Solitary Requiem
Sunset. The sky fills with lively shades of burnt gold and deep pink as the day winds to it's end. People hurry home to dinner, chores, bed. Everything is ending once more. This day, like all others before it and those that will follow it, is dying. And so am I.
I have known this day would come for a long time. All my life I have known of the cycle of life and death, and known that someday I would lay dying. The only thing I didn't always know, was that it would be like this. Alone, without anyone I love by side, aged far beyond my time. Yet I am at peace, for I know that I shall soon be finally free. Free in both body and soul....at long last.
Outside the intricately barred window in my room, my prematurely ancient eyes can barely see the bright splashes of color that trail festively across the twilight sky. But I don't need to see them, not when my heart knows what they look like. As a child, I used to believe that the Mana Goddess herself painted the sky each night, sharing her beautiful canvas with all her children for their pleasure and hers. Escad used to make faces when I said that, the way he did when I talked to faeries. Such a troubled soul, he had....I can only pray to the Goddess that it is at peace now.
Peace....the exact opposite of what is going on somewhere out there, beyond my eyes, beyond my ears, but not beyond my deepest intuition. Daena left but an hour ago, with that young girl drawn so haplessly into our struggles, determined to stop Irwin. They are battling now....I can feel it. She was so frustrated with me when she left....so convinced that I am a fool for not trying to stop Irwin myself. But I am no fool. I know very well that of us two, Irwin is the one who hasn't changed. He is still a frightened boy inside that intimidating outer shell of a fearsome demon. Giving him freedom is the only chance I have of making him happy. If I were to approach him with my feelings, he would run from me even though he feels the same way. It is the way he is. My only choice, therefore, is to be free....when at last we are both free of this world of rules and entrapments, I can have a chance of making him see what he truly means to me, and having him express those feelings in return.
He was always the only one who allowed me to be myself. Through him, I began to change myself into the person I always knew I should be. I love Daena and Escad as my own family, but they want things for me that I know are not right for me. They don't see me as I really am, but instead as they think I should be. The person they helped to mold me into before I met Irwin. Daena wants me to be happy, but doesn't realize that what she thinks would make me happy, is not in truth what would bring me happiness. To go to the land of Faeries with Irwin, and stop him from what he wants to do, would be to force myself upon him. I want him to be free....to be with me because he wants to, not because I forced myself into his life. I could never be happy with someone who felt trapped, who did not feel free to express his feelings in his own time. He has to be free, free to mature and to be ready to let me in. I pray that death will be the teacher he so desperately needs. Whether it be by the hands of Daena and that girl, or by his own when he destroys the world. Whatever the Mana Goddess decrees the outcome will be, I will gladly accept it. For either way, we two shall be free.
The painted sky darkens now, the reds and pinks waning to make room for the sapphire sky of early night. My vision darkens with it, as my life too wanes. I can feel the soothing numbness of approaching death gradually enfolding me in it's icy arms, and I welcome the change from the aches and pains of my old age. Soon my rapidly shortening breath will stop, and my awareness of this world will end as well. The Underworld awaits me, mere minutes away. And so does my freedom.