Drew looked across the hospital waiting room at Hannah. He could see out the window the snow falling behind her like confetti. He found himself distracted by the chaos of the blizzard and the beauty of the mess.
"What do you think?" She asked, luring him away from his welcomed distraction.
"Sorry..." He shook his head. He hadn't heard a word she said.
"It's okay, don't apologize." She touched his arm with her hand and squeezed gently. "Are you ready to see him now?"
He shrugged, sort of numb. See who? The stranger who had taken over his little brother? The traitor or the addict? The little brother he shared a bunkbed with and every single one of his favorite childhood memories with? He didn't know that man.
"I should." He looked up in time to see his mom enter the waiting room a complete mess. She stood and starred at Drew, tears streamed down her face as she mustered words that wouldn't surface. Drew engulfed her in a hug, like he always had. He felt her lean into his embrace and the tears shook her so hard he had to balance his weight to make sure he didn't fall. He rubbed her back gently with one hand and fixed his gaze once again outside on unpredictable storm. His mother pulled back suddenly and grabbed his shoulders. The tears were gone and her eyes looked directly into his.
"Go see him, I know he's waiting for you." She nudged him gently and walked past him.
He felt like he had just been punched in the gut. This is why he had come, this is why he and his beautiful and pregnant girlfriend had caught the first flight out of the Bay this morning. This is why. What was keeping him from stepping through those doors and seeing his nearly dead, but not quite brother?
"The doctor said he'll make it," It was if she was in his head, always. She linked her arm in his clenched one and took the first step waiting for him to follow. "You can do this, Drew." She assured him, but she didn't get it. Going through those doors meant going back to a place and person he had worked hard to forget. He couldn't and at his core he didn't want to, but the person he was when he knew his brother he wanted to forget entirely. "I'm with you on this. I'm not going any where." She said it now, but he felt like she might be wondering at this point. This wasn't like him.
He inhaled and let out a long breath and tried to find the person he was before they arrived to Chicago.
"You don't have to." He tried to speak but just a mumble came out. He cleared his throat. "He'll have a bunch of tubes and he'll be hooked up to IV's.." He was making excuses now. Plus he knew how queasy she got since she got pregnant. Anything could send her to the toilet.
"I want to. I'm not going anywhere, Emerson." Her smirk was familiar and comforting and it was as if he found his focus point to push through. He surfaced, even just for a minute and gained his composure.
"Okay." He smiled back and lead the way through the swinging doors.
Two steps down the hall and a nurse stopped them.
"Sir, this is for family members only, who are you here to see?"
"My brother, Adam Emerson." Drew said it before Hannah could because he knew she would. The nurse's face fell slightly remembering the days events and the longest shift of her life. Her own son wasn't much older than Adam.
"I see the resemblance." She smiled gently, kindly and touched Drew's arm in the most nurturing way. "Your brother is a fighter."
Drew suddenly felt a giant lump in his throat. It startled him so much his chest hurt.
"You think so?" He wanted to keep his composure, he wanted to stay in control.
The nurse stepped back on her heel to take in the sight of this grown man starring at her for reassurance and peace of mind.
"I've seen his fight, son. He's going to get through this. He's got something worth fighting for." With that she turned, afraid of her own tears that had stopped her already twice that day. She led the way down the hall to room 229. They all stopped before entering the room as if to have a group inhale. No one is ever prepared for what they'll see when they enter the hospital room of a sick loved one. Drew found himself looking at Hannah again, for support? For a way to distract himself and wish they were there for a different reason. She gave him a sympathetic and supportive half smile, her eyes brimming with tears. Sweet Hannah, ever the empathic friend. This would be her first time meeting his brother in the five years they had been together. She had asked questions; countless questions and he had given vague and brief answers. Family is so complicated and he felt like a fool now to think he could spend the rest of their life, and his child's life, without these two world colliding. You can only go so far before your past finds you and sometimes it greets you with vengeance.
