Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Slow and steady. You might not get another chance.
Iruka could see the fine silver strands move with his breathing, back and forth. The warmth of Kakashi's naked body felt like it came in waves, moving in time with his heartbeat. Kakashi was using Iruka's arm as a pillow with his face buried deep in Iruka's chest and with an arm around his waist. Iruka felt the small sleepy movements of his Kakashi's hand against his skin, unconsciously soothing the deep nail marks that were showing deep red on the brown skin.
Iruka's finger played with one of the light strands, letting it twirl around a digit and watching as it resumed its natural straight form as he let it slip. Maybe this was his last time to breathe. He had to make the most of it, so he kept breathing, letting all of Kakashi creep under his skin. Iruka couldn't stop his eyes from watering or prevent the silent gasp from leaving his dry lips. When did he become so weak? To let another one decide when he was able to breathe was a thing that was starting to kill him slowly and painfully. But he could only blame himself, it was he who had let go of the little control he had had over this… whatever it was. It had been good, so good, at first to let go and just be consumed by those waves of warmth. And now he was six feet under without knowing when he was going to breathe the air he so desperately needed. The sun shone through the window above the bed, making the plain room glow in an almost mythical light.
"Iruka, what are you doing?" Kakashi's eyes were closed, unaware of the pained look on Iruka's face. He was content, happy and very comfortable laying here against his boyfriend's side. Kakashi's voice was hoarse from sleep and Iruka felt the cool puff's of air against his chest.
"I'm just breathing", because now was the only time he was able to. But that was not something he wanted to say out loud, maybe he was weak but he didn't have to admit it to Kakashi and he certainly didn't have to like it.
Kakashi scrunched his nose. Something was not right and he told Iruka as much. There had been something bothering the chuunin for quite some time now and he didn't know what. Instead of answering Kakashi Iruka let go of his ocean of warmth and left the bed, padding soundlessly to the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. And there he stood, in front of the mirror not knowing where he got the strength to leave the one person who was able to let the air, he so desperately craved, into his lungs. His body started to shake and he leaned his weight on the faucet in front of him otherwise he would surely fall. It wouldn't be something new, he had the feeling of falling every single day but that was all in his mind, he didn't have to do it physical. Iruka let a small laugh escape him, amused over his way of clinging to what small control he could obtain. Ridiculous. A hard knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Leave me be, Kakashi", Iruka let his forehead rest against the mirror. He could not deal with this. Looking into his own eyes he saw everything he didn't want to face being reflected back to him. He had to close his eyes, "I am truly weak". He couldn't even face himself, pathetic.
Kakashi didn't like this one bit. Iruka had never told him to stay away. It had always been the opposite, especially when he was feeling down. So he opened the door set on finding out what was going on, he did not like being kept in the dark. He found Iruka leaning against the faucet, eyes closed and forehead against the mirror. He was still gloriously naked, skin marred with Kakashi's nail marks because his dolphin had been so good and perfect and reached so deep within Kakashi that he had screamed his pleasure to the world. He walked over to Iruka, wrapped his arms around him and watched, stunned, as Iruka laid his head back and took a deep stuttering breathe, a single tear running down his right cheek. The water droplet was caught in the scar crossing Iruka's face for a brief second before it continued, its path slightly altered. Iruka's knees buckled and Kakashi went down on the bathroom tiles with him, holding him even tighter when he felt Iruka trying to move away. "Iruka, Ruka… What is this? Why are you pulling away from me?" Kakashi ran hand through the dark hair, planting small kisses on Iruka's temple, making an attempt to sooth him but to Iruka, it made it that much worse, making him realize that his world revolved around Kakashi. The breaths he had taken had only been important when he had felt those arms encircle him, that only those kisses and that voice had been able to bring him to life. By Kami, they had only been separated by a door!
"I feel like I'm drowning, Kashi, every time you walk away. I can only breathe when you're there." Iruka whispered. Kakashi did deserve to know didn't he? It wasn't like Iruka expected him to feel the same but if he knew, then maybe he would linger just a moment longer. Just long enough for Iruka to take one more breath. Again Kakashi tightened his hold on Iruka and buried his head in Iruka's neck.
"Ruka, my Ruka… You are the one taking my breath away. Every smile, kiss and scribbled 'I love u' on a note I find stuffed in a pocket each time I go on a mission takes my breath away." Kakashi ran a thumb over Iruka's scar loving how the chuunin shivered. Iruka looked into the mismatched eyes showing all the love he needed. To think he had been afraid of telling this, to doubt that Kakashi would think him a fool. Yes, Iruka was weak but it was of the good kind and he couldn't help but smile, a smile that made Kakashi claimed those wonderful lips. Neither cared that their small revelations was done on a cold bathroom floor, naked. Kakashi kissed the sensitive spot behind Iruka's ear and gently whispered "breathe for me, baby, and I'll breathe for you."
I am working on the next chapter of 'Piecing our hearts back together but' I got inspired for this little thing and I couldn't make it fit anywhere than on its own... and for those who do read Pohbt (thank you, by the way), it will be a while before ch. 3 arrives, just be patient... A lot of huggies from me and my Kashi plushie!
(oh, and don't own Naruto and all that)