A/N-heya people! These are Susan's random thoughts. Dunno if I'll continue,
it's really, really short, but still... please R&R
I'm lonely. That's about it, I'm lonely. It's not that I'm not happy, because I am. It's just that when I'm lying there, alone in my bed, I can't help but wonder if I'm ever going to find anyone. I've found people in my time, people who've been friends, people who have been more than friends, but I have this way of letting anyone slip away. Some days, when I'm feeling especially down, I wonder if I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Alone until, eventually I die, a bitter, old lady.
A fine specimen of someone I've let slip recently, would be Dr John Carter. He's a good guy, kind, sweet and funny. I cared about him, I still do, but all my feelings for him have been transformed into hate. I hate him, I hate the way he talks, I hate the way he moves, I hate the way that he gets to be happy and I hate that he gets someone, whilst poor, old Susan ends up alone, again. I don't really hate him, I'm just jealous of him. He'll be there at work, flirting with Abby in his cute little way and I'll be there, watching them, looking as though I think it's 'cute', but actually I'll be jealous. I'll want exactly what he has and I know that he's lucky. He got rid of me and he got exactly what he wanted.
I want someone to grow old with, I want someone to be with, I want someone to love. Thats sounds so cliché. I want someone to love, but it's true, I do. It seems unfair some people get someone to love and others don't. Another person I let go was Mark. I let go of him and when I came back he was with Elizabeth. It still hurts deep inside me, when I think about his death. I try not to, but sometimes I can't help but wonder about what could have happened between us. Sometimes I let myself go to a little dream world and I end up shocked that he's actually dead when I return to real life.
I'm as scared as I am lonely. I'm scared that I've made bad decisions, I'm scared that I could have had a better life. I'm scared that my life isn't what it used to be. Did I make a bad decision when I left? Would I still be alone now if I stayed? At the end of the day all I am is another scared, lonely woman. A scared, lonely woman who has made some choices in her life. As for whether those choices were good ones, I'll just have to wait and see. I'll be like those little old ladies in films, sitting there, waiting, waiting..... for god knows what. Probably waiting to die. Except I'm not going to die, maybe inside I will, but outside I'll stay strong. I'll stay.. Susan Lewis.
I'm lonely. That's about it, I'm lonely. It's not that I'm not happy, because I am. It's just that when I'm lying there, alone in my bed, I can't help but wonder if I'm ever going to find anyone. I've found people in my time, people who've been friends, people who have been more than friends, but I have this way of letting anyone slip away. Some days, when I'm feeling especially down, I wonder if I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Alone until, eventually I die, a bitter, old lady.
A fine specimen of someone I've let slip recently, would be Dr John Carter. He's a good guy, kind, sweet and funny. I cared about him, I still do, but all my feelings for him have been transformed into hate. I hate him, I hate the way he talks, I hate the way he moves, I hate the way that he gets to be happy and I hate that he gets someone, whilst poor, old Susan ends up alone, again. I don't really hate him, I'm just jealous of him. He'll be there at work, flirting with Abby in his cute little way and I'll be there, watching them, looking as though I think it's 'cute', but actually I'll be jealous. I'll want exactly what he has and I know that he's lucky. He got rid of me and he got exactly what he wanted.
I want someone to grow old with, I want someone to be with, I want someone to love. Thats sounds so cliché. I want someone to love, but it's true, I do. It seems unfair some people get someone to love and others don't. Another person I let go was Mark. I let go of him and when I came back he was with Elizabeth. It still hurts deep inside me, when I think about his death. I try not to, but sometimes I can't help but wonder about what could have happened between us. Sometimes I let myself go to a little dream world and I end up shocked that he's actually dead when I return to real life.
I'm as scared as I am lonely. I'm scared that I've made bad decisions, I'm scared that I could have had a better life. I'm scared that my life isn't what it used to be. Did I make a bad decision when I left? Would I still be alone now if I stayed? At the end of the day all I am is another scared, lonely woman. A scared, lonely woman who has made some choices in her life. As for whether those choices were good ones, I'll just have to wait and see. I'll be like those little old ladies in films, sitting there, waiting, waiting..... for god knows what. Probably waiting to die. Except I'm not going to die, maybe inside I will, but outside I'll stay strong. I'll stay.. Susan Lewis.