Standing there Drew suddenly had a flash of his father sitting at their kitchen table after Drew's grandma's funeral. He was eight and he could still feel the way his feet were crammed in his shoes and his collar itched him like crazy. Stephen examined his glass of scotch and the bottle beside it. He wept at his loss and Drew watched his dad sob (for the first time in his short life) and Drew remember he didn't know what to say or when to say it. He stood there, time felt irrelevant and it was as if his dad didn't even notice he was there. He remembered taking a few steps forward and placing his hand on his dad's arm. His dad said nothing, but gripped his son's small fingers and patted his hand. Anything to help, all he wanted to do was make his dad's pain go away.
Drew knew then how he could cope, the same way he always did. He needed to be there for Hannah, he needed to hug this nurse who was obviously emotionally invested in his brother. he needed to go and sit by his brother until he woke up and the countless tubes and machines could be removed.
Hannah hand hadn't left the crook of Drew's arm and she gently moved her thumb in a quick like motion. Drew met her gaze and smiled. Exhaled. He stroked her belly and leaned down to gently kiss who had quickly become his greatest motivation to get his shit together. He had to get his shit together. Who else would do that for him?
Hannah was fighting back tears, he could tell. He put his arm around her and pulled her close, kissing her forehead gently.
"Are you ready?" The nurse was so patient, so emotionally aware.
Drew nodded. "Thank you. Thank you for taking such great care of my brother. I know he'll want to meet you when we're on the other side of this." Hope was returning to his voice, to his spirit. "Can I ask what your name is?" He leaned forward a bit, resting his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm Diane."
"Thank you, Diane. Thank you." Suddenly he found himself hugging the nurse in the middle of the hallway on a bitter cold stormy evening. A part of him knew he was stalling, buying a few more minutes to compose himself.
"You ready?" He thought Diane might have seen what he was trying to do too.
He inhaled deeply, took Hannah's hand and nodded. She kissed their locked hands and Diane opened the door to the rhythmic sound of beeps and his brother laying motionless on the bed. Diane checked his vitals, his chart and made sure he was comfortable.
Drew stayed only feet from the door, starring at the bed in disbelief. All the courage he had mustered felt deflated and forgotten. Hannah waited, though secretly her feet were aching, swollen and she hadn't had more than a granola bar on the flight. She tried to let him take his time, but she tugged gently, just like she always does.
"This is Adam." Drew walked towards the bed. Regrets, anger and fear flooded his core. Drew reached for Adam's arm, gripping the once strong yet gentle arm that would tackle, punch and hug him. Drew fought back the incoming wave of emotions and settled deeper into regret. He knelt sat in the chair that his mom must have been sitting in moments before. It set directly to the side of Adam, arm's length away. He gripped his brother's arm tighter. He wanted to ask, why? He had so many questions and so much guilt for not being there.
"Hi Adam." Hannah gently shook his foot from the end of the bed and then for some reason she giggled softly. Drew's gaze snapped up and met Hannah's. She instantly regretting the giggle, but she had wondered if she should shake his toe since she couldn't shake his hand. Drew cracked a side grin, thankful for the release of tension. More than ever before he was glad she was there and for a brief minute he thought maybe she can handle the baggage that is his family? Maybe they won't scare her off after all? He let out a little laugh.
"He's looking pretty rough, huh?" He wiped at his nose that had begun to drip from his retreating tears.
"Not his best," She shrugged. "But I'm sure by this time tomorrow..." she didn't finish her sentence, partly because she didn't know and partly because she couldn't even imagine how he had looked 24 hours before.
"I wish you could have met him at his best." He reached for Hannah who walked towards him, standing while he continued to sit. He didn't think he could stand. He wrapped his arms strongly around her and nestled his head against her growing belly. "He is hilarious. He takes a bit to warm up to you, but once he does you can't really shut the kid up." Drew whispered. His words were half true. That was the Adam he once knew. The Adam in the bed was a stranger.
"I will." Hannah was stroking the side of his forehead. She slowly leaned over Drew and took Adam's hand tenderly. "Adam, we're all here waiting for you. The road back is going to be rough and scary, but you're not alone. We're here for you. Drew is here for you and from what I've heard it's been much too long since that happened." She let out another snort to relieve the sadness like letting a little bit of hair out of a too full balloon.
