Authors note: My first Takari, yay! All righty, Kari and TK are finishing high school so they're about eighteen or so. Umm… I think that's it! Enjoy!
Dedication: I'm dediction this to my friend Ivory. Haven't heard from you in a while, when you get the time e-mail me,kay?
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, that'll happen after world domination.
Don't Think of Me
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I shouted, tying my housecoat around myself I ran for the door.
Still, whoever it was, kept on pounding on my door. Reaching for the doorknob with my hand still dripping with water from the shower I was previously taking, I unlocked the door.
"Kari!" a deep voice shouted excitedly, pushing the door open the second I unlocked it.
A little startled, I stepped back, giving my boyfriend enough room to get through the door. Without even closing the door he wrapped his strong arms around me, and kissed me like he never had before.
"Wow!" I whispered, trying as hard as I could to stand on my own two feet, but my knees felt like jelly. "What was that for?"
Before he could answer me though, I pulled him in for another mind-blowing kiss. He, of course, had no objections whatsoever. Using my foot, I closed the door, then pulled him into the interior of my apartment. Running his hands over my hips, he sent a series of tingling waves flooding over my body, and I could hear myself moan into the kiss, as he gently ran his tongue over my lips.
By now, any thought of why he had so urgently banged at my door fled my mind, and the only thing I could focus on was how good his body felt against mine.
"Kari?" he whispered hoarsely, lowering me gently onto my couch.
"Mmmm…" my mind was too hazy with want to register his word, or the way he said it.
"Kari, guess what!" he told me, pulling away to look at me with his beautiful azure eyes.
"What?" I smiled, taking time to catch my breath.
"They accepted me!" he cried, he was so excited I could feel his body shaking against mine.
"No way!" I gasped, hugging him with joy. "Oh my god TK! I'm so proud of you!"
"I couldn't believe it!" TK beamed. "I got their letter this morning, and I'm in, Kari! I got the scholarship! I'm going to go play basketball in America!"
"I'm so proud of you TK!" I repeated. I was so happy for him I could have burst.
TK had wanted to play basketball ever since he was ten years old. For eight years he worked his ass of to get this scholarship, but to him, it wasn't work, it was play. Basketball is TK's life, it's in his blood, he wouldn't be happier doing anything else. Now all his dreams were coming true, and I'm going to be here to watch him accomplish everything he ever dreamed of.
TK said nothing, just grinned at me with his perfect smile, and brushed his lips against mine once more.
"Did you tell the others?" I asked when we parted.
By others, I meant our closest friends and companions, the digidestined. Not just the original eight that included both TK, and me, but the six others as well. We were the tightest knit friends on earth, or at least that's what I believe. Nothing could beat us, nothing in the digitalworld, and nothing in the real world.
"No," he panted, "You're the first person I've told."
"You're too good to me, TK" I sighed contently, "but you should at least tell Matt before we… engage in any physical activities." I smiled slyly, reaching for the phone sitting on the coffee table before I passed it to him.
He pouted slightly, but soon smiled at the prospect of telling everyone about his accomplishment. I watched him dial Matt's cell phone number, his fingers trembling with enrapture. I put my ear close to the phone to hear Matt's reaction to TK's news.
"Hello?" Matt, TK's older brother, and fellow digidestined answered.
"Matt! Matt guess what!" TK almost shouted, as I stifled back an excited giggle.
"Umm… you got a tattoo?" Matt joked.
"No! They accepted me! ME! I'm going to play basketball, Matt!" TK cried.
"That's amazing TK!" Matt cried back, letting out proud whoop for his brother. "Hey guys! TK got the scholarship!" Matt yelled to his band members on the other side of the line. More whoops and yells were heard from the other end, congratulating TK.
"Listen TK. I'm really, really, really, proud of you, but I got to go. We're on in five minutes," Matt sighed regrettably, "but I promise to phone you later, kay?"
Matt and his band were touring across Canada at this moment so he didn't have long periods of time where he could speak to friends and family.
"Kay," TK nodded even though Matt couldn't see him, "oh and Matt, break a leg!"
"Let's hope not," Matt laughed, disconnecting.
TK then continued on to phone his parents, and the rest of the digidestined. He started with his and my best friend Mimi, who was also Matt's girlfriend, moving onto my brother Tai, Sora, Tai's girlfriend, Izzy our computer genius, and Joe our soon to be doctor. They, along with us, were the eight original digidestined, all except for TK's parents. After we took a much wanted "break", TK phoned the other digidestined including, Davis, the guy who still had a major crush on me, Yolie, another genius in the making, Cody, a martial arts expert, Michael our friend in and America, and Wallace, another digidestined located in America.
"This is so amazing, I can't believe this is actually happening," TK sighed, pulling me closer to him when he finished the last call.
We lay, intertwined on my bed, TK with one arm around me as the fingers of his other hand absently played with the short strands of my light brown hair.
