So I've had this idea bouncing in my head for a while and finally got around to writing it. I had trouble coming up with topics that the states could argue about that weren't political. The last thing I need is to start a war on politics on the internet… -_-
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this short little story. If you see any grammatical errors just point them out to me, I would very much appreciate it.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA! I JUST MADE UP THESE CHARACTERS!
Despite the large size of the room, it was still crowded. Fifty people were all in the room, making small talk and catching up with each other. Minutes passed, and the group was getting restless.
"Who are we waiting on again?" asked a man with reddish-brown hair irritably. He wore a dark blue suit and a fancy Rolex which he checked frequently.
"Hawaii, she's always late." A man with mousy brown hair in a formal short sleeve shirt answered. The other man groaned.
"Of course! Doesn't she know we have better things to do than to wait for her?!"
"You're always in a hurry, Yorkie...and you know Hawaii lives on island time." the other man patted "Yorkie's" shoulder in a parody of comfort.
"Knock it off Virginia." New York growled and brushed off Virginia's shoulder. Just then the doors to the room opened. Everyone in the room turned to see a young girl with jet black hair run into the room. Her footsteps echoed as her feet slapped the tile floor. She stopped and bent over to catch her breathe. Hawaii looked up and blushed when she saw she was the center of attention.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...make you guys wait!" She called out in between pants. Finally, everyone was present. A wild-eyed man in a cowboy hat stood up proudly.
"Awright! Everyone's here! So let's get this party started y'all!" He shouted loudly. Virginia coughed awkwardly into his fist.
"Texas has a point, for once. The state conference will now begin. I believe we had several topics to discuss today." Virginia pulled out some papers, "First off is the ongoing issue of our trillion dollar debt to China." An audible groan swept the room.
"I thought we paid it off already." Hawaii stated,
"Not completely," Virginia explained, "according to Nevada, we're almost down to the billions*. I forgot what we did the last time China the loan shark was on our backs though..." Hawaii nodded and began to think.
"We could have a fundraiser!" Texas suggested happily, Virginia rolled his eyes.
"That's absurd, what are we going to do for a fundraiser?" Virginia questioned Texas. Texas scowled at Virginia, but bowed his head a little to think about the answer. A young man who looked like he just stepped off the beach spoke up,
"We could have a bake sale!" Several heads dropped down into their hands. Virginia had to resist making a drug joke and wrote down on his notes.
"Right...we'll take that into consideration, California. Any other ideas?"
Virginia asked. Immediately, states cried out at once,
"Make a new currency!" Illinois called out,
"Get rid of the penny!" Arkansas suggested,
"Increase tourism!" Hawaii said,
"Sell Hawaii to Japan!" Texas called,
"Hey!"
"Was a joke darlin'"
"What about fixing the economy?" A man from the corner suggested quietly. His sandy blond hair was covered by a fishing hat, he wore tan cargo pants and a tan vest, but what was eye-catching about the man was his shirt. It was covered in red, white, yellow and black. On his shoulder sat a crab. Virginia automatically tensed.
"Well looks like Maryland decided to pitch in." New York teased. Virginia wrote down Maryland's idea begrudgingly.
"Well, obviously we have to fix the economy." New York shrugged. A young man, who looked similar to New York but larger and more ragged, stood up.
"Oh yeah? And what do you suggest to fix it, big guy?" He turned to New York
"Don't get so ruffled Jersey, I know that's asking a lot of you, since your economy has gone down the toilet."
"Maybe it did, but at least we actually make pizzas properly." New Jersey remarked, knowing it would set off New York. On cue, New York's short temper snapped.
"DON'T GO COMPARING YOUR CRAP PIZZAS TO MINE YOU-"
"CALM DOWN GUYS! HOLD YER HORSES!" Texas cut in before a fight could break out, "I thought you two were s'posed to be on other sides of the room?" The two states glared at each other for a second before going to other corners of the room. Once Texas thought a fight would not break out, he started up again, "Right, what were we talkin' about again?"
"Fixing the economy." New Jersey answered sardonically,
"And how are we going to do that?" Texas asked,
"What if we stop sending our jobs over to the guy we owe this debt to?" Maryland suggested. Virginia snorted,
"Yes, you would know all about that, you keep sending businesses packing over the border into my state." Virginia said. Maryland bristled in anger, but didn't respond. Many other suggestions were tossed, noted and shot down. After two hours of idea tossing, the states were ready to attack each other. Hawaii suggested that they just refer their ideas to America and let him and the boss deal with it. Everyone agreed and relaxed a bit. Virginia stacked his papers against the table.
"Alright, we're done one topic. Up next, I believe Florida had an issue he wanted to discuss." Florida nodded,
"Yup. We need to figure out how to deal with these invasive species in our ecosystem." Florida declared,
"What do you mean?" Hawaii asked, since she was not on the mainland, she wasn't affected as much.
"People bring in animals from other countries and then they get out. Even now these guys are destroying everything*."
"And by 'everything' you mean the Everglades, am I correct?" Virginia asked. Florida looked away, pressing his index fingers together,
"It's a delicate ecosystem..." Florida muttered just loud enough to be heard.