Starring at his brother in that hospital bed, far from the young boy he once was, Drew saw this vulnerable version of someone he cared so deeply for. He played over the previous day's events and wished he could have a do over, just one. He would have done everything so differently. Drew stood suddenly and grazed Hannah's shoulder with his hand and motioned towards the chair. She must be exhausted. He began to pace, as he often does, mentally going over check lists of things to do before they let Adam out of the hospital, what rehab would he go to? How long? How would they pay for it?
He bit the end of his finger slightly, his habit when deep in thought. What he was trying the hardest to block out, but couldn't, was the last interaction he had with Adam. Every time he looked at that hospital bed, the pit in his stomach deepened.
Drew's plan wasn't to be in Chicago long, his plan was to get his brother clean, pay for rehab, do whatever it took to keep his mom happy and limit the number of texts she sent him on a daily basis. He would then return to California, to the sun and the beautiful ocean and to the world where he and Hannah lived free and untouched, drastically far from Illinois and all that it held. There they would go back to their carefree life preparing for their first child's arrival.
But his plan didn't go the way he had thought it would and the world he had worked so hard to create safe and removed was about to collide with his past world. With his arms folded he looked across the room at Hannah. She sat in front of the stranger of his brother and gently fixed his sheets, trying to make sure he was comfortable. She loved so freely and without warning.
Adam was already drunk when Drew went over to his apartment two days prior. In fact, he had been drinking since noon that day.
"What do you want?" Adam scoffed as he opened the door. He tried to hide the fact that the sight of his brother brought a small sense of relief and comfort.
"Hey, man." Drew started out friendly, he always did. "Can I come in?" It literally took everything in him to not want to dive headfirst into a monologue of all the things Adam should do to change his current life situation.
"Let's be honest, we both know you will whether I say you can or not, am I right?" Adam chuckled at his own joke and left the door ajar as he walked back towards his mess of a kitchen.
"Well, yeah. Probably." Drew shrugged with a grin and walked into the dimly lit apartment.
"What do you want this time, Drew?" Adam pulled out a bowl and started to pour himself a bowl of cereal. "You come back to life like a fuckin' zombie and suddenly you want to shoot the breeze, talk shit and play video games all day?" Adam laughed at the idea.
"We both know that's not why I'm here." Drew stood in the doorway of his brother's kitchen. What happened? Where did things go wrong? Drew cringed inwardly knowing full well when everything changed. And yet, here he stood. Still trying to protect, to care for and fix.
"Then why." Adam poured too much milk over his golden grahams and some began to pour over the edge.
"To clean up your shit." Drew mumbled, grabbing an old towel and mopping up the mess.
"I don't need you to, man. That's the thing..." Adam was laughing again, not because it was funny, but to keep himself from losing it. "I don't need you." He finally said it. He couldn't look at his brother when he did, but he said it firmly and clearly.
"That's not why I'm here, Adam. I know you don't need me." Drew sounded sincere, but Adam didn't trust him. "I'm here because people who love you are worried about you-I am worried about you. Mom and Elliot...shit, man." He inhaled, messing with his hair. "We think you're drinking is out of control. You're sick, Adam. It's a disease and it's not your fault."
Adam felt like he had just been punched in the gut, but he continued shoveling cereal into his mouth in the most normal way.
"Let us get you some help, Adam. Let us help you." Drew spoke softly though he crossed his arms in slight defense. He wasn't sure how Adam responded and he knew he had lost most credibility with him.
"I don't need you." Adam repeated, setting the half eaten cereal bowl on the counter. He shoved his shoulder into Drew's as he passed him. "Just leave, man." Adam opened the door and held it open. A biting breeze, only the kind you find in Chicago, hit through the opening and filled the room.
"Adam," Drew turned and tried to manage the situation. "We're your family. We love you. We want what's best for you."
Adam turned his head slightly, tilted his chin upward and glared.
"Family." He said the word as statement more than a question. "Family doesn't just show up when they feel like it."
"Family doesn't do a lot of things." Drew didn't move from his stance by the kitchen and he didn't intend to. He felt this fists tighten at his side and his jaw tighten. He was losing the patience and grace he had tried to come into the room with.
