Duo unlocked his apartment door and walked in not bothering to lock it. Who would be dumb enough to break into a Gundam Pilot's home? He threw his keys onto the coffee table and headed over to the blinking answering machine. He hit the play button and walked into the kitchen for a drink. The first two messages were about some parts he had to pick up for work, but the third message had the impeccable timing of starting while he was drinking his glass of water.
"Duo, we have to talk. This… we ... can't continue doing what we have been. Look, I'll be over after work and we can talk this out." click Duo spit his water out into the sink and looked at his glass before the feelings of betrayal, hurt, and rage swept through his being. He threw the glass against the wall and watched it break into smithereens with disdain.
The answering machine ended after that message and shut off. Grabbing tufts of hair in both hands Duo walked into the bedroom in a daze. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't fucking believe it. What went wrong? Was he being too attached? Was he too dependent? Was he the opposite? Not attached or dependent enough? Things had been going well; at least he had thought so.
Sitting down on the bed he stared into the mirror that was attached to the dresser. He stared at the sunken eyes, pale skin, and shocked expression. He lowered his hands from his head and just stared at himself as if it was the first time he had ever really looked at himself. So many questions ran through his head that he could hardly keep track. It all boiled down to one thing. Heero didn't want him. The message was clear on that.
What would they have to talk about? If it was over, it was over. He couldn't change the man's feelings as much as he would like to. What if Heero was scared? Scared of commitment? Scared of where the relationship was going? Too many questions! He wanted the questions to stop! And he certainly didn't want to see Heero right now.
What he needed was to relax and just let go for a bit. Hopefully when Heero got here things would get better, but he doubted it. He stood up off the bed and walked to the little stereo that he had and hit play and random. The lyrics and melody to "Under Pressure" started playing and he laughed dryly. It seemed the music was mirroring his mood.
He walked back out to the kitchen and looked at the broken glass that lay in the sink and on the floor. Fuck it, I don't care right now. He thought as he walked past the shards on his way to a cabinet. Opening it up he pulled out a large bottle of rum and walked back into the bedroom. He only resorted to alcohol on bad days and this was the worst day of all.
He sat on the floor and unscrewed the bottle. He let the music flow over him as he tipped the bottle to his lips and gulped down the liquid. He coughed hard enough for tears to come out of his eyes and he found that they didn't stop. The music shuffled behind him and started playing "These are the Days of Our Lives".
Duo listened and took another small gulp of the rum. He remembered when he first met the pilot on earth when he thought the young man was going to shoot Relena Peacecraft. He smiled thinly as the pilot took apart his Gundam to fix his. Another suck and the thoughts kept coming. He saw Heero with him when they pretended to be classmates at school.
How he had loved the gym uniform the pilot had worn along with all the other students. The brown haired Japanese had a fine ass. He loved the stoic, nothing bothers me, expression. It had taken awhile but Duo knew when something bothered the pilot. He had slight and subtle twitches that changed his expression before going back to the blank cop face.
Duo shook his head and sucked a large gulp this time. He wished that his thoughts would swing away from the brown haired, blue eyed man. He felt the tears run down his face and he hated how feminine he was being, but he also knew that tears were probably the best outlet for the warring feelings inside him. He hated the broken up baby he was being, but he couldn't seem to get the jokester smirk back on his face. His heart was breaking into pieces and yet he couldn't school his face into an expression it spent 90 percent of the time in anyway.
Tipping the bottle into his mouth he enjoyed the buzz he was getting and felt his tears dry up. He kept drinking not caring that he shouldn't be getting drunk and focused on the pleasant feelings the drink was giving him instead. He frowned when the liquid slowed and then stopped. He brought the bottle up to his eyes and saw that it was empty. That certainly wouldn't do!
He dropped the bottle on the floor and pulled himself up using the bed for support. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw that his skin was blushing slightly from the warm and fuzzy feelings he was going through right now. His eyes were still dazed and slightly unfocused, but he didn't care. Nothing bothered him now. All he wanted was another drink. Whiskey probably if he still had any.
Walking back to the kitchen he kept his hand on the wall as he moved and as he was grabbing another bottle of liquor the phone rang. He was seriously thinking of letting the answering machine take it, but those ideas were dashed when his hand grabbed the phone without his permission. He was even more shocked that his mouth paid no heed to his brain either when he said, "Hello?"
The friendly baritone voice of Quatre replied, "Hello Duo. I was just wondering if you are going to be around for Trowa and my party. Don't forget its in two weeks."
"I won't." Duo answered. He opened his mouth to say more than that, but he heard the music of one vision and he found himself singing to that instead. His head was already beginning to hurt and he needed another drink to clear that up.
