Forgive and Forget
"Check her I.D., look in her purse!" An old woman yelled in her ear as she rifled through the bright purple coach that was now on the ground.
"When did we call the ambulance?" A young woman, most likely, said. " Their taking forever!"
"I think she's waking up!" A blurry young man said. Izzie's vision suddenly came into prospective. There were many people standing around her, and she was on the floor. The floor? Damn. She had been shopping. Izzie tried to sit up.
"Whoa, what?" She mumbled, dizzily. She saw paramedics coming through the door with a gurney. Crap, not again!
"Honey, lay down, your gonna pass out again!" The old woman kept her down until the paramedics came over. Too weak to fight them, Izzie let the EMT's get her on the gurney.
"Ma'am, you collapsed, but we're going to take you to the hospital." They had her in the ambulance when she regained full consciousness. Grocery shopping? Seriously! This had been what, the third time this month, that she had passed out?
"I'm fine now so could you um, drive me home?" Izzie pleaded. She knew that wasn't how it worked, but it was worth a try. "Did you know that I'm a surgeon?" she tried.
"Ma'am, can you tell me your name?" The EMT ignored her.
"DR. Isobel Stevens, please I'm fine!" The stress of being in the ambulance was too much. Then it hit her, It's back. IT. She swallowed hard at the thought. But Izzie didn't want to think about IT. She looked out the ambulance window to see that they were passing Tacoma General Hospital. She asked "Um, where are we going, exactly?"
Probably the state hospital. Only 20 minutes away. "I think Seattle Grace/Mercy West. It's a ride, but Wash. State is rerouting all ambulances there."
"What about Tacoma? Their good there, and um, I have some, uh, family there! Yeah, lots of family!" Izzie was a terrible liar, but she absolutely couldn't go back to Seattle!
"No, no, um, Isobel, your best bet is Seattle. If you want, I can notify your family, though." They young EMT was very compassionate, but Izzie didn't want compassion, she wanted a transfer!
"Uh, okay." Izzie said defeated.
"Now, judging by your memory and ability to hold a conversation, I'm thinking you don't have a stroke. Now, do you have any pre-existing conditions?" The EMT was charting.
"Umm, metostatic melanoma, but I'm in remission." She casually replied.
"Really? Any mets in the brain, by any chance?" He asked seriously.
"Yes, but I haven't had any hallucinations recently, and that was my only symptom." Izzie wanted make sure she didn't freak out before testing. Who would be there, Meredith, Bailey, Alex?
The long ride seemed much longer with the EMT testing her on her medical history, probably just trying to keep her conscious. After a seemingly endless drive, they had just pulled into the Seattle Grace/Mercy West ambulance bay and the young EMT's had began to present.
"30 year old Isobel Stevens, collapsed while shopping, no evidence of dehydration or stroke, not the first occasion." They wheeled her over and Izzie immediately saw the panicked face of Meredith Grey.
"Izzie? Izzie! What the hell?" She was puzzled and pissed. Great.
"Mer, it's okay!" Izzie turned over to the paramedic. " Can we just do a CT or something at Wash. State!" She pleaded.
"Isobel, we're here, Dr. Grey will take good care of you!" He stated, handing off her chart to Meredith. She nodded and pushed her gurney into vacant trauma room and let Izzie sit up.
"Passing out in grocery stores! And hospitalizations for seizures! Izzie, you know you could have come here!" Meredith sympathized for her friend. She was adamant that she left but felt bad that Izzie was too scared to even call! Her friend started crying at her words.
"I know! I'm sorry! I just, just didn't want you guys to hate me! A.. Alex told me not…not to come back!" she sobbed. Outside the trauma room, Bailey walked by and saw Meredith leaning over to hug someone. At that, Bailey walked in.
"Grey, we don't hug patients! Izzie? What happened?" Bailey leaned over to sit with them.
"Okay, Meredith, you have other patients, and keep this quiet! I'm going to CT, clear the way." Bailey ordered. She was getting to the bottom of this. Meredith rushed out of the room, looking rather down.
"Ok Stevens, we're gonna talk, you're gonna give me answers, and I'm gonna find out what's wrong with you."
"Bailey, it's complicated, I, can I just get transferred? It'll be easier." Izzie sniffed, still recovering from Meredith's digs.
"NO, I will not get you transferred. Now, let's start with where you were!" Bailey said as they left the trauma room and went to CT.
"Okay, well I'll start with the night I left. All I knew was that Alex had said he wanted nothing to do with me, and I couldn't deal with him. I was a mess, so I got my stuff and left him a note. I didn't know where to go, and my mom would make everything worse, so I ended up in a crappy Chehalis hotel."
