Thump, Thump, Thump.
'Do you know why you're here Raymond?' Sergeant Ben Solo asked as he paced the floor.
'Yes.' She replied.
Thump, Thump, Thump.
'Yes what?' He barked making her jump.
'Yes Sir!' She said straightening her back.
Thump, Thump, Thump.
Her heart refused to calm down. In the distance she could hear shots being fired. They should be out there with their platoon, why was he insisting on dressing her down at this very moment?
'You are here because you disobeyed a direct order.'
'But Sir...'
'Do not interrupt me soldier!' He was standing right in front of her now, she could smell the sweat and mud that marred his features and her own. She should have been scared, but she wasn't. She swallowed hard as heat spread throughout her body and pooled between we legs. She bowed her head to show submission and hide her secret.
'If I give you an order, you follow it.' She could feel his eyes boring into her. She looked up at him and he looked away, as he always did when their eyes met.
Does he hate me that much? She thought miserably.
'Get out of my sight. I will deal with you later.' She winced at his words.
She sighed and walked away then turned, 'Ben?'
He looked up at the mention of his name.
'I understand what I did and I will face the consequences, but I couldn't leave you there, I couldn't.'
'You should have left me.'
'No! Never.'
'Why?' He asked taking a step towards her.
She let out a shaky breath, 'Sir, you are more than my superior...you're...my friend. I care about you. I didn't want you to die.'
'Feelings are a luxury we can't afford in times of war, Raymond.' He said sadly and her heart ached for him.
Unspoken words hung on her tongue. She longed to tell him who she really was, how she really felt about him, why she really couldn't leave him on that battle field, but she stayed silent. To him, she was just, Raymond. A young cadet with a boyish charm and nothing more, but she was more. So much more. She was Rey, a girl with a passionate need to protect her country and a heart full of love. Love for him.
Ben watched Raymond leave. He removed his hat and raked a hand through his hair. He would have to make an example of the boy, the thought was distasteful to him, but rules were rules. He had abandoned his post and left them vulnerable to attack. Discipline was necessary.
But he saved your life...
Ben loosened the buttons on his uniform. It was his fault. He should never have made a mistake like that. He had allowed himself to be blinded by hate. It was his job to keep his men safe, but instead of considering the best course of action, he had advanced alone across the expanse of shell craters and barbed wire in order to attack the enemies' gunner. All he could think about was destroying his target, but before he could reach the post, a rain of gunfire had fell down on him. He managed to find cover behind a large mound of dirt but he knew he wouldn't last long. Each shot disintegrated the mound further. He thought no one had seen him run out of the bunker, but suddenly out of nowhere, Raymond had appeared. He ran towards him straight through the line of fire, took aim at the gunner with a hand grenade and took him out with one clean shot. He slid through the dirt, landing behind the mound next to Ben and screamed at him to run. Ben had been utterly stunned for a moment. Unable to move. Wondering if Raymond was really there. Raymond had taken his hand and pulled him out of his trance, tugging hard and dragging him back to the bunker.
He rubbed a hand over his face, it came away muddy with streaks of blood. A stray bullet had caught his temple as they had run, the wound must have still been bleeding. He had been lucky. He should have died on that field. Raymond had saved him, and what had he done? Berated him. Why? Because he didn't know what else to do. He didn't know how to deal with the fact that he had feelings for the young soldier and he didn't know how to express his gratitude towards him without revealing his affection and opening them both up to scrutiny.
How had it come to this? He thought back to the day he had first met Raymond. He had been keen to prove himself as a newly promoted sergeant, and his first set of recruits had paid the price. He ran them through every training exercise in the book and Raymond came out on top every-time. He conquered every challenge Ben threw at him and he found himself admiring the boy's technique and form.
In the weeks that followed they got to know each other well. Raymond asked so many questions, he always wanted to learn more. He wanted to be the best and Ben grew fond of him. He followed orders, never answered back, was always the first to volunteer and the last off the field.
When his troops had been called to the front, his first thought had been of Raymond. He didn't want the boy to see the horrors of war. He wanted to protect him. Keep him safe. He didn't want to see the spark in Raymond be extinguished by the cold blood shed of battle. There was no other choice of course, it was their time and they would do their duty, but he knew he would put his life on the line for Raymond if it came to it.
