This story came to me when I was talking to some of the other writers on Fanfiction about TLS. It's a stand alone story, that isn't apart of any of my other stories and honestly I just ran with a random idea. :)
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"I have to make amends where I can." Kyoko said to Sasha as they'd been conversing Japanese given Kyoko's English was very limited. She held her baby boy in her arms as she sat up in the bed. She should be laying down, the sheer effort and energy she was expending was worth it as she'd rather spend her last days soaking up the warmth and love for her son.
She wanted to memorize all of his tiny expressions and marvel in how he interpreted the world through his tiny eyes. She wanted to take as much as she could with him so that maybe he would remember her in some small way, like a feeling of her presence. Her son looked up at her with sleepy eyes as he had a full belly and was wrapped up in a warm soft blanket. She felt her heart fill with boundless love for him and also a deep sorrow for all the things she would miss out on.
She tried not to dwell on her missing out but on what Kaito would have. He would be free from the virus and grow into a fine and honourable man just like her husband had been before the Pandemic. She just hoped he never had to face the choices they did and that he'd never carry the burden for their actions. She prayed for Kaito to live a long and happy life every night she went to bed. She prayed that when she passed away; he was given to a good family.
"Rios is working hard on trying to help you and Takehaya. He'll get there, you just need to hang in there a little longer." Sasha urged her, Kyoko gave her friend a soft smile as she appreciated her for wanting to keep her positive but Kyoko had accepted her fate. She was destined to die months ago, the only reason she was still alive was that her husband refused to accept defeat. He was the only reason she and their son were alive but now even with the generosity and hard work of Doctor Rios and the crew even he could feel it; fate had caught up with them. He could feel the same sense that their lives were slowly draining out of their bodies and there was nothing they could do but make sure their last days count.
The Captains had shown them kindness in allowing her husband to be with her and Kaito and in turn he helped them in trying to take away the threat of Peng. She had to admit she had seen more of the man she had fallen in love with these days not the man he'd become when he took on the moniker of 'Takehaya'. He was just like her; driven by that same need to repent for their sins. Her husband had been driven blind by his need for vengeance and to protect her and their son. It didn't make his actions right, but they did make him human.
"I feel it, the transfusions are no longer working as well as they used to. I fear I don't have many days left so I'd prefer we use them being practical and enjoying what time is left than waiting on a wish." Kyoko told Sasha, she saw how it pained Sasha but she ultimately accepted Kyoko's wishes with a nod and a tight smile.
"Of course." Sasha told her, she reached out grasped Kyoko's hand in her own giving it a supportive squeeze. She looked about to say something more when Petty officer Miller cleared his throat announcing his presence. Kyoko gave him a warm smile as Sasha turned to the young man.
"Miller." Sasha said turning her brain back to conversing in English. She was glad he came as she had asked him to come but as much as she wanted to push him so Kyoko could say her piece. She held back as she felt he needed to feel he had control and freedom of choice especially after it had been taken away by Takehaya and his men.
"Ma'am. I was requested to come here." Miller said, he didn't know what brought him down to the infirmary. He could easily have denied the request. Most of him wish he had as he'd spent days since their recovery from Kumonosu Island trying to put it all behind him. He didn't know why but he thought it would be easy, that he'd just stow it away like what happened on GITMO when he shot the terrorists and call it a day; move on.
But his time in the camp while short left an indelible mark on him. He could deal with the beatings and the broken ankle but the real conflict had come from when they'd taken his blood. When they'd etched his blood type into his arm with a scalpel and taken his blood in that hovel of an infirmary. If it could be called that. He could hate all the men on the island but watching an incredibly sick and pregnant woman be given his blood? well threw all of his normal coping mechanisms went out the window. While she was complicit, she was just as much of a victim as he was as he could tell she didn't want to be on that island but was so desperate to survive.
It blurred the lines for him, it made him upset that a part of him acknowledge her as the enemy while an even larger part of him just wanted to help rescue her and get her help. It deeply upset him that he couldn't rationalise it in his mind and part of him felt that if his mother knew how he thought she would be deeply disappointed in him for thinking such of a vulnerable woman. He wanted it to be easy, for clear cut lines but it wasn't.
"Yes, Kyoko has something to say to you. She asked me translate for her." Sasha said as she rose from her chair and gave Miller a warm smile that said to him that he wasn't in trouble and everything would be ok. Something he found debatable as his emotions rolled, he swallowed trying to keep them in check; something that was getting easier to do but unlike the others in the group he felt he was the only one broke down in tears over. He now just tried to do it where no one would see him.
"Um, ok." Miller said as he didn't know what she could possibly want to say to him. She looked so pale and weak as she leaned her back against the wall and held her baby in her lap. She looked at him with deep contrition as she spoke, tears slowly slid down her face. It made Miller feel like an asshole as he was the reason she was crying even though he hadn't done anything but show up.
"Moushiwake gozaimasen deshita." Kyoko started.
"Kyoko deeply apologises and says that she deeply ashamed for what happened to you and the others. She hopes one day you can forgive her for her selfishness in wanting her son to survive and in what it took from you for that to happen." Sasha translated while Kyoko spoke. Miller felt her words sink into him as he wanted to tell he was 'nobody', it's how he'd felt most of his life. The person in the background or the moron who couldn't get it right. He couldn't imagine anyone apologising to him. Ever.
