I'm back with a Suikoden fan fiction. Actually, it's my first Suikoden fan fiction. I'm an AVID FAN. I've played every Suikoden game there is and I'm very addicted. It's become a craving. Anyway, please ease on the flames. I hereby present to you…
Hervey's Dilemma
"Damn, do I really have to go through with this, Sigurd?"
"Of course. You lost the bet, Hervey."
"MAN! I shouldn't have agreed to this! You know I won't win against Gunter! That guy cheats! He said so, in the confession room, with Keen!"
"You mean you eavesdropped during his confession?"
"Err…well…I can't help but use all of my resources wisely! Besides, his voice was so loud even Gau took notice! And Gau doesn't usually mind anything except for fighting and demon wolves!"
"Yeah. I get you. So, onto the bet…"
"NO! You can't do this to me, Sigurd, you snake!"
"I'm not a snake, Hervey. You agreed to this. So…choose…"
"I won't date anyone inside this ship, Sigurd!"
Sigurd gave Hervey a look that could make Troy's glare synonymous to a puppy dog expression. Hervey gave up and sighed.
"Alright, fine! Say names and the great Hervey shall judge accordingly…"
"Alright. First off, Lady Kika…"
"Sigurd, shame on you!"
"Why? Don't you find Lady Kika attractive?"
"Ehrmm...it's not that but…it's just wrong! NEXT!"
"Lilin"
"I won't date mermaids!"
"Hmm…how about, Mizuki?"
"Yeah, and have Akaghi flay me alive? No thanks!"
"Alrighty…Mitsuba?"
"Hell! That girl can kick ass! She's cute but…wouldn't want to be robbed by her…"
"Rita?"
"Can you spare me the sin of seducing a minor?"
"Yeah, I get you. Louise?"
"Ehrmm…something's just not right…"
"Alright, Rene?"
"Again with the minors. Anyway, I won't let a little girl boss me around while treasure hunting!"
"Noah?"
"I'm not even sure if she's a human or a Nay-Kobold!"
"Tanya?"
"If I were to salvage either the clothes inside Reinbach's closet or books, I'd choose the clothes!"
"Alright, alright…Jeane? Now, that's someone you can't say no to!"
"…You have a point. But then…"
"But what?"
"…Laugh if you want to but I'm…scared…of her. That Charm Rune of hers is deadly! Once, I tried to touch it, and I ended up doing the laundry! Imagine Dario having a field day with that! He recorded it using that geek Oleg's box! So, NEXT!"
"Selma? Paula?"
"I am also not open to the prospect of dating elves..."
"Deborah?"
"Sigurd, either you're sarcastic and sadistic, or simply stupid…"
"Ameria?"
"She's hot…but…DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH CLOTHES ACTUALLY COST NOW!? She'd pilfer every potch I have in my pocket and use it for shopping!"
"Jewel?"
"She likes that spineless Snowe, right?"
"I'm not sure, why?"
"Nah! I don't want to be compared with a spineless brat!"
"Princess Flare En Kuldes?"
"She's a princess and I'm a pirate. What more should I say? Although she's banging hot, she's royalty, so that's automatically a huge NO!"
"Katarina?"
"NO!"
"Rikie?"
"I'm not desperate enough to date a widow!"
"Adrienne?"
"That's a good idea. She can sharpen my weapon for as long as she likes…but…NO!"
"Lo Fong?"
"Again, I refuse to be robbed…"
"Maxine?"
"That woman is scary! Once, I went to the ward to buy medicine from Carrie. I noticed a shadow emanating from within a huge hanging cloth, and so I opened it. When I saw her, damn, I thought she was a patient dying from a severe illness! She nearly bit my head off! And I'm a pirate!"
"Wendel?"
"She's addicted to Nico."
"Viki?"
"That girl is hot! But then, she might accidentally teleport me to God-Knows-Where…"
"Carrie?"
"Cute but…I refuse to date someone who actually thinks Maxine has hope…Imagine, she let her stay with her at the ward. I give her credit though. She must be brave…"
"Nataly?"
"The Nest of Pirates doesn't have any windows, thank you very much…"
"Kate?"
"Hot but…too mature…"
"Millay?"
"Hot but she's obsessed with Lazlo!"
"Agnes?"
"WHAT!? That girl nearly bit my head off back at Hermitage Island! Besides, she poisoned us!"
"I really wouldn't look at it as poisoning. Besides, it's your fault for calling the place a dump…"
"Look at me, Sigurd, and tell me it isn't a dump…"
"…."
"SEE!? YOU THINK SO TOO!"
"Fine, fine…Miss Elenor?"
"A woman scarier than Maxine. Need I say more?"
"Ema? Pam?"
"I'm also not desperate enough to date anybody's wife!"
"Rachel?"
"No! She's a debt collector and pirates have huge debts!"
"Gretchen? Helga?"
"They are also Lazlo fangirls, in case you haven't noticed!"
"Pecola?"
"You know she told me I have no sense of style right? And you also happen to know that she prefers ornaments over pirates?"
"Yes, I do know that…"
"THEN STOP MAKING STUPID SUGGESTIONS!"
"Frederica?"
"From the Scarlet Moon Empire? Nah!"
"Dammit, Hervey! I've mentioned all of the women inside this ship and you picked no one! What, are you gay!?"
"HELL FUCKING NO! How can the great Hervey be gay!? I'm a manly man!"
"Then choose a womanly woman, goddamn it!"
"But I can't!"
"And why not!? There are some whom you regarded to as cute and hot! Choose!"
"I CAN'T BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO AND I WON'T WASTE MY TIME DATING ANY OF THEM!"
"How about the bet?"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BET! ...How about I treat you and Helmut lunch instead? I heard that Funghi guy is an excellent cook…"
"Fair enough…we can practice the Adonis Attack too…"
With that, the two pirates left their room…
THE END
Alright, it was stupid. But I had fun writing it though. Those two are just so adorable. If I were to choose my top picks from SIV, they would be:
Hervey, Sigurd, Ted, Lazlo, Troy, and Helmut