Disclaimer: Skulduggery Pleasant and all other characters, except for a certain pirate captain, belong to Derek Landy. I, however, own all the actions, dialogue, and storyline. Enjoy...

Skulduggery's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Pleasant! This is very urgent," said the voice belonging to elder Eachen Meritorious, who is now currently dead. "We have just been informed here at the Sanctuary that a group of fearsome pirates have been spotted off the shores of Nigeria. You must stop them!"

"I'll see what I can do," came the reply of the skeleton detective. He then hung up and turned around to face his team of magical crime fighters: warrior woman Tanith Low, boxing tailor Ghastly Bespoke, and 12-year old Stephanie Edgley.

"Let's go, gang!" said Skulduggery enthusiastically, for he knew very well that together, they could defeat the dread pirates!! Booyah!!

#

After a half-hour of sailing, our heroes finally reached Nigeria.

"You two stay here and guard the magic crime-fighting boat while Ghastly and I go save the native people of Nigeria," said Skulduggery to his two female counterparts. Little did he know that Tanith and Stephanie were seriously thinking of suing him for being sexist.

Ghastly had just stepped off the magic crime-fighting boat, when a gust of wind by the name of Blackbeard tackled the boxing tailor to the sands of Nigeria in sumo wrestler-like fashion.

"Avast, ye ugly landlubber! I be a fearsome pirate!" declared the fearsome pirate. Indeed, he was quite impressed in his attacking abilities against the magic crime-fighting Ghastly, who now lay under Blackbeard's weight with a mouth full of tasteful Nigerian sand.

"Spunk Ransom!" screamed Skulduggery as he pumped his friend's attacker full of lead.

Ghastly stood up and spat out the sand, regardless of its salty wonder, and continued his march towards the jungles of Nigeria ahead of him. Skulduggery joined, gun in hand. The two crime fighters trudged thru the jungle until they reached a clearing in which their eyes met a dreadful sight: the pirate crew of sumo wrestler Blackbeard was preparing a fire, over which the good, spam mailing people of Nigeria would be roasted until they were as crispy and robust as a slice of Canada's finest bacon.

The skeleton detective and his friend immediately ran into the clearing. Immediately! In exactly 1 minute and 23 seconds, they had tied up the pirates, put out the fire, and released the Nigerians that had been taken captive. Then, the two walked back to the magical crime-fighting boat, bearing hospitable Nigerian gifts of salad dressing and wax paper.

Skulduggery and his gang had once again saved the day!!

THE END

Authoress' Note: As said before, read and review. I can see in my stats bar how many people have read the story, and when I see that 100+ people have read and none have told me whether or not they liked it, I get sad. Really sad. It makes me not want to keep writing, you know? And I'm sure all you lovelies would hate for me to stop writing. Soooo R&R! And be sure to check out my other story/stories.