Alexander wished he had never met her. Roxana, had, only hours into their marriage, questioned him about Hephaestion. She had grabbed a knife, and was trying to kill him.
The medicine is blending in mixing the blood with oxygen
I need this right now to figure myself out
He was pinned beneath her body, and felt all of her tense muscles, posed to fight. To fight him. He tried to relax. He decided to try and reason with her.
Cutting through the ribbons of self doubt
I never thought you'd see me this way
"And why would you do that?" He asked. Roxana furrowed her brows, her lovely eyes puzzled.
You are the worst and I am to blame
"Why would you want to kill me? You haven't given me a chance to love you." He stated, hoping she would listen t him. Hoping she would be the woman who had first entranced him.
Close the door, lock it tight
Roxana sat up quickly, still holding the knife. Alexander rose more slowly, hoping she wouldn't hurt him. Roxana was staring at the knife, horror written on her exotic face. Alexander took the knife from her, while looking into her eyes. He cast the knife; with the ring Hephaestion had given him, into the corner. He then quickly kissed her lips.
Then I'll know you're safe tonight
He leaned back into the bed, waited, knowing she was curious of him. Of the planes of his body, the way his body felt. And sure enough, she gave in.
Turn on a song that means the most
She leaned on top of him, and kissed him gently. She knew he was equally curious of her body, aching to know the feel of feminine skin.
Believe I'm there and hold me close
And they took full advantage of the moment. As their kisses grew more and more passionate with each breath, they explored. The curves, and the feel their bodies provided. The opportunities they could share.
The last words said, as the lay beside each other, were Roxana's.
"I love you, Alexander." She said lovingly.
All he could do was smile. Who was he to tell her she shared his heart with two men? One a servant the other one a general. How could he tell a fair, delicate woman who felt so lovely, so amazing of his other affections?
She is in my bloodstream, tonight she's draining me
The room is filled with reds and blues
I follow as she leads into the darkness
Drying up my veins, she's a ghost, a silhouette
Calling out my name
He had made love to her, after promising her his world. He didn't want to be the one to take it away.
As Roxana slept, he stayed up, wondering who the hell he was now. He loved Hephaestion. He was his best friend, his lover, and his better half. He lay on his back looking up at the ceiling. How he would give anything for Hephaestion to be with him. Actually, no. How he would give anything to be a boy again. A boy without these confusing loves.
These lies will fall into the pieces I left you
Of your favorite picture torn in two
I never thought we'd end up this way
You are the worst, I am to blame
He remembered this night. The sound of Roxana, saying his name between kisses. He felt worse when he almost called he "Hephaestion".
She had held him so close to her warm body. He couldn't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be so close to her.
But, on the other hand, how many times had he thought that about Hephaestion, as he lay asleep beside him, many times before?
He hadn't realized how different Roxana and Hephaestion would be. While he was used to the roughness and muscles of Hephaestion, Roxana surprised him with her soft body and gentle touch.
Now, he was faced with the prospect with falling in love with. … a woman. He never thought he could. She was in his heart now. If Hephaestion was the air he breathed, then Roxana was the blood that coursed through his veins and arteries.
He needed both to survive, both to be himself. Both to be Alexander. More specifically, both to survive being Alexander.
Close the door, lock it tight
Then I'll know you're safe tonight
Turn on a song that means the most
Believe I'm there and hold me close
"You love me, right? That's why I am your wife?" Roxana whispered as she ran her hands up his sides.
"Of course I love you. How could I not marry for love?" He said, as he kissed her neck. As soon as he got her to forget about the incident about Hephaestion, the sooner he could forgive himself for hurting Hephaestion.
"So you and Hephaestion are not lovers?" She asked, point blank as she ran her fingers through his golden locks.
She is in my bloodstream, tonight she's draining me
The room is filled with reds and blues
I follow as she leads into the darkness
Drying up my veins, she's a ghost, a silhouette
Calling out my name
"No, why would you ask that?" He said, pressing his forehead against hers, looking into her dark eyes.
"The ring.. and the way he looked at you. And I can tell you, never before had I wished I could kill a man more then in that moment of time. " She said, flinching slightly at Alexander's touch, and his hand on her bare waist.
So close the door and lock it tight
Then I will know you're safe tonight
Turn on the song that means the most
Believe I'm there and hold me close
"You would..kill for me? But…why?" He asked, confused. The only woman he was close to was his mother, a cold, calculating woman who had left him with the subconscious impression that women could not really, truly, love men.
Roxana let out a bitter laugh.
"Because I love you Alexander, and I have o wish to share your heart, because I love you with all of mine, and I expect no less from you." She said, as she stroked his leg.
"Its just lust." He said, trying to make her feelings make sense to him.
Close the door, lock it tight
Then I'll know you're safe tonight
Turn on a song that means the most
Believe I'm there and hold me close
She looked at him first with anger, then, her eyes softened.
"Oh, Alexander, I have lusted for many men before you. And it always felt good" She said slowly. Alexander nodded his head, as he began to slowly understand her. She continued.
"But, Alex…"
"Alexander." He corrected her with a smirk. She smiled back and rolled her eyes.
"Fine, Alexander." Emphasizing her use of his full name. "But, I suppose you are asking how I know it is love? You wonder, how can it be anymore then lust, as we lie together for the first time? Well, lust feels good. But, oh, love feels so much better to my mind, as well as body, then any of my past lusts." With that, she kissed his lips, as he eased down onto the bed, pulling her with him.
She kissed him again, her love evident.
"But do you love me?" She whispered as her lips kissed his neck gently.
"Of course." He said, as she lay beside him, tired from their lovemaking.
As their sweaty bodies lay beside each other, she whispered, "I love you, Alexander." The final words of that first night.
She is in my bloodstream, tonight she's draining me
The room is filled with reds and blues
I follow as she leads into the darkness
Drying up my veins, she's a ghost, a silhouette
Calling out my name
Author's note: Song is Dead in The water by Hawthorne Heights. I do not own Alexander or any of the songs in my story. I only own my plot line.