A/N: Yeah, I got bored. Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter.
1) I will not tell Professor Flitwick to 'Jump for it' when I hand him my homework.
2) I will not tell the first years that the Sorting Hat eats them.
3) Shouting 'Accio Dobby' is not the proper way to get House Elf assistance.
4) I will not call Burger King and tell them to deliver to the common room.
5) I am not allowed to slap my fellow students. Even if Malfoy liked it.
6) It is not necessary for me to yell 'BURN!' every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
7) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by Harry Potter, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently.
8) I may not have a private army.
9) Even if it technically belongs to someone else.
10) Telling Severus Snape that I are Sirius Black may prove fatal to my health.
11) First years should not be referred to as 'The Little People'.
12) Crashing a Ford Anglia into the Whomping Willow is not the best entrance to make. Crashing it into Snape's office is.
13) I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is 'Petrificus Totalus' and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves.
14) I will not ask Hagrid to explain exactly how he was conceived.
15) I will not dress up as Professor Snape at Halloween and claim to be his long lost transsexual twin.
16) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
17) 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys' is not an appropriate career choice.
18) Putting a snitch in Malfoy's pants really isn't all that funny. Even if it does make him scream like a girl.
19) It is not necessary for me to yell 'BAMF!' every time I Apparate.
20) I will not tell Harry Potter he is fictional and that everything he has worked for is nothing more than a bestselling novel.