Nothing could have prepared them for the scenes at the front. The onslaught of bullets was relentless. Rations were dwindling and moral was low. The men trudged on as if on autopilot. Shell-shocked ghosts of their former selves. Emotions were a useless commodity, best put aside in a place like this. Yet Ben's thoughts still turned to Raymond.
Unlike the others, Raymond never tempered his reactions. He listened to the men, tended their wounds, was the first to offer sympathy or a shoulder to cry on. It was one of the most heroic things Ben had ever seen and he soon realised that he was falling hard for the young boy.
He fought alongside Raymond day after day. The boy was an excellent marksman and had a keen eye for detail, often spotting targets before the rest of the regiment. They worked so well together that soon, Raymond could predict Ben's orders before he even voiced them, often handing him a rifle before the words even left his lips. The intuitive communication that developed between them made the connection he felt with Raymond even stronger and his desire for him grew. Ben had never had feelings for a man before, and he didn't think he would have feelings for any other man. There was just something about Raymond that drew him in and he longed to see him smile. That smile brought him more pleasure than he ever could have thought possible.
The first time their hands had touched, it had been such a simple gesture, Raymond was just passing him some bread, but Ben had felt such a powerful wave of arousal flow through his body as their fingers had brushed. When he glanced at Raymond he saw the boy's cheeks flush as he quickly pulled his hand away. Bens heart thudded hard in his chest. He felt an intense pull towards Raymond. He wanted to reach out and touch him so badly. The boys skin looked so smooth and inviting. Instead he had made up a weak excuse and left. Retired to his quarters, drank the last of the whisky from his hip flask and barely slept all night.
God, he wished he had that whisky now, he couldn't get the look in Raymond's eyes out of his mind. He had been magnificent, as he ran out across no man's land, with no regard for his own life. It had seemed as if everything that mattered to him, was out on that field. Maybe it was.
Ben's hands clenched into fists, and what had he done? Scared the boy away. The one person who meant anything to him. He was a coward. All because he couldn't accept the fact that Raymond wasn't a member of the opposite sex? Ben growled in frustration. Wasn't Raymond everything he wanted in a partner? Brave and loyal, intelligent and understanding, Hell, he was even a brunette. Ben had always had a thing for brunettes. Did it really matter that Raymond wasn't a woman? He felt more for the boy than he had for any of his past encounters. He couldn't dismiss that.
Ben was pulled from his thoughts by a sound outside his tent, he looked out to see two soldiers whispering to each other, they were drinking from a flask.
Alcohol. He needed that.
'Give me that.' He barked.
The men jumped and handed over the flask. So, this is what he had been reduced to? Stealing what few pleasures his men had left? Pathetic.
'Get out of here.' He snarled and the men fled into the shadows.
He took a swig from the flask; the rum burned his throat and soothed his soul. He thought about Raymond. Swig. He thought about touching Raymond. Swig. He thought about kissing Raymond. Big swig.
He couldn't.
It would mean his job, it could mean imprisonment for both of them, but what if they died here in this god forsaken place? What if he never got to tell Raymond how he felt about him? He sat on his cot with his head in his hands. The conflict within him was tearing him apart.
'Ben?'
He looked up to see Raymond standing before him. Despite how he had treated him earlier, despite never even thanking him for saving his life, all he saw was concern on Raymond's face. Concern, for him. Raymond came towards him, crouched down, took his hands in his. He looked up at him with his hypnotic hazel eyes, and Ben could make out the smattering of freckles across his nose.
'Raymond, I want to say thank you. Thank you for saving my life.'
'Ben, there's something...there's something I need to tell you...'
Before she could finish, Ben's lips were on hers.
For a moment she couldn't move. He was kissing her. Ben was kissing her. She could taste rum on his tongue. She didn't respond. She was too afraid he would stop, but then she felt the pressure ease and she realised he was pulling away, probably afraid that she didn't return his affection. She leaned forward, pressing their lips together once more. Ben groaned. She placed her hands on the sides of his head and rose slightly, Ben pulled her towards him and she fell into his lap with her legs straddling him.
She had to tell him, if they continued like this...but wait. He didn't know who she was. Yet he was still kissing her. The knowledge that Ben wanted her even though he didn't know the truth made her heart melt and her arousal hitch. She kissed him harder and felt him harden beneath her in response.
Now she wanted him to know. She didn't want there to be anymore secrets between them.
'Ben!' She exclaimed and he pulled away.
