AN: I've been trying to develop a piece like this for some time now, and it finally came out in a way I really liked. So I hope you like it too! :)

The quote is from the book Will Grayson, Will Grayson by David Levithan and John Green. And the title comes from a song called Equals by an awesome band called Mutemath.

'You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once requited love cannot.' – Will Grayson, Will Grayson

He stands there, in the middle of his apartment, sealed envelope in hand. His final exam grades are inside and Will, the ever so brave and daring Will Gardner cannot open the stupid white envelope. It's a piece of paper that has a little bit of glue keeping an end sealed shut and he can't get himself to just rip it open and find out what his scores are. He throws the paper down on the coffee table, not wanting to think about it. Though he does think that maybe he doesn't have to look at all and just hide away until the first semester of his second year starts and someone at the door will tell him if he should pack up for good and go home.

There are a handful of people in the world who know that Will cares a lot more about his grades than he lets on. He's smart, he knows that, but finding out if he passed 1L or not is terrifying for him. He becomes a nervous wreck when it's something that really matters to him.

He drops onto the couch and holds his head in his hands.

"Just open it. You're an idiot if you don't. Open it." He tells himself before quickly standing up again. He slowly reaches for the rectangular shaped envelope but there's a sharp knock at the door just before his fingertips touch the paper. He retracts his hand quickly and walks to the front door. Perfect, he thinks, I'll see who this is and I won't have to open that stupid envelope.

He opens the door, looks up to see who it is and there's a scream that pierces his ears before he even says hello. Alicia jumps around like crazy and keeps screaming.

"I passed!" She yells into the hallway of his building. It's so loud that Will thinks some of his neighbors might yell something back, but they don't. She jumps up and down and shakes her head and arms around, and screams again, all the while she wears the biggest smile he has ever seen and it makes his heart soar just seeing how happy she is.

"I knew you would!" The first thing he tells her, and he's honest because Alicia studies harder than anyone else in their year and she is a complete genius. She finally calms down and tries to catch her breath; she did just waste a lot of it. He looks her in the eye and he feels himself smiling but it's only for her because there's a huge feeling of sealed fear that is weighing heavily on his coffee table right now. He notices how her eyes shine and that her skin is glowing. He notices how her chocolate brown hair glistens from the light in his hallway and the grey dress she's in has a small coffee stain on the front that looks fresh.

He imagines her sitting on her brown and truly uncomfortable couch, a mug of coffee in hand, reading a copy of Dead Souls (because she told him she has always wanted to read it) and her roommate coming home, announcing her exam grades came in. Will can see in his head, as clear as day, Alicia jumping up from the couch in pure excitement and spilling her coffee on her dress just before she opens the envelope he is too scared to.

It shoots through his mind but he's interrupted by cranky old Mrs. Fleming down the hall who has opened her door and is yelling, "Stop all that screaming before I call the police!" Alicia turns around and yells that she's sorry before Will pulls her into his apartment and closes the door.

"I'm so happy. I'm more than happy. I don't know how to describe it! You know though. You must be feeling the exact same as me right now. Isn't it amazing?" She babbles and then spins around on her toes. Will doesn't know what to say. He hesitates and just stands there. Her smile drops and he hates that his own anxiety about his grades has made the most beautiful thing he has ever seen leave his sight.

"Will?" She says and he looks down, ashamed that he hasn't opened that stupid envelope yet. He lifts his chin back up when he sees Alicia start to turn around and look at the paper on the coffee table. She picks it up softly and holds it up, silently asking him why it isn't open.

"Do it." She extends her arm out. He almost raises his hand to grab it but that fear that he has the worst scores in history nags at him and he doesn't do anything. Alicia moves towards him and halts a couple feet away. "Come on, Will. I know you passed, I can feel it. Just open it." Her voice is soft, like the fabric of a new sweatshirt he thinks. It's better than anything. Don't distract yourself with random shit about sweatshirts. Do it for Alicia, he says to that nagging feeling in his body.

Alicia reaches down to Will's side, slides her hand over his, and pulls it up. She gently pushes the envelope into his hand and gives him the most delicate smile.

