Undaed: Horror, one of the oldest genres to ever exist, they can be just to scare you, or teach lessons.
Zivon: Which is the case with these two warriors, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the destined savior of mankind from the darkness.
Undaed: A Jason Voorhees, the undead serial killer who prays on sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
Buffy Summers
Age: 22 at the end of the show
Height: Unkown
Weight: Unknown
Weapons:
Wooden Stake
Slayer Ax
Bare hands
Abilities:
Strong enough to fight Vampires (debatable as an average human is capable of fighting them barehanded)
Fast enough to potentially dodge bullets (Never proven, but implied)
Intelligence: Somehow managed to get a score of 30 on her ACT despite almost failing all of her classes at one point
Regeneration: Once got shot and recovered a few days later
Feats:
Has killed hundreds of vampires
Defeated multiple vampires that are hundreds of years old
Defeated Dracula
Has killed multiple demons ranging from stupidly weak to abnormally strong
Has defeated trained military soldiers
Defeated Alex, a creature built to be the ultimate monster killer, after fusing with her friends
Killed Glory, a hell goddess
Finally defeated the First Evil with the help of a army
Weaknesses:
Arrogant
Usually gets ass kicked, and then comes back armed with the knowledge of how to kill the creature.
Regeneration takes time
Tires out eventually
Undead: Ah, Buffy, one of the greatest and worst characters to ever be created by Joss Wheadon.
Zivon: Born in 1981, Buffy Summers became the slayer when she was fifteen after the death of the previous slayer, who was never actually talked about again. Go figure, anyway, she actually ran from her fate until she arrived at Sunnydale.
Undaed: Which happened to be a town built over a goddamned portal to hell, great location real estate, anyway, she decided to actually fight to save the world from the evils that would use the portal to end the world. Wow, haven't heard that story before, why is the chick considered to be a better female role model than Ripley?
Zivon: I honestly don't know, but on the better note, she would go on to defend the world from multiple threats like the Master.
Undaed: The most generic vampire villain name and character to ever exist.
Zivon: The Mayor.
Undaed: Let's demonize politicians while we're at it.
Zivon: The Hell Goddess Glory.
Undaed: Oh look! Another generic villain who…
Zivon: Undaed…I'm trying to do something important here, can you please keep quiet for a few minutes more.
Undaed: I'll try
Zivon: She also defeated Adam, a Frankenstein's monster deal that was designed to kill other monsters by the government and finally defeated the First Evil.
Undaed: So, with all of this, you'd expect her to be a total badass? Well, you're half right.
Zivong: Part of her success could be attributed to her weapons.
Undaed: Stakes, stakes, and more steaks! She has a affinity for these, despite the fact that it's made clear that the vampires can be killed be decapitation.
Zivon: She also has the numerous bladed weapons, though the most common is simply a ax.
Undaed: OK, truth talk? Her weapons are complete shite, but she's got better points elsewhere.
Zivon: Buffy has enhanced strength, speed, and agility.
Undaed: She also charm and body.
Zivon: Wait, what?
Undaed: She can regenerate…and seduce monsters.
Zivon: Well, that's disturbing.
Undaed: Uhh. Doesn't matter, onto weaknesses. While Buffy is, in fact, dangerous, she has a few glaring weaknesses. Probably the biggest is her arrogance, she love to run in, get her ass kicked, run away, lick her wounds, and come back with the knowledge of how to kill that monster. Her regeneration also takes time, so it's not good for a fight.
Zivon: This usually wouldn't matter, but for a fight against Jason, this fact does. Buffy is…actually kind of slut.
Undaed: She sleeps with about five guys during the course of the show, but despite this, Buffy is arguably one of the greatest female role models to ever walk the fictional plane.