I rested my head on his chest, and tightened my arm about his waist, listening to his steady heartbeat. It was so strong, so comforting, it made me feel at peace even when everything around me was falling apart. I could stay up all night, listening to TK's heart beat, seeing if it would beat in time with mine, and most often or not it did, in perfect rhythm.
"I can, I knew you'd get in TK," I smiled, "I always knew you'd do it."
"That's because you believe in me even more then I do," TK said kissing my hair. "That's why I love you so much Kari, because you can believe in me even when I can't believe in myself. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you."
"Oh TK!" I almost cried, my eyes tearing over as he pulled my chin up to look me in the eye. "I love you so much, TK."
His kiss was tender, loving, with no hint of hesitation, or regret, just something pure, innocent. Laying my head back down, I closed my eyes, the beating of TK's heart filling my mind once more, helping me drift off into a deep slumber.
When I woke up TK was gone, a small note placed carefully in the spot where he had been. I reached out with slender fingers, picking up the folded sheet of paper, opening it to read it.
"Dearest Kari," I read, "I'm sorry to have to leave you, but I have early practice today. Meet me at my place for dinner tonight, kay? I have a surprise for you. Always and forever yours, TK."
I smiled, pulling myself out of bed. He was so sweet, my TK. How could he love me so much? He must see something inside of me I don't, because he could have any girl he wanted, and still he chose me. I drifted through my morning routine dreamy smile on my face, my mind on nothing but TK. Before I knew it I was at my mailbox picking up this mornings mail.
"Bill…junk… bill… bill… junk…" I sighed, sifting through my mail on the way up to my apartment. "Junk… bills… hello!"
I smiled picking out the last three envelopes in the pile and tossing the rest on the table beside my door. They were from three of the colleges I applied to, two here in Japan, one in America close to TK's college.
I opened the ones from Japan first. If I didn't get into those then I knew I wouldn't get into the American one. With my fingers slightly shaking from the anticipation I tore through the paper, gingerly.
You know those moments that could change your life the instant you live them? And how when you see everything you work towards pay off and no one's there to live it with you? Doesn't that suck? Well, this was one of those moments.
I quickly scanned over the inked words finding that I had been excepted into both of the Japanese colleges.
"YES!" I screamed, then quickly lifted my hand to my mouth in surprise.
Laughing, I took the last envelope and opened it. If I had gotten into the two Japanese colleges, I had to have gotten into the American one, right? TK and me had it perfectly planned out. We'd both go to America, and rent an apartment together. He'd go to his college and I'd go to mine, and after a hard day of working and studying we'd come home to each other. How perfect is that?
Not perfect enough obviously, because we never even imagined that one of us wouldn't get in. We were too confident, too conceded, I guess, because I didn't make it. They didn't except me. Something about having too many other applicants, I couldn't tell, my vision was too blurred with my own tears. Now I was glad no one was here to share this moment with me, glad that no one would know how much I failed.
Dropping the letter I let out a pained sob. My whole body began to shake with disbelief, disappointment, even self-loathing. I let myself collapse to the floor, my cries now racking my body, my tears now staining the carpet.
What was I going to do? If I told TK he'd want to stay here to be with me. I couldn't let him do that, I couldn't be the one to ruin his chances of playing in the NBA. I couldn't let TK know how I failed him, how I failed us. He'd be so disappointed in me.
I couldn't go with him either, if I did I'd have to drop out of school, giving up my career in photography and throwing away all the things my parents worked so hard for me to get. What was I going to do?
I didn't know, so I cried. I cried until my eyes were red and puffy, until I couldn't breath any longer, I cried until I couldn't cry any more.
There had to be a way to get TK to go to America without me, I'm not going to be the one to hold him back. I glanced up looking at one of TK's many photos on my wall. It was the shot I took of him when he got the winning shot for the high school championships. I remember it so well. He was so happy. I'd never seen him so happy, the crowds shouting his name, the pressure, the opposing team doing everything they could to stop him. That's when he was at his prime, that's what he lived for. I won't be the one to take that away from him, I won't be that person.
I… I… I have to let him go… I have to let TK go… there's no other way. If I… if I left him, he'd leave. He'd go to America, he'd leave. I knew he would, I'm the only thing holding him back. That was it. I'd have to leave the love of my life, my soul mate, my very reason for getting up in the morning.
Realizing that this was the only way made me cry even more. Picking up the letter, I read it over and over again, making sure it read what I had read, and every time I read it, it read the same thing: Application denied.
* * *
I inhaled deeply. It took everything I had not to cry then and there, at TK's door. I knocked hard, each blow to my knuckles sharp and piercing, each knock echoing deafly in my ears.
TK answered with a smile on his lips, and a playful twinkle in his eyes. "Hey Kari! I have a surprise for you."
