A/N: Hello everyone! I hope you're excited for the premiere! I know I am! I'm definitely scared, but excited! Here's a little one-shot of what I think will happen to Olivia's luscious locks. Let me know what you think! You can contact me on here or at Hesitant_Writer on Twitter! Read, review, and enjoy!
As always, I don't own any characters.
"Your long hair, Baby," he sneered at her, running his fingers through it, "It's so beautiful. So soft." He continued to gaze into her tired eyes, running his fingers through her hair. He had just been inside her and she was better than he had ever imagined. The way she stretched to fit him, he was getting hard just thinking about it again.
Tears stung her eyes. After hours of torture he finally had his way with her, in this dark, cold, disgusting beach house he called his, "Home Away From Home." She had no strength left, it took everything she had to keep her eyes open. She said she would do anything, that all she wanted was to live.
This was the price she had to pay.
"He continued to run his fingers through my hair," she whispered, "I-I started to cry. I just wanted him to stop touching me." Olivia wiped tears from her face as they fell from her eyes.
Brian stood on the other side of the glass listening to her story. His heart broke for her. He wanted nothing more than to be in that room with her, but she had kindly asked him to wait outside. She wanted to do it on her own, and he wasn't going to argue with her about it.
"Thank you, Detective Benson," the young female uni said. Olivia couldn't give her statement to someone on the squad; they were all too closely involved in the case. The young officer smiled at her, "You are free to go."
"Thank you," Olivia said, "Is it OK if I just sit here for a minute? I need some time to breathe, I'll show myself out."
Before the officer could respond, Brian quietly opened the door and nodded to her. He held the door open for her to leave and then closed the door again behind him. He walked over to the sidewall, leaned against it, and looked at her. He didn't want to get too close, fearing she'd panic and he didn't want to stand across from her. They weren't adversaries, they were friends and lovers; he didn't want her to forget that.
"I figured you would've gone back to work by now," she said not looking at him.
"You need me here," he said frankly. Brian had been able to switch units to have more time to spend with Olivia. He had done a great job on nights and the NYPD thought he earned the right to work days again. They also knew Brian tended to get jerked around at the Bronx Courthouse, and if he hadn't been roped into a double that fateful night, Olivia might have been saved sooner. Brian never let his superior forget, mostly because he couldn't himself. The guilt his unit felt almost ate them all alive.
"Go or you'll be late," she stated after another few minutes of silence.
"You really think they care if I'm late?" he asked, "C'mon, I'll drive you home."
She stood up and pushed her chair in. Brian began to walk over to the door and she turned and grabbed his arm gently. "Thank you," she said, "for being here." Tears stung her eyes again as she pulled him closer to her.
He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back gently. "Of course," he whispered into her ear. He then rested his forehead onto her shoulder and held her closer. She melted into his warm embrace within seconds. The tension she felt while giving her statement was gone; she was relaxed, as she usually was in Brian's arms.
After a few moments, he reluctantly picked his head up and kissed her temple, "We gotta get going, Honey," he said gently.
She pried herself away from him and silently nodded. He knew she didn't want to be home alone the rest of the day, but he also knew she needed him more at night, hence why he switched units. He opened the door and let her walk through first, his hand guiding her by her lower back.
Brian walked her up to his door and let her in. She walked in the door first and set her purse down.
"Go nap," he said, "I know you're tired."
She pouted her lips and crossed her arms like a toddler, "I don't wanna nap," she said a few octaves higher than normal.
He chuckled at her, "But if you nap, I'll make sure to have your favorite snack ready when you wake up," he said teasingly.
She swatted at him, "You're an ass," she said rolling her eyes.
"I try," he said laughing, gently grabbing her hands so she wouldn't actually hit him. He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. "Go nap," he said quietly, his voice more serious.
"Go back to work," she said, her voice matching his.
He gently pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead. He let his lips linger for a few seconds before resting his head against hers. "I'll be home in a few hours, the latest seven." He kissed her forehead again and let go of her hands. He turned and opened the door, quietly letting himself out. He smiled at her one more time before shutting the door.
Knowing he was right, Olivia walked back to his bedroom and grabbed some comfy clothes for her to sleep in. As always, she grabbed his dark blue, plaid, button down nightshirt she loved so much. It was her favorite thing of his and yet, she never let him wear it.
She folded back the covers and crawled into his bed. She closed her eyes and next thing she knew, she was out cold.
"Your long hair, Baby," he sneered at her, running his fingers through it, "It's so beautiful. So soft." He continued to gaze into her tired eyes, running his fingers through her hair.
"Please," she begged, "stop touching it." Tears rolled down her cheeks. Most of her lovers liked her hair and favored playing with it after sex, especially Brian. He knew it soothed her and in a way it soothed him. Him playing with her hair was usually end game for them; it typically lulled them both to sleep. She figured now he wouldn't be allowed to touch it anymore, or at least not for a while.