Jason Voorhees
Age: Unknown (as the movies don't usually tell how long has passed)
Height: Depends on the movie usually about 6'3
Weapons: Machete
Woodcutters Ax
Spear Gun
Bow and Arrows
Sauna Rock (Yes, I'm serious)
Bare Hands
Bear Traps
Many others…
Abilities: Strong enough to punch a mans head clean off or be able to crush it with a single hand
Hunter Mindset, as in, able to think of the best way to kill everyone
Can either teleport or can move fast enough to make it seem so
Regeneration: Capable of taking hits from shotguns, Freddy in the dream world, and even getting his eyes gouged out, and is fine moments later
Feats:
Killed over 100 people
Defeated Freddy Krueger (almost in the dream world, where Freddy is God)
Has managed to defeat people ranging from boxing champions to Special Forces soldiers.
Is able to kill with basically anything
Has taken a full clip of a 12-gauge shotgun to the chest with no issue what so ever
Once regenerated after being thrown through earth-two's atmosphere and being reduced to a mask.
Weaknesses:
Arguably kind of dumb
Scared of water (maybe)
Toxic Waste (maybe)
Undaed: Ah, Jason, arguably one of the greatest horror movie characters of all time.
Zivon: And with a large body count to boot.
Undaed: Jason was once a normal boy, well…a mentally retarded boy, but a boy none the less.
Zivon: But all that changed when he drowned because the camp counselors who were supposed to be watching him…were to busy fucking to notice him.
Undaed: To put it simply, know when to keep it in your pants people, otherwise you might make a serial killer.
Zivon: Well, that's not completely true, now, whether through simple survival, or magic, Jason actually survived the drowning and lived off of the land for years.
Undaed: Give me a home, where the buffalo roam…
Zivon: And then had to watch his mother get brutally decapitated.
Undaed: Well, that got dark, anyway, Jason would go on to grow up and start murdering, until a chick managed to shove a axe into his face, then a little boy managed to hack him to death…then that little boy fucked up big time when he brought Jason back as we know and love him today.
Zivon: This new undead form gave him multiple new abilities, for one, being able to punch a man's head clean off.
Undaed: Or just crush them with his bare hands, but, even though hands are fun and all, he still loves weapons.
Zivon: Like his trusty machete, an heirloom from his late mother. The blade has survived for years, and is still capable of cutting through people like butter.
Undaed: Jason also has a…unique appreciation for axes as well, hatchets, woodcutting, fire, he uses them all.
Zivon: OK, before we get too in depth, let's just say that Jason is capable of weaponizing almost anything.
Undaed: Fuck yeah, but his greatest feats are coming up, like the time he defeated Freddy.
Zivon: Though it's debatable who really won, Jason was pretty much the last one standing, so to speak.
Undaed: And all of this thanks to his nifty ability to regenerate.
Zivon: While not on par with, say, Deadpool, he is capable of recovering from wounds that would make a sailor blush.
Undaed: Hell, he once regenerated from nothing but a mask after coming in from low orbit.
Zivon:…What?
Undaed: In Jason X, he actually came back from that ending, thank you novelizations!
Zivon: How…?
Undaed: Nanomachines Son! No really, that's what they said.
Zivon: OK, but all non-withstanding bullshit aside, Jason is far from invincible.
Undaed: In truth, he has been defeated multiple times by a single female, though it's almost always safe to say it was luck that allowed these victories.
Zivon: To put it simply, Jason is one hard son of a bitch to take down.
Undaed: Well, it's time to say it, TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
Xoxo
The moon was full, the ground was covered in fog, and the local cabin was currently quite steamy. The sound of the teenagers making love rang across Crystal Lake, the two blissfully unaware of the footsteps approaching. The tall form of Jason Voorhees walked to the door and promptly kicked it in, making the teens look at him in shock. Jason would have just gutted them right then and there, but that's when something happened. The back door slammed open and revealed a rather normal looking blonde.
"Get out of here," Buffy said to the two teens, "I'll handle this."
The teenager nodded and took off out the back, leaving Jason and Buffy to stare each other down.
"So, big boy," Buffy said with a snarky smile, "You being a naughty boy?"
Jason raised his machete, it was time to begin. It was the old monster vs the new monster killer.
Fight!
Jason started walking forward, only for Buffy to charge him. She performed a few punches to the undead killer's face, and finished with a roundhouse kick that sent him back a step. Jason's head snapped back, giving Buffy a cold stare.