He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away. The second I felt his lips on my skin I knew I'd break down.
"TK…" saying his name made my heart break even more. "TK, I can't stay… I… I…"
"What's wrong Kari?" TK asked, his smile fading.
I couldn't look at him, knowing what I was about to do, so I averted my eyes to ground, tears already forming. I shouldn't have came, I should have phoned instead. But I couldn't do that to TK, he deserved more then that, so much more.
TK," I choked out, my voice barely audible, "TK… it's over."
He gasped with shock, dropping what he was hiding behind his back. It fell to the floor with a dull thud, and I couldn't help but look at it. A small velvet box, open, revealing the most beautiful engagement ring I had ever seen.
I tried to say something, I tried to form the words rushing through my mind, but my throat was to dry and choked with sobs to work. He was going to ask me to marry him. He wanted to marry me and I'm standing breaking his heart. I hope I go to hell for this, I hope I die the worst death possible and then spend an eternity in hell for breaking his heart like this.
"W-why? What did I do, Kari?" I looked up to see tears in TK's eyes. Slowly they made their way down his handsome face, like pieces of his shattering soul.
"It's not you TK," I promised still staring at the box on the floor.
"Kari please, please don't leave me," he reached out to take my hand, but again I pulled away.
"You… you have to move on TK," I sobbed, "just forget me."
"I can't Kari," TK cried, unlike Matt he was not afraid to cry, "I love you."
"You have to find someone else to love TK," I stifled out, "and when you do, promise me… please just… don't think of me."
There were no words to depict how I feel right now, no human description that could accurately describe the painful throbbing in my heart or the utter sense of guilt, of failure, of loneliness I felt.
"Kari," he whispered softly, "I can't! Please Kari, please tell me what I did!"
"I-I'm so sorry, TK," I finally cried, my own tears falling, "I'm so sorry."
"Kari! Kari wait!" he screamed as I took off.
I ran as fast as I could trying to escape the pain that gripped my heart and soul, but no matter how fast I ran it hit me like a freight train, each time hitting me harder then before, until it brought me to my knees in the pounding rain. TK's words still echoed throughout my mind, begging me stop, to explain. Nothing I did could block out his cries, and nothing I did could stop my own.
Rising from the soaking ground I began to walk, letting the rain chill me to my bones, numbing my aching body, but not giving me enough mercy to numb my aching heart.
I didn't go back to my apartment, I couldn't, TK would come over. He would stand at my door like a lost puppy, until I opened it. And when I did I'd tell him everything, I'd give in to weakness, and TK would stay in Japan. So I went home.
My mom was the one to open the door. She cried out in worry when she saw me and bombarded me with questions. I couldn't answer her, no words would form. Somehow she knew what had happened between me and TK, not the fine details, but she knew we were no more, and she pulled me into her warm, loving arms, rocking me like she once did when I was I child.
I totally broke down at that point. I didn't care who saw me as long as it wasn't TK. I remember crying everything out to her, I remember her tender hands stroking my dripping hair, and I remember her calming voice in the background, drowning out my sobs. I don't remember changing out of my wet clothes, I don't remember being tucked away into my old bed, and I don't remember her staying by my side throughout the night.
When I woke up she was still there by my side, holding my hand in her own
"Mom," I cried embracing her again as the waves of guilt and pain hit me again, flooding my eyes with tears.
"It's all right honey," she whispered. "Everything will be all right."
I prayed that what she said was true. That I made the right decision, that I didn't hurt TK too much, as much as I hurt myself.
* * *
The weeks drifted by endlessly. Everyday TK phoned and everyday my mother made an excuse up for me. He showed up a few times, begging her to let him see me but thankfully she wouldn't let him in without my permission, permission that I wouldn't grant her.
When I was sure I wouldn't see him I left the house, to get some things from my apartment, to visit Tai, nothing that important. I didn't do anything important any longer.
"Kari?" my mom whispered from the doorway of my room.
"Don't let him in mom, please don't let him in," I pleaded, pulling the covers up over my head.
"It's not him honey," my mom promised. "It's your friend Mimi."I thought for a moment. Mimi was Matt's girlfriend and Matt was TK's brother. Would she be here on TK's behalf? Should I chance it? But she is one of my best friends, maybe she was here for me.
I sat up, wiping away my tears, "Let her in."
Me mother smiled, and left to get Mimi. As she did so I looked in my mirror, fixing up my hair so I looked a little presentable.
"Hey Kari," Mimi smiled sympathetically.
"Hey Mimi, come in," I smiled back as best I could.
She stepped in carefully shutting the door, as if any little thing could set me off, which at this point it probably would.
"How are you?" she asked quietly, sitting down beside me.
"I'm alive," I sighed.
"I... I…" she began wrapping an arm about my shoulders. "I just wanted to tell you… that TK's leaving for America today."
"So he's going to play basketball?" I asked, not sure whether to be happy or sad.
