Grissom moved his hand on my shaking back looking at me sadly as I laid sobbing on his couch at his house. He sighed, as I continued to cry with my back to him.
"I am so sorry, Sara." He said, gently.
His heart broke watching me.
It had been a shift like any other when he received a call that my husband Peter, who was on a business trip died suddenly in a hotel. When he told me I collapsed and he brought me back to his house.
His cell phone went off and he grabbed it standing looking at me.
"Grissom."
"Hey, it's Jim. How is Sara?"
"Not good." Grissom said, moving to the kitchen.
"Ah, look I got a call from a friend in Virginia. He is the captain there and he told me some things."
"What things?" Grissom asked, getting a glass to put water in.
Brass didn't say a thing for a moment causing Grissom to suspect this was not good.
"Jim?"
"He…ah was with a woman in bed. She said that she left at seven am after he paid her."
Grissom closed his eyes.
"What else?"
"He was lying to Sara. It appears that he was married already to a woman in Georgia."
"This is just getting worse." Grissom said
"Yeah."
"Thank you, Jim."
He hung up walking out looking at me lying still on the couch.
"Sara?"
When I didn't move he sat down putting the glass on the coffee table before touching my arm.
"Sara?"
I slowly moved blinking at him.
"Come here." He said, pulling me up against him. I laid my head on his chest as he sat back on the couch. He kissed my head then laid his on mine thinking. I sniffed closing my eyes feeling protected.
Grissom moved his head still feeling me against him hours later. He could hear my deep breathing and the warm air on his neck. Blinking, he looked around his living room noticing that we were lying on the couch. He felt me move closer to his neck then still. Grissom closed his eyes enjoying the feel of me in his arms.
Someone picked that time to knock on his door. He moved slowly leaving me to lie on my back on the couch.
Catherine waited as he opened the door looking at her. She smiled to herself seeing that his hair was messed.
"Hey, I brought some things for Sara." She said, holding up a bag.
"Oh." He said, letting her in "Just put them by the door."
She set the bag down looking around not seeing me.
"How she doing?"
"I don't know." Grissom said, rubbing his face. "Coffee?"
"Yes."
She followed him to the kitchen sitting down at the Island as he made coffee.
"Brass told me about his wife."
"Sara is going to be crushed. She trusted him."
"We all did." Catherine said
He sighed leaning against the counter looking at her as the coffee maker started to turn on.
"I just….don't know what to say. It doesn't seem real."
"One of us should tell her."
"He told me he would never let her down."
"Gil, you can't blame yourself for this."
"I do blame myself. I rejected Sara so many times and she went to the next person in line. I wanted to tell her the truth, but I couldn't do it."
"She understood." Catherine said
They sat in silence hearing me calling out.
"Grissom?" I called out, as I sat up.
Catherine and he came out seeing me looking very pale with red puffy eyes.
"Hey Sara." Catherine said, as she sat beside me rubbing my back.
I looked at her then at Grissom as he sat on the coffee table in front of me.
"How are you feeling?" She asked
"I'm numb." I said
Catherine looked at Grissom.
"Sara, we need to talk about…..Peter."
"What about him?"
"I will get us some coffee." Catherine said, getting up.
I watched her go then I looked at Grissom. He slowly took my hands in his.
"Peter was not who you thought he was."
"What?" I asked
Grissom looked down at our hands then he sighed looking at me in the eyes.
"He…has a wife in Georgia."
I swallowed as he watched me.
"I'm his wife."
"Jim called me and told me. I'm sorry."
"I have a ring." I said, showing him.
"Your marriage was not real."
I made him let me go.
"He loved me!"
"Sara."
I stood moving away from the couch. He stood looking at me in pain.
"This doesn't make any sense. Peter was my husband!"
"Sara, I know this is a lot to take in."
I shook looking at my ring.
"You have to believe me when I say I never wanted this to be true either, but it is." Grissom said
I looked at him feeling some tears going down my cheeks. He walked over pulling me against him. I wanted to yell and scream, but it just would not come out. Catherine came out looking at us. Grissom looked at her shaking his head.
After Catherine left Grissom made me some food. I stared at the salad in front of me as Grissom sat beside me eating.
"Go ahead." He said
"I can't eat." I said, as I sat back in the chair. "I need to go home."
"I want you to stay here." Grissom said
I took a breath rubbing my head.
"I should go."
"Let me shower and dress and I will take you myself." He said
I nodded getting up. He looked down at the uneaten food on my plate. He drove me to my place. I got out feeling him behind me. We walked up to my second floor apartment. I stopped at my door facing him.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked
I nodded looking at the door then back at him.