'What?' He asked looking concerned.
'Ben, I...I have to tell you something. Before...'
'Okay.' He said gently.
'I don't want it to change anything between us.'
'It won't.' Ben said firmly and she believed him.
Rey took a deep breath. Reaching up, she removed her cap and her dark hair spilled out and framed her face. She looked up at Ben tentatively. She saw confusion flit across his face, then realisation. He reached forward and touched her hair.
'Beautiful.' He breathed.
Ben, my name is Rey. Not Raymond. I...I'm so sorry. I didn't intend for any of this to happen...I just wanted to fight for my country but then I met you and...'
'Shhhhh,' Ben soothed. The way he was looking at her...she felt as if she was burning up from the inside. 'I don't care.'
'What?'
'I don't care. I just want you.'
He pulled her closer. Kissed her again. Rey plunged her hands into his hair and shifted in his lap. He let out a strangled noise and her body lit up for him. This was life. This was real. The world outside fell away and all she could see, feel, hear was Ben.
Rey had three older brothers and she loved them all dearly. When the war had started, each of the boys had volunteered and Rey got left behind. What was she supposed to do? Stay at home and pine for them? Hell no. Rey knew how to fight, how to shoot, how to hunt, she wanted to fight for her freedom, she wanted to stand alongside her brothers. So, she left a note for her mother and enlisted in secret.
She knew a lot of Sergeants were feigning ignorance when it came to the younger boys in order to get their bonus money. More recruits meant more money. If the boys were eager, who cared if they didn't meet the age requirement? To them, Rey was just another scrawny teenager so they overlooked her size and youthful looks and cleared her for duty.
'Name?' The clerk had asked, looked bored and uninterested as he checked her off his list.
'Raymond Naberrie.' She had said with confidence. Rey wasn't stupid. She knew she might not return from the war, but she couldn't just sit around and wait. Something was pulling her into the fight, she assumed it was her love for her brothers, but maybe there was something else she was supposed to see?
Upon arriving at the training facility, she felt a mixture of excitement and nervous anticipation. So far it had been easy to avoid detection. She wasn't sure if she would be able to keep up the facade under the watchful eye of their superior officers.
Standing in line waiting for inspection from their Sergeant had been unbearable. She was so worried that she would be found out, that they would send her back home before she even had a chance to prove her worth. Then she had locked eyes with Sergeant Ben Solo and her mouth went dry and suddenly it all made sense. This is why she was here. She was here because of him.
Ben was unbelievably tall, with dark hair and dark eyes. His face was serious and a scar ran down his right cheek and disappeared under his uniform. None of it mattered to Rey. To her, he was the most beautiful thing she had even seen.
Her need to be near Ben, learn about him, look at him was so intense she forgot all about being detected. Ben was older of course; late twenties and she was barely nineteen. She knew he was into women, so she didn't expect that Ben would look at her as anything more than a friend, and that was enough. Just to be around him was enough. At first.
She had known she was in love with Ben from the first moment she had seen him. She couldn't have stopped loving him even if she wanted to. It was like breathing. Effortless and necessary. The boys in the barracks joked that she hero worshipped him and she did, but they had no idea how deep her worship of Ben Solo ran.
She found his training regime grueling, but her goal of staying in Ben's thoughts made her work harder than the rest of the men. She fought tirelessly to be the first to complete every task just so she could see his look of admiration and maybe hear him say a few words of praise. She treasured every look and every syllable, playing them over in her mind as she drifted off to sleep each night.
She had been as scared as the rest of the recruits when they received word that it was time for them to join the war. She worried for her brothers, and she worried for herself, but most of all, she worried about losing Ben. So, she vowed to stay close to him and do everything in her power to keep him safe.
He had shown some signs that he was attracted to her, though he covered it well. She didn't know if it was just her imagination, but it gave her hope. Was it just the fact that he thought she was a boy that was making him keep his distance? She hoped so.
Then that day had come. The day they were taking heavy fire and everyone was tense. She didn't know how, but she could sense that Ben was close to snapping. His anger was almost palpable to her. She saw him skulk away from the troops, and she knew he was going to be something reckless. She felt it in her bones, but she was distracted be an injured soldier and when she bent down to help him, she lost sight of Ben.