Mimi nodded solemnly, "Why Kari? Why did you leave him?"
I was shocked at her directness, I knew I shouldn't have been but I was. It was just like Mimi to be so blunt. "I did it for him."She looked at me, unsure of what I meant. "Can you please explain it to me, Kari? Maybe I can help?" she offered.
I wasn't sure, I knew Mimi was an expert on relationships, but I wasn't sure mine was capable of being saved. Why should I even get my hopes up? Hope… TK always had hope.
"Kari?" Mimi muttered snapping me out of my reverie.
I looked at her, tears in my eyes as I began to tell her everything that had happened. TK's scholarship, our plans, my application denial, my decision. She listened without judgement, and without accusations like she always did. By the time I finished we were both crying our eyes out.
"Kari, you have to tell him," Mimi cried, wiping away her tears.
"I can't Mimi, it's too late," I disagreed.
"It's not too late yet Kari. You can still catch TK if you hurry," Mimi pointed out.
"But if I do he'll stay, he'll stay for me, and he'll ruin his chances of getting in the NBA."
Mimi sat silent for a moment, going over everything in her mind. "There is a way, Kari. If you're willing to try it, there's a way."
"What's that?" I gasped not sure if I believed her or not.
"TK could still go to America and you could still stay here. It would be a long distance relationship. It's hard, but if you love him as much as I think you do and he loves you, it will work," she promised sincerely.
"You mean like you and Matt?" I murmured.
"Exactly!" she cried excitedly, "You might have an extra large phone bill, but it's still possible, and you can see each other on holidays and long weekends!"
"What makes you think he'd ever forgive me?" I asked skeptically. What she was proposing didn't seem possible, the whole idea of me being with TK once again seemed unlikely.
"I've seen him, Kari. TK's falling apart without you. He can't even put his shoes on the right feet." Mimi giggled. "Promise me you'll at least try, Kari."
"I-I don't know, if he says no, I'll die Mimi," I placed my hands over my to try to concentrate.
"He won't, Kari," Mimi whispered, "You don't have much time Kari, his plane leaves in half an hour. Please try Kari, this may be your last chance."Her final words sealed my fate. If we could make it work, if there was still a chance, I was going to take it.
"I'll do it," I nodded.
"You won't be sorry, Kari," Mimi promised passing me her keys. "Take my car, it'll take you too long to get yours."
"Thank you, Mimi," I gabbed her keys and ran for her car.
Firing up the engine I pulled out of my parents driveway. I had to get there in time, "Please let me get there in time," I begged. It was at least twenty minutes to the airport, and god knows how long it will take to find TK if I'm not too late.
"Come on! Come on!" I screamed, frustration taking hold of me.
At some points the minutes crept by agonizingly slow and at others sped by with no warning at all. When I jumped out of Mimi's car, I had eleven minutes to find TK.
Rushing inside the airport I searched for anyone that could help me. I pushed my way to the beginning of a line of ticket holders, much to their dislike.
"I need to know what gate the next flight for New York is!" I demanded. The young woman behind the counter was obviously startled.
"Umm... Ms. I can't…" she began nervously.
"Yes you can! Please, please I need to know before it's too late," I begged tears springing to my eyes.
She looked at me for a moment then nodded. "It's leaving from gate C-11, just down that way," she pointed after clicking away at her keyboard.
"Thank you!" I cried already running in the direction she pointed in.
I bumped into so many people I stopped counting at twelve, it was way too hard to weave in and out of all those people without hitting a few. I slid around the corner, knocking into a few more people before seeing the sign to gate C-11.
"I'm sorry Ms., but the plane just left," an older man explained, pointing to a large window.
Gasping for air I moved to the window, my face contorting with the pain my soul was reliving once again. My burning eyes followed the large plane down the runway and into the sky, taking away my beloved, taking away my last chance.
"No," I sobbed bringing my fingers to my lips in disbelief. I shook my head, as if that would bring him back, but it wouldn't, I knew it wouldn't.
"No," I cried again, tears drawing crystalline trails down my flushing cheeks. "Just one more chance, please just give me on more chance," I begged to anyone who'd listen.
"Always," hearing a voice I hadn't heard in weeks, but dreamed about every night, I spun around in doubt.
"TK!" I gasped, unable to believe that he was really standing there in front of me.
"The one and only," he smiled, his own tears trickling down his cheeks.
"H-how did you?" I stuttered, not daring to move, just in case I was dreaming.
"Mimi phoned me on my cell and told me everything," TK confessed, setting down his bag.
"TK, I'm so sorry," I wept. "Can you ever forgive me?"
TK nodded, grinning, "As long as you promise me that you'll never leave me without telling me why again."
"I promise," I swore, jumping into his open arms.
"I love you so much Kari," TK laughed, spinning me around.
