Prologue

I sat by the window, staring out as the rain lashed against the cold glass. The thunder grumbled in its miserable desolation, the lightning flashing in its opaque anger. I wasn't sure what Mother Nature was upset about, but whatever the reason, she seemed to feel as terrible as I did.

I sighed, the noise echoing in the quiet room. Everyone else was presumably asleep- all but me, of course. I had tossed and turned for hours, listening to the storm groan outside. Finally I had just gotten up, deciding to watch as the weather worsened. The harder it seemed to rain, the harder it became to hold myself together.

Why was I letting this get to me so much?

Because he's been your best friend for years, you prick!

Right… that would make sense. But that didn't excuse the fact that he had treated me so badly. That fact didn't quell the anger and hurt that bubbled inside of me. I was furious that he could act that way towards me; I was horrified that he had called me that. When we were kids, hadn't he been the one that had told me that being a muggleborn didn't make me any different? And yet he still hadn't even hesitated to call me that… that word.

Mudblood.

"Ugh," I said into the silence as I wrapped my arms around my legs. This wasn't fair. Part of me wanted to hate him; part of me wanted to scream bloody murder the next time I saw him. But part of me wanted to forgive him- no matter what he'd been getting into lately, no matter how harshly he had treated me, I wanted my friend back.

What?! You can't give in that easily! He's a pompous arse, Lily! He's getting mixed up in the wrong things! If you go back, you'll get yourself caught up in that dark magic; if you go back, he'll never learn!

I shook my head. I was confused. I knew that that voice in my head was right. No matter how much I wanted to forgive Sev, I knew that there was a time when you just had to finally throw down the cards and give up. He had used up his chances; he had left me hurt and angry and sorry. I couldn't deal with him anymore. I was done. It was completely over.

You know it's not done.

I sighed, crinkling my forehead in thought. In a way, I knew it was right- I could end the friendship, ignore him as long as I wanted, but I'd still be hurt. I'd still wish that everything could go back to how it used to be. He was one of my oldest friends. Of course it wouldn't be completely over. At least, not quite…

"Lily?"

I jumped slightly, surprised by the voice. I turned around to see Mary standing there in her nightgown, watching me curiously.

"Oh, hey Mary," I said quietly.

Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion as she watched me. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Why are you up?"

"Couldn't sleep," I replied, my eyes drifting back towards the window.

"Oh," Mary said, her voice knowing. "This is about that Severus Snape, isn't it?"

I didn't reply- instead, I pressed my palm against the cold glass of the window.

"You're too good for him, Lily," I heard her say. "You're a smart girl, and you have your head in the right place, but don't you get it? He's one of those guys who will just hurt you over and over. You've heard the rumors, haven't you? A user of dark magic, a potential follower of You-Know-Who-"

As Mary went on, I hardly heard her. Instead, my mind was flickering through memories of me and Sev. He meant so much to me, but bloody hell, he had hurt me so much! It had simply been a word, but in reality, it had meant so much more- he really was going to continue with that Death Eater crowd. He really was joining the dark side. And for that, I knew that I could never forgive him. I knew that I couldn't continue to be his friend.

But why did it have to hurt so much?

"You know that, don't you?" Mary said after a pregnant pause as she stopped her ranting.

"Of course," I murmured, thought I was hardly paying attention.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, I saw Mary's concerned face looking down at me. "Are you alright?" she asked me softly.

I nodded, then gave her a small, convincing smile. "Yeah," I said slowly. "Yeah, I am. I think I'm going to go to bed, alright?"

Mary gave me a smug look, and I knew that she believed that she had somehow helped me. That wasn't quite the case, but I didn't want to disappoint her; instead, I decided to play along. "Thanks," I said before I got into my four-post bed. "For everything, Mary."

She gave me a smile and nodded. "Anytime, Lily Bug."

I smiled back, but as a laid down in my bed, I could feel it melt off of my face.

Something inside of me –a small, tiny shard, the only part of me that didn't feel hurt and betrayed –was angry. And it was that part of me that wanted to make Sev feel just as horrible as he had made me feel. I knew that it was wrong to feel that way, but I couldn't deny how badly I wanted it. I knew that that it wouldn't come anytime soon, but eventually, when I was feeling up to it, he would pay. I was patient enough to do that.

I had no idea what that stupid part of me had planned, but somehow, subconsciously, I think I knew that it would put us both through hell.

A/N: Okay, so this is my first multi-chaptered fanfic... I just wanted to try it out. I'm not so sure about this prologue, but I thought I'd give it a go. I know this is in first person, but the next chapter might be changed into third person, so don't be confused if it is. (If you want a better summary, you'll probably find it on my profile.) Rated T for safety. Rating may change- it just depends.

I'll just say this now: I do not own anything from Harry Potter; everything belongs to JK Rowling. I probably won't put disclaimers in ever chapter, just here. So... yeah :)

Anyway... tell me what you think? I'd love imput to know what I'm doing right/wrong. Thanks guys, and have an awesome day!

~Imminent Paradox