He laughed at her, "Stop touching it?" he asked, "Sweetheart, last time I checked, I made the rules here, and I think-" he paused as he climbed back on top of her, "I'll keep playing with it as much as I want," he said as he tugged hard on her hair snapping her head back and causing her to yelp. He bent down and attacked her neck with his lips as he continued to tangle and pull on her hair causing her to cry.
He continued to laugh as he nibbled at her ear. He could tell he was ready. He positioned himself at her already sensitive and sore opening, and grabbed a handful of her hair again. As he plunged himself into her, he yanked on her hair causing her to cry out twice as loud as before.
Olivia let out a scream as she shot up in bed. She was breathing hard. She looked at the clock, it was 5:30. Olivia took solace in knowing Brian would be home soon. She gently lied back down and continued to catch her breath. Every time she blinked his face splayed across her eyes. The words, "Your long hair," played over and over in her mind. His voice steadily got louder until she couldn't take it anymore. She threw the covers off her and ran for the kitchen.
She frantically ripped open every drawer searching for them. She knew what she needed to do. She needed a change. Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw a victim, she saw a broken woman, she saw what he wanted.
Well, she wasn't going to give him what he wanted anymore.
She opened the last drawer she could find the in kitchen and the shiny silver caught her eye. She picked them up and gripped the handles. "He loved my long hair?" she whispered as she gazed at the scissors, "Well, I can change that," she said as she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
She stood in front of the mirror and grabbed a lock of her hair. She positioned the scissors to cut at least six inches off and took a deep breath. She heard the snip and looked at her hand. It was gone. Her hair, she actually cut it. She looked at herself in the mirror again and grew angry. She threw the lock onto the ground and grabbed another chunk.
This time she didn't even take a breath, she just cut. A part of her felt a release after and part of her felt more enraged. She continued to cut and cut until all of her long hair was gone. She looked at herself again and started to cry in frustration. She threw the scissors at the door and braced herself against the sink. She noticed her gold fearless necklace dangling and began to cry.
"Look at yourself!" she screamed, "What the fuck are you doing!? You think you're fearless? You just cut your hair because he loved it long. Why did you do that? That's not what a fearless person does! A fearless person loves her long hair, too because she knows that what happened to her wasn't her fault."
She continued to gaze at herself in the mirror, her eyes red with fury, pain, and tears.
"You don't deserve to wear this," she gritted through her teeth angrily. She grabbed hold of the little pendent on her neck and pulled. She threw it onto the floor where the rest of her hair laid.
Brian let himself into his apartment quietly hoping Olivia was sleeping. He took off his jacket and threw it on the couch. He looked into the kitchen and saw it looked somewhat disheveled. Fear took over him. "Babe? Olivia, honey? Where are you?" He walked further back towards the bedroom and heard what sounded like sobbing coming from the bathroom.
He made his way towards the door and knocked. "Liv? Sweetheart, it's me. Is everything OK?" He got no response.
He continued to listen to her sniffle and whimper. He tried again, "Olivia, let me in."
"No!" she shrieked.
"Sweetie, what's wrong? Let me help you."
"You can't help me! No one can help me!" she sobbed through the door. She sat against the wall opposing the sink. She picked up the shards of hair on the floor and started to cut them up even smaller. She wondered how the sharp metal would feel against her skin. Would it give her the same release it did when it severed her hair?
Brian heard the quiet snips of what sounded like scissors through the door. He panicked. "Liv," he shouted, just as she put the metal to her skin, "I'm coming in!"
"No!" she cried as the bathroom door opened and Brian's shocked face came into view.
He took in the scene in front of him. "Olivia," he started slowly, "what did you do to yourself?"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "I-I, he said he liked my long hair," she said, suddenly feeling foolish.
He bent down to her level and ripped the scissors from her hands and threw them into the tub so she couldn't even look at them. He inspected her wrists, knowing full well what she was planning on doing. Seeing there was no damage done, he let out a breath and kneeled in front of her on the floor. He brought her hands up to his lips and kissed them. He reached out and touched her face, gently wiping away some of her tears.
Pain tugged at his heartstrings as he looked at her. She wasn't the same person he saw this morning. She wasn't the same person he spent that dreaded Sunday morning with. And she certainly wasn't the same person he spent the Saturday night before with.
No, she was different now. She couldn't go back to that person if she wanted to.
And he could tell she wanted to.
He could see in her broken expression that she wished none of this had ever happened. He couldn't blame her. He felt the exact same way.
"Brian," she spoke weakly, "say something, please."
He looked at her, "I love you. Please don't ever hurt yourself like this again. Please."
She looked away as her lips began to quiver for what felt like the millionth time that day. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. She was sorry. She wasn't thinking about what she was doing. She didn't think about how it would hurt Brian when she did this. She was suddenly embarrassed and couldn't believe what just happened was real.