"I love you too, TK," I giggled as he brought me down for a soul-searing kiss, "I'll always love you."
~ THE END ~
Dedication: I'm dediction this to my friend Ivory. Haven't heard from you in a while, when you get the time e-mail me,kay?
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, that'll happen after world domination.
Don't Think of Me
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I shouted, tying my housecoat around myself I ran for the door.
Still, whoever it was, kept on pounding on my door. Reaching for the doorknob with my hand still dripping with water from the shower I was previously taking, I unlocked the door.
"Kari!" a deep voice shouted excitedly, pushing the door open the second I unlocked it.
A little startled, I stepped back, giving my boyfriend enough room to get through the door. Without even closing the door he wrapped his strong arms around me, and kissed me like he never had before.
"Wow!" I whispered, trying as hard as I could to stand on my own two feet, but my knees felt like jelly. "What was that for?"
Before he could answer me though, I pulled him in for another mind-blowing kiss. He, of course, had no objections whatsoever. Using my foot, I closed the door, then pulled him into the interior of my apartment. Running his hands over my hips, he sent a series of tingling waves flooding over my body, and I could hear myself moan into the kiss, as he gently ran his tongue over my lips.
By now, any thought of why he had so urgently banged at my door fled my mind, and the only thing I could focus on was how good his body felt against mine.
"Kari?" he whispered hoarsely, lowering me gently onto my couch.
"Mmmm…" my mind was too hazy with want to register his word, or the way he said it.
"Kari, guess what!" he told me, pulling away to look at me with his beautiful azure eyes.
"What?" I smiled, taking time to catch my breath.
"They accepted me!" he cried, he was so excited I could feel his body shaking against mine.
"No way!" I gasped, hugging him with joy. "Oh my god TK! I'm so proud of you!"
"I couldn't believe it!" TK beamed. "I got their letter this morning, and I'm in, Kari! I got the scholarship! I'm going to go play basketball in America!"
"I'm so proud of you TK!" I repeated. I was so happy for him I could have burst.
TK had wanted to play basketball ever since he was ten years old. For eight years he worked his ass of to get this scholarship, but to him, it wasn't work, it was play. Basketball is TK's life, it's in his blood, he wouldn't be happier doing anything else. Now all his dreams were coming true, and I'm going to be here to watch him accomplish everything he ever dreamed of.
TK said nothing, just grinned at me with his perfect smile, and brushed his lips against mine once more.
"Did you tell the others?" I asked when we parted.
By others, I meant our closest friends and companions, the digidestined. Not just the original eight that included both TK, and me, but the six others as well. We were the tightest knit friends on earth, or at least that's what I believe. Nothing could beat us, nothing in the digitalworld, and nothing in the real world.
"No," he panted, "You're the first person I've told."
"You're too good to me, TK" I sighed contently, "but you should at least tell Matt before we… engage in any physical activities." I smiled slyly, reaching for the phone sitting on the coffee table before I passed it to him.
He pouted slightly, but soon smiled at the prospect of telling everyone about his accomplishment. I watched him dial Matt's cell phone number, his fingers trembling with enrapture. I put my ear close to the phone to hear Matt's reaction to TK's news.
"Hello?" Matt, TK's older brother, and fellow digidestined answered.
"Matt! Matt guess what!" TK almost shouted, as I stifled back an excited giggle.
"Umm… you got a tattoo?" Matt joked.
"No! They accepted me! ME! I'm going to play basketball, Matt!" TK cried.
"That's amazing TK!" Matt cried back, letting out proud whoop for his brother. "Hey guys! TK got the scholarship!" Matt yelled to his band members on the other side of the line. More whoops and yells were heard from the other end, congratulating TK.
"Listen TK. I'm really, really, really, proud of you, but I got to go. We're on in five minutes," Matt sighed regrettably, "but I promise to phone you later, kay?"
Matt and his band were touring across Canada at this moment so he didn't have long periods of time where he could speak to friends and family.
"Kay," TK nodded even though Matt couldn't see him, "oh and Matt, break a leg!"
"Let's hope not," Matt laughed, disconnecting.
TK then continued on to phone his parents, and the rest of the digidestined. He started with his and my best friend Mimi, who was also Matt's girlfriend, moving onto my brother Tai, Sora, Tai's girlfriend, Izzy our computer genius, and Joe our soon to be doctor. They, along with us, were the eight original digidestined, all except for TK's parents. After we took a much wanted "break", TK phoned the other digidestined including, Davis, the guy who still had a major crush on me, Yolie, another genius in the making, Cody, a martial arts expert, Michael our friend in and America, and Wallace, another digidestined located in America.
"This is so amazing, I can't believe this is actually happening," TK sighed, pulling me closer to him when he finished the last call.
We lay, intertwined on my bed, TK with one arm around me as the fingers of his other hand absently played with the short strands of my light brown hair.
