Author's Note: Experimental fic. Muse wouldn't leave this alone.
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.
Summary: On most days, she wakes up screaming. She hates it. Hates herself. [Rated M for mature themes. Fem!NarutoXShikamaru]
A month.
It has been a month since something changed in Uzumaki Naruko.
Whenever asked, the blonde would simply smile, give a non-committal answer and change the subject.
It didn't matter who it was. Iruka, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Tenten, the members of the Rookie 12…
It didn't matter who it was.
The question was never answered.
Because –
"No one would take you seriously, sweet one."
On most days, she wakes up screaming.
The blonde thanks Kami for silencing and privacy seals, because if not for them, people would come running and ask her what was wrong. Surround her and suffocate her, making her choke and gasp for space. For breaths.
She thanks Kami for make-up and genjutsu, because if not for them, others would be questioning her appearance. The dark circles under her eyes, the tired lines on her face, the unnatural paleness of her skin.
Just like any other day, she drags herself out of bed, into the bathroom and stares at the mirror.
Stares at her reflection, her scars.
She hates it.
She hates everything.
Hates herself.
"Is that all you have, kunoichi?"
Mocking laughter rings in her ears.
Tsunade calls her into her office.
To her surprise, Jiraiya is there as well.
Naruko knows that she cannot deceive her surrogate godparents, but she tries anyway. She plasters a smile and greets them cheerfully, asks them how they're doing.
Her godmother meets her gaze steadily, exhales and pinches the bridge of her nose.
"Enough," she says. "You've been acting odd ever since that mission in Kumo."
Naruko almost flinches – it is subtle, but it is no use. They have seen it.
Her godfather is the one that moves. He slowly walks towards her, crouches, takes one of her hands and looks at her in the eyes. For once, the flamboyant author is serious.
"Naruko, what happened?"
Kyuubi is silent. He knows that this is her battle.
Her choice to make.
Naruko's gaze shifts between her godparents who are waiting for her answer, expressions both serious and concerned.
Slowly, she starts to speak.
It is a long and terrifying tale, one of heart-break and loss, of pain and suffering.
But what scares the two Sannin the most is how she is telling it.
Naruko speaks as if she is reciting a monotonous lecture, almost mechanical in her movements and posture, her eyes dimming – becoming dull as the tale continues and the two of them are starting to wish that they had never asked.
Not to mention…
The glow around her, that made her special, drew others into her orbit and warmed hearts –
It isn't –
It isn't there.
By the time she is done, Naruko has fallen asleep on her godfather's lap. Tsunade and Jiraiya want to kill and torture the one who had forcefully taken their god-daughter's innocence during her childhood on the streets.
The one who had murdered her one and only friend and forced her to watch as he did so.
And the one who had nearly raped her during the mission.
They want vengeance.
They want revenge.
But Naruko.
Naruko comes first.
Tsunade wishes that she had never sent her god-daughter on the mission to Kumo.
Jiraiya wishes that he had never left her alone.
It is slow, but it is progress.
After the talk, she starts opening up again. Tenten is first (she had always gotten along with the weapons specialist), followed by Hinata, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba and Neji. She discusses poison with Ino, asks Sakura about ijutsu – and gradually, the smiles and laughs begin to come.
Iruka is relieved, as are Kakashi (who would vehemently deny it), Teuchi and Ayame.
The Copy-cat Ninja cannot help but smile as he watches his student laugh at something Chouji says – probably poking fun at Shikamaru who grumbles.
When Tsunade had called him into her office and told him what happened in Kumo, he had seen red.
That piece of vermin, whoever it was, would be in for a very painful death if he ever found him.
It had to happen, of course.
It was bound to.
"Naruko," her godmother asks. "Are you going to tell him?"
The blonde stills, almost dropping the kunai in her hand.
Tsunade's heart clenches then, for her god-daughter who had experienced something no child had to. Almost experiencing the same thing again.
Her heart aches as normally vibrant blue eyes fades to dull sapphire and the previously bright expression dims.
She looks lost.
Afraid.
Lifeless.
But she knows it needs to be done. The topic cannot be ignored.
They are engaged, after all.
Silence engulfs the atmosphere, and Tsunade feels wretched for doing this.
"I…" Naruko begins and Tsunade holds her breath. "I know," said her god-daughter quietly. "I know I need to tell him. But…"
The young kunoichi bites down on her lip, looks at the kunai in her hands and then to the ring on her finger before shifting her gaze to meet hers.
"How do I even start?"
She does not know the answer either.
They are in their clearing.
It is a place that they had stumbled upon during one of their spars, near a river and fifteen minutes away from the main area of the village. It is here that they can relax and be away from people and be in a world of their own.
It is their haven, their sanctuary.
"What is it?" He finally asks, cracking an eye open to see what the matter was.
"No one will ever believe you," the voice whispers in her mind.
Naruko shuts her eyes and takes deep breaths, calming herself down and shutting the memory away. Kyuubi speaks then, a few words of his own.
You can do it, kit.
She whispers her thanks.
Drawing on her courage, Naruko opens her eyes to see that he was sitting up now, concern clear on his face.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Naruko looks at her fiancé in the eyes and speaks.
"I need to tell you something."
And so she tells him everything.
How she got raped when she was a child, forced to watch her friend die –
Everything.
She does not know how long she has been talking for.
Emotionally drained, her story finally draws to a close, she pushes a stray strand out of her face and braces herself.
"I'd…understand if you don't want me anymore," Naruko casts her eyes elsewhere. "I'm just damaged goods anyway and I'd just – ah!"
She finds herself on his lap, looking at him. He's close – she feels the warmth of his presence, breathes in his scent. It's –
Comforting.
He looks into her eyes and she's struck by the raw emotion in them.
"Don't. Ever. Say. That. Again," he punctuates each word forcefully. "I mean it." A small pause. "And damaged? As if there's shinobi that aren't."
Another pause.
"I love you," she says softly, twining her fingers with his.
He tilts up her face, presses a brief kiss onto her lips.
"Love you too, you troublesome woman."