#Jac#

I kept staring at my feet. Somehow, I think I know what she's gonna tell me. I jus have a gut feeling.

E: "Jac, let's break up"

She said it. Somehow, I could feel my heart tearing itself apart. I really wanted to cry. But I held my tears back. It was so difficult, but I manage to do it.

J: "oh… ok."

I knew she will feel guilty for bringing this matter up. Therefore, I forced myself to look into her eyes, hoping that she'll feel more assured knowing that I'm not crying. With that, I quickly left.

#Ella#

E: "Jac, let's break up."

J: "Hmm? Oh… ok."

On hearing that, my heart started aching. But I'm already used to this feeling. After all, it had been hurting for a few years before that. Jac didn't ask me why, she just agreed, looked into my eyes and left. I couldn't see tears in her eyes at all, but somehow I could see that she's hiding her emotions. I had obviously hurt her. walking over to my usual corner, I sat down on the ground and buried my head in my arms.

I'm 19 this year, currently studying in university. People who don't know me might think that I'm unassuming and unfriendly because i seldom talk to strangers. My good friends will tell me that I'm crazy and to get more serious. Look. Isn't this such a huge difference? Yes, I'm quiet at times. At times when I really do not feel like talking or when I'm totally sinking into my own world of thoughts. Even though I have very good friends, but I do not confide in them. I'm afraid of opening myself up to people, even to my best friends who live with me, whom I consider as sisters.

I do not know since when I start liking girls. Whenever my best friends ask when I discovered that I like girls instead of guys, I always reply by saying that I've started liking girls the moment I start to know and understand things.

From young, my mom always loves to dress me up in dresses, lacy skirts, shirts and pants and 'cute' stuff like polka dots hair clips. Looking back at the photos taken when I was young, I realized that I have always been clad like this. But in my memory, I think I have stop wearing them since the tender age of 4. I remembered I told my mom I didn't want to wear those. Reason: I don't like.

When I was young, i once went for a holiday tour with my grandmother, mom and my older sister. It was so obvious that grandma is bias towards my sister. For the whole trip, she barely spoke a ten sentence to me. Luckily, I have a caring mom who attended to my every need in that unfamiliar place. From young, I had always been very hyperactive, wanting to give everything a try. I was only 5 when I killed a cockroach with my bare hands. What else can I be scared of?

I waited for so long before I could really attend primary school at the age of 7. I remember at that time, all my classmates were crying like they are never ever gonna see the sunrise again. I was the only exception. I wasn't crying, but more of staring at my mom, hoping that she wouldn't leave so soon. But it turned out that my hoping and wishing weren't working too well when I saw my mom wave goodbye to me. She had to leave due to work and I didn't stop her because I know that she's working so hard just for my sister and I.

Life in primary school was easy. But I jus don't know why I had so little friends, maybe it was because I was still young, so I didn't think too much about it. I was jus feeling a bit more inferior and less bubbly compared to others. In my class, there is this popular girl. She's cute, lovely and outgoing. Unknowingly, I wanted to make friends with her so much. Maybe this is what people call liking a person. However, I didn't dare to make friends with her or even go near her. I just didn't dare. To me, she is an angel; while I'm just an ugly duckling. I therefore started noticing her when I was 7.

E: "ouch!"

I look up, and saw two very familiar faces with looks of concern all over their face.

S; "Ella, are u alright? Why are u crying?"

Oh my god. Am I? I hurriedly wipe off tears with the back of my hand and forced out a smile.

E: "Ahaha. Nothing. I'm not crying. Just that my eyelash went into my eye. Really."

H: "Ella, u don't have to act strong in front of us u know?

That sentence. What power does it have? The moment this sentence came out of Hebe's mouth. I started crying uncontrollably. No matter how hard I tried, I jus couldn't control these tears of sadness.

All of a sudden, I just felt hands wrapping themselves around me and I instantly felt a lot better. I know they belong to Selina Ren and Hebe Tian, my two best friends whom I consider my sisters.

S: "Ella, hush… come on. Calm down, calm down. Let's go home ok?"

I couldn't bring myself to reply, or rather, I had difficulty replying. What I could do is to only nod my head and continue crying.