I rested my head on his chest, and tightened my arm about his waist, listening to his steady heartbeat. It was so strong, so comforting, it made me feel at peace even when everything around me was falling apart. I could stay up all night, listening to TK's heart beat, seeing if it would beat in time with mine, and most often or not it did, in perfect rhythm.
"I can, I knew you'd get in TK," I smiled, "I always knew you'd do it."
"That's because you believe in me even more then I do," TK said kissing my hair. "That's why I love you so much Kari, because you can believe in me even when I can't believe in myself. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you."
"Oh TK!" I almost cried, my eyes tearing over as he pulled my chin up to look me in the eye. "I love you so much, TK."
His kiss was tender, loving, with no hint of hesitation, or regret, just something pure, innocent. Laying my head back down, I closed my eyes, the beating of TK's heart filling my mind once more, helping me drift off into a deep slumber.
When I woke up TK was gone, a small note placed carefully in the spot where he had been. I reached out with slender fingers, picking up the folded sheet of paper, opening it to read it.
"Dearest Kari," I read, "I'm sorry to have to leave you, but I have early practice today. Meet me at my place for dinner tonight, kay? I have a surprise for you. Always and forever yours, TK."
I smiled, pulling myself out of bed. He was so sweet, my TK. How could he love me so much? He must see something inside of me I don't, because he could have any girl he wanted, and still he chose me. I drifted through my morning routine dreamy smile on my face, my mind on nothing but TK. Before I knew it I was at my mailbox picking up this mornings mail.
"Bill…junk… bill… bill… junk…" I sighed, sifting through my mail on the way up to my apartment. "Junk… bills… hello!"
I smiled picking out the last three envelopes in the pile and tossing the rest on the table beside my door. They were from three of the colleges I applied to, two here in Japan, one in America close to TK's college.
I opened the ones from Japan first. If I didn't get into those then I knew I wouldn't get into the American one. With my fingers slightly shaking from the anticipation I tore through the paper, gingerly.
You know those moments that could change your life the instant you live them? And how when you see everything you work towards pay off and no one's there to live it with you? Doesn't that suck? Well, this was one of those moments.
I quickly scanned over the inked words finding that I had been excepted into both of the Japanese colleges.
"YES!" I screamed, then quickly lifted my hand to my mouth in surprise.
Laughing, I took the last envelope and opened it. If I had gotten into the two Japanese colleges, I had to have gotten into the American one, right? TK and me had it perfectly planned out. We'd both go to America, and rent an apartment together. He'd go to his college and I'd go to mine, and after a hard day of working and studying we'd come home to each other. How perfect is that?
Not perfect enough obviously, because we never even imagined that one of us wouldn't get in. We were too confident, too conceded, I guess, because I didn't make it. They didn't except me. Something about having too many other applicants, I couldn't tell, my vision was too blurred with my own tears. Now I was glad no one was here to share this moment with me, glad that no one would know how much I failed.
Dropping the letter I let out a pained sob. My whole body began to shake with disbelief, disappointment, even self-loathing. I let myself collapse to the floor, my cries now racking my body, my tears now staining the carpet.
What was I going to do? If I told TK he'd want to stay here to be with me. I couldn't let him do that, I couldn't be the one to ruin his chances of playing in the NBA. I couldn't let TK know how I failed him, how I failed us. He'd be so disappointed in me.
I couldn't go with him either, if I did I'd have to drop out of school, giving up my career in photography and throwing away all the things my parents worked so hard for me to get. What was I going to do?
I didn't know, so I cried. I cried until my eyes were red and puffy, until I couldn't breath any longer, I cried until I couldn't cry any more.
There had to be a way to get TK to go to America without me, I'm not going to be the one to hold him back. I glanced up looking at one of TK's many photos on my wall. It was the shot I took of him when he got the winning shot for the high school championships. I remember it so well. He was so happy. I'd never seen him so happy, the crowds shouting his name, the pressure, the opposing team doing everything they could to stop him. That's when he was at his prime, that's what he lived for. I won't be the one to take that away from him, I won't be that person.
I… I… I have to let him go… I have to let TK go… there's no other way. If I… if I left him, he'd leave. He'd go to America, he'd leave. I knew he would, I'm the only thing holding him back. That was it. I'd have to leave the love of my life, my soul mate, my very reason for getting up in the morning.
Realizing that this was the only way made me cry even more. Picking up the letter, I read it over and over again, making sure it read what I had read, and every time I read it, it read the same thing: Application denied.
* * *
I inhaled deeply. It took everything I had not to cry then and there, at TK's door. I knocked hard, each blow to my knuckles sharp and piercing, each knock echoing deafly in my ears.
TK answered with a smile on his lips, and a playful twinkle in his eyes. "Hey Kari! I have a surprise for you."
He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away. The second I felt his lips on my skin I knew I'd break down.