"Just do it." She whispers the words and he can barely hear them but it somehow pushes a ton of confidence into him and he starts to rip open the seal. Alicia bites her lip, and Will loves it when she does that so he rips faster. He looks down, and he's proud he managed to even open the thing and he takes a few steps back. He can't breathe evenly when she stands that close to him and he needs to breathe right now. He places his thumb and finger onto the paper inside the envelope and gently pulls it out. He looks to Alicia and she nods to him, giving him silent encouragement. He slowly unfolds the paper and stares at it. He can't seem to make out half of the words there but what he is looking for is in bold.

"I passed…" It surprises him, even though he was so confident he had done well in the exams. It's just finding out for sure that is the hardest part.

"What?" Alicia's voice drifts through his ears and since she isn't screaming yet he knows he didn't actually say anything. He looks up to her and she looks so nervous for him, and when he starts to smile, she mirrors him.

"I passed." He actually voices this time.

"Will!" She cheers, and she starts to scream happily and jumps up and down again, just like she was doing when she stood at his door.

"I passed!" He yells into his apartment, ecstatic. He sees Alicia leap forward and he catches her perfectly when she jumps into him and wraps her arms around his shoulders. He spins her around a couple times because he's happy, and she's happy, and he can. She is as light as a feather, and so is he. She starts to laugh, loudly. He wants to tell her how much he loves her laugh, but they're just friends and he shouldn't. Instead he puts her back down on the ground gently.

"We got through our first year of law school, Will!"

"I know!" She closes her eyes and shakes her head. He can't believe it either. She stops the shaking and pulls his face into her hands. She reaches up to his forehead and kisses it quickly. She does the same to both of his cheeks, and it's too quick because he barely had the chance to feel her lips on his skin. But then she gives him a quick kiss on his lips. It's the exact same as the kisses on his cheeks and he knows it isn't about anything, she's just excited. But he's upset he can't kiss her for longer, because he tells himself again that they are just friends and it's too late to do anything anyway because she starts talking.

"Let's go celebrate!"

"I don't know, Leesh. It's getting late." It's already late afternoon because he took so long to open the envelope, which he knows now was completely idiotic. "I should start packing some stuff for when I go visit my folks next week."

"Come on, Will. I insist!" He can't figure out how to say no, or if he even should. "There's an ice cream cone out there with your name on it." She beams a smile at him, wide with all her shiny white teeth sparkling.

"Ice cream?"

"It's still so warm out and it's such a nice day! I don't want to skip out to a bar and have a sneaky shot before I go home. I want ice cream." She gives him a pouty look, one that nobody could say no to. And Will is definitely one of those people.

"Fine. Let's go get some ice cream."

"Yes! I'll be sure to get you a double scoop of rum and raisin with chocolate sprinkles. Your favorite." She gives him such a cheesy smile and starts to walk to the door. He follows her out and as they walk past Mrs. Fleming's door her head reaching out her door and gives them the most hateful look. The meanest look either one of them has seen, but they really don't care. They run out of his building laughing because they're just so happy they survived their first year of law school, and Will knows he still has two years with Alicia and it's all he cares about.

It's that moment (where Alicia puts her long, wavy and shiny hair into a scrunchie to keep it from getting stuck in her double choc-chip ice cream) when Will Gardner realizes he's madly in love with Alicia Cavanaugh. It's that one moment that stays with him for more than twenty years because it's the first and only time he has ever fallen in love.

Will is extremely aware of that age old saying that your whole life flashes before your eyes just before you die. He has always wanted to believe in it, just so he can remember all the childhood memories he had with his sisters. He wants to remember all the ball games he went to with his father, and how his mother would read him to sleep every time he got sick with the flu or something worse just before he dies. But as he got older and life started to happen, he knew there something in particular he would have liked to remember before he died.

And at the end there was only one moment that flashed before his eyes. It played over and over and over in his head as clear as the day it had happened over twenty years before. He was about to lose faith that his whole life wouldn't appear it his head, but it did.

Because that moment he had fallen in love with Alicia? It was everything to him. And after all, Alicia Cavanaugh was his entire life.