Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters… etc, etc. If I did, then the Akatsuki would be more of a big player in the story!
Azumi gets kicked around a lot in this chapter…
Azu's Akatsuki Tale, Chapter 11: A Day in the Life Of...
Sasori shoved ten or eleven huge scrolls in to my arms as I entered the Akatsuki headquarters. Without giving me any chance whatsoever to say anything, he said, "My puppet summoning scrolls needs recopying. I need it in two days exactly, because I have anticipated a battle need. Make it accurate, Azumi-san, because this is important."
He then walked off leaving me really wanting to flick him off but with arms too full of scrolls to do it. I settled with growling at him behind his back once he was a fair amount down the corridor.
He said, "Don't complain. That's only a few."
Damn Sasori and his stupid super-hearing abilities… Gr.
Collapsing in to bed several minutes later, I got a headache just thinking about it.
Azumi sleeps for a good eight hours until she is awoken at around 11:30 in the late morning...
"Azu-chan! Azu-chan!!!" A big orange hyperventilating thing was hanging around my room. Oh, wait, it was just Tobi.
"Morning, Tobi-san. What?" My actual question was more like; you were so drunk that you passed out last night. Why the heck are you actually up this morning???
"Azu-chan, Hidan-san is being very sick upstairs!" He was pulling on my arm. "I need you to help him!!!"
"….Can't you get Kakuzu-san?" Actual question: Wouldn't it be more logical to get the man's partner?
"I DON'T KNOW WHERE KAKUZU-SAN IS, AZU-CHAN!!! CAN YOU PLEASE COME!!!" screeched Tobi.
I straggled out of bed feeling better but very thirsty. Where was Itachi's convenient pull-the-water-out-of-nowhere trick when I needed it? Then again, maybe that only worked in the world of Mangekyou Sharingan.
You know what's really annoying? Hidan's room is in the hallway, but his prayer room is at the top of a really long, very narrow, very windy staircase. Most of this place is one-story only, but his is really close to the mountain-top. I counted the stairs before: 666 steps.
That was the freakin' devil number. I could see why. Took a devil's strength to get up those stairs really fast.
Panting and gasping after running up 666 steep stair steps in a few minutes, I looked at that Tobi. How did that guy do it? He didn't even seem out of breath. Geez.
"Don't worry Hidan-san, we're here!" announced Tobi loudly.
I got an odd feeling that now was when a super-buff superhero and his sexy lady sidekick were supposed to kick in the door with a super-strength combination kick and save the day. Upon examination, I saw one Tobi and one disgruntled Azu. That wasn't exactly it. And trying to imagine Tobi in a Super-Man outfit made me want to snort with laughter really loudly.
On opening the door, I promptly slipped and fell in a pool of nasty red stuff. Ew, it was Hidan-blood. Couldn't this stuff get you infected with a disease or something?
Apparently totally out of blood, Hidan had fainted in a corner of the room, but not before inflicting what looked like a 5 inch-diameter hole in his stomach that was seeping red stuff. How the hell did the man still have blood left in his body???
And, oh, ick. Great. There was no way a hysterical Tobi and me, the girl whose arm lacks muscles, could get Hidan down 666 steps without some severe bodily damage inflicted. Not that I cared about Hidan, but Tobi and I weren't immortal at all.
"What are we gonna do, Azu???" gasped Tobi. Looking at him, you'd think the blood was his or something, he was panicking so badly.
"All right, you stay here. I'm going to go get someone else who can help us." I placed a hand on the wall while running down, sending my chakra shooting through every single metal vein of ore in the wall, scanning all the rooms.
Nope. I didn't sense anyone nearby. Except for Zetsu, who, oh God, was in…
…the Greenhouse.
On a much more careful inspection of the headquarters, it was official that no one was around… what happened to the drunkards? They'd recovered that fast?
Then again, Hidan had gotten up all those stairs without slipping and his head being chopped off or something, and he had been dead drunk.
I apparently had no choice but to attempt to "infiltrate" Zetsu's notorious Greenhosue. For those of you who don't know what that is…okay, he raises plants in this enormous glass greenhouse. (How he got a box of rock five or ten square acres cleared out and covered with glass, I couldn't fathom.) Glass has silica in it, and silica is a semimetal, so I could sense him faintly. The problem is, Zetsu's plants have nastier temperaments than some of the Akatsuki members. And that's saying something.
I was running towards the glass corridor that would lead me to the greenhouse. Of course, I was totally buffeted by the wind that blows through there. It's supposed to clean you off before you enter.
The hot, wet, air hit me in the face as I entered that glittering glass house. I immediately calmed my breathing and cloaked down my chakra. I gently, gently took off my shoes and leggings and dumped them in the corridor. Then, hitching up my cloak and stepping as lightly as I could, I walked towards what, since I had last checked, was Zetsu's location. There was no way I could activate any chakra here, or I'd literally be eaten alive.
It was eerie walking around in there. Some of the plants snored. Others drooled, giving me a little glance of what they'd eaten for dinner. I saw one with what I guessed were its guts thrown out on the obsidian table, digesting God knew what. A few very innocent specimens might have fooled me if their tables weren't way redder than they were supposed to be.