"TK…" saying his name made my heart break even more. "TK, I can't stay… I… I…"
"What's wrong Kari?" TK asked, his smile fading.
I couldn't look at him, knowing what I was about to do, so I averted my eyes to ground, tears already forming. I shouldn't have came, I should have phoned instead. But I couldn't do that to TK, he deserved more then that, so much more.
TK," I choked out, my voice barely audible, "TK… it's over."
He gasped with shock, dropping what he was hiding behind his back. It fell to the floor with a dull thud, and I couldn't help but look at it. A small velvet box, open, revealing the most beautiful engagement ring I had ever seen.
I tried to say something, I tried to form the words rushing through my mind, but my throat was to dry and choked with sobs to work. He was going to ask me to marry him. He wanted to marry me and I'm standing breaking his heart. I hope I go to hell for this, I hope I die the worst death possible and then spend an eternity in hell for breaking his heart like this.
"W-why? What did I do, Kari?" I looked up to see tears in TK's eyes. Slowly they made their way down his handsome face, like pieces of his shattering soul.
"It's not you TK," I promised still staring at the box on the floor.
"Kari please, please don't leave me," he reached out to take my hand, but again I pulled away.
"You… you have to move on TK," I sobbed, "just forget me."
"I can't Kari," TK cried, unlike Matt he was not afraid to cry, "I love you."
"You have to find someone else to love TK," I stifled out, "and when you do, promise me… please just… don't think of me."
There were no words to depict how I feel right now, no human description that could accurately describe the painful throbbing in my heart or the utter sense of guilt, of failure, of loneliness I felt.
"Kari," he whispered softly, "I can't! Please Kari, please tell me what I did!"
"I-I'm so sorry, TK," I finally cried, my own tears falling, "I'm so sorry."
"Kari! Kari wait!" he screamed as I took off.
I ran as fast as I could trying to escape the pain that gripped my heart and soul, but no matter how fast I ran it hit me like a freight train, each time hitting me harder then before, until it brought me to my knees in the pounding rain. TK's words still echoed throughout my mind, begging me stop, to explain. Nothing I did could block out his cries, and nothing I did could stop my own.
Rising from the soaking ground I began to walk, letting the rain chill me to my bones, numbing my aching body, but not giving me enough mercy to numb my aching heart.
I didn't go back to my apartment, I couldn't, TK would come over. He would stand at my door like a lost puppy, until I opened it. And when I did I'd tell him everything, I'd give in to weakness, and TK would stay in Japan. So I went home.
My mom was the one to open the door. She cried out in worry when she saw me and bombarded me with questions. I couldn't answer her, no words would form. Somehow she knew what had happened between me and TK, not the fine details, but she knew we were no more, and she pulled me into her warm, loving arms, rocking me like she once did when I was I child.
I totally broke down at that point. I didn't care who saw me as long as it wasn't TK. I remember crying everything out to her, I remember her tender hands stroking my dripping hair, and I remember her calming voice in the background, drowning out my sobs. I don't remember changing out of my wet clothes, I don't remember being tucked away into my old bed, and I don't remember her staying by my side throughout the night.
When I woke up she was still there by my side, holding my hand in her own
"Mom," I cried embracing her again as the waves of guilt and pain hit me again, flooding my eyes with tears.
"It's all right honey," she whispered. "Everything will be all right."
I prayed that what she said was true. That I made the right decision, that I didn't hurt TK too much, as much as I hurt myself.
* * *
The weeks drifted by endlessly. Everyday TK phoned and everyday my mother made an excuse up for me. He showed up a few times, begging her to let him see me but thankfully she wouldn't let him in without my permission, permission that I wouldn't grant her.
When I was sure I wouldn't see him I left the house, to get some things from my apartment, to visit Tai, nothing that important. I didn't do anything important any longer.
"Kari?" my mom whispered from the doorway of my room.
"Don't let him in mom, please don't let him in," I pleaded, pulling the covers up over my head.
"It's not him honey," my mom promised. "It's your friend Mimi."I thought for a moment. Mimi was Matt's girlfriend and Matt was TK's brother. Would she be here on TK's behalf? Should I chance it? But she is one of my best friends, maybe she was here for me.
I sat up, wiping away my tears, "Let her in."
Me mother smiled, and left to get Mimi. As she did so I looked in my mirror, fixing up my hair so I looked a little presentable.
"Hey Kari," Mimi smiled sympathetically.
"Hey Mimi, come in," I smiled back as best I could.
She stepped in carefully shutting the door, as if any little thing could set me off, which at this point it probably would.
"How are you?" she asked quietly, sitting down beside me.
"I'm alive," I sighed.
"I... I…" she began wrapping an arm about my shoulders. "I just wanted to tell you… that TK's leaving for America today."
"So he's going to play basketball?" I asked, not sure whether to be happy or sad.
Mimi nodded solemnly, "Why Kari? Why did you leave him?"