Yet here Kyoko was, a dying woman holding her child asking for the hope that she'd be forgiven by him. It was incredibly humbling and a small way released a tension he hadn't realised he'd been carrying. That her words somehow validated his pain, and freed him from trying to figure out how he should feel. It was almost like he could breathe again with ease.
"Ah, it's not-" Miller started but Kyoko kept talking and Sasha kept translating. So he closed his mouth and let her have her say even though it was hard given he felt his eyes sting with tears. He really didn't want to cry, he just hoped she finished saying her peace as he didn't want to fall to pieces in front of the women.
"She is also incredibly grateful to you and your unwilling gift of blood as you kept her alive long enough to have her son and this time with him. That while she understands your resentment of her that you won't feel that towards her son." Sasha finished, even she looked slightly overcome by the woman's
"I don't hate you- her" Miller looked to Sasha "Can you tell her, I appreciate her kindness but she was doing what any mother would do for her son. So there's nothing to forgive. I'm just glad he's ok and I hope the Doc can help her." Miller said to Sasha but also looking to Kyoko as Sasha translated what he said into Japanese. He felt after everything Kyoko said to him while it didn't change the past he felt there was nothing to forgive on her part. Toshiro owed him an apology but then the guy was dead. So he figured bygones. Kyoko didn't need to apologise to him at least that's how Miller felt now she actually said the words to him. Kyoko gave a nod and sad but grateful smile at his words before she said something to Sasha.
"Would like to have a hold of Kaito?" Sasha asked Miller, as she lifted the baby out of Kyoko's shaky arms. The baby made tiny noises at being moved but settled in Sasha's arms as she walked over to him. "Kyoko would be honored if you did." She added.
"I've never held a baby." Miller admitted to her, Sasha gave him an encouraging smile.
"It's pretty easy, but don't feel pressured to if you don't want to. I can Kyoko you needed to get back to duty." Sasha told him, she knew it was hard to refuse Kyoko as she was such a kind and beautiful person; inside and out who'd just suffered a horrible situation of being torn between her want to survive and accepting that she was compliant to her husband's crimes. at least in accepting Miller's blood knowing it was stolen. Sasha felt that in many ways; Kyoko was much a prisoner as the others as she'd been too ill to really do anything and her husband would have gone against her wishes either way.
"No, I'd like to." Miller said as he felt like he'd come this far the least he could do was hold the baby and if he were honest he'd never held one before so he liked the idea of doing so. He figured he'd at least be invited to hold Danny and Kara's baby Frankie so a practice run wouldn't be so bad. He also couldn't turn down the invitation as it seemed to make Kyoko happy. He liked the feeling that he was making someone smile. "Should I sit down or put pillows on the floor?" Miller asked her.
"It's up to you, if you want to sit down or not but I think we can forego the pillows. Kyoko and I know you won't drop him." Sasha assured as she tried not to chuckle at Miller's nervousness at least he conscientious enough to think of it. She came over to Miller with Kaito in her arms. Kaito squirmed around in her arms as she seemed to be like a battery to him. Every time she held him, he woke up and squirmed around like he was at a party. At least he didn't scream his head off with her like he did with Rios.
"I'll stand." Miller said making a choice and feeling a little nervous. He figured if he was standing then if the baby did slip out of his arms then he had some time to drop to his knees and catch the baby before he hit the floor.
"So just copy how I have my arms and I'll pass him into your arm." Sasha instructed him, she couldn't help but smile at his nervousness, "Don't worry about anything other than supporting his head and neck. Here we go," Sasha told him as she gently transferred Kaito from her arms into his and then made sure to adjust his arms and hands.
She had to admit she really loved seeing people holding a baby for the first time. The fear of if they were holding the baby the right way, then seeing that wash away as they realised how amazing it was that they were holding a tiny person who had their whole life ahead of them. There was also the fascination that they all had been that small once upon a time. "Relax, you're doing great." Sasha told Miller as she stepped away from him to let him enjoy the moment.
"He's so small and light." Miller marvelled as the baby squirmed for a little bit before settling down in his arms and looking chilled out. Kaito opened his eyes and looked up at him with a gaze of what Miller perceived to be drunken curiosity. Kyoko said something in Japanese and Sasha smiled.
"She says Kaito likes you." Sasha told Miller, she watched as a light blush stole across the man's face as he took the compliment in his stride. She didn't know Miller very well but she had a feeling he wasn't showered with compliments all the time.
"I don't know about that. I'm pretty funny looking." Miller said in a self effacing manner as he smiled down at Kaito who was making small faces at him and making weird noises like he was confused and trying to figure out how to use his own body.
Miller was half tempted to give the baby advice but held his tongue as Kaito was too small to understand him. But he had to admit Kaito was pretty adorable and that he kind of liked holding a baby. He definitely didn't want one of his own for a long time but there was something pretty awesome about holding the baby.
Given it was his first time, he realised he didn't really have a concept of what babies were like or how they saw the world with fresh eyes. It somehow renewed his motivation as to why they were all on the ship doing their work. It was among many other reasons; to protect the future for those who weren't capable of doing so for themselves like Kaito.
It made him really appreciate for the first time that while he hadn't been willing in the blood transfusions. Those transfusions had helped Kyoko bring an innocent life into the world. Looking at Kaito and feeling Kyoko's gratitude; he decided he was going to focus on this as the positive take from his time on Kumonosu Island.