"When is the Everglades not at risk?" New Jersey asked, Florida glared at New Jersey who only raised an eyebrow to response.
"I say we find the beasts responsible for this and shoot 'em!" Texas suggested,
"Not everything can be fixed with a gun, Texas!" Virginia said,
"Bullspit," Texas snapped back, "Anything can be fixed with a gun. Ain't that right West Virginia?" A man in camoflague and neon orange hat and vest let out a cheer in response, but Texas wasn't done, "I bet a lot of my buddies here would agree." Cheers went out throughout the room.
"Please note that it was the states below the Mason-Dixon Line who said that." New York commented,
"Not all," Maryland corrected, he was one of the states that didn't speak up. Sensing danger, Virginia decided to cut in before another fight broke out.
"People please! Let's not divide into sections of the country! That doesn't end well when we do!" Virginia pleaded,
"Who put you in charge of this here meetin', anyhoo?" Texas countered. Virginia straightened up, chest puffed with pride.
"Because I'm the oldest, so that naturally makes me in charge. I was the first state to be formed after all."
"You were also one of the few states to leave it too." Maryland countered. Virginia scowled at Maryland,
"Back off, Maryland! At least I have a taste in fashion!" Virginia snapped, glaring at Maryland's shirt
"It's just my flag." Maryland replied,
"Will you quit with the flag thing? You're state flag is not that interesting*."
"Right...We should all change it to look like yours, because it's so original*...oh wait." The crab on Maryland's shoulder snapped it's claws in front of Virginia's face. Virginia growled and lunged towards the crab, which started a fist fight with Maryland. That set off New Jersey and New York to start fighting again. Soon, all 50 states were fighting with each other. The din was deafening as all the states argued with each other.
"I'm going to cook at stupid crab for dinner!"
"Ha! As if you'd even know how to cook crabs!"
"REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"
"As if you'd allow us to forget!"
"Not everyone is impressed with New York City. LA has things to offer too!"
"If you're a big fan of earthquakes, LA is PERFECT!"
Away from the ruckus, the District of Columbia sat cradling his head in his hands. A door opened and America poked his head in.
"Yo! The boss-man wants an update on what's going on." America told DC,
"Tell him to come back in a few months." DC mumbled, not lifting his head up,
"You got it!" America then closed the door, leaving the states to settle down on their own.
States:
Virginia: Virginia is the home state of George Washington and is the oldest state in the union. Naturally that gives him a superiority complex when it comes to the other states. He tries to set a good example for the other states and often has to take other states opinions into consideration (even if they're wrong). Virginia often gets into fights with Maryland.
New York: New York is interesting because it has not just New York City, but upstate New York, which they will say that there is a major difference. I decided to New York mostly City personality, constantly on the go, extremely opinionated, superior to New Jersey because he's not New York.
New Jersey: New Jersey is can be just as loud and in-your-face as New York but hates being compared to him. He often gets irritated by New York's snobbish attitude towards him and is able to easily push New York's buttons. And New Jersey pizza is much better than New York pizza
Maryland: Maryland is an interesting state. He sits below the Mason-Dixon Line, but has more in common with the east coast than the south. Maryland has pride like the rest of his siblings, but isn't as loud about it. Instead, he goes for a passive-aggressive attack which really annoys Virginia.
Texas: One of the loudest states if not the loudest, Texas is very outspoken and eager to show off. He's generally a very friendly guy, but will not back down from a fight when it starts. He refuses to let any of the states forget the Alamo, even if they don't remember exactly what the Alamo was about.
Hawaii: Hawaii is generally laid back and is late to many meetings due to he being on permanent "island time". She isn't affected as much when something big happens in the mainland so she just let's her brothers and sisters argue it out. She's very friendly and likes meeting new people.
Florida: Florida is pretty quiet but nice person. He only speaks out in meetings when he has something to say. Florida is very protective of his Everglades and will sacrifice just about anything to protect it.
California: California is a young state who prefers to mess around than deal with his responsibilities. The other states make fun of him for his legal marijuana but he doesn't actually smoke it often. California loves surfing with Hawaii.
District of Columbia: DC is not considered a state but his own territory, but he doesn't have any senators and just one representative in Congress. Considering all the politicians in his city arguing and getting nothing done, he's probably used to it by now.
Notes:
*I am not sure of the exact amount of money we owe China or if we paid it off already. I picked this number for sake of humor.
* Florida has a big problem with nonnative species settling into that state; Snakeheads, rock pythons, red-eared sliders and spectacled caiman are just a few out of hundreds of species not native to the area. With some of these creatures having no natural predators to stop them, no wonder Florida's concerned about his ecosystem.
* Something Marylanders are amazingly proud of is their flag. It is considered the most distinctive flag of the union and Marylanders are not afraid to brandish it. And yes, they will wear their flag to show their support link: make-the-logo-bigger-seriously/under-armour-university-of-maryland-pride-uniforms-03/
* Alaska, Connecticut, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Wisconsin; what do all these states have in common? Their state flag is blue with an insignia in the middle.