"I want you to take the week off."
"I can work, I will be fine."
"Sara, please just take it off."
I looked down as he got closer.
"Thank you for…taking care of me." I said, looking at him.
"I like taking care of you." He said
I nodded looking at him. He moved even closer and I could feel his warm breath on my face. His face leaned in and I knew what was coming. He was nearly touching my lips as I pushed him back.
"Grissom, I can't."
He recovered blinking at me.
"Sorry."
I nodded before unlocking my door going in. I leaned against the closed door trembling at what almost happened.
Taking the week off I packed his things away feeling our life was just a huge lie. My heart felt betrayed as the truth came out about the wife in Georgia and how he died. The funeral was set for a week later, but I could not go.
I came back to work the next Monday feeling down. Grissom put me on light duty as the other's got assignments. At break I walked into his office seeing him sitting at his desk eating a sandwich reading.
"Hey." He said
"I finished with Greg's results." I said
"Good." He said, before taking another bite. I sat down in a chair in front of his desk slumping down. "Tired?"
"Yeah."
He nodded setting his book down on his desk.
"Are you going to the funeral?"
I shook my head sitting up.
"I can go with you."
"No, I can't." I said "His wife will be there and it would just be….weird."
"Okay."
I looked down at my hands on my knee hearing him stand. He sat down in a chair next to mine reaching over touching them.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." I said, looking at him.
He searched my eyes reaching up he pushed a strand of loose hair from my face.
"Sara?"
"What?" I asked, gently.
He looked at my lips as I trembled.
"You need to take care of yourself."
I sighed watching as he searched my eyes again.
"Grissom."
"What?" He said, smiling faintly.
I pulled him closer kissing him. He moaned gently pulling me closer. Clawing at him I didn't realize that I had moved from my chair to his lap. His hands held me in place as his lips passionately moved over mine.
Suddenly, I realized where I was and what I was doing. Everything seemed to be going around. Grissom felt me move back breathing in and out fast. I got up moving off him holding myself.
"I…..didn't mean…to…do….that."
He got up pulling me to the couch.
"Grissom….I am…so…sorry."
"It's okay." He said, rubbing my back.
I rocked back and forth trying to breathe.
"It's okay." He said
I shook my head looking at the floor.
"I..can't breathe!" I said
He pulled me back with him soothing me. A few minutes later I moved standing feeling better.
"Thank you." I said
"Sara, why don't you go home?"
"I'm fine." I said, going to the door. Grissom watched me leave then he looked down.
I walked to my car after shift.
"Sara." Grissom called
I stopped seeing him walking over.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"That's okay." I said
"Please?" He pleaded
I nodded feeling him pull me to the side of the building.
"Go ahead." I said
"I wanted to talk about what happened earlier."
"I don't want to talk about that." I said
"Sara, I know you don't, but I need to."
"Can't we just forget it?" I asked
"No." He said, looking at me.
"Grissom, it was nothing."
"Not to me."
I stared at him with my mouth open a little.
"What are you saying?" I asked
"I am saying that wasn't just a….weird moment."
"I am vulnerable and would have made out with Hodges."
"I don't think so."
"Look, don't read to much into that. I have to go." I said leaving. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked.
After that I avoided being alone with him. A few weeks later Grissom and I went on a case. I tried to get out of it causing him to put his foot down. He drove as I grumbled in the seat next to him. He glanced at me smiling a little at my act.
"So how's life?" He asked
I looked over at him surprised at the question.
"Fine."
"I only ask because we haven't seen each other much."
"We've both been busy."
"That's true." He said, looking out.
He parked at the scene getting out following me to the house. I went inside and disappeared as he worked the hallway. When we finished we drove back. Grissom turned down the street then onto the main road. He glanced at me then without warning pulled over turning the engine off.
"Grissom, what are you doing?" I asked
"I want to talk."
"We need to get back to the lab." I said
"We have time."
I looked at him then I sat back in the seat sighing.
"So what are we talking about?"
"Sara, look at me."
I slowly moved looking at him.
"Sara, what is happening to us?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"You're avoiding me."
"I am not avoiding you."
"Yes, you are."
"Can we just go?"
"No."
I sighed rubbing my head.
"Grissom, I just want to move on." I said
He watched me in silence then he sat back looking ahead.
"We can't move on Sara. Things have changed."
"It was just a kiss!" I said
"Yes, it was just a kiss, but it meant something."
"What, that I love you?"
"I don't know."
I sighed looking down.