"I know, Baby," he said softly. He brushed her newly shortened hair out of her face. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad," he started, "but, Sweetheart, you need to talk to someone. I don't mean me, I mean someone who can really help you because you can't keep going on this way." He held her hands in both of his and watched her. He wanted to make sure he didn't upset her.
She hung her head low and nodded. "I already have an appointment on Monday," she spoke quietly, "I wanted to wait until after I gave my statement and got through any paperwork before starting therapy. I figured it'd be best to give it my undivided attention."
He traced his thumbs along her fingers and sighed. "That's good," he said, "I'm proud of you."
She looked at him shocked. He chuckled, "I am, Baby. Sure, this scared the shit out of me, but the fact that you've already taken the next step in healing, I'm proud. You don't see it yet, but you haven't lost your strength, you're just using it in a different way."
She stared at him. She had no words. She expected him to be angry, to think she was crazy and throw her out, to want to run away and leave her to her demons, but no.
Brian Cassidy had grown so much over the years, and she just witnessed those 13 years of growth in the last ten seconds.
He cracked his typical shit-eating grin and stood up. He held out a hand for her and she gladly accepted it. Her pulled her up to stand and then pulled her into him. He wrapped her tight in his embrace and he could feel her start to cry against him. He gently rubbed her back and kissed the side of her head. He chose to stay quiet; he didn't know what else to say and he was sure she didn't, either.
After a minute she picked her head up from his shoulder and looked at him. "This won't happen again. I mean it. I'm going to get help; I'm going to get better. I, just, had a weak moment," she spoke slowly. She wanted to find the right words in the promise she was making to him. It had to be meaningful; he had to know she was being sincere.
He smiled slightly at her and wiped more tears away from her face. "I'm holding you to that," he said only half joking.
For the first time since he'd been home, she smiled at him. It wasn't one of her typical "light up the room" smiles, but it was a small twitch of her lips, and that was enough for him. He watched as the energy left her body. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She finally let out her frustration, and it wiped her out.
"Get back in bed," he said gently.
She shook her head, "I'm not going to make you clean this up."
He smiled at her, "Yeah, you are." He began to lead her to his bedroom.
"No, at least let me make dinner while you clean," she yawned.
He shook his head. "There are plenty of Chinese leftovers from last night. We'll reheat them when we wake up. We won't sleep long. Half hour, tops," he assured her. He didn't want her to sleep too long fearing she wouldn't sleep come that night.
Her eyes lit up. "You're gonna nap with me?"
"If you'd nap," he said sarcastically.
"OK, OK," she turned around and walked towards the bedroom, "Remind me to make a hair appointment tomorrow," she said sleepily.
He chuckled as he watched her go. He knew she didn't really need much response for her last comment. She was simply too tired. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed his dustpan and broom. He quickly scooped up her left behind hair and noticed something. A piece of gold amidst the sea of brown shined against the light. He picked through the dustpan contents until he could better uncover the glistening object.
His jaw dropped when he realized what it was.
"I can't," he said quietly, "I can't let her get rid of this. She'd never forgive herself." He remembered noticing it the first time he saw her after 13 years. It shined beautifully against her olive skin. She wore it all the time. After they made love, he would sometimes alternate between playing with her hair and the chain.
Lying in the afterglow of their intimacy, Brian traced his fingers along the gold chain of her fearless necklace. "I get why you wear it, and I love that you do, but have you ever taken this necklace off?" he asked curious.
She smiled and pondered for a second, "Um, just when I clean it. I have to wear it. Everyday. I, feel…well, naked without it," she said chuckling.
He laughed, "So, do you not feel naked now?" he asked running his hands along her thighs. His finger teased near her opening.
Her eyes filled with desire, "Hmm, you know, I just might not," she replied lustfully tracing lines down his chest with her finger. Brian crawled back on top of her and kissed her hard on the mouth, running his hands up and down her torso, giving her breasts a gentle squeeze.
"You certainly feel naked to me," he whispered in her ear. He smiled hearing her giggle in response.
Brian smiled at the memory. He honestly couldn't remember a time in the last year he hadn't seen her proudly wearing that necklace. Tears came to his eyes as he thought about Olivia and her pride. "It must be gone," he sighed shaking his head. He brushed away the remaining hair still attached to the chain and put it in his pocket.
After thoroughly sweeping the floor and replacing the scissors back in their drawer, he made his way to the bedroom. Olivia appeared to already be sleeping soundly. He made quick work of his uniform and pulled back the covers. Remembering the necklace, he grabbed his pants off of the floor where he haphazardly threw them and pulled the chain out of the pocket. He crawled into bed and carefully leaned over Olivia to quietly place the pendent on her nightstand.
"I don't want it anymore," she replied sleepily.
"But you deserve it," he said as he held her close to him and dozed off.
A/N: I hope you had fun reading! It was definitely fun to write! As always, please REVIEW! Or you can always contact me at Hesitant_Writer on Twitter!
Thank you!