Disclaimer: Don't own Artemis Fowl. Belongs to Eoin Colfer.

Summary: Artemis Fowl wakes up in a hospital room to Arno Blunt- and a bunch of scary men who think he's a terrorist, he isn't that surprised. Something is evidently wrong though, when he sees Arno Blunt has still got his molars.

A/N: Originally I posted another fic with this plot, but I quickly forgot about it. However I did get a review for it, and when I looked over it I decided I would try again, but not go about it in such a… non serious way as before. It's set after the events in TLC, but like I'm taking a lot of liberties with the whole time travel stuff.

Chapter 1: Patient X

He woke to a foreign steady beeping.

Too lazy, too sore to open his eyes, Artemis tried to determine the cause of the noise. Then he groaned. Beeping, pain.

He was in a hospital.

Lifting his heavy eyes, his thought was confirmed by a pastel wall, a white metal frame of the bottom of his bed, and a chart stuck to its side.

Not to mention he had tubes attached to him.

"Hey," a strangers voice alerted him to another person in the room, coming from his left. Artemis didn't bother turning his head. "Hey, kid. Are you awake."

He offered only another groan in response.

"shit. I'll be back with a nurse."

Bring a doctor, Artemis thought. He probably tried to say it too, but all that came out was a pathetic gurgle.

He must have fallen asleep again, because when Artemis next opened his eyes a chubby nurse was leaning over on front of him, taking a look at one of the tubes he was hooked up to… morphine? In his complete dazed, pained state he couldn't even appreciate the view he had.

"He can't still be that bad, can he? I'm going to have to get something out of him soon." It was the voice from earlier, only now Artemis noticed something familiar in it. The accent, was it Australian, was ringing a bell in his head, the alarm bells.

"It'll be the drugs that are affecting him mainly, at the moment. He's been semi conscious for a day or so now, I doubt he's in any real pain." she replied lightly, too cheerfully for what she was saying. "Not agony, at least."

"great," the familiar man muttered. "When can I take him down to the office?"

"Not now,." The nurses' voice took on an admonishing tone, and she stepped out of Artemis' line of sight. "Even if his illness is fading, he still has a broken leg."

"Last time I looked, we supplied wheelchairs."

"if you need to talk to him, do it here."

As the man shuffled to the front of his bed, Artemis braced himself against the pillows for concentration. He was finally able to see the stranger, who has been skulking around his room since he woke up. One glance at the mop of blonde hair and his stomach curled up, he grimaced and let his head flop laxly on the pillow.

His first instinct was to scream. Artemis Fowl was normally perfectly composed, but when one was two sheets to the wind and suddenly met a man who wanted to kill him, he felt he could make exceptions. Only he didn't, he couldn't. He couldn't yell to get him away.

Why was Arno Blunt in his hospital room?

Why was he in hospital?

"Fucksake, girl, did you see that." The Blunt look a like yelled at the nurse, cocking his head in Artemis' direction. "the shit grimaced when he saw my face." grinning to himself, he turned back to the bed, "got to tell you, you don't look like much of an oil painting yourself."

Giving him a withering glare, the nurse came up from behind , to see for herself. Her eyebrows furrowing in concern, she pressed her palms flat against Blunt's back.

"Come on, you're not starting today." she pushed him playfully in the direction of the door, he pretended to resist until he got to the threshold.

"When will I get at him, then?"

"I'm not sure- we'll send word if he's recovered."

"Right then," Blunt nodded curtly, zipping his jacket up. "I'll check back tomorrow."

"No," she yelled down the hall after him as he walked away, "I'll call for you."

"Bye."

Sighing, her shoulders slumped as he continued to head away. Ignoring her protests. Then she turned back into the room, hands on her hips, eyeing up her patient in bemusement. Meeting her eyes, he mimicked her feelings with as little movement as possible, raising his eyebrows.

"Trust me honey, you'll get used to it." Before leaving the room, she tapped the side of his bed fondly, beaming at him. "see you later."

Her shift must have ended then, because throughout the day various nurses and hospital staff hung around his room, but she was never among them. At first Artemis worried that his condition, which the circumstances of which were still a mystery to him, was still so unstable that they couldn't risk leaving him too long.

This thought was put to rest though, when the janitor spent half an hour scraping chewing gum from under the window sill.

Even in his drugged and drowsy stupor, Fowl was no fool. They were keeping an eye on him, and he had no idea why.

Twice he tried to get the attention of a few of the more amicable looking nurses, pushing himself forward from the bed so they'd know he was trying to talk to him. However both times when he began to form words, they scolded him and told him to get rest.

The biggest clue came from a motherly middle aged nurse, who bossed the other younger women about almost like a matron.