"Our relationship is different."
I looked at him as he waited.
"Do you love me?" I asked
He didn't answer.
"Do you love me?" He asked
I opened my mouth looking at him. His hand went to my cheek and I closed my eyes. He watched me react to his fingers on my skin. I moved closer to his hand taking a breath. He moved closer watching my reaction. When none came he kissed me gently on the mouth. I put my hand on his face kissing him back. He moved his hand to my head as the kiss progressed. I moved closer to him. He moved back after a moment. I opened my eyes breathing faster. He stroked my cheek.
"Tell me the truth." He said
I swallowed looking into his eyes.
"How can I?" I asked, whispering.
"Do you love me?" He asked
All I could do was look at him.
"Do you?"
"I….I think I want to go home."
He watched me sit back in the seat looking down. I closed my eyes hearing the engine start and then we drove in silence. I could feel his eyes on me now and again. We stopped outside the lab and he got out as I stayed. The door opened as he looked at me.
"Sara, are you coming?" He asked
"I…want to sit out here for a few minutes." I said, looking at him.
He sighed looking at the lab then back at me.
"Okay."
He closed the door leaving me. I rubbed my head trying to work out what I was doing. I did love Grissom, but something held me back.
I came into his office ten minutes later seeing that he was hanging up his phone getting up to leave. He stopped looking at me.
"I was just coming to find you." He said "We need to get to work."
"In a minute." I said
He walked over looking at me concerned.
"You okay?"
"No, I am not, but I just want you to know that I care about you."
"I do to. Is there anything I can do?"
"No, I need to work it out."
He nodded as I opened the door looking at him.
"Ready?"
He walked out with me shutting the door. We worked until shift ended. I yawned opening my door to my apartment. I laid down in bed trying to sooth the headache I had. I dreamed about Grissom. The next shift he found me in the breakroom working at a table.
"Hey." He said, as he got some coffee.
"Hey." I said, glancing at him before writing on a paper.
He walked over drinking some coffee. I looked up at him as he looked at me.
"Sara, I wanted to know if you would like to come to my house to eat something later."
"Um….I sort of have plans." I said
He flexed his jaw looking at my head as I wrote something. I stopped again looking at him.
"What are you doing?"
I sighed getting my papers together as I stood.
"I am going out."
He nodded watching me gather papers.
"To a bar?"
I stopped looking at him.
"No, I don't do that anymore."
"I hope not."
"Grissom, there are other places to go besides a bar."
"Where?"
He hit me with his boss stare.
"I don't think I want to continue this conversation." I said, leaving.
I walked to the hallway shaking my head. Grissom knew me better than anyone.
I walked to my car stopping as I thought about something. I turned bumping into Grissom.
"Are you following me?" I asked
"I wanted to know if you were all right." He said
"I'm fine."
"You know I don't believe you." He said
I sighed looking down.
"Why don't you come to my place?"
"I…"
He raised his hand.
"Sara, I just want to feed you and then take you home."
I slowly gave in allowing him to drive to his home. We got out and I joined him on the curb. I could feel his hand on my back. I glanced at him as we climbed the stairs. He looked at me getting his keys out of his pocket. I watched him look down moving to the door. I pushed him back facing me kissing him. His keys dropped to the ground with a jingle as I shoved him against the door. He kissed me back putting his arms around me. I didn't care if his neighbors saw us. He moved his head back as I caught his lips again. My hands moved to his head.
He moved back looking down at the keys then at me.
"Keys." He said
I let him go to get them watching as he put them in the door. He moved back kissing me as I heard the door open as he pulled me in closing it pushing me against the door. I needed air and moved back breathing fast.
Grissom's eyes glowed blue as he licked his lips.
"Sara…."
I looked at his lips as he touched my cheeks. I leaned in kissing him again. I woke later feeling his arm around me in bed. I moaned moving facing him. His arm moved then stilled on my waist. I closed my eyes hearing his heart beating slowly. He moved against clearing his throat. I stayed still waiting to see what he would do.
"Sara?" He said, gently.
He smoothed back hair and I looked at him. He said nothing as he looked at me. I stared at him.
"Hungry?" He asked
"No." I said, shaking my head.
He kissed my head as I closed my eyes.
"So what do we do now?" He asked
"I love you, Grissom." I said, quietly.
"I know you do."
"Do you love me?" I asked
"Yes, I do."
I smiled a little. He stayed serious as he looked at me. I kissed him gently on the lips then I snuggled into his chest. He sighed holding me against him.
