mr. Syaoran. It may take
a few days, but she'll be back to normal.' Another voice said.
The babbling the men spoke seemed to be
clearer now. I could understand little parts of it…little by little…still, I
felt like I was learning a new language…
---
The Chinese man came over to me with a bright red bouquet of roses. I
smiled at his act of kindness, as he tried to speak to me. Still…he spoke too
fast…and I couldn't understand him at all. A pure enigma…
He's very kind to me for some reason. Sometimes, I'm starting to believe
that it isn't normal at all. I think that he has a bad problem…but…I can't help
but nod to him and try to return the affection.
Still, I cannot help but wonder where I am. When I think about this.
Sometimes though, water comes out of my eyes when I see that nice man. Still, I
cannot miss the hint of tears in his eyes. The very emotion of sadness lurking
inside him…and it makes me cry too…
Sometimes though, I want to jump up and speak to him, but the tubes keep
me on the bed, confined like an animal. An animal that doesn't understand
what's happening around her.
The doctors have come back. Their voices seem much, much clearer now. I
could have sworn I understood what they said to me. One of them gave me an
injection in the arm…and I can only wonder what's in it…
I'm sleepy…
---
'Syaoran, how is Sak-chan feeling right now?' Tomoyo asked on the phone.
Syaoran sat in his chair and slouched in it, giving out a long sigh.
"Well, I got her into this operation, it only cost a little bit more, it
should somehow make her brain back to normal…" Syaoran replied, scratching his
back at the same time.
'Syaoran…why am I sensing that there's a
catch to all of this…?' Tomoyo asked curiously, as Syaoran didn't answer.
"Tomoyo…I'll call you back tomorrow. I…need some sleep." Syaoran said
back, abruptly putting the phone down and smoking a cigarette. It was his first
time, but hell, there's a first to everything. There's always a first…
…always a first…
---
Day 2
---
Whatever the hell those
doctors did to me…it knocked me out cold and gave me a headache.
When the Chinese man came over, suddenly, I got the sudden tendency to
slap him, which I did. It felt good, but he questioned me and I had no answer.
I guess it was all instinct. Also…I find myself confused when it comes to him.
The more I see him…the more affectionate I grow of him…
Also, when I slapped him, I tilted my head to the side and stared at
him. A single word came to mind…
…Syaoran…the single word.
Then, the Chinese man took my hand and kissed it, as my eyes watered. I
felt so happy for some reason, and my heart felt so warm.
It felt so good…
I have mixed feelings…hate and love. I feel like there is something I
cannot forgive him for…but I don't know what it is at all…
The doctors have returned again…oh well. I guess it the end of another
long day.
---
'Mr. Syaoran, we're nearly done with the operation. All she needs to do
now is to let the final changes get to her head, and she'll be back.' The
doctor explained, as Syaoran took a sigh of relief.
"Doctor…you have no idea how much I am in your debt…" Syaoran said
overjoyed.
'Relax, you've already paid it. Its all on your credit card." The doctor
snickered, as Syaoran coughed lightly.
"So…after , what, two days, she'll be fine?" Syaoran asked impatiently.
'Yes, she'll be back to normal.' The doctor said back to him. Syaoran
smiled, as he gave out another yawn.
"Its what…4:30 in the morning? I think I should get some sleep. I go
back to see Sakura tomorrow," Syaoran answered, as he hung up the phone.
---
Day Four
---
I soon learned that the Chinese man's name was Syaoran. Somehow…the name
was so familiar to me in the past…and now I knew it was him…
I put on my gloves and jacket, as we both went for a short walk
hand-in-hand. It was snowing outside, so I drank some hot cocoa before leaving.
Syaoran took a deep breath, as he let out a small puff of air. I still
held his hand, firm in my grasp, as we both crossed the street. As we crossed
however, my instincts told me to hold his hand tighter. I found this by
surprise, as I let go when we got off the street.
Then, I just ran into his arms and held on him tight. I barely knew who
he was…and yet…I felt so comfortable with him. We returned my hug, as he held
me too, as we stood there in that street corner…holding eachother…feeling so
secure…
Oh…please let this feeling continue…my mind told me, as I felt
just that. A sense of security…it felt all too good. So good….it seemed that it
weren't snowing again. I realized…it was just me and Syaoran…alone…together…and
that's how it will be…
Still, I let go of him, as a question popped into my head. I backed away
a step, as I put my head down.
I slowly lifted it, my eyes teary, as I asked him,"What…just what….were
you doing with that other girl on that night…?"
He tilted his head, as he suddenly gave me the look that he had an
answer for me.
"Sakura…that was all a misunderstanding…I was trying to talk to Chiharu…I
know that Takeshi's sudden leave had it hard on her. I felt scared Sakura, scared
that she might try that road again…she needs some support…" he explained, as I
couldn't help but to know he was telling the truth. Chiharu had recently found
that Takeshi had suddenly run to Osaka…mainly due to his father kicking him out
of the house.
"Sakura…what matters is I never
said the one thing I can only say to you…" he said to me in a smooth,
reassuring tone. "I never told her that 'I loved her'."
It all seemed so clear now…it had all happened too fast for me…too much
to know in such little time. Syaoran looked at his watch, as we both walked
back to the hospital together…alone together…as the snow gently hit the ground.
---
Day 5
---
'Sakura…?' I heard vibrating within my mind again. I could hear his
voice…echoing in me. I opened my eyes, as Syaoran stood above me with another
bouquet of flowers. I hugged him, tight, as he held me too.
I didn't care about what I
thought he had been doing. He was here…he was with me…and he cared about me.
The tears rushed to my eyes again, as I put my head into him, feeling his warm
sweater pressed on my cheeks.
'Syaoran…lets just forget about
everything…just forget about it.' I said, as I looked up at his face. The
lights shone behind him, as it made him look like an angel. My own angel.
'Shh…Sakura, you're talking too much…' he told me, as we pressed our
lips together. I held the back of his neck, as various feelings rushed to my
head. I couldn't say how much I loved him…I didn't want to let go.
…I don't ever want to let go…
---
Syaoran let me into his apartment, as I saw everyone there. They had a
cake, as Tomoyo gave me the knife to cut it with. I laughed, as everyone
cheered when I cut it fine into squares. Syaoran leaned against a wall, and had
a smile on his face. It was all too magical.
That night, Syaoran and I slept in the same bed. We both were facing
eachother, bringing back our childhood stories. It was too perfect now…it
seemed like…like…everything that was wrong…was right.
Oh…what a magical day…
---
The Next Day
---
I walked into the doctor's office
half-asleep, majorly because I was up all night last night. The receptionist
took my name and told me that the doctor was ready to see me, so I walked right
in.
He told me to take a seat, as he
took a breath.
'Sakura…' he asked me
very curiously. 'How was your day yesterday?"
I didn't like the tone of his voice
with the way he asked that. "Fine…it was actually very magical…" I replied.
'Well…' he said to me as he put
down his glasses. 'I'm sorry I have to say this to you right now…but it may be
the last good day of your life…'
That line scared me. It hit me like
a dart in the heart. "Wait…what do you mean by that…?" I asked anxiously.
He pulled out a small
sand-hourglass, the grains falling delicatly into the vial below. 'What I mean
is…our operation was a failure…and the time is ticking…'
~fin