I had to sidestep acid, blood, and some very innocent looking clear liquid. I would have stepped into it, but it looked very mildly pink and had a bone peeking discreetly through the surface of it. A human-sized bone, mind you.
Trust me, you learn to read the signs in here pretty fast.
It was right when I edged around that puddle of "innocent" liquid when I heard a cold slithering sound behind me.
I turned around very slowly, and was immediately met by a blast of slimy tentacles crawling around my arms and legs.
All I noticed was that it was big, green, and ugly. However, having a small knowledge of botany (courtesy of dear Zetsu), I guessed it grabbed everything it could, and if the victim struggled or even moved, it was dead. Or swallowed and digested with poisonous stomach acids, anyways. If that's not dead I don't know what is.
I stayed absolutely still as the tentacles drew me towards a set of very nasty looking sucker things. Funnily enough, the tentacles stopped me with my nose literally two inches from the, er, mouth, I presume.
My arm was cramping really bad. I also needed to blink. Dang, how come I couldn't summon the whole "don't-blink-for-two-minutes-straight" thing I could do when I had staring contests with Deidara?
A tentacle fluttered over my face. I almost trembled as it brushed over my bare eyes.
Oh, God, the sweet pain. Whatever acid it had on it, it burned really badly. And I really, really, really wanted to move.
Then again, I'm sure Zetsu could take care of the pain, but I'd like to see him extract me whole and alive from the pits of that thing's stomach. Thinking of that, I didn't move.
Several long minutes later, it let me go, slowly. It then slithered off down a corridor, leaving me contemplating the fact that my skin was bubbly, red, and actually letting off nasty hisses as the acid ate away at me. I didn't dare scream.
The bottoms of my feet had not passed inspection by that thing. It hurt like hell to walk. I continued towards where I had last sensed Zetsu.
From there, I had needles the size of rulers injected in to my skin, a pair of jaws rivaling Kisame's pulverize my right hand, and several more plants attempt to digest me. I actually managed to fight one off with no chakra activated, which I gave myself a mental pat on the back for.
I also mentally vowed next time to be more careful. Worse, I had no idea how much time had passed since I had left Tobi. I hoped they were okay.
Finally, I saw Zetsu. He was talking to himself and holding a little plant- was that a sunflower???- in a pot. It looked very cute, but knowing this place, it probably could spit something nasty or bite or something.
"Zetsu-san…" I said hoarsely.
Zetsu turned. "…don't interrupt us, brat…" said his black half.
If he didn't help me, I'd probably die anyways, so I wasn't exactly afraid of him killing me.
Luckily, he got nicer. "Azu-san… you're very brave coming all this way. What did you want?"
"Hidan-san has fainted upstairs in his room from blood loss. Tobi-san and I need help getting him down."
He eyed me again. "You're completely insane coming in here. You could have been killed, you idiot."
I wanted to scream at him that I was very aware of that. However, my cowardly side won over (as always) and I merely said, "I know, but Tobi-san was panicking and Hidan-san looked very bad. He's never lost consciousness before."
To make a long story short, I actually got out alive. Zetsu went to help Tobi while I lay on the floor downstairs in the corridor feeling like death. Not that I blamed Zetsu or anything, but those nasty plants were enough to turn anyone in to a Hidan-type foul mouth.
Soon, Tobi's obnoxious voice floated in to my ears: "Azu-chan, Azu-chan, Hidan-san's going to be okay!"
I remember saying something like, "…That's great…"
His voice became disapproving as he said, "Azu-chan, you took almost an hour. Try and hurry it up next time."
I groaned. This is what I got?
"Whoah, Azu-chan, are you okay?" He peered at me. "You don't look okay."
Luckily, Zetsu arrived to handle everything. "Sh, sh, Tobi's been a good boy. Now leave Azu-san to me." He turned to me, and gently unzipped the front of my cloak. "I'm sorry to do this…"
What a gentleman. "That's okay, Zetsu-san," I mumbled.
Whatever weird cure he had, worked. The healing ointment was cool and made my skin stop feeling like it was on fire. After a few minutes, he said, "You can sit up now, I think. I got the needles out and I healed your hand somewhat, though you won't be able to use it for around a week."
Zetsu, very nicely, walked me back to my room. I opened the door, and saw the scrolls. It's then when I remembered.
"Oh, shoot," I muttered. Knowing how unappreciatve and bratty I sounded (When has that ever stopped you? is what Hidan would say), I asked, "Zetsu-san, is there any way my hand could heal faster???"
"Sorry, I don't know any," answered Zetsu. "Why?"
"Sasori-san wanted me to copy five of his old puppet-summoning scrolls on to five new ones… but my right hand is my writing hand…" I wailed. "And he needs me to do it since no one else here has been trained to do it."
"I'm sorry…" Zetsu trailed off. "That's the best way I know how."
Conveniently enough, Sasori came turning the corner right then.
Okay, why the hell wasn't he here when I needed him to be there???
More importantly, should I tell him about my little hand accident now, or risk his wrath later...?