Greetings everyone.

My first attempt at ever writing a Leandros fic, so hope you all like it. The brainchild behind it is pretty simple- I always wanted to read a limp!Niko fic, couldn't find one, so after a couple of glasses of wine, I decide to have a go. My apologies in advance now for this abomination :o)

Those reading Catch 22 over on the SPN section of this site, have no fear, new chapter going up next week.

Guess you could call this story an AU, as it doesn't follow the book order- just the random logic of my brain.

Reviews welcomed like cookies and who doesn't love cookies....oh and as you'll soon find out, all mistakes are at my alcohol fuelled brain. Blame that.

Chapter 1

You know how in life you get the good guys, the bad guys and the ones who just can't decide what side of the battle field they're on, well I used to think that Niko was one of the good guys, if not the best.

I mean he should be shouldn't he ?

After all he was holier than thou, he mediated, he ate food even the starving would reject for the lack of taste and looks to it, he protected the innocent, even if their asses didn't deserve it and he kept more people alive than the human race could ever give thanks to him for. He was ruthless when it came to evil, emotionless when it came to taking them down and damn right icy cold when it came to dealing with them, but in the same breath, he was strongest person I knew, the bravest person I could ever hope to know, a heart so large and good that I felt I didn't deserve the love he heaped on me in his special Niko Leandros way.

He kept his kindness and warmth hidden behind closed doors, he kept his smile locked away, he kept the sparkle that could light up his gray eyes under lock and key.

I thankfully had the key to that door of his.

I didn't get to use the key all that often, but when I did it was always memorable and it was situations and precious, rare moments of happiness that I had engraved in my pretty pathetic existence of life.

I didn't deserve a brother like Niko.

I didn't deserve the fact that he'd given up his whole life for me, that he'd turned himself into a kick ass Ninja style body guard to simply watch and protect me. And that was pretty much what he'd done for the last 22 years of his life- protect me, watch me, keep me safe.

I'd watch him grow up, blond hair, gray eyes, 22 and quickly approaching middle age. He deserved to be happy, and free of his demonic half brother, and I'd tried to tell him so on several occasions. All I'd got for my trouble was a an increasingly harder smack across the back of my head, I reckon if I suggested it again, I think I could probably sue him for brain damage. But that was the truth, I should have left him when the Auphe spat me back out all those years ago, I should have snuck away from him when we'd destroyed Darkling.

But I didn't.

I wanted to, I'd packed several times and each time when I got to the point of leaving him, I'd felt a rip in my chest. Not the kind of rip I could do into reality, but an actual pull at my heart. I just couldn't do it, I just couldn't leave him. Living without Niko was like contemplating life without breathing, was like jumping off a bridge without a bungee cord, like chucking yourself out a plane without a parachute.

Leaving Niko was suicide.

Staying with him was putting him in danger.

But call me selfish and I do so all the time, but I just can't leave him. I want to, know I should do, but just can't do it. I'm a freaking coward. I know, I suck.

But when you watch him in action, when he has his Katana in his hand, when he's kicking ass and taking numbers, you can't help but be in awe. He's my flesh and blood and he can kick ass like that. I got used to being his back up man, I can hold my own, stick a Glock in my hand and show me a mark and I'm as good as any marksman out there, but Nik made fighting an art. He did it with ease and grace and with a flow you had to see to believe.

Nik could take any one.

Kill anyone.

He was indestructible.

At least that was what I liked to tell myself.

I remember when Hob had taken him and George. The fear that had danced inside of me the sheer panic and insanity that had followed me in those mere hours. It had been a sight to behold. I'd survived two weeks with George missing, two weeks....but within minutes of that scheming shit head of a puck, taking Niko, I'd lost the plot- literally.

I'd ripped the city to pieces looking for him and that had been a horrendous experience for just a mere few hours at what my life may be like without him.

The chaos

The panic

The fear

The fact that I just wanted to sink to the floor, pull my knees to my chest and cry my eyes out.

I'd buried all that emotion.

Buried the tears, buried the fear, buried the uncertainty, and buried the aching hole in my heart.

I had got him back surviving on raw anger and red hot rage; I'd got them both back.

Niko still wore the scar of that fight; he would do for a good few more years. I'd wanted to take him to a hospital, patch him up and make sure he was actually, really, ok. Not have Robin stick a bandage on him and Promise supervise.