"Don't be sitting like that." she yelled at him, rather harshly, her words conflicting with a gentle pat on the arm. "that was a nasty fall you had."

He was surprised, in the early hours of the morning, when he woke up and found he could move without much difficulty. The heavy drowsiness the drugs had caused was now gone, and he was feeling strangely mobile. Testing his limbs carefully , he was surprised to find out that, other than a general soreness which was probably caused by lying in a bed for ages, he didn't feel any pain.

A normal person would have been grateful, but Artemis was suspicious.

Determined to be awake when the first doctor or nurse came to see him, he sat upright, stiff against the cushions, and thought about the situation he was in. Amazed he hadn't been more shocked the day before.

Arno Blunt had been in his hospital room.

No matter what situation he thought up, there was no way a hospital would legally let Arno Blunt sit in on him. Even if he had left prison early, he wouldn't be allowed to go near Fowl.

Thinking this through, the first nurse from yesterday came in to see him sitting upright on the bed, staring thoughtfully at the covers.

"Oh," she exclaimed at the doorway, grabbing on to the frame. "Hello. Your awake then."

"It would seem so," he replied slowly, looking at her warily. "should I be?"

The nurse seemed surprise to see him up at this point, but disguised this emotion quickly. She came into the room and sat down on the soft chair beside Artemis' bed, taking her time in answering Artemis' question.

"I was awake yesterday, also." he commented, casually, but the nurse evidently caught the implication, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead.

She didn't seem to know how to reply to that.

"Miss, were you sedating me."

She grinned.

"No, you patients are all so paranoid. " chuckling to herself she added, "Why do we always get the warped ones."

Not returning the smile, Artemis shrank back slightly when she suddenly lurched forward. Giving him a funny look, she grabbed the clip board off the edge of his bed, to read off it.

"How're you feeling?"

"I feel stable. Completely stable."

She clucked her tongue at that, glaring at Artemis over the clip board."Any soreness."

"No. None at all."

"None?"

"None." he repeated firmly. He knew that if he mentioned the bed soreness she would jot it down. He wanted to be discharged.

"Okay, any nausea?"

"No." he snapped exasperated. "Nurse.."

"Julie" she cut in.

"Nurse Julie, may I ask you a question, please."

"Of course you may, so long as you don't accuse me of overdoing your morphine dose."

"Has my mother consented to this treatment." A quick glance of disdain around the room, into the hall, added a silent 'to treatment here'.

The nurse, Julie, froze, and shook her head quickly, nervously. "I'm I afraid that I..I'm not the person to ask that." she said, keeping her eyes on the clip board, her voice more shrill than before. "I… you'll have to ask a doctor."

Odd. Artemis thought. He'd have to check with the doctor to see if he could contact his mother, or better Butler, about getting him transferred to another hospital.

Where there were no Arno Blunts.

From her familiarity yesterday, he was sure he could ask her about him, and why he was in the room. He put it off though- systematically replying "No, none, not really" to her string of questions- numb? Tired? Swelling?- until she was on her way out, evidently eager to get out of the room with the cheeky patient that was accusing her of drugging him.

"Miss…Nurse."

"Julie." she told him again. "yes what is it."

"I was wondering if you could not let that man Bl-" he stopped himself from finishing his name, not wanting her to think that he knew him. "that blonde man- could you not let him back into my room."

The nurse was not skilled at concealing her feelings, clearly shocked by what he has asked, her face twisted in confusion.

"He made me uncomfortable." he snapped, not appreciating the expression she was making. " I think it's understandable that I don't want him near me."

Continuing her pattern of a long silence before replying, she stared at him, her head tilted to the side. When she spoke it was in the soft tones she had used before he had asked about his mother. Perhaps she had remembered the way drugged up Artemis had reacted to his presence the previous day.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do anything about him."

She was firm, but gave him a sympathetic smile, tapping the side of his bed like the day before. "I am sorry."

Nearly calling after her, Artemis glared at his bed sheets. His feeling of unease had increased, and no one had told him what was wrong yet. He could have asked, but after the reply to a simple enquiry about his mother, he decided he'd rather not.

Besides, he was quickly distracted by something else. On the seat, he observed, the nurse had stupidly left his chart lying. Curiosity getting the better of him, he snatched it up, after taking a quick furtive glance out the door.

Turning it the right way up, he let his eyes scan down the sheet, detailing his condition. Not terribly informative, Artemis was not surprised by the nature of his injuries. The shock came from something entirely different.

"Patient X"

A.N: Okay. I AM going to continue this. I am determined. I crave reviews and critique though. Even if it's just to say "you spelt -insert word- wrong" or "I think this is interesting". It helps me get things out faster.

Next chapter: Teeth