The Passion of the Snake
Interviewer: Hello, and I'm here with Snake, director of the new highly controversial film, 'The Passion of the Snake'. Good evening Snake.
Snake: Smello.
Interviewer: Now Snake, how did this movie come about?
Snake: It started when I saw the movie 'The Passion of the Christ'. It was a good movie, maybe a bit too much Jesus in it, but it was entertaining. I thought to myself, hey: I'm kinda like Jesus, why not make a movie about myself?
Interviewer: For the people who haven't seen the movie, could you give a brief outline of the plot?
Snake: Ok. I play Jesus Jr, the son of Jesus. I'm a member of this group of soldiers that infiltrate bases and defeat robots. In fact, it's pretty much exactly like a Metal Gear game, except I'm the son of Jesus, and there's a lot more crosses.
Interviewer: A lot of people are taking offense to the movie. Do you think it's offensive?
Snake: Absolutely not. It's in my opinion, that if Jesus had a son, he'd be a secret Government soldier.
Interviewer: I don't think people have a problem with that, but it might be the infamous 'cross' scene that has them furious. Could you explain it to those who haven't seen the film?
Snake: Ah yes. The cross scene. I'm not legally allowed to talk about it, but I can say it involves a cross, a rocket launcher, 8 decapitations, a large vat of acid, a tank being carried around by a rocket-launching helicopter, some sort of death laser, an eletronic dinosaur, a picture of Geraldo Riveria, and a giant turtle monster that shoots out fire whenever it talks.
Interviewer: Why do you think people find the scene so offensive?
Snake: I don't know. I guess people find it 'offensive' when you impale someone with a flaming cross, and then utter the line "Looks like he's a little cross-eyed."
Interviewer: But you don't find it offensive at all?
Snake: Absolutely not. In fact, I think the scene makes you want to actually pray to God, right when the movie's still playing. It's that powerful.
Interviewer: Now there's another scene, where the big drugdealer Pilate Jr. and you have a shootout in an old church. Now, isn't a bit weird to have a gunfight in a religious movie?
Snake: Of course not. If you read the last page in the bible, David and Goliath clearly come at each other with Uzi's.
Interviewer: Have you even read the bible?
Snake: Yeah, I've got the gist of it. Big dude creates Earth, guy dies for our sins, Uzi shootout. It's a good read.
Interviewer: You are the dumbest man I've ever met, no offense.
Snake: No offense taken.
Interviewer: In one scene, God comes down from Heaven, passes you a rocket launcher, and says "Dude, take 'em down for me." Honestly, satan should come out of hell and take you down there just for saying that.
Snake: It's just a movie, I never said I wanted it to be realistic! If the movie Ghostbusters was realistic, Slimer would've eaten everyone!
Interviewer: Are you comparing God to Slimer?
Snake: Yeah, kind of.
Interviewer: Wow. How do you make a religious movie if you're so retarded?
Snake: With lots of money and a pointy stick.
Interviewer: Dear god. You truly are the dumbest director in the world. What movie are you going to make next? Some religious movie with Godzilla?
Snake: Aactually, my next movie is called 'The Eleventh Commandment: Moses Shall Kill!', and it's about Moses as this serial killer, and he parts this sea of blood with his mystical powers.
Interviewer: You truly are an evil evil man.
Interviewer: Hello, and I'm here with Snake, director of the new highly controversial film, 'The Passion of the Snake'. Good evening Snake.
Snake: Smello.
Interviewer: Now Snake, how did this movie come about?
Snake: It started when I saw the movie 'The Passion of the Christ'. It was a good movie, maybe a bit too much Jesus in it, but it was entertaining. I thought to myself, hey: I'm kinda like Jesus, why not make a movie about myself?
Interviewer: For the people who haven't seen the movie, could you give a brief outline of the plot?
Snake: Ok. I play Jesus Jr, the son of Jesus. I'm a member of this group of soldiers that infiltrate bases and defeat robots. In fact, it's pretty much exactly like a Metal Gear game, except I'm the son of Jesus, and there's a lot more crosses.
Interviewer: A lot of people are taking offense to the movie. Do you think it's offensive?
Snake: Absolutely not. It's in my opinion, that if Jesus had a son, he'd be a secret Government soldier.
Interviewer: I don't think people have a problem with that, but it might be the infamous 'cross' scene that has them furious. Could you explain it to those who haven't seen the film?
Snake: Ah yes. The cross scene. I'm not legally allowed to talk about it, but I can say it involves a cross, a rocket launcher, 8 decapitations, a large vat of acid, a tank being carried around by a rocket-launching helicopter, some sort of death laser, an eletronic dinosaur, a picture of Geraldo Riveria, and a giant turtle monster that shoots out fire whenever it talks.
Interviewer: Why do you think people find the scene so offensive?
Snake: I don't know. I guess people find it 'offensive' when you impale someone with a flaming cross, and then utter the line "Looks like he's a little cross-eyed."
Interviewer: But you don't find it offensive at all?
Snake: Absolutely not. In fact, I think the scene makes you want to actually pray to God, right when the movie's still playing. It's that powerful.
Interviewer: Now there's another scene, where the big drugdealer Pilate Jr. and you have a shootout in an old church. Now, isn't a bit weird to have a gunfight in a religious movie?
Snake: Of course not. If you read the last page in the bible, David and Goliath clearly come at each other with Uzi's.
Interviewer: Have you even read the bible?
Snake: Yeah, I've got the gist of it. Big dude creates Earth, guy dies for our sins, Uzi shootout. It's a good read.
Interviewer: You are the dumbest man I've ever met, no offense.
Snake: No offense taken.
Interviewer: In one scene, God comes down from Heaven, passes you a rocket launcher, and says "Dude, take 'em down for me." Honestly, satan should come out of hell and take you down there just for saying that.
Snake: It's just a movie, I never said I wanted it to be realistic! If the movie Ghostbusters was realistic, Slimer would've eaten everyone!
Interviewer: Are you comparing God to Slimer?
Snake: Yeah, kind of.
Interviewer: Wow. How do you make a religious movie if you're so retarded?
Snake: With lots of money and a pointy stick.
Interviewer: Dear god. You truly are the dumbest director in the world. What movie are you going to make next? Some religious movie with Godzilla?
Snake: Aactually, my next movie is called 'The Eleventh Commandment: Moses Shall Kill!', and it's about Moses as this serial killer, and he parts this sea of blood with his mystical powers.
Interviewer: You truly are an evil evil man.