I was shocked at her directness, I knew I shouldn't have been but I was. It was just like Mimi to be so blunt. "I did it for him."She looked at me, unsure of what I meant. "Can you please explain it to me, Kari? Maybe I can help?" she offered.
I wasn't sure, I knew Mimi was an expert on relationships, but I wasn't sure mine was capable of being saved. Why should I even get my hopes up? Hope… TK always had hope.
"Kari?" Mimi muttered snapping me out of my reverie.
I looked at her, tears in my eyes as I began to tell her everything that had happened. TK's scholarship, our plans, my application denial, my decision. She listened without judgement, and without accusations like she always did. By the time I finished we were both crying our eyes out.
"Kari, you have to tell him," Mimi cried, wiping away her tears.
"I can't Mimi, it's too late," I disagreed.
"It's not too late yet Kari. You can still catch TK if you hurry," Mimi pointed out.
"But if I do he'll stay, he'll stay for me, and he'll ruin his chances of getting in the NBA."
Mimi sat silent for a moment, going over everything in her mind. "There is a way, Kari. If you're willing to try it, there's a way."
"What's that?" I gasped not sure if I believed her or not.
"TK could still go to America and you could still stay here. It would be a long distance relationship. It's hard, but if you love him as much as I think you do and he loves you, it will work," she promised sincerely.
"You mean like you and Matt?" I murmured.
"Exactly!" she cried excitedly, "You might have an extra large phone bill, but it's still possible, and you can see each other on holidays and long weekends!"
"What makes you think he'd ever forgive me?" I asked skeptically. What she was proposing didn't seem possible, the whole idea of me being with TK once again seemed unlikely.
"I've seen him, Kari. TK's falling apart without you. He can't even put his shoes on the right feet." Mimi giggled. "Promise me you'll at least try, Kari."
"I-I don't know, if he says no, I'll die Mimi," I placed my hands over my to try to concentrate.
"He won't, Kari," Mimi whispered, "You don't have much time Kari, his plane leaves in half an hour. Please try Kari, this may be your last chance."Her final words sealed my fate. If we could make it work, if there was still a chance, I was going to take it.
"I'll do it," I nodded.
"You won't be sorry, Kari," Mimi promised passing me her keys. "Take my car, it'll take you too long to get yours."
"Thank you, Mimi," I gabbed her keys and ran for her car.
Firing up the engine I pulled out of my parents driveway. I had to get there in time, "Please let me get there in time," I begged. It was at least twenty minutes to the airport, and god knows how long it will take to find TK if I'm not too late.
"Come on! Come on!" I screamed, frustration taking hold of me.
At some points the minutes crept by agonizingly slow and at others sped by with no warning at all. When I jumped out of Mimi's car, I had eleven minutes to find TK.
Rushing inside the airport I searched for anyone that could help me. I pushed my way to the beginning of a line of ticket holders, much to their dislike.
"I need to know what gate the next flight for New York is!" I demanded. The young woman behind the counter was obviously startled.
"Umm... Ms. I can't…" she began nervously.
"Yes you can! Please, please I need to know before it's too late," I begged tears springing to my eyes.
She looked at me for a moment then nodded. "It's leaving from gate C-11, just down that way," she pointed after clicking away at her keyboard.
"Thank you!" I cried already running in the direction she pointed in.
I bumped into so many people I stopped counting at twelve, it was way too hard to weave in and out of all those people without hitting a few. I slid around the corner, knocking into a few more people before seeing the sign to gate C-11.
"I'm sorry Ms., but the plane just left," an older man explained, pointing to a large window.
Gasping for air I moved to the window, my face contorting with the pain my soul was reliving once again. My burning eyes followed the large plane down the runway and into the sky, taking away my beloved, taking away my last chance.
"No," I sobbed bringing my fingers to my lips in disbelief. I shook my head, as if that would bring him back, but it wouldn't, I knew it wouldn't.
"No," I cried again, tears drawing crystalline trails down my flushing cheeks. "Just one more chance, please just give me on more chance," I begged to anyone who'd listen.
"Always," hearing a voice I hadn't heard in weeks, but dreamed about every night, I spun around in doubt.
"TK!" I gasped, unable to believe that he was really standing there in front of me.
"The one and only," he smiled, his own tears trickling down his cheeks.
"H-how did you?" I stuttered, not daring to move, just in case I was dreaming.
"Mimi phoned me on my cell and told me everything," TK confessed, setting down his bag.
"TK, I'm so sorry," I wept. "Can you ever forgive me?"
TK nodded, grinning, "As long as you promise me that you'll never leave me without telling me why again."
"I promise," I swore, jumping into his open arms.
"I love you so much Kari," TK laughed, spinning me around.
"I love you too, TK," I giggled as he brought me down for a soul-searing kiss, "I'll always love you."
~ THE END ~