Alex has always been the protective and strong big sister. She was always told to look out for Kara and to make sure she was happy and safe. But what about her? That's all Alex can think about as she stands in her bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror hating what she sees.
She starts at her feet as she works her way up her body stopping at her thighs. She frowns when she notices that they touch; no gap. She sighs to herself wondering when she gained so much weight.
"Maybe that's why Maggie doesn't want me." Alex had said to herself.
Alex skips her stomach to afraid to look at how much she has actually gained. She moves to her arms to see the hidden scars. Her eyes fill with tears when she sees the old and new scars that are visible on her arms. She remembers the first night she put the scars on her wrist and the crying and the pain it caused. She remembers Kara coming to her months later begging her to stop; begging her to care about herself.
"How am I suppose to care when no one else does?" Alex asks herself.
Alex meets her eyes in the mirror. Sadness hidden in them. She doesn't see the beauty that people say she has. She has full brown eyes; they aren't beautiful like her sister Kara's are. Her hair is short and an ugly brown color while Kara's is blonde and bright like the sun.
"Maybe if I looked like Kara; Maggie would want me." Alex says to herself.
Alex stands in the bathroom thinking back to the past few weeks; thinking back to the things she did and said to make those she loved run away.
"Kara.. Hank didn't kill Astra... I did. I had too! She was going to kill him and I couldn't let that happen. I know I shouldn't have let him take the blame but I didn't want too loose you." Alex had said to Kara weeks before; only for Kara to storm out of the room.
Alex looks down at her arm remembering that night clearly; she had far too many drinks; alone in her bathroom and she destroyed herself in a way she promised she would never do again. Alex didn't care anymore.
Kara said she forgave Alex; but Alex knew it wasn't enough. She knew she wasn't forgiven and that was proven when Kara was under the red kyrptonite.
"You were always jealous of me Alex. Always wanted what I had. You wanted to protect me but instead you kill my Aunt, why? You want control over me? Alex; dont you get it? I don't need you! I never did. We aren't even sister." Kara said to Alex that night.
Alex never shows up for work after that. She couldn't face Kara knowing that's how she really felt. Alex promised herself she would never do it again; she broke the promise that very night. Kara visited her that night; claiming that she was sorry; that she didn't mean any of it. Alex nodded her head and pretended everything was fine.. nothing was fine.
Alex was good; it has been a week since she broken her promise twice and she was doing good on not doing it a third time; that was until she met Maggie Sawyer. Alex never thought anything of it; didn't think she could ever be gay. She was wrong; she is 100 percent gay. For once in her life she felt like everything was going well and she was happy until... she wasn't happy anymore. She came out to Kara and everything was good. She walked into that bar with confidence only for it to be destroyed when she realized her mistake.
"I'm here for you Alex.. but as a friend" Maggie said to her; showing off her sideways grin.
Alex waked out of that bar not caring anymore; she went home and broken her promise again and again only this time she was sober.
It's been another weeks and nothing has changed; Maggie doesn't want her and her relationship with her sister is dying; her mother is angry and Her father was alive but she couldn't find him and J'onn thinks that she can't do her job right. She's messed up when catching aliens and putting everyone at risk of being hurt. She's angry and hurt and wants it all to just stop.
Alex pulls out her phone as she starts to send out a couple of messages finally deciding what she has to do.
To Mom: I'm sorry for all the fights we had; especially the one this week. Thank you for accepting me and loving me no matter what. I love you.

To Winn: Don't wait too long to tell Kara about James and you; she will forgive you. Please take care of Kara. Thank you.

To J'onn: Thank you for saving me from Jail that one night and showing me a better life; you were always like a father to me and I am sorry it has to end this way.

To Maggie: I can't be friends with you. I like you. So so much. I can't play pool and act like I'm not thinking about how you feel when I touch you or how soft your lips are. I can't pretend I don't feel anything for you. I also can't stand the pain of knowing you don't want me. I like you so much it hurts. Thank you for showing me who I am; it's too late. Your an amazing woman Maggie Sawyer and don't let any woman tell you otherwise. Goodbye...

To Kara: Hey baby sister; I'm sure you will be sleeping when you get this... I want you to know that I am so sorry that I killed your Aunt but yet I am not. I know she was your family and I know... I know I messed up and I am so sorry about that. But you were right; I was always jealous of you; I wanted to be you; wanted to have your powers and I wanted to look like you but I never; ever; wanted for too you from being who you really are. I am so grateful that you landed in that pod on Earth and became my sister... only difference is that you were 13 and new to this planet so you needed a big sister... now you don't need me. Remember that promise I made to you when we were only 16 years old? I broke my promise... I love you Kara; forever and always. -Your Big Sister; Alex

Alex sends her last message as she moves to her bedroom slowly; she isn't sure what the time is or how much time as passed. She stares at her ceiling as she feels her heart start to slow and as the world starts to turn dark she hears her name. Someone is calling her; begging her to open her eyes.
Alex opens her eyes to find Kara looking down at her; tears are streaming down her face. Alex reaches a hand up to wipe Kara's tears off smiling softly to her.
"You came..." Alex says softly to her.
"I will always need you; please stay with me." Kara begs quietly.
Alex doesn't say anything as her eyes start to close; ignoring Kara's cries and yells of her name. The last thing she hears is Kara telling her to stay and the cold air of the night sky.