"OK, so you're tougher than I thought," Buffy said as she pulled out a wooden stake, ready to finish this fight, "Time to turn you back to dust."
She rushed forward, only for Jason to grab her arm, Buffy pushed against it as hard as she could. The slasher refused to budge and his grip was iron clad, but Buffy still had a few tricks to play. She dropped the stake, and with a rather impressive slight of hand, caught it in her other hand. Jason was so shocked at the speed the he didn't even try to stop her when she plunged it into his chest; piercing what remained of his heart.
The pair stood there for a few seconds, before Jason looked down and back up at the Slayer.
"Oh…crap." Buffy said as Jason suddenly grabbed her and threw her across the room, her back slamming into the wall. The blow knocked the wind out of her, allowing Jason to surge across the room and grab her again. Buffy tried to hit him again, but Jason simply threw her through the nearest window. The Slayer landed with a hard thud, before doing a jump back to her feet.
"Wow, that actually hurt," Buffy muttered to herself as she got up and cracked her neck, "Not a vampire, though, that's for sure."
Her monologue was interrupted by the sound of cracking wood as Jason barreled through the wall, his eyes wide in rage. Buffy looked around, she knew that stakes weren't enough to finish this fight, but she had a backup plan. She spied her confidently placed car and ran to it, expecting to outrun the slasher villain. She ripped open the door and grabbed her slayer ax, only to be grabbed again.
She yelped as Jason threw her across the field, right onto the pier, she leapt up to see Jason slowly walking towards her. His machete gleaming in the moonlight; she smiled, despite herself, and got into a combat stance. As Jason approached, he swung; Buffy merely blocked the blade with her own and countered by slamming her blade into his chest.
Jason didn't flinch as he swung again, this time; Buffy dodged it and slammed her weapon into his arm. The blade dug into the flesh, but didn't even stop Jason as he slammed his arm into Buffy, knocking her down. The Slayer did a rather impressive spin kick and hit Jason right in the chest, knocking him back a few steps. The slasher gave her a look, before responding with a kick of his own. Buffy didn't have time to react as she was sent flying across the lake; she landed on the other side, coughing as she turned to regard Jason.
The Slasher started walking around, the Slayer smiled as turned to turn into the woods. This monster was stupid and she could exploit that if she was careful, she almost ran into the woods until an arrow slammed into the tree next to her, she whirled around to see Jason with a bow. Buffy's eyes darkened, if he was that good with the arrow to hit her from there, then he had a definite advantage. She took into the woods, hoping to take away said advantage with cover.
She ran through the woods, dodging the various roots and tree branches until she came across what she was looking for. A tall tree, with plenty of branches to cling too…
Jason came into the clearing a few seconds later, but Buffy was no where to be seen. Buffy smiled as she watched Jason move on, completely oblivious to her. She snaked down quietly, and moved behind him and readied her ax. Unluckily for her, these were Jason's woods. A sharp metallic clang rang out, and Buffy felt an extreme pain in her left leg. She fell down as she saw the source, a bear trap. The guy had leaded her into a trap, and he was coming closer.
Buffy quickly grabbed the trap, dropping her weapon, and, using her brute strength, managed to pry it open. The element of surprise was gone as Jason turned and approached her, his machete raised. Buffy quickly got to her feet and started running, her limp evident. She limped as fast as she could to the cabins, stopping at tree stump embedded with an ax.
"Well," Buffy said as she ripped it out and turned to face the hockey mask killer, "Here's Buffy!"
They slayer quickly ran forward, ignoring the pain in her leg as she raised her weapon to chop. Only for Jason to grab the shaft of the weapon, their eyes met as they struggled, Jason's droopy brown met Buffy's cold stare. Buffy pushed with all of her might, only for Jason to push even harder. The Slayer was flabbergasted as she felt her back bend, she was being pushed back. She shoved hard, making Jason go back a few steps, and tried again to chop him.