"And there it is." Adam slammed the door mostly because of the cold, but also because he didn't want to scare his neighbor or get the police called. "Get the fuck out." Adam's said barely above a whisper.
"I'm not going anywhere." Drew was ready to fight, something he had never done and knew looking at his beast of a brother that Adam might win. That wasn't always the case, but Hannah had taken most of the fighter out of Drew.
"Did Mom put you up to this?" Adam was slowly building a reason why his distant and absent brother from the west coast would roll in right around the time he was hitting rock bottom. "She did, didn't she. Fuck." He gritted his teeth. "Ya know...there was a time when all I really wanted to hear is what you just said. I just kept waiting...blaming and shaming myself..and I thought that maybe if you said that I would stop." He stood still, his words trailing off into the empty air in front of him. He needed another drink, he could feel it. "But I didn't. I don't. Because the truth is, Drew...you're the fuck up." Adam waved a defensive and accusing finger. He walked back into the kitchen and reached above the fridge.
Drew inhaled deeply, closing his eyes one effort to figure out what to say, something he had done since he was young. Keep it together, Emerson. He thought to himself like he always did.
"I'm done taking the blame-" Adam took a shot of something that burned his throat "asshole." he finished, clearing his throat.
"That's fair. I've been absent, I know I have." Drew still couldn't look at him. His arms were crossed now and he kept a strong stance on that living room floor. "And I'll do us both a favor and not hold anything you say against you because I know you're wasted."
"You think I'm fuckin' joking?" Adam lit a cigarette.
"No." Drew scoffed, turning towards his brother and reaching out put a hand on his shoulder. "You're a fuckin' mess, Adam. Let me help you. Please." He tightened his grip on his shoulder. Adam squirmed out from under his grasp and whipped his shoulder around defensively.
"Get the fuck off." He threw his arms out having a hard time finding his balance.
"Adam. Listen to me." Drew put on the most adult and authoritative voice he could muster. He was beginning to doubt himself in the moment because what did he know? How could he convince his brother to realize what deep shit he was wading in? What if he didn't take his help? What was left? "If you keep going down this road you're gonna end up just like dad. You don't want that."
"What...what is that supposed to mean? You mean alone? Abandoned by his own family because he was going through a rough patch or because he didn't make enough money?"
"Shit, man. You...you don't know do you?" Drew stopped wondering why the hell his mom hadn't told him.
"Know what? What is there to know?"
"Dad died a few years ago. Because he was sick and an alcoholic."
"Shut up." Adam scowled at Drew, his mouth dry and slightly hanging open in disbelief. "You...you don't know what you're talking about." He shook his head in denial. "No, fuck you, man. You're just trying to...to mess with me to get me to do what you want."
"Adam...I'm not..." Drew took a step towards his brother again in effort to comfort. "I'm not lying to you. I wish I was." He reached out and Adam pulled away quickly.
"I don't believe you." Adam shook his head. He thought he might be sick. He swallowed and took another drag of his smoke. He sat down on the couch, sinking his elbows into his knees. He shook his head again, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes. He refused to believe that the father he felt like he had hardly known was dead already.
Drew saw his younger brother, his once closest confidant and best friend. He didn't know what was left to say and knew the greatest damage had been done. They both knew this was rock bottom for Adam.
"Why didn't anyone tell me?!" Adam suddenly exploded, throwing his hands out around him in anger. "When were you going to tell me?"
"I don't know." Drew shrugged, crossing his arms again. "I figured mom would." His voice trailed off into thin air. He was lying now.
"Bullshit." Adam could still tell when his brother lied. "Tell me the fucking truth, Drew. I deserve that much."
"What you deserve is someone who loves you enough to help you. That is why I flew across the country, Adam and that is why I came back. I want to see you get help. You need help." He was just repeating himself hoping Adam would believe him too.
"I don't need you." Adam's voice broke at the same moment his spirit did. He felt the deep sting of betrayal and abandonment. The same feeling he had felt all those years ago when they left the only father he's ever known in the early hours of the morning.