Once the soldier was stable, Rey ran through the trenches looking for Ben. She finally caught sight of his hat out in the field and her heart stopped. Without thinking, she leapt out of the trench and took off across the dirt. She finally spotted him crouched behind a pile of mud and rocks. Relief flooded her senses and she barely even realised what she was doing as she headed for him, taking out the gunner as she ran. She just knew she had to reach him. Everything was hazy around her, she didn't even see the danger, she just saw Ben.
She had felt so disheartened when he had reacted so angrily towards her. Yes, she had disobeyed, but he would have been killed if she hadn't intervened! How could she make him see that she couldn't live without him? There was only one way. She had to tell him her secret. She couldn't hide any longer.
Now here she was kissing Ben and her whole body felt alive.
'I'm sorry I disobeyed you.' She said between kisses, 'But Ben if had you died, I couldn't...'
'I know.' He murmured as he kissed her neck. 'I know.'
It felt so good to be held by him, to feel his body pressed up against hers. All her walls fell away and she opened her heart to him.
'Ben. I love you. I've loved since the first day we met. All I've ever wanted is for you to touch me, to love me, like I love you, but I didn't know how to tell you that I was a girl. I thought it was better that I kept you in the dark.'
'I was so confused, but so attracted to you. I love you too Rey. I loved you before as Raymond and I love you now. As hard as I tried to fight it, I couldn't break the connection between us. I've been so tormented by my feelings. I wish you had told me sooner.'
She wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his shoulder.
'I'm so sorry, I wish I had too. If I had known you would react like this, I would have told you on that first day.'
'Let's not waste any more time.'
'No let's not.'
Ben kissed her again slowly at first, then firmer, faster, greedily. He shifted them both, so that she lay under him on the cot. Having Ben's body weighing her down her as he loosened the buttons on her uniform made her squirm. The heat between her legs was almost unbearable, and after months of imagining this day, a day she thought would never come she wasn't willing to spend any longer wondering what it would feel like having Ben inside of her. She let him quickly undress her, then he pulled his own uniform off.
Rey's mouth fell open at the sight of his body. Where she was slim and toned, he was broad and muscular. Their eyes locked. Ben lowered himself over her again.
'God Rey you're so beautiful.' He said.
'I want you to see all of me Ben, know all of me.'
Ben trailed kisses down her throat and across her breasts. As he sucked each nipple into his mouth, Rey sighed and sunk her hands into his hair. An ache started to form inside of her.
'Rey, he said stroking back her hair and framing her face with his hands, are you sure?'
Rey felt the ache again, it was getting stronger. An agonising hunger that begged to be nourished.
'Yes. I'm sure. I want you.'
Ben let out a shaky breath, 'How is it possible that in this hell on Earth, I've found you?'
Rey felt tears prick her eyes, 'I think I found you. I think I came searching for something, and it turned out to be you.'
Ben nudged her legs apart and kissed her gently as he settled between her thighs.
She felt his cock push against her, the ache called out and Rey gripped his shoulders and spread her legs wider. There was some discomfort at first, but Ben was careful and she was soon panting with desire as he moved within her.
Ben pushed into her slowly, and her body tensed around him. Each thrust pulled a sigh from her lips, but it wasn't enough. The ache needed more.
She started to move against him, urging him on. Ben sped up and Rey threw back her head and dug her finger nails into his back. God, it felt amazing, he was amazing.
She pulled her thighs up and dig her heels into his behind. He gave her a predatory look in response and thrust into her harder.
'Yes.' She panted. 'Take me. Take all of me. I'm yours.'
'God, Rey.' His voice sounded pained as he buried his face in her hair. His movements became less controlled. More frantic. Then his body stiffened and Rey felt his cock pulsate between her legs. As his came, he held her close to him, wrapping his arms around her body.
Rey wanted to stay like that forever. Locked in his arms, safe from the crumbling world around them.
Ben moved to look at her, ran a hand down her face and kissed her lips.
'Rey, I need to get you away from all this. I don't want you anywhere near this place.'
'You don't have a choice.'
'I'm your superior.' He said lifting his eyebrow, 'I could have you removed.'
Rey looked at him skeptically, 'You need me. I saved your life today, Solo. If you send me away, I'll find my way back to you.'
She leaned forward briefly and planted a kiss on his shoulder.
He put his forehead against hers and they both closed their eyes.
'If you won't go, I need to keep you safe, so stay close to me.' He whispered.
'Always.' She whispered back.