He drove me home getting out of his side to walk over to myside helping me out. His hand touched my hand. I let him take me to the steps where he kissed me then let me go. I went into the apartment feeling the pressure gone.
The next shift I was with Greg in the lab. My mind was on Grissom not the finger smudge on the glass in front of me. Grissom walked down the hallway seeing me coming out of the room with a paper. He stopped as I walked over.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine." I said, smiling a little.
"I have a meeting."
"Okay." I said
He nodded walking again. I watched him go then I went on my way. After shift he was about to leave his office as I walked in. He backed up watching me close the door putting my arms around him.
"Hard day?" He asked
"Yes." I said, muffled.
"You should go home and get some sleep. I am." He said
I moved looking at him.
"I suppose that's a good idea."
We walked out when I noticed a blonde woman walking in looking around. She talked to the Judy at the front desk then looked at Grissom and I.
"Sara, this lady was looking for you." Judy said
Grissom and I stopped looking at the woman.
"Hello, I am sorry to come at this hour, but I was told you were here still from Captain Brass." She said
"What can I do for you?" I asked
"I am Maggie Chelis, Peter's wife."
My heart almost stopped as I looked at her.
"Peter's wife?"
"Yes, I was wanting to talk to you and I could not wait." She said, looking at Grissom then at I. I looked at Grissom then at her.
"Sara, why don't you go and talk to her in my office?" He said, giving me his keys.
"I…don't know if…." I said
"Please, it won't take long." The woman said
I sighed wishing this was not happening. Grissom touched my back handing me the keys. I walked with Mrs. Chelis to his office unlocking the door. She looked around then faced me as I shut the door.
"Sara, I know you don't want to discuss this, but I was told about you when he died and I just want to see you."
"Peter, never told me about you, obviously." I said, motioning her to sit on the couch. She sat down as I stood. "If I had known then I would have not married him."
"I know. I was very angry about this and I know he was not the husband I thought I would have, but it's over now. My kids and I can move on."
"Kids?" I said, sitting down on the couch beside her. She took out a wallet from her purse showing me the picture of her and Peter's three kids. "Oh."
"He had women scattered from here to Virginia. I always looked the other way because he would come home to be with the kids. Now that everyone knows it's…..opened my eyes to how stupid I was." She said, sadly.
I touched her hand.
"I am so sorry." I said
She nodded putting her wallet back then standing.
"Sara, I need to let you go home. It was not easy coming here. I see what Peter saw in you. I hope I have not frightened you."
"No, I know you needed to do this." I said, standing. She hugged me sniffing then she walked out with me. I watched her go as I stopped where Grissom stood by the door. He touched my arm looking at me concerned.
"You okay?" He asked
I nodded even though tears were going down my cheeks. He gently wiped them away with his hand then led me outside.
Grissom walked with me into my place minutes later watching me go to the kitchen. He walked over seeing me drinking a beer. I drank it looking over at Grissom as he leaned against the counter.
"I earned this." I said
He crossed his arms over his chest looking down at the floor.
I drank again throwing away the bottle then I got another. He watched me with his judgmental Grissom face. I drank it down winching as it went down rough. I coughed putting my hand over my mouth then I looked at the bottle drinking what's left. A third one appeared and he grabbed it holding it away from me.
"I am not going to let you get drunk." He said
I tried to grab it from him, but he moved. He poured it out in the sink and then threw the bottle away. I sighed rubbing my head.
"Grissom, I need to…."
"No." He said "You're in pain and alcohol is not going to help."
"Peter had kids." I said
"Oh." He said, looking down taking a breath.
"Yeah." I said, leaning against the counter. "He had a wife and kids."
"Sara, you can't blame yourself over this."
"Can't I?" I asked "I should have stopped, but he was cute and we had a lot in common."
He watched me pace.
"I almost ruined four lives."
"Peter ruined four lives." He said
I wiped tears from my cheek. He pulled me to face him.
"Peter did this. You did not know." He said, searching my eyes.
I nodded as he wiped away another tear from my cheek. He rubbed my arms taking a breath.
"Will you do something for me?"
"What?" I asked
"Will you marry me?"
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
"Grissom….did you really ask me to marry you?"
"Yes."
"I…."
"Honey, I love you. I have for a very long time and I want to be with you."
I felt as if I was going to cry. It was hard not to hold my chin still. He held me against him as I put my head against his shoulder unable to hold it in. He felt me shake then I moved away from him looking at him.
"Y…yes." I said
"Yes?" Grissom asked
I put my hand to my mouth nodding. He hugged me again kissing my neck as I put my arms around his neck feeling my heart beat fast.