"Well Adam. Lucky for you I won't be the one to help you." He smirked but his smug respond was ignored. "There's a rehab in Arizona…it looks like it would be a good fit for you."
Adam shook his head, still pondering everything he had just heard.
"I'll let you think about it. I'll be here first thing tomorrow. Pack a bag. If you hate it, you can come back. Maybe you're right...maybe you don't need it." He was backtracking now, trying to mend all the damage he had just intentionally done.
Drew felt a pull to stay, to fix this guy some food and sleep on the floor if he had to. But something in him didn't want to and he hoped that after dropping his brother off at the airport tomorrow for Arizona he could catch the next flight back to San Francisco.
Adam still wouldn't look at him and Drew didn't want to push closure so he let himself out and headed back to his car.
Drew's heart was pounding against his chest as he stopped at the curb near his car. He inhaled, thrusting his hands deep into his pockets. Seeing his brother surfaced dozens of feelings he had worked so hard to lodge in the furthest part of his memory. There they were, sprouting up like weeds in the desert. His gut was in knots and he started to wish he had hadn't come at all.
Reality bit at his heels and he was drawn back to the present in the stale hospital room. He had long stopped pacing and had been starring out the window into the piles of deep snow that had been mounting throughout the morning.
Hannah's presence appeared suddenly next to him and he realized how lonely he had been without her for the past few minutes. He looked over at her, wrapping his arm fully around her shoulder, drawing her near. He kissed her tenderly on the cheek and left his lips near the curve in her neck that he loved so dearly. He closed his eyes, wishing he could escape for a few more minutes and maybe the road ahead would be less scary and unclear.
"Do you want something to eat?" She whispered. Always trying to help, to nurture. He kissed her neck, holding back the wave of emotion.
"I'm not hungry." He wasn't sure if he was or not, but food was the last thought on his mind. "We should go…figure out the next steps…tell mom and Elliot." He was rambling off the list of things he knew needed to happen.
She stood calmly next to him, but inwardly she had an entirely different list of things to do. All the things his emotions were too heightened to think of. She had so many thoughts, but wanted to tread carefully and now project her ideas and opinions on his family who were still strangers. She looked down at bulging belly and rubbed the stretching skin. In her heart she knew that Drew would always be there for his child, but seeing the level of vulnerability and instability in him in the last 24 hours had shaken her trust in his strength. She had never seen him look so scared, worried and unclear of the next great plan.
When she met Drew her hair was longer, her face always sun kissed and her skin free from age. Drew's hair was longer too and his eyes held both curiosity and mystery and he found adventure wherever he went. They both were attending Stanford, but they met at a beach in Santa Cruz on a Wednesday evening in the middle of the summer. She had spent her entire life in Northern California and had never thought of being anywhere besides near the ocean, but he had never seen the ocean before he attended school there. He was captivated by every wave, every palm tree, every seagull and magical moment that most California natives take for granted.
They played summer movies every Wednesday during the summer and a group had gone to see the classic Sixteen Candles with what seemed to be the rest of Santa Cruz. She had gone with Jason, a boy she had been seeing off and on for a few months and her room mate, Emmy. Drew was and always had been the heart of the party wherever he went. He carried his charisma effortlessly and people were drawn to him naturally.
The beach was packed, the sun was setting and chairs and blankets had been set up a couple hours prior. Hannah was sitting in an uncomfortable position on a blanket and was trying to look interested in what Jason was saying. She wasn't sure how much longer she could pretend to be interested in the nonsense he said.
Emmy kept nudging her, trying to get her attention.
It was then she caught Drew's gaze directed at her. She tried to look away, but hardly could. His lip curled in a half smile, as if to ask permission. She blushed and let out a laugh a bit too early for Jason's punchline.
"Now, wait…you weren't supposed to laugh yet. I didn't even tell you what the joke was." Jason sounded more irritated than offendid.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Hannah touched his arm. "I really am sorry, Jason but I think you need to work a bit harder at getting to the point sooner." She snorted with the last word.
He looked shocked and got quiet.
Emmy started nudging Hannah again.