"After being there about a month, I was lonely, I missed Alex. So while I was job hunting one day…" Bailey cut her off
"Job hunting! Izzie, Derek was talking about hiring you back!" she said annoyed. Then, under her breath, she added, "what is wrong with that man, firing my residents, just because of one day…"
"Wait did you say Derek was hiring? And not the point, I needed some kind of money!. But like I was saying, I was just driving when I had my first seizure. I was on a side street and hit a tree, and some nice guy called 911 and waited with me. I only had a cut or two, no stitches, but they wanted to take my to the hospital. I said I was just running to CVS to get Tylenol, and that it must have been febrile."
"Izzie! That is ridiculous! Okay, now I'm convinced you have a brain tumor. Okay, hop up on table, I'm gonna start the scan, keep going with your story" Bailey said. They were at CT now, and Izzie wanted nothing more but to know how bad the cancer had spread.
"Okay, um at the, oh yeah the ambulance! Okay well they insisted on getting me to the hospital to make sure it didn't happen again. So we went and they got me on fluids, but when I had to be discharged, no driving. They called my mother and I had to go stay with her." Izzie made a disgusted face.
" So after the no driving thing was lifted, I decided to go to Seattle again. I knew the cancer was back, but I needed to be here to get the chemo. I wasn't going to sit alone at the state hospital listening to the latest psychic's predictions. I made it to about Lakewood, and then I had another seizure." Knowing Bailey was freaking out, Izzie clarified.
" I wasn't driving, I had stopped at 7/11 or Store 24. I used my same excuse, and hoped that the owner wouldn't call an ambulance. He didn't, but made me get a ride home. I told the to take me to the trailer, so I could tell my mother, but a week later, she passed away." Izzie started crying.
"Oh, Izzie, I'm sorry. Hold on, the scans are done, I'll come get you." Bailey rushed into the CT room and hugged Izzie. 'I'm so sorry!"
"No, no, it's okay, I'm ok," she said, wiping away her tears. "I had to deal with selling the trailer and the whole funeral, so that took my mind off everything. Then today I went food shopping and now I'm here!" she cried, hopping back into the wheelchair.
"Okay, okay, well I'll get the results for CT and me and Dr. Shepherd will make some kind of plans with Dr. Swender." Bailey said, pushing her back up to her room. "Izzie, Meredith knows you're here already, and rumors start, are you sure you don't want me to page someone? Karev, Yang, Grey?"
"I'd rather wait until the results come back, ok? I don't want to bother Alex if I don't have to." Izzie said. She knew, deep down, that she would probably end up bothering Alex.
~`0oo0'~
Down in the cafeteria, Meredith, Cristina, and Alex were eating together. It was just them now, after George died and Izzie left. The Mercy West people had their own table, and the attendings all sat together. Everyone stayed with their people.
"So then after Teddy rerouted the blood flow, I closed up and the guy lived!" Cristina was going on and on about some guy who's aorta ruptured in post-op and they got him to the OR in time. Meredith decided to say nothing about Izzie until she checked on her later, and hoped nobody would notice her presence.
" Okay, well today, I lost 3 kids. I hate peds! It's so depressing. Plus, I've had the weirdest feeling all day." Alex said. Oh god, Meredith thought. She had to hold off.
"Really? Like what?" Meredith said, in a high pitched, rushed voice. She was a terrible liar.
"I don't know, like something bad is gonna happen, and since when do we discuss feelings?" Alex asked, crunching on his sandwich. He had been eating hospital food, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, since Izzie wasn't there to cook for him.
"Yeah, is being all happy, McMarried making you bright and shiny?" Cristina asked, sipping her coffee.
"No, no, I'm fine. Fine." she said, avoiding their stares. She picked through her salad, but never bringing the fork to her mouth. If she didn't look them in the eye, maybe she could keep Izzie's secret.
"Crap. Another kid. I gotta go." Alex pushed in his chair and jogged to the peds unit. Meredith and Cristina sat in silence.
"Fine? Seriously?" Cristina said. Fine was a word they both knew meant all too well.
"Okay, I'll talk to you later, I think Derek wanted me to meet him in his office to discuss, um, our house!" Meredith grabbed her salad and sprinted off. Cristina was about to chase after her, but she just sighed and took another sip of her coffee.
~'0oo0`~
Izzie sat alone in her bed. She had nothing with her but the clothes on her back and her pocket book. No friends, no family, no Alex. The silence was eating her alive, so she took out her Ipod and listened to some music. After a while, Bailey, Shepherd, and Dr. Swender walked into her room, looking grim.
"Iz, I mean Dr. Stevens, it's nice to see you again." Derek said with a sad smile.
"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd. So what's the prognosis." Izzie asked. When the room stayed silent, she said " It's okay, you can tell me, I'll find out eventually."
Dr Swender spoke up, "Izzie, your cancer is back. As far as we can tell, you do have very few mets to your brain, but I want to do a PET scan to see if any other mets are there. Most likely, there will be more."
Bailey came over and held Izzie's hand. Instead of crying or looking devastated though, Izzie looked fine, like Dr. Swender hadn't said anything at all. "Okay, Dr. Shepherd, when will we operate then?" she asked.