But Nik was stubborn, that seemed to be a Leandros gene on its own, and he wouldn't go to hospital. In fact any place I couldn't physically go, he wouldn't go either. I couldn't go to a hospital if I needed help, so he forfeited it as well.

Stupid, older, protective brothers.

If I'd actually been conscious at the end of that fight, I probably would have hauled his ass there regardless of his stares and pointed tone. But I hadn't been conscious, my anger and rage had got the better of me and ripping open a gate and sending Hob down to the Auphe theme park as puppy chow had knocked me senseless for days.

So I hadn't protected him then and looked after him.

I'd vowed to myself that I wouldn't slip up again, wouldn't allow my defence to slid, not when it came to Nik's safety, not when it came to anything to do with Nik.

There was nothing I wouldn't do for him.

Nothing.

Shooting, killing, maiming, hacking creatures into teeny tiny little pieces, shooting holes through monsters- you name it; I'd do it for Nik.

I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I would do anything to keep him safe, anything to keep evil getting to him, anything to protect him.

And yet somehow, somehow I'd still failed.

I'd been careful, I'd been watching for evil, watching out for the bad guys. The Auphe hadn't attacked for a while and even paranoia had me watching out for them.

I'd been on my guard.

Did everything Nik hand taught me, had trained me to do.

I followed our rule book.

I did every fucking thing he asked me.

Everything.

And yet here we are, here we fucking are and I still have no idea how this happened.

I let my fingers curl around his limp hand; I'd grown bored of sitting on the plastic chair and chose to sit beside him on the bed.

He hadn't stirred; his eyes remained closed hiding those orbs of gray that I was beyond desperate to see.

I stared down at his pale skin, him pale....that was a laugh on his own. He had gorgeous olive skin usually, sun kissed after this hot New York summer and the runs we did at varying intervals of the day- me, I was the pale, weird looking one out of the two of us, but now, now he was paler than me.

It broke my heart.

I squeezed his limp fingers in my hand; my other hand moved to his forehead and stroked his blond hair off his face.

This was closest I'd been to him in my whole life.

And I wished with all my heart that this wasn't happening.

" You're going to be just fine..." I whispered to him, playing with his blond hair. It was softer than I remembered, and increasingly getting greasier by the second with me pawing at it. " You get some sleep, take all the time you need, I'm gonna be right here when you wake up and we're gonna be just fine..."

I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince more, Niko or me.

For now, pig headed denial had me talking to Niko and only Niko. After all he was going to be fine, he always was fine, warriors sometimes fell and sometimes they got hurt, but they always came back.

I mean, they always came back, didn't they ?

I'm sure Niko had read that to me as a kid, I remember those days spent in that trailer, when the rain and thunder used to hammer at the doors and windows, those were the nights where I'd curl up in the bed and cling onto Niko.

I'd clung onto him my whole life, and at the grand old age of 20 I was still clinging onto him for dear life.

So he had to be ok.

Because that was what those books had said, and if it meant I had to go and look for that book and read that quote to him as he lay sleeping in this bed, then I would. Rational thinking and I weren't exactly good friends on my best days- never mind when my whole world was falling apart.

" Why didn't you talk to me you idiot..." I whispered to him, I mean no point insulting him loudly is there, " Why didn't you just stop trying to hide everything and just tell me..."

That's what bugged me the most, what hurt the most.

It wasn't evil that had put him in this bed; it hadn't been a stab wound, a missing lump of flesh, a stray bullet, a smack around the head.

It hadn't been the job that had put him there.

In fact, I still didn't know what had put him there.

And apparently the doctors didn't know either.

I just wished someone knew.

I wished we weren't here.

My hand held onto his and I moved it to my chest, and let it cover my heart. I wanted him to know I was here; the doctors had given him a pretty hefty sedative that had him sleeping.

The doctors had said he was in pain and the sedative would help him rest as they filled him full of painkillers.

I watched him lie there; thinking of him in pain, thinking of him in so much pain that he couldn't even turn and talk to me.

Niko was one of the good guys, he'd helped so many people, saved so many lives and now he needed help.

Now he needed to get better.

And the thought brought tears to my eyes, and not for the first time in the last couple days, I cried.

I held his hand tightly in mine and cried.....