"Look. He's looking at you. Again." She whispered through gritted teeth, poking Hannah with her bony elbow.
"Stop with the poking, Em." Hannah rubbed her side. "He's looking at everyone. And he talking to everyone. Quit being weird." Hannah was trying to deflect the attention, but she hoped what Emmy said was true.
Without realizing it, Jason had started talking again and Hannah had completely tuned him out. She was struck by Drew's adamant and adoring gaze that seemed to be directed at her. Time slowed and her courteous smile for Jason faded. She was transfixed by Drew's genuine smile and direct affection. She had seen him around campus and if she remembered correctly they had shared a class last semester. His arms were suddenly crossed and he was shameless in his affectionate stare. Hannah cleared her throat, dropped her eyes and then turned to Jason who was still talking.
Emmy burst out in laughter, unable to contain both the tension and the lack of awareness that Jason had.
"Jason, thank you." She sweetly put her hand over his to help his story come to close. She patted his hand again, further affirming that they were done.
He looked down at their hands with confusion.
"What is it? You want to watch the movie?"
"Yes, yeah I do." She burst out a loud laugh, which left him confused but helped relieve the pressure. "Thank you though for that story."
Emmy rolled her eyes and situated herself in a place she could see the giant screen a few yards away. The picture was a bit blurry, but Hannah knew most of the movie by heart. She found a blanket and wrapped herself in it. The ocean air held a slight chill on that summer night and the sun finally disappeared beneath the water. She wasn't comfortable, but she could still feel Drew's eyes on her which made her heart swell and her stomach turn all at once. She stole a look for a few seconds and smiled, putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
His smile grew and she could barely see his lips move to form the words.
"Hey."
She blushed, but thankfully it was dark enough that no one saw. She wrapped the blanket tighter around her, letting her smile broaden and whispered "hey" right back.
The rest of the movie seemed to move silently as Hannah's mind flew with wild ideas about how she could find a way to talk to Drew. And what did his smile mean? And what if he was here with someone? Drew was a mystery to most women on campus, but also everyone's friend. She had come with Jason and Emmy, how could she find a way to not go home with them?
The movie finished, the ocean air had gotten colder and every one started packing up. Her feet had dug their way into the sand and she hadn't moved since the credits rolled.
"Hey. I'm getting a ride with Evan and Jess. See you back at the farm." Emmy was standing above Hannah. She kicked her gently with her foot. "Hope to see ya tomorrow." She threw over her shoulder and was lost in the crowd of people. Jason was standing talking to friends and Hannah knew this was it. The time and come to break poor Jason's heart. She had a tendency to do this and she felt the guilt build, but she let it go and stood up to face him.
"Jason, hey." She walked over to him, the blanket still wrapped around her. "I think I'm gonna hang out around here for a bit. I'll find a ride home." That was not like her, to spontaneously find a ride home. She was taking a giant risk and she knew it, but for the first time in a long time it felt so right.
He cocked his head slightly at her like she had spoken another language.
"Oh, wait. Why? Is something wrong?" He jumped strait to fear like he always idd.
"Well…yes. Yes something is wrong. I'm just not feeling…this…any more. I'm sorry." She shrugged. Random classmates stood around and awkwardly tried to make themselves look distracted. Jason gulped, trying to hold in his disgusted look.
"Oh, yeah, I get it. That's fine. Guess you couldn't handle my jokes. Your loss." He looked rejected and she felt a little guilty, but also relieved.
"Yup. It was the jokes. Sorry, Jason." She tried not to roll her eyes.
He walked away, mumbling incoherent things and Hannah stood. She hoped she wouldn't stand alone for long, but if she did she was willing to take that risk. She packed up her bag, the blanket and some left over popcorn and walked over to face the rapid waves and ocean. The current was gaining momentum and retreating only to collapse closer to her toes with each changing pattern of the tide. She hugged her elbows, inhaling deeply and hoping that he was sensing her solo attire.
She could catch his laugh anywhere. It was loud, boisterous, usually accompanied with a clap and always intended to make the person he was laughing with feel good. She had heard his laugh several times before and it always made her smile. She smirked at the sound of him, rolling her eyes slightly at how incredibly long it was taking him to make his move over to her.
