*This story was written for two very dear friends who have recently lost their fathers… I hope they know how much they mean to me and how much i love them. Sending both of them LOTS of love and prayers…
"It has been almost 6 months since dad died, It still doesn't seem real to me." I keep expecting him to come walking through my front door any minute. These last six months have been hard on us all especially Sharon, "She's told me numerous times that she misses him and how much she loved him." I still catch myself wanting to call him to tell him something that has happened with me or with the kids, but i know that he won't answer. "As i sit here watching my two step sons play and my new baby girl sleeping peacefully in her swing i think back to when i was a little girl the memories come flooding back."
"Things weren't always good while i was growing up but as i got older he really tried to make an effort." He had really started doing better, he was finally getting the help he needed for his drinking i was proud of him for that. I have many memories of him when i was growing up some good ones and a few bad ones but the one that stands out to me the most is the day that Dean and i got married. I had been debating whether or not to let him walk me down the aisle but after some soul searching i decided that i wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle. I was standing at the altar between the two loves of my life to one, I've been a daughter, To one, I soon would be a wife. When the preacher asked "Who gives this woman?" Daddy's eyes filled up with tears, He kept holding tightly to my arm until i whispered in his ear, "You can let go now, daddy, you can let go" I still remember the smile he wore the rest of the day. He was so proud..
"Things really started getting better between as he continued working on his sobriety and also when he started working with Sharon." I started noticing right away that he was drawn to her. He would always tell me that they were just friends but i slowly began noticing that he was falling for her and that he seemed to be happier when he was around her."He would always smile at her or he would watch her walk around the murder room all the while he would stare at her legs. He joked about that many times that was one of the things he liked and loved most about her. "I'm beyond grateful that he met Sharon and that she was there for him when he had his heart attack, i still remember that day like it was yesterday, I have never been so scared in my life." Everything seemed to fall away after we learned that he wasn't going to make it. "We all had been praying and hoping he would.
"I still remember sitting by his bedside with my brother Charlie and Sharon, holding his hand as we watched the machines beep and hum in the dimly lit room. After several hours Charlie went home he couldn't take it and i got Sharon to go home and get some rest, this gave me a chance to be alone with my father.
"As i watch him lying in the hospital bed while I held his hand i never really noticed how rough his hands were before." You could read quite a story in the callous' and lines years of work and worry had left their mark behind. "As i sit here in the silence watching the machines breath for him i can't help but feel a little guilty for how i treated him years earlier." I was so lost in my thoughts that i didn't hear Sharon come back into the room until she is touched me on the shoulder. I look up at her she'd been crying again. I wipe away the tears as i stand up and wrap her in a hug as we stand there in the silence of the hospital room. She and i spend the rest of the night sharing stories about dad. As the sun comes up we both have fallen asleep in the most uncomfortable chairs on earth., while the nurses have come in and out all night checking on him and on us as well.
I still think back to that night that Sharon called me and told me to get back to the hospital. I had gone home to check on Dean and the boys and to get some much needed rest. I walked into the room and felt like the breath had been knocked out of me, i couldn't move. The machines were going crazy and the doctors and nurses were trying to save him they managed to get him stabilized again. But the doctor told Sharon and i that they had done all they could do for him. It would be just a matter of hours maybe days now.
How could say goodbye to him as i made my way to the bed i held his hand tightly, Sharon couldn't handle it she walked out of the room leaving me alone with him again, The night nurse walked into the room to check on him and check his vitals. She smiled sweetly at me as she went about her work, she looked up at me and caught me staring at her. "Does it get any easier?" I ask as i run my fingers through dad's hair. She smiles sadly at me as she spoke again "It doesn't sweetheart," "The pain will become less and less as time goes by but it doesn't really go away completely." As she finished up her work she stopped at the foot of dad's bed she took a deep breath before she spoke again. "You know he's only hanging on for you and for the other lady that's been in here." I smiled sweetly at her, I know and it's killing me watching him like this.. My voice and heart were breaking, as I crawled up in his bed as i lay my head on his shoulder and said, You can let go now,
Dad passed away several hours later with all of his family and friends standing around the bed. It was a peaceful time. As i sit here watching my kids play and my little girl in her swing i can feel his presence around me and i know that he is with me always, I have always take comfort in that. Sharon still comes by to check on me and the kids. She was there when our little girl was born she is still a large part of our family now and every time she is here i can feel dad's presence even more. I have always told her that it's the "Sharon effect"...
{The End}