"We decided that the best way to go about this would be to see how far the cancer has spread and then decide the course of treatment." He said. Derek looked somewhat annoyed by the decision, giving Dr. Swender an evil look.
"Well, lets get you that scan. Is there anyone you can call, you might be here for an while and you need someone to dive you home after surgery, if that's the path we're going down. " Dr. Swender said, pushing Bailey the wheelchair.
"Um, I guess you can page Meredith." she said, looking at Derek. "She saw me earlier, and I made her swear not to tell anyone else I was here."
"Okay, I'll get her now." Derek smiled his "McDreamy" smile and left to go get her.
"Well, these scans wont do themselves, lets go." Bailey said, sighing, and Izzie hopped in the wheelchair.
~'0oo0`~
Meredith sat in the on call room, with the door locked. I can't go on like this. I need to tell someone. Izzie could die. Her thoughts circulated in her mind until she got a text from Derek.
where are you? it read. She replied telling him she was in the on call room, careful not to misspell anything. 5 minutes later, she heard a knock on the door.
"Meredith? It's me, open up." Derek called from outside. Getting up, Meredith unlocked the door and let Derek in.
"Um, how's your day?" she said quickly.
"Izzie wants you." Derek said gravely.
"Wait! You know about Izzie?! Who else knows? Cristina? What about Alex!" She rattled off names nervously.
"No just you. She's in PET scan now, but she wanted you to stay with her. There already a few mets in her brain, we're checking for more now." Derek announced as if Meredith was a family member.
"Okay… how is she?" She said a little slower.
"She's definitely hiding however she's feeling."
"Oh, yeah, I guess I would too," Meredith said "I guess I'll go look for her in radiology." and she went off.
After a long walk, Meredith approached the radiology department. Only one room was being used for a PET scan. Izzie. She walked down the hallway and into the observation booth outside the scan room.
"Grey, you're here. We're almost done. You didn't say anything…" Bailey asked but Meredith cut her off.
"No, I didn't tell anyone. It's just me ,you and, Derek."
"And Swender. She is dead set against surgery. She thinks the IL2 will work better." Bailey said skeptically.
"Great. We probably wont change her mind either." Meredith said, annoyed.
"Izzie we're all done, and Meredith is here, too" Bailey said into the speaker.
"Ok great." Izzie replied, sounding like herself. Before Bailey went to get Izzie, she said to Meredith,
"Not too many questions, we've been through that, okay?" Meredith nodded yes. Bailey came out of the scan room with Izzie moments later.
"Meredith! Listen, I… about earlier, I just thought… I thought you'd go straight to Alex…" Izzie started to tear up.
Meredith noticed her and said, "Izzie, no, no, we don't hate you! I don't hate you!"
"Really?" Izzie asked, wiping her eyes.
"Really. Now, let's let Bailey read the scans, we can go back to your room and I can tell you everything that happened." Mer said. At that, they set off for the elevators.
~'0oo0`~
"Alright so Mark and Teddy are together after he broke up with Lexie, so who's Lexie with?" Bailey had given Meredith the day off so she could stay with Izzie. At first, Izzie seemed really tense and nervous, so Meredith had decided to start some small talk about all the couples.
"Um nobody, she's single now. Yeah, she's been so devastated over Mark." Izzie wasn't ready to know the identity of Alex's new mistress yet, he could tell her.
"Oh, okay then. So how are Owen and Cristina?" Izzie dropped right into the next couple. She had been exceedingly low on gossip, and all of this at once left her starving for more.
"Not so good. So Owen is in therapy I guess and Cristina thinks the whole world is fine now!" Meredith said, annoyed.
"And it's not okay." Izzie repeated, sensing Meredith discomfort about the situation. "So about that thing where he yelled at her in the OR, she was fine!?"
"Well, she told me they had a "talk" and now stuff is okay!"
"Yeah, well as long as he doesn't choke her again, God, I would have left the first time!" Izzie gasped, repulsed.
"I guess Cristina has a compassionate side!" Meredith giggled.
"Okay who else is there, oh yeah! I want more info on this anesthesiologist Bailey is seeing!"
"Oh yeah, his name is Ben, not bad looking, I mean for her age and stuff, and I heard they went on a date, but I don't know if their together anymore."
"Hmm, well I hope he turns out okay, and oh yeah, the baby thing with Callie and Arizona?"
" Well, Arizona still wants nothing to do with kids, and Callie wants them, bad. I don't think this is gonna end good."
"Too bad. I mean still after Sloan had the baby, and all that, still?"
"Yeah I know, and oh did I mention April?'
"No why? Wait she's the one with the notebook, right?"
"Oh, you didn't hear. Okay, so the chief fired her. Then, Derek called her, Megan the intern, and tried to call you back, to hire them again. So now she's ALL OVER Derek! It's so creepy!"
Izzie started to laugh, " So a crush or McCrazy?"
"Oh I think she's a little more than McCrazy." The two giggled for a few minutes, then Bailey and Dr. Swender walked in with the scans, both looking expressionless.