As if on cue she felt him at her side, he cleared his throat slightly and crossed his arms to match her stance.
"Took you long enough." She cleared the tension with her witty sense of humor and deep rooted confidence. He beamed.
"Yeah, sorry about that. You know I saw you were here with someone." He threw a look over his shoulder. "But I don't see him…anywhere…wait? Nope. No, it looks like he left." His smile grew somehow and he brushed his elbow gently and effortlessly against her arm.
"Yeah that just wasn't going to work." She locked eyes with him.
"No? And why's that?" He held the gaze. The moon was full and putting out a deep glow that reflected so intensely off the ocean he could make out the height of her cheekbone and the outline of her lips.
"Well, for several reasons. But one of them being…he isn't you." She was bold and direct and he found himself slightly caught off guard. He was usually the direct one and he liked that she was outdoing him on his own skill.
"No, that's true. He isn't me." Drew inched closer so their shoulders barely touched. "I will be honest, Hannah. I couldn't take my eyes off of you all night."
She looked away for a brief second to hide her growing smile.
"Oh really? I didn't notice." She scrunched her nose slightly and laughed.
He exhaled as if he'd been holding it in the entire time. She was making this so effortless and easy; as if they had known each other for years. He felt an instant comfort in her gaze and safety in her smile.
"I was." He bit his lip. "You captivate me with your beauty." He starred shamelessly and watched her turn slowly towards him. She looked intently at his gaze, trying to figure out what to say in response to that.
She just stood and waited.
"Want to get out of here?" He boldly yet confidently traced his hand down the side of her arm. He looked at the friends they had come with and the bonfire they had started after the beach had cleared.
She nodded, wishing she had brought a sweatshirt.
"Yes!" She went back for her bag and felt a hand on the corner of her back.
"Want my sweatshirt?" He offered generously, taking off the one on his back leaving only a grey tshirt. She found herself admiring and noticing the definition in his arms and the curve of muscles on his chest and stomach.
She put on the sweatshirt, pulled her head through and saw him reach out his hand for her to take. A million things raced through her mind. She knew what it meant to take his hand, what it would mean for the conversations around the bonfire, what it could mean for her defended and proud heart that didn't want to fall in love just yet. She looked at him again, his hand still held out in front of her he waited without push or panic. He just watched her, smiling slightly as if he held zero doubt in his decision to keep his hand extended. He would wait for however long it took for her to accept.
"Alright, Emerson. Let's see where you take me." She finally accepted and followed him onto the beach where they walked letting the tide catch their heals.
The hospital room door closed and Hannah was brought back to the present where she still stood next to the same man, though a slightly different version. His hair was much shorter, but still had the messy, textured waves. She was a different version of the girl on the beach too and life had aged her tenderly. She felt like that girl on the beach was such a distant memory, but yet still very much apart of her. She knew when she took Drew's hand that night on the beach that she would follow him anywhere and this time that anywhere meant into a sterile and sad hospital.
"Let's go talk to you mom." She took his hand and softly squeezed. His furrowed brow slowly relaxed as he fought for stability again.
Drew walked over to the bed and touched his brother's arm with his fingertips.
"I'll be right back." He whispered. He had no idea if he could hear him or not, but all he knew was that he didn't want to leave him alone. A part of him thought about asking Diane to stay with him until they got back, but figured she might be busy.
"Want me to stay with Adam?" Hannah spoke up.
Drew looked at her, surprised, yet relieved.
"You don't have to do that, love." He stroked her arm.
"I know I don't, but I want to. Besides, my feet are killing me and I would rather not have be apart of the conversation you'll have with your mother and older brother. They don't even know me and I feel awkward being there for those conversations." She itched her elbow as she talked. She tried to hide her awkwardness and feelings of being a bit of place.
"You sure?" He took hold of her shoulders in his hands to search her eyes for affirmation.
"Absolutely." She smiled.
"Okay…because honestly I didn't want him to…to be alone. You know?" Drew took a deep breath in and felt a fury of emotions. "He must have been so scared. And alone." The guilt began to layer deep.