WARNING: MAJOR OOC POMFREY. BE WARNED!!!!!
And thanks to KBK for helping me with the brainstorming...and mainly the idea...
Madame Pomfrey woke up when she heard the bang of the hospital wing doors opening. Getting out of bed, she heard three extremely familiar voices and groaned.
"Mr Potter, what have you done this time and Miss Granger, why did you let him?" she asked, exasperated. She could have sworn she would not see these children since they decided not to come back to Hogwarts.
A sheepish Ron Weasley was leading an arguing Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. "Sorry, Madame Pomfrey, but..." Ron started but was interrupted by Hermione.
"You have to admit, it's a definite possibility!" she said, not realizing they were in the hospital wing. "And why not ask someone with medical training!"
"My scar is not a horcrux, therefore we don't have to worry about removing it!" Harry said hotly.
"Harry, it's definitely a possibility. We've destroyed every other horcrux, why not try your scar?" Hermione argued back.
Madame Pomfrey had had enough. "Enough!" she yelled. Both teens fell silent. "Now, what are you arguing about?"
Ron and Hermione filled Madame Pomfrey in on what a horcrux was and why they thought Harry was one. Harry drifted from where the three were talking and found a stack of pictures. One caught his eye.
"Madame Pomfrey, why do you have a picture from when Lockhart removed the bones in my arm from second year? And, is this my dad?" Harry asked, looking through some of the photos. He found tons of the pictures of different students sporting interesting...injuries...
"Umm...let's not get into that. Well, Dumbledore's creams and spells didn't work, so we'll try something else," Madame Pomfrey said, looking over a Harry and snickering evilly.
"Madame, why are you looking at me and snickering like that?" Harry asked nervously, dropping the pictures and backing away.
"I've wanted to do this since I saw it," she said, advancing towards Harry with a scalpel and a maniacal gleam in her eye.
"What are you going to do with that?" Hermione and Ron asked, Hermione with interest and Ron with mounting horror.
"I'm sorry, but the patient may not hear what this treatment entails. Stupefy!" she said, pointing her wand at Harry. He collapsed and Madame Pomfrey went into her cabinet and took out a potion. She quickly forced the potion, which we later found out was a sleeping potion, down his throat before taking off the stunner.
"Ok, since your victim is...unaware of what's going on, will you tell us what you are going to do?" Hermione said, glancing at the peacefully sleeping Harry.
"Simple. I will take this here scalpel and scrape the scar off. Muwahahahahahahahaha!" she exclaimed, laughing manically, before starting to forcefully remove the scar with the sharp implement.
As Madame Pomfrey kept...scraping away, Ron turned green and rushed to the toilet. Hermione looked at her best friend in horror, unable to move.
-Two hours later-
Joining our friends in the Hospital Wing of Horror, Madame Pomfrey has made a noticeable dent in the layers of skin in the area of Harry's scar. Hermione was still standing there in shock while Ron was talking to the disturbed healer.
"So, have you tried this before?" Ron asked.
"No."
"Ok, what are you looking for?"
"How far this scar goes."
"Then what?"
Madame Pomfrey stopped her...activity. "What do I know about horcruxes? All I know is that I am almost to the skull and I can still see that bloody lightning bolt!"
Ron blinked. "Madame, have you ever had a muggle drug called 'crack'"
"No, but I have tried a few narcotics."
"Ok. Ummm...Hermione? Wake up please!" Ron said, backing away.
As Hermione became aware of the world, Madame Pomfrey reached the skull. "Yes, I reached the skull!"
Looking at the now creepy healer, Hermione asked, "Why isn't there any blood?"
"Magic. I needed some way to see if the scar was disappearing," Madame answered.
Coming over, Hermione glanced at the crater in Harry's head. Keeping her last meal in her stomach, she glanced even closer and found a lightning bolt shaped imprint on the skull. "I knew I was right! So, do we break the skull to destroy the horcrux?"
While Ron looked at Hermione in horror, Madame Pomfrey seemed to nod in agreement. "That sounds like a good theory..." -crack- and Madame Pomfrey made a crack appear in the middle of the lightning bolt.
"NOOOOO! WHY?!" Ron cried out. Suddenly, a creepy green haze came out of Harry's crater.
"That's why," Hermione said.
"I knew that," Ron said defensively. "But, did you have to kill him?"
Madame Pomfrey rolled her eyes. "Just do your thing while I do mine," she answered, her momentary happiness at getting rid of the scar disappearing to trying to get Harry back to normal health.
Hermione quickly said the spell to get rid of the soul left hanging in the air. "Now we only have Voldemort himself left!"
Hearing Voldemort's name caused Madame Pomfrey to jump, hitting one of his ears with a skin-grow spell. "Oops...I can fix that..."
When she was done the healing, the lightning bolt scar was no longer visible. Instead, it looked like he had a slightly darker patch of skin where on existed.
"At least it only looks like a birthmark," Hermione commented.
"Harry should be pleased," Ron agreed.
Just then, the three people heard a groan come from the unconscious body in front of them. Harry opened his eyes, saw the people around him, and groaned again while shutting his eyes. "Darn, it wasn't a nightmare..."
"Nope," Hermione said cheerfully...almost, too cheerfully.
"Great. Does anyone have something for a major headache? And, what happened?" Harry asked, looking at the cheerful expressions.
While Madame Pomfrey went to grab a headache reliever, Hermione and Ron told Harry what happened to his scar.
Harry, getting a freaked out look on his face, quickly ran out of the room screaming, "Insane people in the Hospital Wing!"
Now, you should never proclaim crazy people as such. We know this. Madame Pomfrey quickly gave him some of her stashed, illegal, muggle narcotics, making the craziness seem to go away. Two days later, Harry Potter was sober enough and recovered to actually participate in the Final Battle. What happened there, though, is another story.
If anyone wants it, I may try to write a sequel to this. Depends on how crazy people think this is.