Quatre interrupted his thoughts when he said much more loudly than his usual tone, "Are you drunk?"
"Nope not yet." Duo replied with his head feeling quite buzzed. "Give me time."
"Bad day?" Quatre asked. He obviously hadn't intended to make Duo remember why he was drinking in the first place, but as the pain seeped back into his soul he found himself sober once more. Damnit! He swore to himself.
"An absolutely horrible day, but I have to get going. Wuman's part came in that ordered and I want to let him know it's in." he said calmly and flatly as some part of him made a decision that he wasn't consciously aware of...yet.
"Oh." Quatre seemed surprised at the abrupt calmness and sobriety that Duo suddenly had back in his voice. "I'll see you in two weeks then."
"Good bye Quatre." Duo said hanging up the phone. He wasn't aware of the tone of finality that he used, but it had spooked Quatre as he heard it. He picked up the phone again and quickly dialed Wufei. The Chinese man wasn't home so he left a message and used the same voice that was at the end of Quatre's conversation. He called Trowa at the circus and left him a message wishing him luck in the future. After that he hung up the phone and unplugged it. He didn't want to be disturbed anymore.
He grabbed the whiskey bottle and a random one and walked back to the bedroom with an air of purpose. He set the bottles on the ground and walked to the lone nightstand and pulled out his security. It was a shiny black 9mm that held thirteen rounds and he always kept it loaded with armor piercing rounds. He slid down to the floor by the bed and looked at the gun in a new light.
It wasn't just a weapon for killing others. It did the job quite nicely for those who wished to kill themselves. It was a perfect choice for him. He bestowed violence and death onto others. It was only fitting for him to experience the same end. He uncapped the whiskey and drank down a fifth of the bottle in one swig. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked out the window noticing how much time had passed with the growing shadows in the room. It wouldn't be much longer until Heero came home to talk.
Duo laughed a fully insane sounding sound. By the time Heero came home he wouldn't be around. He glanced at the gun and threw it in the air and caught it in the trigger hold as it came down. It was too easy playing a sloppy version of Russian roulette with his life. He should just stick the gun in his mouth and get it over with.
He drank again taking a large portion of the bottle with his gulp and he put the gun in his mouth. His tongue ran over the metal as he got ready to pull back on the trigger. He closed his eyes as he felt tears stinging the corners. "You know, that won't kill you." A voice said.
Duo's eyes snapped open and he looked around. All he saw were shadows. The stereo clicked and Duo's favorite song began to play. "Who is that?" he asked the room as the words began to flow through out the room.
There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is the thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?
"You know who I am. I am the part of you that you trapped all those years ago. Don't you remember?" The voice asked. And Duo strangely found the voice familiar to him.
"I don't remember who you are, though you do sound familiar. What are you trying to make me remember?" He asked staring around the room.
The voice laughed. A full throated sound. "Think back to when you first met the one who now makes you wish for the end. Remember that day and you will remember me."
"Heero? I first met him on Earth at the beginning of operation meteor." Duo replied furrowing his forehead in concentration.
"You met him before that." The voice prompted. "Remember the colony when he was a boy?"
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever…?
Oh ooo oh
"Before?" Duo concentrated and he saw an image begin to form in his mind. He saw the Japanese boy holding a little yellow puppy as he dug a grave for the animal. His eyes were so full of emotion that Duo had felt him stare slack jawed at the ferocity of the emotions that had played out on his face. But how could he remember seeing that? He was on a different colony at the time fending for himself on the streets to keep alive.
"No. Remember your past Duo Maxwell. You were there on L1 colony because you had a mission to fulfill different from Operation Meteor. You have had that mission for much longer than you have been here in the world." The voice continued.
More images came to him of the person he was before Duo Maxwell. Actually he was always Duo Maxwell, just he was different now. He was full of life. He learned, he loved, he hurt…
There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
Duo's head fell forward. He remembed. He didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true, could it? He looked up at the mirror and spoke to his face, "Why do I remember this? It can't have happened. Some of these images have to be my imagination."
His eyes widened in surprise when his mouth smiled and moved as his voice answered only it was a deeper darker voice. A voice that would easily inspire fear and cowardice in others. "It is not imagination. I am a part of you. I am the trapped part of you that can't break free until you let go."
Duo frowned. "Let go of what?" he asked himself. He felt he had already lost his love. What more did he have to let go of? He was still sure that this was the booze talking and he was hallucinating, but why the hell was his CD going along with this madness?
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Ooh
Who dares to love forever
Oh oo who, when love must die
"Your humanity. You were never human to begin with and it is am illusion you have wrapped around yourself to get what you desired. Only your desire has turned from you and it is time to move on. You're needed elsewhere, another mission to fulfill.
