Well, uh. This one-shot has been sitting in my Document Manager for quite a few months, and I finally finished it today. I'd been dying to write me some Tony Stark, and this was born. Set Post IM2, soooooo. Enjoy, yus?
No.
He didn't want to do this right now.
The lights in the Stark mansion were off, turned down to a slight romantic glow. Occasionally, bright flashes of lightning would throw contrastingly white streaks of light across the wall.
Pepper was there. Her white blouse, with the sleeves rolled up her arms, was unbuttoned slightly. Her black pencil skirt was riding up the sides of her smooth, long legs a little bit at a time...
And the season premiere of his new TV show was on.
Well, okay. Tony himself wasn't in the show. But Iron Man was, and Tony was Iron Man, so it was basically his show.
Even if it was animated. And designed for 6 to 10 year olds.
Despite all of these distractions, someone had the nerve to continuously ring the bell at the gates to his mansion.
"Tony," Pepper said, not even glancing up from her laptop, on which she was typing furiously, "please go see who that is. It's getting ready to storm, and you can't just leave whoever it is who's waiting out in the rain."
"Yes I can. Iron Man's Awesome Adventures is coming on! Just wait 'til you hear the theme song, Pep, it's super cool," Tony immediately shot back, drawing out the 'u' in super out for an unnecessarily long length of time. "Whoever that is deserves to wait; they should be at home watching my show!"
"That show isn't even meant for you. It's directed towards kids, Tony. Last time I checked, you were a man, not a boy."
"Oh, I know I'm a man, Pepper," Tony replied slyly, cocking his head towards the redhead, "Need I remind you?"
A small black heel soared dangerously close to his head. "Door, now. Before I throw my other shoe at you, mister."
Not a threat to be reckoned with, that. Pepper was currently sporting five inch Guccis (or a single Gucci, Tony thought)with menacing looking silver buckles. Even a fully suited Iron Man could be brought to his knees with a knock to the head with such a shoe. Especially behind Pepper's well-practiced arm. He had bruises to prove his girlfriend's throwing skills were not to be reckoned with.
"Yes ma'am," Tony muttered, quickly scurrying away from the couch and towards his front door, where he peered at the small screen mounted at the wall which offered a two way video feed from the front gate. No one was there. "Pepper?" he called, "are we going crazy? I mean, it's highly probable, with all my past issues and whatnot-"
Tony probably jumped two feet into the air at the sudden banging to his right, at the front door. No way someone could be out there, unless they climbed the gate and walked all the way up to the mansion. No way.
"Someone obviously wants to speak to you, Tony," Pepper called from the couch, sounding slightly amused as she peeked over the edge of the cushions, her lips pointed up in a small smile.
"Maybe it's a stripper, in dire need of cash. Would you be up for a threesome, babe? Because I would pay that girl millions to see you and her-"
Pepper's remaining show flew through the air, this time hitting it's target. Tony yelped, rubbing his arm where the Gucci had slammed into his bicep, heel first.
"Finish that sentence, Stark, and I will personally destroy your Iron Man suit. I know where you keep your big hammers."
Resisting the urge to make yet another crude joke, Tony just chuckled. "I'm Iron Man, Pep, not Tin Foil Man. Not even the biggest sledgehammer in the workshop would leave a dent in my armor. Finally, Tony reached out a hand and opened the door to his mansion, ready to send whoever-it-was back to where-ever-they-came-from so he could get back to relaxing on the couch and watching his new tv show. But before he could even think of a snarky welcome, Tony's jaw dropped.
"Hello Mr. Stark. Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
"Did I hear the words Girl Scout Cookies?"
Tony, previously standing immobile by the door, was quickly shoved aside as Pepper pushed him away, red hair flying and bare feet slapping the floor. "What do you girls got?"
Unbelievable, Tony thought. There was Pepper, her hands clutching a box of Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies, her eyes scanning the nutrition facts on the back of the box. He could practically see the drool oozing out from between her lips...ew. Drool.
"Uhm...excuse me, girls? But you're trespassing on private property. And trespassing on my patience; Iron Man's Awesome Adventures is coming on in a few minutes, and I will not be a happy camper if I miss the kick-ass theme song."
Pepper's hand waved at him, the box of cookies held close to her face. "Don't curse, Tony. There are young girls standing on your doorstep."
Tony threw up his hands in annoyance. "Fine, get whatever cookies you want. I'm going to watch tv. Feel free to join me again once you've regained your senses, Pepper." With a huff, the pouting billionaire made his way back to the couch, crossing his arms over his chest as he listened to his girlfriend interrogate the Scouts on exactly what types of cookies they had, how many calories each had, and how many cookies were in each box. Don't get him wrong, Tony loved cookies as much as the next guy. But when those green-clad vultures appeared on his front porch after viciously attacking his doorbell, well, he wasn't too inclined to give them a second glance.
But that was when the power cut out. At the same time, thunder roared and lightning ripped open the sky as the heavens poured gallons of rain over Malibu.
Tony yelled out a curse Pepper definitely didn't want the Girl Scouts hearing.
"Oh wow," Tony heard his girlfriend say from the front door, "you girls had better come in, there's no way you can go back out in the storm..."
An audible groan sounded from the couch as Tony sunk into the cushions, his hands covering his face. When he moved them away, he jumped at the sight of two girls, probably aged 12 or 13, standing right in front of him, their green skirts splashed with water, tennis shoes squelching. The two girls looked at him, one's eyebrow quirked curiously, the other staring at Tony with open malice.
"...uh, hi?" he said, slowly reaching out a hand to grab a cushion from the couch, placing it safely in between himself and the two sopping wet Girl Scouts. The one one the right was glaring daggers at him, and it was starting to freak Tony out.
"Your chest is glowing."
That was the scout on the left. She was pale, face scrunched up as she studied the faint glow of the arc reactor beneath the thin material of Tony's t-shirt. Her head tilted slightly to the side, black pigtails dripping water onto the floor. The other girl was still glowering at him, her chocolate brown arms crossed tightly across her body. She had tightly woven black cornrows tipped with a rainbow assortments of beads at the ends, and thin-framed glasses that were water stained. Her upper lip was lifted slightly in an intimidating way, making Tony think of a Doberman. With rainbow hair beads.
"Do you always leave your girlfriend to save poor shivering Girl Scouts from the rain?" the second girl growled, unraveling her arms so she could reach up to pluck her glasses off her face. She slowly wiped them on the damp material of her sea-green skirt, then returned the glasses to their place, still glowering like an angry dog.
"Honestly, the last time I saw a quote unquote Girl Scout was when I invited that Playboy over when I was nineteen-" For the second time that night, Pepper hit Tony. Instead of with a shoe this time, however, it was his girlfriend's tiny hand slapping him upside the head.
"Tony," she hissed slightly, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "why don't you head down to the workshop to try and turn on the emergency generator?"
It was a thinly veiled threat; A man half as intelligent as Tony would have caught it.
"Yes ma'am," he replied, vaulting over the couch so he wouldn't have to walk past the Scouts. Two angry women in his house was never, ever a good thing, so Tony booked it to the stairs leading down to the workshop in record time.
Tony Stark had only one regret as he descended down into the safety of his workshop: he hadn't snatched a box of Thin Mints off the Girl Scout's wagon that they had abandoned at the front door.