Gerard bounced anxiously on the balls of his feet, brushing vibrant red strands of hair away from his eyes. The deafening sound of enthusiastically screaming fans in the audience that usually triggered an intense rush of adrenaline, pumping him up for the oncoming performance, now brought on only intense pangs of anxiety. The only time Gerard could recall feeling this way before a show was the first show he played clean and sober. But he knew that regardless as to how he was currently feeling, he had to get this show over with.
The band burst onto the stage, lights flashing, guitars shredding, drums beating, bass pounding. The crowd roared as the intro of the first song began. Gerard ran on stage, making his entrance, and started singing. Usually when Gerard sang, he put is all into every line, every word. It was his passion, it was what he loved above all else.
But this show was different.
Gerard sang with half the passion and emotion that he usually did. Half was all he could muster, and even that was almost too much. Each word he sang seemed dead, lifeless. It was painful to get through. At the conclusion of the show, Gerard said some parting words, as per usual, and walked slowly off the stage. In the back, the guys were cheering and jumping around, adrenaline still coursing through their veins.
"Great job, Gee!" Mikey exclaimed, holding his hand out for a high five. Gerard walked past him, head down, and plopped down onto one of the plastic folding chairs that had been set up for the crew backstage.
"Woah dude, what's up with you?" Ray asked, concerned.
"Nothing. I just… It's really nothing. I just need some time to myself right now guys." Gerard pulled himself up and began walking back towards the stage. "Don't worry, okay? I'm fine. You guys were kick ass tonight!" He managed to smile and exited onto the stage.
Gerard sighed and looked out at the now empty venue. Trash littered the trodden down earth, the smell of sweat from so many bodies still lingering in the air. He squinted his eyes and looked up at the sky, painted beautiful hues of orange, pink, and purple as the sun descended below the horizon. He sat on the edge of the stage until the sun was long gone. Until the stars came out and the air grew brisk. He sat there, not a thought nor hint of emotion going through his mind.
He was just empty.
Empty. Emptiness is not something that Gerard felt after a show. Lack of emotion, lack of enthusiasm, lack of everything that made a good show a good show. None of these things were present in Gerard.
He looked down at his calloused hands and let out a deep breath. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the final show he would ever play. He vowed to himself when My Chemical Romance started that if there ever came a time where the passion that he felt towards the music and what he was doing vanished, he would no longer carry on with it. Doing something just because it's what you've always done is miserable, and it's something that Gerard refused to do.
A hand rested on Gerard's shoulder, waking him from his daze. It was Frank. He wordlessly sat down beside Gerard and took his hand gently in his own.
"Frank…" Gerard started. "I think this is it."