Duo looked down at the bottle and then back at the mirror. "What if I choose to not believe you and take this gun and shoot myself?" He picked up the gun and waved it at the mirror.
"Go ahead. All it will show is the more painful way of getting to the truth. Death cannot die since they are already dead to begin with. Either way I will be free again and this shroud of humanity that you have blinded yourself with will be gone. I am not the enemy, only a deeper part of you that can see that you have no where else to turn in this world." The voice said as it shrugged its shoulders in the mirror.
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
In his mind he saw Heero in many of their romantic and intimate times. He loved Heero. He always will, but the truth was undeniable. They were not meant to be and never were. It was his desire that blinded him to the truth of the situation. He did have another mission to do, one that was never ending.
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
He would always have those moments forever. He would never forget the times when he was happiest. Duo stood up and stared at himself in the mirror. He still had the gun in his hand and he chucked it at the window without taking his eyes off himself. He heard the cracks, the breaks, the sounds of glass falling onto the ground. He heard the gun hit the ground. He heard a half startled sound and he ignored it all.
As Duo Maxwell the human stared at his other half he felt the last stanza of the song fill his veins, closing his eyes as it burst out in his voice. "Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever? Forever is our today." With each line his voice grew louder and then suddenly with the last line of the song he opened his eyes to stare at the mirror as he whispered to the mirror, "Who waits forever anyway?"
His mirror self smiled as Duo threw away the part of him that was human and shackled to the world of the living. Both halves became a whole being and Duo found himself staring at an older version of the human he once was. He was taller, his hair darker, his eyes a deeper shade of violet, his smirk was back holding within it a million secrets. He was who he always had been, a being to be feared and awe inspiring, to being loved and hated. And the completed Death was stills o tired of it all and having no escape from it.
At least he had a vacation for a quarter of a century. Turning towards the window he walked to it as a large raven landed on the sill to squawk at him. He patted the birds head as he spoke softly looking up towards the vague moon in the sky, "At least I had a little time."
Heero was walking from his car to the apartment complex when he heard glass breaking. He looked up and watched as a black gun came diving towards him and the ground. He jumped back and watched as it bounced on the ground. He bent down and picked it up clicking the safety on as a precaution. He looked at the building trying to distinguish which window the gun had come from, even though he was almost positive that this came from Duo's apartment.
He heard singing that sounded like Duo, but it changed pitch to become deeper and it gave him goose bumps on his arms which had only happened once or twice before in his twenty-five years. It was enough of a prompt to tell him something was wrong and he rushed for the door not bothering to buzz in instead choosing to break the door in his rush. He ran up the steps to the fifth floor and put his hand on the doorknob to break in, but found the door already unlocked.
He rushed in thinking how keeping the door unlocked was a very Duo thing at the same time of glancing around for any danger that would cause the 9mm to come flying out of the window. No signs in the living or dining rooms. Nothing in the kitchen. He ran into the bedroom automatically disregarding the bathroom. Things only happened in the bathroom during horror movies.
In the bedroom he saw an empty bottle of liquor, a bottle that was unopened, and another bottle three-quarters of the way empty. The bed was made, there was no blood, the window was broken and the drapes were blowing lazily around. There was no sign of Duo. He walked further into the room and saw the cracked mirror and a broken glass paperweight that he had given Duo for his birthday to keep his paperwork under control from the windows.
He walked to the window and looked out. There was no body on the ground, no signs of impact. Heero looked up and saw nothing on the building. Duo had just disappeared leaving hardly any signs at all. As he walked away from the window, his mask dropped showing the scared and worried young man about his friend, his lover. He walked over to the liquor bottles and picked them up not thinking about evidence for a kidnapping.
Taped to the empty bottle was a note. Heero carefully tore it off and read Duo's handwriting. The bottles dropped from his hand as he sat on the bed. The words scrawled on the paper evoked emotions that he usually kept buried most of the time. Duo was gone. Really gone and Heero had made that happen.
He crumpled the paper letting it go as he left and headed for the kitchen to make a few phone calls. The paper floated down to the floor un-crumpling as it went. The words dark and bold in ink flashed silver and were gone, just like the man who had written them.
Who waits forever anyway?
Author Speak----
So this is my first oneshot EVER. I have always done long drawn out stories full of description and a horrible attempt at dialogue, but on my way home from my grandfathers in Iowa this story popped into my head, just in time for the holidays. This is just what I want to writer on my Christmas Eve. I hope you enjoy. Constructive Criticism is ALWAYS welcome. How else can I improve my writing? Please let me know what you think. I have an idea for a continuation, but it would be another oneshot that spans the rest of the gang's lives. What do you think?