Jason, who had had enough at this point, simply deflected the ax blade with his machete, and slammed his arm into her, sending the slayer flying. Buffy slammed against a nearby tree with a sickening snap; she landed with a wet grunt. The girl got to her feet, before stumbling against the trunk of the tree. She coughed once, blood spattered against the tree as she did. Buffy knew that she was in trouble; this…thing was like nothing she had ever fought before.
She looked at Jason again as he walked towards her; Buffy knew that nothing would stop him from killing her. She got to her feet; it was all or nothing now. The Slayer screamed a war cry as she charged, slamming her fist into the slasher. Right crosses, left crosses, kicks to the head, kicks to the crotch, whatever she could hit, she was hitting it. The blows had enough force to send Jason back with each hit, Buffy smiled, she could win this!
That's when Jason had had enough; she punched at him again, only for the slasher to catch her fist. She didn't have time to struggle as Jason ripped her off the ground, Buffy yelped again, the sound becoming a full on cry of pain as Jason, without ceremony, plunged his machete into the woman's stomach. Buffy looked down in shock, the blow had shocked her and left her speechless. Jason threw her off again, the Slayer falling to the ground in a lump.
She looked again to see that hockey mask looming over her, the blood seeping out of her wound as he grabbed her head. Buffy could feel the pressure, and knew instantly what he was doing. She grabbed a stake from her back pocket, and as a desperate plea to fate, plunged it into his eye. The blow did nothing to Jason as he continued to squeeze, Buffy's grunt became a full blown shrill scream as the sickening cracking sound could be heard. She screamed until the inevitable happened, her skull split open and blood, brain, eyeballs, and bone all splashed onto Jason.
The savior of Sunnydale was dead, Jason gave her no thought as he looked around, where did those teens wander off to?
KO!
Zivon: You know, that's actually quite fitting for Jason…
Undaed: Yeah, but onto the explanation before the Buffy fans try to kill us.
Zivon: Onto the elephant in the room, how could Buffy win if Jason is so slow?
Undaed: Well, know how we mentioned that Jason is faster than people think? Yeah, he's actually much faster than you'd think, even without taking into account the remake, Jason has demonstrated remarkable reflex's.
Zivon: Considering that Buffy has never actually demonstrated reflex's to be faster than the average human? Jason has demonstrated great reflex's against Freddy Krueger in the dream world, where Freddy is far faster than average humans.
Undaed: And Jason is far stronger than Buffy, she can break solid wood with a extreme amount of effort, Jason just punches a head clean off with no effort.
Zivon: And Jason is far more durable than Buffy, for the love of pete, he takes a fireing squad armed with light machine guns and didn't go down until they blew him the fuck up.
Undaed: And he regenerates far faster than her, think of Deadpool VS Deathstroke. Both can regenerate, but one can regenerate far faster than the other.
Zivon: But the biggest factor for this fight wasn't strength VS speed, or even intelligence, in the end, Buffy wins by retreating.
Undaed: Like Godzilla VS Gamera, Jason has a far better track record winning in single matches. Hell, even Freddy VS Jason, the fight could be argued that it was just a single, long encounter.
Zivon: And if we included some of Jason's other ability, such as the stupid possessing people through his heart, Buffy would have been completely out of her legue.
Undaed: The winner is Jason Voorhees.
'beating on door sounds'
Zivon: Shit, there's the fans.
Undaed: I got this.
'hear the sound of Undaed putting something metallic on a table'
Zivon: Isn't that a…
Undaed: Yes, it's a arc cannon, don't worry, it's set to stun.
'sound of metal tearing'
Zivon: Shit, demons.
Undaed: I got this!
'more metallic clanging'
Zivon: How the hell did you get a Super Shotgun and a Chaingun?
Undaed: The armory.
Zivon: I could figure that out, where were you keeping those?
Undaed: Bag of Holding from Dungeons and Dragon.
Zivon: Got anything for me in that bag?
'more clanging'
Zivon: A N7 typhoon?
Undaed: I like to keep my options open.
'metal tearing'
Undaed: THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!
'shots fired and demonic screams of agony'
Zivon: Just going to end this here, see you next time folks!